Chapter 3 (Mortal Instruments, the Demon's Lexicon, and Supernatural)
Tyki075: Hello people.
Vetus: We're back! How many of you are excited?
Tyki075: I'm not, I'm actually quite frightened as to what is about to occur.
Vetus: Geez, what a downer you are dear Gecko-chan.
Tyki075: Go fuck a cracker.
Vetus: *Rolls eyes* Well! Onto other business! If there are any characters/fandoms you want to see meet up, just drop us a review!
Tyki075: That does not include fandoms that we have not already stated will be in this story in our ridiculously long info-dump.
Vetus: We might take suggestions for stories to add (if we've read/watched/enjoyed them) in THE FUTURE (very important) when we have more of a plot established.
Tyki075: Really? You're giving them that option? Dumbass. Do we really have anything to say other than that?
Vetus: Oh! This is now on AO3 and is under both our accounts! Check it out there if you want to, we'll try to update them both at the same time, so if you prefer AO3, it's there.
Tyki075: Can we get to the chapter now?
Ciel: Yes please. You forgot one thing though…
Tyki075: Ah yes! We do not own any of these. At all. If we did, a whole lotta of stupid shit would have occurred in EVERYTHING! And yaoi, there would be so much yaoi.
Vetus: And after a valiant battle with the word 'occurred' we are onto the chapter! Good luck, stay safe, and have a nice day!
Tyki075: Keep all hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the most likely unstable ride vehicle. Have a nice ride!
Mortal Instrument, the Demon's Lexicon, and Supernatural (Tyki075: Two kings of sarcasm, oh dear god what shall we do?)
The beginning of what would be the third day in SAO started out with the same damn clear sky, and the same damn cobblestone street, and literally the same damn birds chirping -Nick had not figured out a way to off them just yet-, and the same damn EVERYTHING! Today did have one new addition though, a very pissed Pretty Boy Blonde was chasing Nick through the Safe Zone, because Nick had decided to nic the boy's weapons.
Nick was currently weaving between confused players while cackling, "I have your weapons, I have your weapons, come and get them if you dare!"
"I'm going to skin you and wear your pelt as a cloak!" The boy shouted angrily.
"Nick, God dammit!" Alan, Nick's more responsible brother, yelled from the sidelines. "Give the boy back his weapons before you get hurt! I cannot solve all your problems for you, especially when I cannot run as fast as you!"
Nick skidded to a stop and looked over his shoulder, completely ignoring the enraged teen pursuing him, to talk to his brother, "He deserved it, he was flirting with Mae… and Jamie!"
"Both Mae and Jamie can fight their own battles Nick." Alan sighed.
"I know, I just hadn't pissed anyone off today." Nick smirked.
"Give me back my weapons!" The currently ignored teen screeched, tackling Nick to the ground.
Nick grunted as he was suddenly acquainted with the street, "Why hello street, how are this fine morning?" Nick snarked, turning to the boy on top of him, "You weigh a ton, you really should do some cardio."
"What did you say to me Mr. Tall Dark and Angsty?" The boy growled.
"Replace angsty with handsome and you've got my looks down, Golden Boy." Nick said smugly.
"Oh you're in for it now, Stereotypical Bad Boy Walking."
"Oh am I? Look, as much as I'm totally okay with this position, would you mind getting the fuck off, Host Club Reject?" Nick taunted, wiggling around under him.
"The name's Jace Herondale, and if you don't give me back my weapons I'll make it so not even Eridan Ampora will take you, Goth Wannabe!"
"Still gonna lay like this then? All right. But really? Goth Wannabe? Do I look like I'm wearing eyeliner, Goldilocks?"
"Goldilocks? Your insults are getting stale there, Mr. Daddy Issues." Jace spat.
"Oh, that's just low. Plus, it takes one to know one, Artificially Wind-blown."
"Jace Herondale! What the fuck have you gotten yourself into this time?!" A tiny ginger demanded as she stomped up to the pair.
"Currently Tattoo Parlor Regular's attempting to hit on one sexy Nick Ryves." Nick smirked.
"Nick, stop it before someone kicks your ass. Again. Remember yesterday and the boy with the blue flames?" Alan scolded.
"In my defense I was busy looking at the awesome sword I sto-borrowed from him. Mr. Ego So Big It Needs It's Own Character couldn't take me down if he tried." Nick countered, his hands behind his head as he lay beneath said inflated ego.
"He do this a lot?" the redhead sighed.
"Sadly, yes." Alan said readily. "He can't seem to control his snark, even when it would be best if he did."
"I don't control my snark," Nick said in his best Batman voice, "my snark controls me, it's a problem I've been dealing with since birth."
"Oh really? Has it now? For all your life, or just the past sixteen years? Because from what I have gathered from Anzu and Liannan you were more of a coward before." Alan said coldly.
Nick snapped his mouth shut, eyes turning steely and cold, his demeanor becoming that of a cornered animal.
"Woah." the ginger said, eyes wide.
"I must admit," Jace said, placing his elbow on Nick's sternum and resting his chin on his hand. "I'm intrigued, don't let me and Clary stop you, do go on."
"It would be in your best interests for you to stay out of matters that do not concern you Shadowhunter." Alan said steelily. "Do not look so surprised, my father taught me to recognize those runes at age five."
"Who are you? You're not a Shadowhunter, demon maybe, warlock?" Jace said, becoming serious, eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"There is nothing special about me. That thing underneath you is a different story though." Alan's smile didn't reach his eyes.
Nick grit his teeth at the comment but said nothing.
"What's he talking about? What are you?" Jace said, addressing his comments to the form beneath him.
Nick turned his steely glare to the teen above him and smirked sadly, "You're a Shadowhunter right?" He cocked his head to the side slightly, "What do you know about demons?" His soulless black eyes bore into Jace's gold ones.
Jace gasped before a scowl twisted his features. "Plenty."
"Good to know, wouldn't want this relationship to go too far without you knowing something about me." The now identified demon, Hnikarr, hissed sarcastically.
"Clary, give me your Seraph Blade." Jace ordered calmly.
"Jace, are you sure?" Clary asked hesitantly.
"Clary, now." Jace grit out.
Clary silently passed him the blade.
"Castiel." Jace whispered, the blade coming to life in his hands.
A man in a tan trench coat strolled out from behind the nearest building, "You called?"
In his surprise at the sudden appearance, Jace plunged the blade into Nick's shoulder.
"AAAAAHHHH! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! THAT HURT MORE THAN I EXPECTED IT TO!" Nick screamed, the smug, challenging look on his face disappearing as he writhed under the Shadowhunter.
"Dammit Cas!" A burly, weathered looking man exclaimed, stomping out from behind that damn building. "You blew our cover!"
"Dean, you didn't help by storming out, we could have stayed hidden." A flowy haired, ridiculously tall man sighed, coming out after the other one.
"With Cas talking, there is no way we'd stay hidden for long." The first man ground out.
"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, but I'm sort of in a world of pain over here." Nick snarled, "Just saying."
"Liar! No one feels pain in this game, Demon Scum!" The first man said.
"Do you know what it's like to be stabbed with a fucking Seraph Blade? Didn't think so, so shut the fuck up and get this stupid Pretty Boy off me!" Nick yelled, slowly losing his cool as the pain increased steadily.
"I do not believe that letting him go at the current moment would be a good idea, young Shadowhunter." Castiel-apparently the trenchcoat dude-suggested.
"Really? Well, while I pass out from pain, you guys continue your conversation about me, without me. See how well that goes." Nick snapped, the edges of his vision slowly darkening.
"Would you kindly remove yourself from my brother's person?" Alan spoke up, leveling a gun at Jace's head.
"Woah now, no need to get hasty. What happened to 'that thing' anyways?" Jace questioned.
"Well, you see, I lied. I do that quite a lot." Alan smiled politely.
"Tell me about it." Nick groaned, "He's what you would call a 'compulsive liar', or more, 'the compulsive liar'."
"Nick, it is not a good idea to insult someone who is both carrying a gun and trying to save your life." Alan scolded.
"Yes, well, I don't have many good ideas, now do I?" Nick grimaced.
"Now, Mr. Herondale release my brother. Now, please." Alan said, cocking the gun.
"Aren't we in a Safe Zone? Shooting him won't really do anything." Mr. Wavy Hair asked meekly, raising his hand slightly.
"Ah yes, we are, so it seems. I do believe a bullet to the head would still knock someone back a few feet, at the very least." Alan stated calmly.
Everyone got the general idea that this was not someone to be messed with when completely calm.
"Yes, sorry, not gonna doubt you, you obviously know what you're doing." Previously mentioned very tall person said hastily, shuffling back a couple steps, hands raised in surrender.
"Don't threaten my brother!" the shorter of the two men from earlier growled.
"Dean, Sam, try not to get too involved in these matters; do you remember what happened with the one with the blue flames?" Castiel sighed.
"Hey! I met that guy too! A right fuckass he was." Nick supplied weakly.
While this was going down, Jace tugged indecisively at the Seraph Blade embedded in the demon's shoulder.
"Choose which one you want to do!" Nick cried, "Stop making it fucking worse!"
"Fine!" In one smooth motion, Jace yanked the blade from its current resting place inside Nick.
"MOTHER FUCKING SHIT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Nick roared, literally tossing Jace off him then curling into a little ball, protectively holding his shoulder.
"Wow, what a big bad demon you are." Dean-the smaller man-smirked.
"Shut the fuck up! I can feel things… some things. Pain being one of them." Nick moaned.
"So you're an angel?" Clary said in the background, poking Cas. "Shouldn't that be impossible? Why are you wearing a trenchcoat anyways? You don't look very angelic."
Cas looked at the girl like she had grown another head, "I look fine, thank you very much. My trenchcoat is very 'in' right now, according to Dean."
Dean snickered in the background. Sam facepalmed.
Jace was kneeling by Nick, using the demon's injured arm to access Nick's inventory.
"Wow, there are a lot of guns in here!" Jace commented.
Nick steadily sobbed in response, not even trying to retrieve his arm.
"Hey! Those are ours! Give 'em back!" Dean whined.
"Woah, this knife is shaped weirdly!" Jace said gleefully, enjoying this far too much.
"My demon knife! I've been missing that!" Sam cried, reaching a hand towards Jace.
"Ah there we go! My weapons!" Jace cheered, emptying the whole inventory over his victim.
"Woooww. Toes are heavy! I mean, seriously, how the fuck do you people even walk with the weight of your feet?! It's completely ridiculous!" Nick snickered drunkenly.
"Oh dear god, he's delirious." Sam's eyes widened.
Jace snickered as he gathered his weapons into his inventory. "Yes Nick, they are."
"Hey Sma, you are hair is, like, so beautiful. I mean, damn, what conditioner do you use? Is it… magic conditioner?" Nick slurred.
"Did he just call me 'Sma'? What the fuck does that even mean? And, no, I do not have magic conditioner, my hair is just naturally this majestic." Sam did a small hair flip.
"Damn it Sammy." Dean facepalmed.
"Hey, Dude With a Fathe, hath anyone ever told you that your mouth ith tho hot?" Nick questioned, petting Jace's mouth.
"Uh, no? Just my mouth?" Jace said, ignoring the downright horrible insult.
"Well, ith very thekthy. I mean, holy thit, hottetht mouth in the whole motherfucking univerthe." Nick grinned before pulling Jace down and smushing their mouths together.
"I think now would be an excellent time to get Nick back to our hotel." Alan said, discreetly slipping a video camera back into his inventory.
"Do you need help? No offense, but I doubt you could carry him." Sam asked, "Plus, I think we should help keep an eye on him for the time being."
"Thank you, yes I would greatly appreciate the help." Alan said smiling sweetly. "And no offense taken, my leg is something I am not ashamed of."
"I don't need help," Nick protested, letting go of Jace… for now, "Mr. Thmekthy Mouth can help me."
"That is contradictory Nick." Alan reprimanded.
"I'll just, uh, come along, because it seems I have some things to, er, discuss with your brother." Jace said awkwardly.
"Well, it seems we are all going to be departing for our hotel then. Follow me." Alan smiled.
"Yay! Thmethky Mouth ith coming!" Nick cheered.
"Yes Nick, Mr. Herondale is coming." Alan said, as if talking to a child.
"Is he drunk… off pain?" Sam asked, not as surprised as he should be.
"I think bloodloss holds this reaction for humans." Cas supplied 'helpfully'.
"Dude, the kid's a demon." Dean pointed out. "AND THERE IS NO BLOOD LOSS IN THIS GAME!"
"Thmethky Mouth! Carry me!" Nick pleaded, making grabby hands.
"Er, okay?" Jace said, leaning down and tossing the other boy over his shoulder.
"Oh my god! It'th like half a piggy-back ride!" Nick marveled in wonder.
"That's one crazy imagination your brother has there, Alan." Clary snickered.
"Wheeeeeeeeeeee!" Nick squealed, spreading his arms wide like he was a plane.
And on that cheerful note, the group was off.
Back at the hotel Mae and Jamie Crawford wondered just how long it took to go on a bread run, it had already been, like, three days.
End.
Vetus: Aaaaaaaaaaaand looks like we're done!
Tyki075: … For now.
Vetus: We've also proven how we can't be serious for long. Hehehe.
Nick: What did you do to me?!
Tyki075: You are quite the childish drunk.
Nick: Fuck you! You made me this way!
Vetus: Why yes we did, it all started with the typo of "those"...
Tyki075: You know, I've never found toes heavy. Have you Nick?
Nick: *growls* That's just loooow.
Alan: Does the time he told me they were when he was three count?
Tyki075: I think it does, I think it does.
Nick: I will destroy all of you! And I will use my lightweight toes to do so!
Vetus: Is it just me, or do we need to pull out the Closet of Shame?
Tyki075: Why yes Vetus, that would be just grand.
Nick: Oh dear god you two are the demons.
Vetus: Thank you! I've never been more complimented!
Tyki075: I've been called Satan so it's not like I can deny it or anything.
Nick: You two are so royally fucked up that I just have nothing to say.
Tyki075: Do you think we have thmethky mouthth as well?
Vetus: Wait, Gecko-chan! Does that mean you're Rin's Dad?!
Tyki075: … O.O… Oh Gog… I don't even want to think about that… I'm also Beelzebub and Lucifer's dad aren't I? Oh my fucking lord Jesus.
Vetus: So it seems my darling Gecko-chan, so it seems.
Tyki075: I think typing as Alan has gotten to you.
Alan: What is wrong with the way I speak?
Tyki075: Honestly? It makes you sound like an arrogant, stuck up, pompous, lying asshole.
Alan: Oh my. Hey Nick, pass me my guns, would you?
Tyki075: NICK! DON'T BE A FOOL! THE CLOSET OF SHAME AWAITS ALL WHO REBEL!
Nick: *gives pointed look then gives gun to Alan* Bitch.
Alan: Why thank you my dear brother.
Vetus: RUN! HE'S ARMED! *Runs away*
Tyki075: Plus, if we run, it's not like he could catch us. *looks at his leg then turns around and dashes away cackling*
Alan: Low blow. You seem to forget though, I use a ranged weapon, and am quite a good shot.
Tyki075: OH GOD! GO FASTER YOU DUMBASS! HE'LL BLOW OUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT! GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vetus: *Is gone*
Tyki075: That mother fucking, nook sucking, cracker fucking, kitty murdering, puppy kicking, hedgehog eating, stealer of baby's candy, book burning, manga shredding, homophobic, no HOMO, ironical, boob slapped… *five minutes later* PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT! *is blue from lack of oxygen*
Vetus: *Cackles evilly from off in the distance.* Wait, I'm a lesbian! I'm not a homophobe!
Karkat: WE'RE TIRED OF YOUR SHIT, YOU TWO. I AM PUTTING AN END TO THIS CHAPTER. NOW. WITH PERMISSION FROM CIEL…
Ciel: Please review, fav, and follow. Chapter over.