DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS SHIT

Vetus199914: Really Gecko-chan?

Tyki075: Yes, Vetus, really. AND STOP CALLING ME THAT! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT!

Vetus: Nevah Gecko-chan!

Tyki075: I hate you so much...

Vetus: I know, I know. Also if there are any… extremely weird errors it's because we're co writing this in Google Drive for the first time instead of just having Gecko-chan scribe.

Tyki075: No need to give away any of our mysterious secrets and magical ways!

Vetus: It's revenge for revealing how we know each other in When Demigods Meet Exorcists.

Tyki075: *sigh* Whatever, lets just say the shit we need to say and we'll be done.

Vetus: Oh, if you've read/seen/cried over the newest Homestuck update, we're branching off even further into AU territory and pretending it never happened. Everyone is alive and happy.

Tyki075: … Until we decide to kill someone…

Vetus: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Now who's revealing 'our mysterious secrets and magical ways'?

Tyki075: I reveal shit to no man/woman!

Vetus: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Tyki075: Well, now that we got bickering out of the way… for now… can we just start the chapter?

Vetus: Sure, I'm just surprised no characters have interrupted us, Vantas seemed more than happy to butt in last A/N.

Tyki075: SHUT UP! YOU'LL JINX IT!

Karkat: WE CAN HEAR YOU ASSHOLES!

Tyki075: Who called it?! I did, that's who motherfuckers!

Gamzee: HoNk :0)

Tyki075: I love you man, so much.

Vetus, Terezi, Kanaya, and Karkat: We don't.

Gamzee: I'm SoRrY, mOtHeRfUcKeRs, CaN yOu RePeAt ThAt, I uNdErStOoD NoThInG aT aLl… *sways on his feet* HoNk!

Tyki075: Still love you, man, still love you.

Vetus, Terezi, Kanaya, and Karkat: Fuck both of you.

Gamzee: *signing* It'S a MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe, HoNk, HoNk, HoNk!

Ciel: I'm not even in this yet and I have to come clean up your shit Vetus! Just start the chapter already!

Tyki075: What did you do bitch?!

Vetus: I might of… um… sat on Lavi for a while and stalled the ending of my only chapter posted... *Whistles innocently*

Tyki075: *sighs* Whatever, we need to fucking get to it, so you can say nothing more! We're starting now!

Chapter Two:

Mikasa's POV

Eren was gone, Mikasa and Armin could literally not find him ANYWHERE!

"Where the hell did he go?! He couldn't have gone that far!" Mikasa yelled, throwing her arms up in frustration.

"Er, well, we weren't keeping a very good eye on him, and you know how he tends to wander off…" Armin shrugged awkwardly.

"He's a big boy, we should not have to be watching him 24/7!" Mikasa grumbled. She did NOT want to have to search for Eren all day long, again, she was bored and fucking tired, she should not have to deal with this shit all the time.

"There aren't any Titans for him to be killed by, at least, so he should be fine… right?" Armin said hesitantly.

"True, but that also means that there are no Titans for him to kill, who do you think the unlucky bystander will be that he takes that fact out on?" Mikasa pointed out.

"God, we need to find him." Armin said, wide eyed.

"Where do we go first? We can't let him kill anyone! Not this early in the morning! Not again!" Mikasa sighed tiredly.

"Um, we could ask the small child and the scary looking guy behind him." Armin suggested.

Mikasa looked where Armin was staring and saw said people, she sighed again, "I guess it's the best we've got. Don't do anything stupid that involves me saving you. If you can do something stupid without involving my assistance though, go right ahead."

"Geez Mikasa, don't be a bitch. I'm not Eren." Armin said, rolling his eyes.

"No, but Eren's gone right now so you're filling in for him. I need someone to take my bitchiness out on, you're the second best option, though it's not as fun if it's not Eren. Why aren't you Eren, Armin, why?! You're such an asshole." Mikasa yelled.

"M-meanie." Armin stuttered, tears welling up.

"You know I hate mornings! It's not my fault! Don't blame everything on me! And stop being such a pansy! Don't get your fucking panties in a twist!" Mikasa scowled at the young, girlish, boy.

Armin burst into sobs with a small squeak.

"HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FIGHT TITANS AND GET HUMANITIES FUCKING DIGNITY BACK IF YOU HAVE NONE OF YOUR OWN!?" Mikasa screamed in Armin's face, which was now streaked with tears.

People were starting to stare.

"Dude, don't pick on little girls." A boy with an eyepatch and red hair sticking up over a green bandana scolded.

"And who the fuck are you, stupid ass pirate!?" Mikasa sneered, not bothering to correct him on his gender mistake, due to the fact that she was thinking it herself.

"Lavi Bookman. And whoever you are, I think we should get to know each other better." Lavi winked, or was it blinked? Armin just stuttered some half-assed correction about his gender.

"Mikasa Ackerman, now kindly fuck off." Mikasa grumbled, kneeing the 'pirate' where it hurts the most.

Lavi rolled on the ground in pain, before remembering in SAO no one could feel pain.

The girl next to the writhing form of Lavi snorted and let out a short "Che."

"What was that bitch? Are your undergarments in need of untwisting as well? Don't sass me chica!" Mikasa snapped at the blue-haired female. She was wearing a long black coat, her long hair was in a high ponytail, and she had a sheathed sword strapped to her waist. A scowl was planted firmly on her pretty, delicate, features, Mikasa doubted she had ever smiled before in her life, let alone laughed.

"Wait, what?!" Lavi laughed.

The girl was trembling in rage, hand on the sheath of the sword, "What did you just say, fucker?" The woman growled.

"I think we should all settle down." A still sniffeling Armin attempted to placate.

"I don't stand down from fights. I'm not you," Mikasa growled, never taking her eyes off the girly samurai, "Now, what did you want to say to me bitch?"

Lavi was too busy literally rolling around on the ground laughing to stop his comrade from leaping upon the dark haired soldier.

The two assholes, who were really in need of coffee, began rolling around, trying to land punches, kicks, stabs, even a bite or two, on the other, to no avail, though Mikasa could have sworn she licked the girl's breast, only to realize, she didn't have any. 'Oh shit.' Mikasa thought to herself, 'It's just as well, that bitc-bastard, deserved it.'

"This is getting awkward." Armin stated to the hyperventilating Exorcist at his feet.

"Let's just enjoy it while it lasts." The young Bookman wheezed.

Both of the two perpetrators had frozen, the previously assumed girl because he was just licked, and Mikasa because she had just licked what was not, in fact, a boob.

"Did you just… lick me?" The girly man growled.

"Maybe I did. What's it to you?" Mikasa scoffed.

"What's it to me?! You just licked my chest!" The man exclaimed.

"It would've been a whole lot worse if you were the gender we thought you were." Mikasa said, a smirk forming on her lips.

"You mean a whole lot hotter, right? You've gotta have meant a whole lot hotter." Lavi corrected from his position on the grass, now sitting up.

Mikasa and the boy, instead of replying with words, both kicked the redhead in the face simultaneously, knocking him back on his back.

"Um, wow, this is uncomfortable." Armin stated, before turning to walk away. "I'm so done with this shit."

"And I'm done with your shit, now get me some fucking coffee you lazy pie!" Mikasa screamed.

"What if the cutie wants to stay here with me?" Lavi said suggestively.

"Baka Usagi! That kid, though girly as he may be, is obviously male! Is that eyepatch really hindering your sight so much that you can't see how flat he is?!" The yet to be named man yelled.

"Eh, like I care." Lavi shrugged.

"Shit just got fucking real." Mikasa muttered, nodding her approval.

Armin squeaked in embarrassment.

"To save you from this pervert, I order you to get me a cup of steaming hot caffeinated goodness!" Mikasa instructed with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Excuse me," The boy they were planning on talking to before a certain redhead got in the way said striding purposefully over, a smirk twisting his face. "My butler has made both coffee and tea, if you're willing to sit and talk strategy with me."

"I accept!" Mikasa yelled as soon as coffee was mentioned, shooting her hand into the air.

"Che." The girly man scoffed, though he seemed to like the idea as well.

"Wonderful. Ciel Phantomhive." The boy grinned smugly, holding out a hand with a blue ring slipped onto the thumb.

"Damn, you're short. I have to lean over just to reach your tiny hand." Mikasa said bluntly, not afraid at all of saying what she thought, which had been proven earlier.

"As much as I so enjoy hearing your opinion, we have strategy to discuss." Ciel gritted out before turning and muttering to the tall man behind him, "Sebastian, serve her decaf."

"YOU EVIL LITTLE FUCKER!" Mikasa yelled.

"Young Master, as much as I love your evil little mind, I do believe it is in your best interest to serve her caffeine as soon as possible, unless you want to deal with her utterly bitchy attitude all day." Sebastian suggested with an undertone of overwhelming sass.

"Yeeeeeeeah. I'd agree with him." Armin nodded

"If it gets her to shut her fucking mouth then I will kill you just for the damn stuff." The girly man scowled.

"Now that I can not allow, though amusing as it may be, I am forc-bound to keep him alive." Sebastian smirked.

"Yes, yes you are." Ciel growled.

"Wait, wait!" Lavi exclaimed, "We haven't even all introduced ourselves!"

"You start fuckass!" Mikasa yelled.

"O-ok!" Lavi squeaked, "I'm Lavi Bookman!"

"Mikasa Ackerman," She turned to Armin, "DON'T MAKE ME WAIT ALL DAY MAGGOT, INTRODUCE YOURSELF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

"Might I point out that we have already said we would supply the coffee? The boy does not need to venture forth to get some." Sebastian said.

"Pwsh, doesn't mean I want to be around the little shit, what the fuck does coffee have to do with this?" Mikasa scoffed.

"Armin Arlert." Armin pouted. "And I thought we would be looking for a certain navigationally impaired Titan/human."

"Coffee will forever come before Eren." Mikasa said sagely, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You assholes, stop talking and let us fucking introduce ourselves!" The girly man scowled… again.

"Eh? I've already introduced myself." Lavi said, pointing at himself in a dumbfounded manner.

"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, BAKA USAGI!" The still unamed girly man yelled.

"So now you're plural?" Ciel asked, one eyebrow raised.

"No, baka! Tailcoat over there hasn't done so either!" Girly Man growled.

'Tailcoat' sighed, "My name is Sebastian Michaelis, and you are, Mr. Girly Man?"

"Sebastian, do not be rude to the guests." Ciel warned.

Girly Man was red with rage and literally steaming, making Mikasa and Armin wonder if he was secretly a Titan-shifter, "Kanda." Girly Man hissed through clenched teeth.

"Yu Kanda to be specific, right Yu?!" Lavi said cheerfully.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Girly Man (Mikasa will never refer to him as Kanda) screamed, drawing his sword. Mikasa actually half-expected it to be fake.

"Stop yelling, Girly Man! I will offer it yet again, do your undergarments need untwisting?" Mikasa smirked.

"Mikasa…" Armin sighed.

"What do you want?!" Mikasa drawled.

"Drink some coffee. You're not yourself when you're decaffeinated." He insisted.

"Bitch, don't tell me who I am! You don't know me! Who are you?!" Mikasa cried obnoxiously, waving her arms in the air frantically.

"We've known each other since we were, like, nine and I've known Eren for longer than that!" The feminine blonde frowned.

"You have no proof!"

"Do I need to bring out the pictures? Again." Armin facepalmed.

"PHOTOSHOP!" Mikasa accused.

"We live in a post-apocalyptic world, we don't have computers, let alone Photoshop! How do you even know what Photoshop is?!" Armin exclaimed.

"... That doesn't change anything, fraud!" She was now being completely ridiculous… though it didn't take much for her to cross that line.

"Someone, please get her some coffee, as much fun as this is to watch, I do believe we have things to be doing." Ciel sighed.

"I have some with me, Young Master." Sebastian said, magically pulling a steaming cup of coffee out from behind his back.

"Took you long enough." Ciel criticized.

"Have you had that the whole time!?" Girly Man yelled, "You made us suffer through that stupidity!?"

"Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!" Mikasa wailed, thrusting her hands and making grabby hands.

Sebastian sighed once again and handed her the cup, which she gulped down in three seconds flat.

"Where's Eren?" Mikasa asked, no trace of the once overwhelming bitchiness.

"Thank the walls." Armin sighed in relief. "We have absolutely no clue where he is."

Just as the words left Armin's mouth, Mikasa grabbed Lavi by the collar of his coat and shoved him up against a wall, "Where is he, pirate?!" She yelled in the poor teen's face.

"Well hello there, Sexy." Lavi said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Mikasa growled and muttered "Pervert," under her breath, throwing the redhead over her shoulder and grabbing onto Girly Man and shoving him up against the wall, "What about you, Girly Man!? You wanna tell me, or do you want to lose the one thing that would prove you're not a girl?!"

"What did you just say to me, bitch?" Girly Man hissed.

"Tell. Me. Where. Eren. Is." Mikasa said slowly so Girly Man was sure to understand.

"I don't even know who 'Eren' is, and if he is associated with you, I'm sure I don't want to." Girly Man sneered.

"You're completely useless." Mikasa scowled, throwing Girly Man over her shoulder as well, where he landed in a heap next to Lavi.

Ciel and Sebastian stood to the side, trying to withhold their snickering and becoming red-faced in the process.

"What are you laughing at, assholes?! You think this is funny?! Were you the ones to take Eren, huh?" Mikasa turned to the two snickering assholes, "WHERE DID YOU PUT HIM FUCKERS?!"

"Oh your little friend in a similar coat? I saw him prance off with my fiance about five hours ago." Ciel shrugged, unafraid.

"Fiance? Eren? Prance? With your fiance? How old are you?" Mikasa gaped, unfazed by the fact that Eren had been prancing.

"Arranged marriage. What can you do? At least she's my cousin so I've known her since we were little." He shrugged, not finding this weird at all.

"That is what we in Wall Rose call incest." Mikasa said.

"Wall Rose?" Ciel asked, intrigued.

Mikasa looked so confused that she could barely form words, "... Wh-... You-... You don't know what Wall Rose is? Have you been living under a rock all your short life?!"

"No, I mean, sure the mansion isn't very close to London, but I know the city very well and probably would have heard of a 'Wall Rose', it could be in another country though, I suppose." He frowned, not liking his lack of information.

"City? Country? London? What language are you speaking?!" Mikasa asked, cocking her head a bit.

"English?" Sebastian suggested.

"What language did you think we were speaking?" Ciel said condescendingly.

"What the hell is a London?" Mikasa said, ignoring their sassy comments.

"Well, last I checked, it was one of the biggest cities, or would you prefer the synonym town, in Engla-" Ciel started.

"Master, I do not think that is what she meant. Due to the fact that she does not know what we are talking about, and we do not know what she is talking about, I think we are from two different times. Don't be so sassy, Short One." Sebastian interrupted.

"A; I know, I was enjoying toying with her, and b; call me 'Short One' again and no soul for you!" Ciel scowled.

Sebastian sighed, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, but he stopped talking.

"What do you mean 'toying with her'!? I am not a toy for a child like you to play with!" Mikasa yelled indignantly.

"Everyone is a toy for you to play with when one is a child." Ciel smirked, "I just so happen to be proficient at getting what I want out of my little games."

"Oh you little fucker!" Mikasa hissed.

"Please, we do not need to get into a brawl over something so childish. And, yes Young Master, I know you are a child, it is a hard thing to forget, so no sassy comments about your age!" Sebastian said.

"I will make all the sassy comments I want." The boy scoffed.

As this was going on Armin was watching with a 'what the fuck' expression on his face while Girly Man and Lavi were lying dazed on the ground, both muttering something along the lines of, "How did that happen? How could we let that happen? I didn't even know that can happen! Can that happen?"

"Oooooohhh noooooooo" A random puppet thing said drunkenly, flying past the group and disappearing.

"The fuck?" Everyone muttered.

"Well, onto other business. I think it would be beneficial for us to form an allegiance, at least until your precious friend returns." Ciel suggested.

Everyone nodded. Girly Man and Lavi weren't exactly sure why they were going along with this and not searching for their own comrades.

"Fantastic. Sebastian, find us a place to stay temporarily." Ciel commanded.

As the group followed the tall butler, the sound of a 3D Maneuvering Device sounded throughout a nearby forest. A brown-haired boy and a blonde-haired girl were swinging through the trees, literally, through the trees, with smirks on their faces.

Sometime later; Armin's pants fell down without a certain 3D Maneuvering Device and belt to hold them up.

End of Chapter Two.

Tyki075: The end of the chapter is nye!... actually, it's already passed but I wanted to say that. I also want to say that, don't hate us for how we portrayed Mikasa and Armin, we love them to bits, I just felt like being bitchy and interpreted that into Mikasa, I don't know what was up with Armin, ask Vetus, she was in charge of him (Gog save his soul).

Vetus: As much as I love him, Armin's a cry baby at times and a sass master at others. *Shrugs*.

Kirito: That chapter had absolutely no purpose at all!

Tyki075: Right you are, young grasshopper.

Vetus: Well, this fic is at least half crack fic, so we decided to have fun with that. There will be serious points though! I think…

Tyki075: There will be! People die, Vetus, that has to be serious… okay, even I can't lie that well.

Vetus: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Tyki075: Well, do we have anything else that really needs saying. Wait, I have something, Eren and Lizzie do NOT get together, think of it like Lizzie is making sure Eren doesn't kill anyone (though he couldn't if he tried).

Vetus: Like a brother-sister relationship!

Tyki075: Exactly. That's all I can come up with for announcements.

Vetus: This chapter was sort of all dialogue, don't worry, we'll work on that so DON'T POINT IT OUT IN A REVIEW.

Tyki075: Can I leave now? I have coffee in the machine (I actually do).

Vetus: When'd you have time for that?!

Tyki075: You would be surprised what I can accomplish, and, no, Mikasa, you get none of it.

Mikasa: Bitchface!

Armin: Oh no! Please let her have some! We just got rid of Bitchkasa!

Bitchkasa: What did you just call me, Armpit?!

Armpit: Er, Eren came up with the name, I swear!

Mikasa: DON'T BLAME THINGS ON PEOPLE (though I have no doubt Eren played a major part)!

Vetus: Break it up, break it up!

Tyki075: The chapter is over, stop with the bickering!

Ciel: And now I have to put an end to yet another chapter. Please read, review, favorite, follow, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. Sebastian made me say that. Chapter over.