So this ended up being much longer than the other chapters. I just can't resist me some shulienne

For the ladies as always but especially Hamish. Sorry for yesterday xxx

'Thank you for...well everything-the phone, the clothes, the hair, the make-up, the shoulder to cry on, the advice, the lift. You are a wonderful person.'

'My pleasure. Like I said earlier I feel drawn to you for some reason. Now you make sure you keep me updated.'

'I will.'

'Do you want me to wait around in case something goes wrong? The guest room offer is still open.'

'I hope that will not be necessary but if it is I will phone you.'

'How about this. I'll visit one of the pubs around here-I know how to handle the rowdy men if they get too friendly. If I haven't heard from you in half an hour I'll go home.'

'Thank you.' Shelagh leant forwards and kissed Rebecca on the cheek before getting out of the car and removing her bags.

'Good luck. Knock em dead.'

Should she knock? Technically this was still her home but she was coming as such a different person with such different dreams. She could oh so easily be turned out on her end by them. They might not allow her to continue on being silly midwife or let her stay here whilst she was still convalescing. She may not be welcome. She wouldn't blame them. She raised her hand to the door but was saved the decision by Sister Julienne who swung the door open with a smile that faltered only slightly as she took in the woman before her.

'My dear. Come in out of the cold.'

'Thank you.' She walked in and was hit by an influx if memories from the past decade. So many things these walls had seen, young novice Shelagh's introduction to the religious life, stumbling and making mistakes but learning so much, Sister Bernadette growing in confidence in her path and becoming a better midwife with each birth, the slightly older Shelagh Mannion wondering whether Sister Bernadette was right, Shelagh longing to be one of the nurses and actively ignoring the clothes she wore whilst talking to them. And the greatest battle between Shelagh and Sister Bernadette. Doctor Turner and the feelings he evoked in her. Such passionate longing, such terrible pain and anguish. If the walls could talk what would they say? They had watched her grow and change and struggle more than anyone. They had seen her endless praying and sobbing pleads for Him to forgive her for her thoughts and could He help her find the strength of character to move past it all. Would the walls have agreed with her decision. She jumped as Sister Julienne lay a hand on her elbow.

'I think we need to talk. I think there's something you need to tell me.' She smiled kindly at her. Shelagh nodded. 'Come through to my office.'

'From your attire I take it you have reached a decision.' The nun smiled kindly as she sunk into her seat.

'Yes I have. I wish to leave the Order. I want to be Shelagh again.'

'I see.'

'I'm not ready to leave Nonnatus though. If it wouldn't be too strange and difficult for you to have me here I would like to remain as a nurse and midwife.' Shelagh asked nervously. So far Sister Julienne had been kind and accommodating but this was where things could start to go so horribly, painfully wrong.

'Of course you may. Nothing would make me happier. I was worried you may wish to leave us completely in order to be with that young man who was writing to you.'

'That's not happening. I misunderstood or I waited too long, he's dating someone else now. It wasn't God's plan for next to be with him.' She explained quietly, eyes dropping to the bag in her hand, the only remnant of her former post-sanatorium clothing she had kept on her person.

'Oh my dear I am sorry.'

'It's fine.' Shelagh said, biting her lip to subdue the rising agony in her chest.

'No it's not. I know how much you love him. That was clear from our talks even if I never did find out who it come here.' Sister Julienne pulled her into a hug. 'Stop biting your lip like that. You'll make it bleed.' She gently moved Shelagh's lip to safety and softly rubbed the red indentation across its flesh.

'But the pain stops the other pain being so bad. My heart feels like its about to shatter and I feel so confused and disappointed that I got it so wrong. '

'Oh Sis-Shelagh. This will hurt I know. It's going to hurt for a while but He'll show you his path once more. You have taken the first step towards the life he wants for you.'

'I know. Thank you.' She kissed the sister in the cheek before pulling back and wiping away the few tears that had escaped, careful not to smudge her newly worn makeup.

'These are not the clothes I expected to see you in.'Sister Julienne took her in.

'I know. Thank you for sending me the others. They helped me to finalise my decision. I got the wrong bus earlier and had no spare money so I had to walk to a nearby village and beg to use their phone. The woman who worked there was very kind, she let me use their phone, she fed me, she drove me here. She gave me some of her clothes, did my hair, made me up so that if I see my young man I can knock him dead and make him realise what he's missing apparently.' She giggled lightly, pushing away the pain inside her and focusing on the kindness of her new friend instead.

'You'll do just that. You look beautiful. Sister Evangelina told me once that she worried extensively when you first joined here, she worried that you were too pretty to be a nun. I did not quite understand what she meant, you were always pretty but I never worried. She saw you before you joined though. She knew your potential. Oh Shelagh this is so strange for me to say to you but you will have men falling at their feet to walk out with you.'

'You think?' Shelagh blushed prettily and Sister Julienne was once more struck by her potential as a woman.

'I know. Now let's get the formalities done and you can go see everyone. You wish to continue living here?' She asked as they sat back down on either side of the desk.

'Yes please.'

'Good. We have missed you terribly these past months and I would have a riot on my hands if I let you go again.' Sister Julienne said wryly.

'Oh I'm sure that wouldn't happen.'

'They were heartbroken when I told them you'd go to Chichester. They were worried you'd never come back.'

'No matter what happens I'll always come back. This is my home.'

'Yes, it is. Now I'm sorry but I have to ask this. It's procedure. Are you absolutely sure you wish to leave the Order?'

'Yes Sister Julienne. I am absolutely sure.'

'You understand that if you change your mind you will have to retake parts of your training?'

'Yes Sister Julienne.'

'You relinquish the rights and responsibilities of Sister Bernadette?'

'Yes Sister Julienne.'

'Then I need you to sign these papers, and remove your ring.'

'Yes Sister Julienne.' Shelagh picked up the pen and scanned the text.

'Everything you handed over when you entered the order was placed in trust for your lifetime. Or until such time as you renounced your vows.'

'I don't want anything back. I've been given so much.' Shelagh looked up from the page to see tears brimming in her soon to be former Sister's eyes.

'This is the procedure. We must follow it even though you are staying here with us. Besides, it can't hurt to be reunited with your old possessions. It may help aid the transition. There's also something in the region of £100 to be returned to you. That will certainly help.'

'Quite. Thank you.' She signed the papers and looked at her ring. It would be strange not to wear it, it had been a part of her for so long. Even when she had taken off the habit, when she was in the bath or getting changed, the ring had always stayed on, she had always been tied to Him. But no more. She would simply have to tie herself to Him through her work as a nurse and through prayer. He knew her devotion hadn't changed and so did she. That was what mattered. She slides it off and placed it before them. They stared at it for a moment before looking up at each other and smiling.

'I won't pretend I won't miss having you as my Sister but I look forward to getting to know Shelagh better.'

'Thank you.'

'Come, we'll find the others.'

'It's so quiet!' Shelagh marvelled.

'Nurse Noakes has gone into labour. Naturally everyone has got involved.' Sister Julienne chuckled.

'Oh I wouldn't want to interrupt them then.' Shelagh said demurely, though the excitement in her eyes told the nun exactly where Shelagh wanted to be.

'Don't be ridiculous. Come on.'

Reviews always appreciated xx