moving forward.
moving fast.
It's scary how quickly Peeta and I have choreographed a routine. How quickly going from agreeing to sleep over one night to practically being at Peeta's twenty-four seven. Peeta wakes up before me to get things stared in the bakery while I sleep for another hour or so before getting up myself and getting breakfast started. Jack wakes up before Bran and Sage do and I help him set the table then he wakes his siblings. From there the kids eat while I rush through my shower and dress and braid my hair in a French braid down my back before returning my attention back to the kids and help them with their own clothes before we're out the door.
Instead of Peeta taking Bran to school and Sage and Jack to preschool, I do it before heading off to work myself. Peeta picks everyone up on his lunch break though and brings them back to the bakery where they wait for me to get home to start dinner and help with homework. It's a rhythm that we've picked up and now I can't even fathom doing something different.
"I need to go back to the apartment," I murmur against Peeta's chest.
I don't need to see Peeta in order to know the face that he's making. Our first fight, or argument, was over me moving in or not. Peeta didn't why I refused to move in because I already spend majority of my time with him and the kids above the bakery. I refused for a few reasons; the one I voiced was that the apartment above the bakery can barely house four people, let alone five. The one that I kept to myself that all things come to an end, and despite loving Peeta and the kids with everything I have, there is this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I'm going to get hurt.
"I have laundry I need to do," I explain.
"You can do laundry here," Peeta grumbled.
"We've talked about this. I can't move in. We'd get sick of each other."
"We're with each other every spare minute. Nothing would change if you just moved your stuff in here and got out of your lease."
"Yes, but my apartment is there in case we need time away from each other."
"If you needed time away from me, I'd go down to the bakery. Problem solved," he retorted.
I sigh. "My things wouldn't fit here."
"We'll have a yard sale."
I roll my eyes and get off the couch. I don't respond to Peeta as I go say goodbye to the kids and tell them that I'll see them tomorrow. I return to the living room and Peeta still sitting on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. I give another sigh and bend to give him a kiss, which he doesn't reply.
"I love you. See you tomorrow morning."
XxX
I hate my apartment. It's not warm, or smells like Peeta and bread, there are no colorful paintings on the walls, and I can't hear the shouts of an argument or singing of a Disney Princess. It's all too still and unwelcoming. I hate it. I think about just packing up all the things I'd really need, which isn't much, and saying good riddance to the place and head back to Peeta's. But I don't. I made a point and I'm sticking to it. Plus that nagging feeling boils up every time I even consider it.
XxX
Saturday's are a peaceful time in the Mellark household. Peeta isn't technically scheduled to work, but that doesn't stop him from putting in a few hours before settling down with the kids and I. We used to go to the park but it's too cold for the kids to spend long hours at a time outside, so recently we've just been lounging around the house.
Peeta isn't down at the bakery like I expected him to be when I returned back to the apartment on Saturday morning. Instead he's sitting in the kitchen dressed in a smart button-up, plaid top and nice jeans that aren't caked in bread flour or frosting. I notice that Finnick is with him and judging by the purse on the island, Annie is somewhere.
"Katniss!" Finnick greets me with a kiss on the cheek. "I'd have a bone to pick with you for keeping Peeta away for so long, if you weren't so pretty."
"Stop hitting on Katniss, Fin. You've already got a wife," Peeta grins. He seems to be in a much better mood then last night.
Finnick laughs and holds his hands in surrender. "Just a compliment."
Annie arrives from behind me; her stomach has grown since the last time I saw her but that hasn't stopped her from looking incredibly gorgeous.
"Hey Kat," Annie greets me with a hug.
"Hey, you look stunning. Pregnancy agrees with you."
"It doesn't agree with my stomach. I still have morning sickness."
"The doctor said that it would stop the further along we get though," Finnick said.
"So what brings you guys here at nine in the morning?"
Annie and Finnick look at each other before they steal a glance at Peeta that doesn't go unnoticed.
"I want to show you something without the kids so Fin and Annie agreed to watch them for a bit."
I look at the group of them skeptically before shrugging my shoulders and excusing myself to go change out of my lounging sweats and into something more appropriate. A few moments later I'm saying goodbye to the kids and thanking for Finnick and Annie for watching the kids on such a short notice before Peeta is whisking me out of the door. I hand over the keys to my Jeep to Peeta because there is no sense in driving the Mellark's Bakery van and Peeta is insistent on keeping wherever we're going a surprise.
We pull into a subdivision that has a fancy sign with a ludicrous named scrolled across the stone; Victors Village. The housing development is in the better part of District 12; the complete other side from where my apartment is located, and the place where my Uncle Haymitch used to live when I was first born. The house that we stop in front of is located in the back, on a dead end road with only a few other members and a backyard that backs up to miles of forestry.
"Who lives here?" I ask Peeta while undoing my seatbelt.
Peeta hops out of the Jeep. "Nobody."
"What?"
Peeta doesn't give a further explanation because a swanky looking car is pulling into the driveway. A lady gets out with large hair and sky high heels. She's flamboyant to say the least.
"Welcome, welcome!" She cheers to Peeta who's already making his way up the drive to shake her hand.
I scramble to follow him, tripping up the concrete driveway until I'm standing next to Peeta with a look of confusion plastered on my face.
"I'm Effie Trinket, from Trinket Real Estate," she greets.
Real Estate. I whip my head to look at Peeta but he makes a point not to meet my gaze. "I'm Peeta Mellark and this is my girlfriend, Katniss Everdeen. We spoke on the phone last night. Thank you for meeting us at such a short notice."
"Honestly, I was thrilled to hear that you were interested in this house. It's been on the market for ages. I have to be honest, this was one of the first houses built so it's older and it sits far back from the rest of the houses, that's why it's been so difficult to sell. Everyone has been wanting more of the capitol design and this is more original to District 12."
We follow Effie up the sidewalk and wait for her to unlock the door. I'm furious. So furious that I can't even talk, in fear that I'll blow up and say from I'll end up regretting. I can't believe that Peeta had the audacity to search for houses to live in when I refused to move in with him. It's too soon. We've only just gotten together it seems like.
Once Effie gets the door unlocked and opens it for us, I see Peeta gathering the courage to steal a look my way. I make sure I give him the best pissed off look I can muster before pushing past him and make my way into the house.
I want to hate it. I want this house to remind of everything I hated about the Capitol. I wanted it to be all white and chrome and black with a gas fire place and glass dividing walls. But it's not. It's warm and homely, with dark floorboards that are all throughout the house, a gigantic wood burning fireplace. The kitchen is large and I can perfectly see Peeta covered in flour with Jack sitting on the counter next to him as Bran is checking the bread that is already in the oven while Sage and I sit patiently at the table with crayons and paper.
"Upstairs has four bedrooms while the master is located on the on the first floor. It also has a study and two and a half bathrooms," Effie chirps.
"Great. Do you mind if we look over everything by ourselves?" Peeta asks.
"Oh certainly. I'll just be outside making a few phone calls. Take your time."
I don't talk to Peeta as he follows me upstairs to silently check out each room. They are all bigger than the rooms the kids have now and one of them is even painted a pale purple color that would be perfect for Sage.
In a last room, the one that looks out towards the woods in the backyard, I finally turn and look at Peeta.
"You're mad," he confirms.
"You think?" I bite.
"I know it wasn't right to do this behind your back, but I was just upset last night when you again turned down moving in with me, so I started looking up houses and I just found this and thought it was perfect. I mean, this house is amazing, right?"
"Just because this is a nice house, doesn't make this okay."
"Do you like the house though?"
"Yeah, it's a great house. Reminds me of the house I used to live in only a thousand times bigger and a zillion times nicer. But that still doesn't make this okay."
"Could you see yourself living here?"
I roll my eyes. Peeta is obviously going to ignore everything I have to say until I tell him that yes I love the place and yes I could see us living here. "Yes. But that doesn't mean anything."
"If you think it's a great place and can see us living here why shouldn't we live here?"
"We can't afford a place like this," I excuse.
"The bakery is doing really, really well. We can afford it."
"You mean that you can afford it."
My comment takes Peeta by surprise. He opens and closes his mouth a few times without knowing exactly what to say before finally giving a huff. "No, we can afford it. Katniss, I love you, and I want to do this. I want the next step."
"It's too soon for the next step."
"Says who? I already have three kids, a marriage and a divorce under my belt. Our relationship is kind of in the slow lane from what I'm used to," Peeta jokes and I'm only mildly amused.
"I'm serious Peeta."
Peeta crosses the room suddenly. He looks down at me with a serious expression that I've never seen before. "You think I'm not? You're it Katniss, and I don't say that lightly. Delly fucked a lot of things up and I was scared shitless to let anyone other than Fin and Annie remotely close to myself or the kids in fear that they would disappear, until you moved back, and that childhood crush I had on you before I moved came back like it never really left. And here you are, with me and my kids that love you so much and cry when you spend any time away from us."
"I love you too," I mutter, not daring to look at Peeta. I need to stay strong. I need to hold my ground. If I look at him now, I'll say yes to moving and there go the very last brick that has guarded my heart.
"We have a solution on the space problem. Is there any other reason why you don't want to take this next step?"
I'm caught in a lose-lose situation. If I tell Peeta that there isn't a reason then he'll take that as an okay to move forward, but if I tell Peeta that I'm terrified that something bad might happen if I get too comfortable with the life I've created with Peeta and the kids and my heart is the one that takes the beating.
Do what makes you happy. It's Gale's voice again, that rings throughout my thoughts.
"Let's do it."
Fuck.