Retirement isn't easy for anyone who loves a sport and wrestling isn't any different. Half the roster worked hard to be where they are now and they dreamt of accomplishing plenty of things in the sport. But now Benoit had to do that, retire because he landed on his neck doing a move off the turn buckle. Benoit hated himself after that happened. It's been 8 months since he gave a retirement speech on RAW and he still had a vivid memory of how sad the fans were, he even saw a few of them crying. But they had nothing to cry about since they could move on and keep enjoying the shows. He couldn't do that anymore, he couldn't watch the shows anymore without remembering he wasn't able to do anything like what he saw on screen anymore. So what was the point in watching?
Benoit got up from the couch he was sitting at and walked upstairs towards to his bedroom. The house felt empty. Eddie was on tour so he'd been alone for a few weeks, he missed the Latino. Eddie was the only reason he smiled now. Once he walked into the bedroom he noticed how big the bed looked without the other man it. He let out a sigh and walked into the bathroom instead. He looked at himself in the mirror, he had bags under his eyes, his skin was pale and his eyes were red from crying earlier."You look pathetic."Benoit said to his reflection.
He opened the medicine cabinet and moved a few bottles away until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the small razor blade, he needed some relief and he was going to get it. He rolled up the sleeves of his sweatshirt enough to expose his wrist. He already had plenty of cuts there,one more wouldn't make any difference. He pressed the blade against his skin and winced at the stinging sensation. He watched the blood trickle down into the sink. He put the razor down and looked into the mirror."You make me sick…"He washed the blood away with hot water, not really caring how much it stung.
Benoit laid on the king sized bed in the room. The house was silent except for the crickets he heard outside and a few cars that would pass by. He hadn't gotten any sleep since Eddie left and it was starting to frustrate him. 'Can't you do anything right anymore?'He turned on his side and looked at the empty space Eddie should be in. He wanted the man back next to him, giving him comfort and whispering sweet things into his ear he couldn't really understand half of the time since they were in Spanish. He reached for Eddie's pillow and hugged it tightly. It still smelt like him so that was kind of comforting. Maybe he was getting to clingy, but he hated being separated from his lover especially with all that's been going on with him in the past months. Eddie was always by his side and gave him all the support he needed. Benoit remembered the day he gave his retirement speech and what the Latino said to him afterwards.
"I wish I landed right…I wish didn't injure my neck…."Chris said in a quiet voice. He wiped tears away from his face."I feel so pathetic."He whispered."I shouldn't be crying I'm not a kid."Chris hissed angrily, he hated crying in front of other people especially Eddie.
Eddie quietly knelt down in front of the Chris, placing a hand on the man's cheek."You're not pathetic,Chris." He tenderly wiped away tears with his thumb."You have all the right to be upsetpapi."Eddie smiled softly and looked at Chris right in the eyes."And if you want to let it out…"He gave him quick a kiss."Estoy aquiI'm here." Chris was sobbing, his head completely buried in Eddie's shoulder."Shh…"He ran his through Chris' hair."It's okay to cry…"
God he really needed Eddie right now. He buried his face into the pillow and started sobbing until he fell asleep.
Eddie stepped out of the car. He looked over at Rey and smiled."Thanks for the ride, ese." Rey returned the smile. " Take care Eddie. Now go check on Benoit you haven't stopped thinking about the man since we started the tour."Eddie closed the passenger door."I will."He watched as Rey drove off before turning around and walking towards the house. The ride was hours long and Chris not answering his phone made it even longer. He'd been worried sick about him the whole two weeks he'd been gone. He could tell something was wrong each with the Canadian each time they spoke on the phone. Chris had been acting off ever since the retirement speech. The man didn't eat, didn't sleep or get out much. He didn't blame him, but it wasn't ok for him to be neglecting himself like that.
"Carino, I'm back!"Eddie yelled as he walked in the house. He dropped the duffle bag he was carrying and ran upstairs towards their bedroom. It was early so Chris was probably still in bed.
"Papi?" He whispered when he stepped into their bedroom. He smiled softly when he saw Chris hugging his pillow and snoring into it. He didn't want to wake him up, not with how peaceful he looked. Without making any noise he walked out of the room and made his way back downstairs. Maybe he could cook something for him. He knew Chris wasn't eating properly.
Chris woke up an hour later. He yawned and stretched himself out, making a few of his joints crack. He got up from the bed and lazily made his way towards the kitchen. Maybe he could eat some cereal.
He furrowed his brows when he heard some noise coming from the kitchen."What the he-"he stopped in his tracks when saw Eddie making some pancakes in the kitchen. He smiled widely and walked up behind."When you get here?"He whispered into the smaller mans ear.
Eddie grinned and turned his head to give Chris a peck on the cheek."Uh like an hour ago."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"Chris started nibbling at Eddie's neck earning a small moan from the Latino.
Eddie turned around and gently pushed Chris away. "Cause I wanted to surprise you with some blueberry pancakes, Papi." Eddie replied and let out a sigh."Guess it isn't much of a surprise now…"
Chris chuckled."It's the thought that counts."Eddie rolled his eyes at that. Chris was about to kiss Eddie but was stopped by the other man covering his mouth."Espera!" Eddie exclaimed."I didn't start making these so they'd go to waste."
Chris moved Eddies hand away."But Cher-"
"You're not gonna sweet talk me with your French, Chris."Eddie interrupted."Besides you haven't been eating well."
Chris rose his hands up in defeat."Fine." The long sleeves started to slid down, revealing his wrists. He immediately put his hand down again. He didn't want Eddie to find out about the scars. He turned on his heels and walked into the living room.
A few minutes later Eddie joined him in the living room. He handed him a plate with a stack of four pancakes. Chris smiled up at Eddie. No one ever treated him like this except for Eddie it made him glad that the Latino was his.
"I would've made more but there wasn't enough pancake mix Perdon."
Chris shook his head. "Don't dwell on it. They're just pancakes."Chris took a bite and let out a satisfied noise."Fantastique! Like always."
Eddie chuckled and watched his lover dig into the pancakes like he hadn't eaten in days. He probably hadn't eaten much while he was gone.
"You ready for desert?"Eddie asked with a flirtatious grin once Chris finished up eating. He crawled up towards the Canadian and sat on his lap.
Chris grinned. "Je te veux mon chéri" He whispered before kissing Eddie's lips.
Eddie shivered."Say it again. "He loved it when the Canadian spoke French.
Chris reached for Eddie's shirt and took it off, throwing it aside. " Je te veux mon chéri." Chris whispered again and started trailing kisses all over the Latinos chest.
"Dios!"Eddie moaned as he felt Chris' lips on him. It felt so good.
Chris smirked at how Eddie was responding.
Eddie let his hands slowly wander up the man's shirt. They hadn't done anything like this in months and he'd be lying if he said he didn't it. Suddenly Chris pushed him off,making him land on the hard ground.
Chris tucked his shirt back into his sweat pants."I'm sorry."Chris mumbled. He got off the couch and helped Eddie get up."Are you okay?"Chris asked.
"Que pasa contigo? What's up with you?"Eddie grabbed onto the Canadians hand and got up from the floor. Chris had never had that sort of reaction before while they were together before.
"I just didn't want you to touch me."Chris rubbed the back of his neck."I kind of overreacted."
Eddie raised a brow. That was odd and it wasn't like Chris at all."Why didn't you want me to touch you?"
Chris shrugged. He wasn't about to tell Eddie about the scars he had."It's just…I don't want you to touch me anymore."
Eddie wasn't buying that. He could read the Canadian like a book. "That sounds like bullshit, Chris."
"It's not!"Chris snapped."I don't want you to touch me. That's all!"He tried to walk away but Eddie grabbed him by the wrist making him wince.
"Tell me what's going on, Papi…Is something wrong?"Eddie spoke softly. Chris had been acting odd for days but today he wasn't even being himself.
Chris was silent for a moment but roughly pulled his hand away."There's nothing wrong with me, Eddie!"He yelled at the Latino and stormed out of the room.
It's been years since Eddie was left speechless like this. What was wrong with Chris? He knew the whole retirement situation was giving him trouble,but it was the first time he'd done this since that happened. He needed to know what was going on and he was going to find out.