A few weeks later Hal is looking for something in Weaver's sleeping space when three pieces of paper flutter to the floor. He goes put them back in Weaver's jacket when he sees his name. The other pieces of paper say Matt and Dad, and it's Ben's writing.
Part of him knows he should put it back, but there's something heavy here that's drawing him in. Maybe it's that the paper looks like it got wet somehow, maybe it's how rumpled it looks. Before he can decide otherwise, he carefully opens up the letter. It's addressed to him anyway.
Something seizes in his chest as he starts reading the piece of paper. At least I'm out of your hair, right? He tries to sit down, but forgets there isn't anything behind him, so he falls backwards.
Not even the feeling of landing on his ass distracts him as he reads Ben's messy handwriting. His breath is catching in his throat and he realizes that he can't read the rest because his hand is shaking and his eyes are blurring. He blinks hard so he can finish.
Ben is so. Is so. Hal swallows hard and tries to finish the sentence in his head. He can't believe that Ben is joking about his death in such a nonchalant way. It's one of the most terrible things that Hal can think of and his stupid brother is joking about it, not in the abstract, but when it almost happened.
Before he can think about it- this is crossing a whole different line, he knows but he doesn't care- he tears into Matt's letter and into Dad's. By the time he's done with them both, he needs to see Ben. Hal needs to see Ben now.
Hastily, he pushes the papers into his jacket pocket and jumps to his feet. It takes Hal a second to cycle through Ben's schedule enough to realize that he's probably getting food. Okay, excellent, he knows where that is.
Hal runs like something is chasing him, tearing through camp to reach Ben. When he sees him, standing off to the corner by himself, Hal strides towards him.
Ben looks like a deer in headlights when he sees Hal coming for him, which, in retrospect, Hal can understand. But Hal ignore his looks and reaches out to grab him. Before Ben can react, Hal pulls him into a tight embrace, careful not to touch his spikes.
At first, Ben is rigid against him. But, slowly, Ben relaxes into his hug. He even brings his own arms to hug him back.
His fingers are digging painfully into Hal's back, but Hal likes it. It's a needed reminder that Ben is okay, Ben is here, Ben is alive. Nothing is better or more important right now.
Hal's not brave like Ben is; he doesn't think that he could ever write down his regrets and how much he loves Ben, even if he knew he was about to die, so he knows that there's no way that he could tell Ben what he's feeling in this moment. He hopes that Ben can feel it anyway.
Maybe Ben is feeling it- Hal can feel traces of dampness against his neck. They'll pretend it's sweat later, he knows.
When they pull apart, his arm is still wrapped around Ben's shoulders to keep him close. His brother is smiling tentatively at him and Hal can feel how heavy his own smile is, weighed down with the self-deprecating and lovingly cataclysmic words he just read.
There's a lot that they still have to figure out- Ben isn't the only one who has been bratty and unsympathetic. He knows that there are a lot of time when he should have been the bigger person, or when he thought he was being understanding, but he was actually being an idiot.
Yeah, they're gonna be okay, like Ben had written over and over, but only because Ben is still here.