Welcome to your NEW school
All characters mentioned in this(except ones that I made up)belong to Rockstar Games. I do not make
money off of this.
Contains slightly worse language than in the game and sexuality.
(words in italics stand for thoughts)
My apologies for the long wait. Various computer problems -XX-THIRST
...Chapter 3: Making Enemies and Allies
" Well Jimmy ,time for you to meet Brat-Hog's head mistress . She's...quite the character " Gary mumbled .
Jimmy gave him a confused look.
" What's that supposed to mean ? " .
" Don't say I didn't warn you ". Jimmy walked out of the cafeteria , into the main hall , and down a long hallway lined with the most exquisite of paintings and sculptures, most being of anthropomorphic boars. He couldn't help but wonder if Gary was just pulling his leg, lying about Brat-Hog being worse than Bullworth . Maybe he planned to get him in trouble and expelled .
' Aw crap ,I hang around Gary for five minutes and now I'm already paranoid as him!'.
After what seemed like an eternity of wandering through corridors , he came to a large pair of dark green marble doors with HEAD MISSTRES BRUNHILDA D. WHIPENHOFFEN engraved on a plaque above them. Upon opening the doors ,they emitted a deafening screech that could wake the dead and worse still they let out a loud bang upon closing. Before Jimmy sat a rather spindly and nerdy looking man, possibly in his thirties, behind a green marble desk typing away on his computer. He was apparently very into his work for he hadn't noticed the noisy doors. That or he had grown a tolerance to the sound.
" Excuse me Mr...uh..". He looked for a name plate. Spotting one on the desk, but barely able to read it because of the cursive letter font, he went with his best guess. " Smallweener ?...".
The man looked up from the computer, the monitor clearly visible in his oversized specs .
" Pronounced 'Swellwinner', thank you.
And I'm assuming you are the transfer student, Hopkins, right? " . Jimmy held in a laugh upon hearing the man's goofy nasal voice.
" Yep ".
" That would be 'yes sir' young man ".
" Yes sir ".
" Better. Well now, right this way ".
He led Jimmy to the back of the room and through a door that thankfully didn't screech. Here sitting behind a black desk in this room was a women of about forty-ish, fair skin, dark brown eyes and hair and small mole on the left side of her full red lips. She motioned for Jimmy to sit and for Swellwinner to leave.
" Guten Morgen Herr Hopkins. I do hope everything so far at zee academy ist to your liking, ja? ".
Jimmy felt uneasy. Her demeanour seemed too kind and sweet.
"Ah ,here , let's have a look at your record, ja? Hmmmm...fighting, bullying ,vandelistm, arson, theft, foul language, harassing young fräuleins ...tsk, tsk... zist ist most troubling Herr Hopkins. Zist ist a school for respectable kinderlein ".
Standing up from her seat, Brunhilda was far taller and buff than she looked sitting down and to top it off, she wore a black latex body suit .
"What the-? Woah !" said Jimmy jumping out of his seat. He hadn't noticed before, but the walls were lined from floor to ceiling with all kinds of weaponry from maces and chains to swords and spears. The head mistress pull from her desk drawer not only a black military cap and mask , but also a leather bull whip.
" Oh crap...no freaking way...you're a-".
" Ja , Herr Hopkins. A Domina . And zist ist my duty to rid you of your trouble making habits. You need my 'spezcial treatment ' ".
He stepped back wondering how the hell we was going to get out of there.
"Hey, hey... take it easy man...things don't need to get crazy-". With one fell swoop of her leg, she brought her foot down with a heavy slam onto the desk, revealing spiky high heeled boots.
" Die Strafe wird nicht ausbleiben Herr Hopkins! ".
" Holy-! ". CRACK! Her whip slammed into the floor, mere inches from his feet making him jump. " What the hell are you doing? ".
" Zist ist zee punishment for naughty buben, ja? " .
Another lash from her whip narrowly missed Jimmy's face.
" Ahh! What the hell kind of principle are you ? ".
He dodged another lash, this time it hit a large floor vase.
" Look vut you made me do, break my favorite vase, ja . Zist means your vipping session ist extended by three minutes ". She showed him no mercy as she chased Jimmy around the room, each crack from her whip more and more fierce . Five minutes of torture passed and already Jimmy was exhausted, but Brunhilda however was not. She towered over him, eager to continue.
" Done already? I thought you ver tough, ja, Herr Hopkins ".
' Crap! Stupid pyscho ass nut job! What the hell am I gonna do? Wait a minute... '.
He hoped his plan would work. He stood firmly in front of her, arms extended , palms up and a tough guy sneer upon his face.
" Okay then, go ahead, whip me ".
A long silence passed. The expression Brunhilda wore was a clear indication of surprise and unexpectedness.
" Hmf. Zist ist no fun when you don't resist ". She walked back to her desk, which made Jimmy breathe a sigh of relief. Sitting back in her chair, her pout turned into a smile, then a chuckle, then a loud and long laugh.
" Oh,ho,ho,ho! Ah, such a clever boy you are, ja. My, my, you remind me of my younger yearist back in Munich ". She leaned back her chair and rested her long legs up on the desk.
" I think you vill fit right in here Herr Hopkins. Of course, you vill have to obey zee rules, othervise you vill receive 'special treatment '. And I should inform you
that I have assigned you a student to monitor. His name is Gary Smitst . I was told by Herr Crabblesnitch that- ".
" Wait, wait. You want to keep watch over Gary?! No way in hell! ".
She rapped the desk hard with the handle of her whip.
" YOU VILL NOT INTERUPT THE HEAD MISTTRESST! ".
She had the look of a crazy woman. Jimmy shut his mouth immediately and took a seat.
" As I vas saying...I heard from Herr Crabblesnitch that zist Herr Smist is somevat unstable. Vee have him on medication now, but he needs someone to monitor him at all times. You know, to make sure he does not get out of control ".
" You want me to be with him ALL the time? 24/7? Even in the bathroom? ".
" Ja . Of course . Closely monitor him and report anything odd directly to me. Vee are clear, Ja? ".
" Yeah...I mean yes ma'am ".
She smiled a bit. "Ah, gut, vee learn quickly. Distmist ".
Just as he reached the door...CRACK!
"Ow! What the-? ".
He spun around to face female tyrant . She chuckled.
" I just had to get von vip in, ja". He left the room rubbing his rear end that now stung.
Returning to the cafeteria, Jimmy found Gary still tormenting Simon.
" Hey Simon, I decided to be nice and bring you some chocolate. You know, since you got your dot and everything ...".
The smaller boy glared at Gary with his fists clenched.
"Oh knock it off. You're so mean ".
"Oooh, oh no, you're sooooo mean Gary " said Gary in a squeaky ,whiney version of Simon's voice. " I'm just so fragile at this time of month. I could cry right
now ".
" Well, I see you guys are still getting along. Hey! My food's gone! Who the hell ate it? ".
Taking a sip of his orange juice, Gary nonchalantly stated " Simon ate it ".
The British boy gasped " I most certainly did not! I wouldn't think of- ".
" You lying little sneak! " shouted Gary, his face an inch from Simon's. " I saw you steal it! You dumb piece of sh- ".
Jimmy intervened , standing between the two.
" Alright, alright, calm down .I'm just gonna get myself more food . Don't freak out man ". He grumbled as he went to grab a tray.
' Great, I'm stuck baby-sitting this idiot for a whole year '.
CRASH! He slammed into another student, both their trays flying into the air along with vinegar dressing, eggs and lettuce leaves . After being dazed for a second, Jimmy helped the other kid up off the floor. This boy was lanky with the face of a pepperoni pizza, glasses with frames the size of a NASA telescope, the buck teeth of a rabbit, and a greasy mop of chestnut curls on his head . Looking at his maroon plaid vest, it was obvious this was one of the Geeks.
" Oh! M ..m .. my apologies . I didn't see you, I was a bit distracted. Oh say, aren't you the new student from the school that burned down ?" said the young man as he adjusted his oversized glasses.
" Word travels fast around here I see ".
" Greetings! I'm Leo Finklestien! I'm glad to welcome you to Brat-Hog! ".
Before Leo could extend his hand for a shake, a taller boy behind him roughly yanked at his shoulder . He was wearing the same vest and from his commanding tone, Jimmy assumed this must have been the clique's leader .
" Leo! Didn't I tell you not to associate with neanderthals and other lower life forms ? ".
" Hey ,what the hell did you call me pointdexter? " Jimmy yelled .
" Pointdexter? Ha! Your faineant and juvenile insults don't phase me . Unlike the rest of my clique, who are the very essence of nerdiness, I have far surpassed
them, and certainly you , in the field of intelligence, my duncical friend " to which the pompous sounding boy, now standing over Jimmy, sneered and poked him in the chest .
" Notice something? Of course you didn't, you boorish imbecile . See that I'm wearing contacts instead of glasses? That makes me far superior than my fellow
Geeks, who must wear those horrendous spectacles ". Jimmy groaned. Clearly this idiot loved the sound of his own voice.
" Yeah, I did notice. And I don't give a shit ".
" Typical. Only a moron would resort to profanities ". This fight had caught the attention of the whole cafeteria. All were silent and awaiting the two boys' next course of action . Jimmy broke the silence with a small laugh.
"Heh. Only a moron would throw big words around to make himself sound smarter than he actually is ". The other boy was stunned, with his jaw practically on the floor. His pasty, pimply face ,bearing sticky fruit punch in his mustache, was now a bight crimson. All the while , Leo was tugging at his shirt sleeve.
" Um, Lionel...I think we better head back to our-". He was shoved hard, at least hard for a skinny nerd, and stumbled back, falling to the floor.
" Do you treat all your friends like this? ". All Jimmy really wanted to do was to get back to his breakfast, but this asshole was getting on his last nerve.
" They're not my companions, you moronic pion! They are my loyal subjects! My followers! ".
"What the hell? Wow. Looks like your ego is bigger than that zit on your nose ". Lionel lunged for him, his skinny fingers reaching for Jimmy's throat.
They both tumbled to the ground and were now wrestling . The cafeteria erupted into pandemonium with everyone cheering on the fighting guys.
" Kick his ass! " shouted a Goth.
" Get him little guy!" yelled a Jock.
" Fight! Fight! Fight! " cheered a Tough Girl . Even Gary was getting in on the action.
" Whoop his pizza face ass Jimmy! " he yelled while swinging a cloth napkin in the air. Lionel ,who had managed to get on top, was sissy slapping Jimmy's face. Grabbing his right hand, Jimmy threw Lionel off of him with little effort,only to be then kicked in the ribs by the Geek leader, knocking the wind out of him. For a skinny ass guy, he had a hard kick. He attempted to kick Jimmy again, but misjudged his aim and his other foot went out from under him. He landed with a loud thud and a sharp crack.
"Agh! I broke a bone! I broke a bone! You'll pay dearly for that you imbecile! ". He sprang to his feet surprisingly quick for someone with a broken bone.
" You landed on a plastic fork dumb ass! Damn, a egomaniac AND a hypochondriac! " shouted Jimmy, pointing down at a splintered plastic utensil . This only fuelled Lionel's anger even more.
" Well I could have! This is all you're fault anyway, you swinish simpleton! ". The two charged full speed at each other, only to skid to halt for the cook ,a frail and wirey, stern looking man with a slight but noticeable French accent, stood in their way.
" Stop this immediately! " He stretched his arms out between the two . " Oou, Monsieur Nerdstrom , vat zeems to be zee problem? ".
Lionel cleared his throat in a very stuck up tone.
"Ahem! Oh Mr. Croissant, I was simply defending myself against this insane brute ".
Mr. Croissant turned to Jimmy. "And your zide of zee story Monsieur?".
" The asshole started it by being a jerk ".
The cook rubbed his long pointy chin.
" Hmmm...alright, since oou are zee new student Mesiure...um ". He scratched his head for a second. "...uh, vatever your name iz, I am going to let zee incident
go. But pleeze, no more fighting inz my kitchen. Apologize to each other ".
Both boys grumbled a half-ass apology and went back to their tables as did the rest of the students. Once Jimmy was back at his table, Gary sat grinning.
" Wow, haven't seen such a good fight in awhile! ".
" Whatever Gary ".
" Whatever Gary? Is that all you can say after a good brawl like that? I think you've lost your edge. Your spunk. Your attitude. Your- ".
Jimmy shot him a glare. " Enough Gary. Shut up once in awhile".
As he tried to sit down, he sprung right back up. Apparently his sore rear end hadn't healed yet.
" What's the matter Jimmy? Did pizza face really kick your ass that much? Nah, can't be it...Ah! You must've gotten Bitchhilda's 'special punishment'. You did,
didn't you. Come on, give me every detail. Did you cry like baby? Did you whimper like a scared puppy? ".
" Yeah, I cried just like you did when I handed your ass to you on the school roof ".
Ignoring his come back, Gary stuffed a spoonful of his smashed together food into his mouth.
" I better hurry up, class starts soon...mmm, this shit is good " he said with crumbs flying everywhere.
" What class do I have? " asked Jimmy.
" Hell if I know...wait, check your vest pocket, there should be a card with your assigned classes on it. I don't know why you didn't check there earlier ".
It was 7:50 now and students were quickly filing out.
" Better get your ass to class ,James. The hall monitors will ring your neck if they catch you playing hooky".
" A couple hall monitors don't scare me ".
" Yeah, but you'll get whipped again. Unless you're into that sort of thing...".
" Fine, I get it, shut the hell up ".
He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small card. It read :
MONDAY-FRIDAY
BREAKFAST: 5:30-7:55
PERIOD 1: MATH 8:00-9:55
PERIOD 2: SIENCE 10:00-11:55
LUNCH: 11:55-12:55
PERIOD 3: HISTORY 1:00-1:55
PERIOD 4: ENGLISH 2:00-3:25
PERIOD 5: GYM 3:30-5:25
DINNER : 5:25-6:55 PERIOD 6: extra curricular activities of choice 7:00-11:00
LIGHTS OUT AT 1:00 AM SHARP
And on the back of the card :
SATURDAY-SUNDAY
BREAKFAST 5:30-7:55
PERIOD 1: ART 8:00-8:55
PERIOD 2: GEOGRAPHY 9:00- 9:55
PERIOD 3: GYM 10:00-11:55
LUNCH 11:55-1:55
PERIOD 4: SHOP / HOME ECONOMICS 2:00-3:00
DINNER 5:25-6:55
PERIOD 5: extra curricular activities of choice 7:00-11:00
LIGHTS OUT AT 1:00 AM SHARP
" Holy shit ,this is alot of classes ".
Simon, who had remained quiet for sometime now, chirped " Oh indeed, but I'm sure you'll get used to it. Brat-Hog has produced some of the brightest minds of
this century thanks to it's excellent curriculum-".
" Since when did you become one of the Geeks Simon? " Jimmy responded, staring down at the small boy.
" Whatever do you mean? ".
He was about to point out how much of a doofus he sounded like when he noticed two very tall blonde women wearing long dark green leather coats and military caps pulled far over their faces standing by the cafeteria exit.
" Who the hell are-? ".
" Hmm, looks like your little tussle with pizza face caught the attention of the hall monitors ".
" How? ".
Gary pointed up. There were sophisticated security cameras mounted on the ceiling.
" Crap. What do I do now? ".
" Play it cool , Hopkins. I'm pretty sure Mr. Croissant told them to lay off. Looks you got a free pass, but I wouldn't expect any more. He's not exactly found of
kids. But anyway, follow me out, just act natural ". Gary, Jimmy and Simon were smushed shoulder to shoulder as they made their way out. Gary was nonchalant, Jimmy held his breath and Simon shook like a leaf. None the less, the hall monitors paid no attention to them and once the three were in the main hall, Jimmy and Simon sighed in relief.
" My goodness, I think I nearly had a heart attack ".
Gary smacked Simon on the back.
"Geez,don't be so fragile man. Or boy. Or girl. Or whatever it is you are. Right, so Jim, you and I both have math. Follow me this way ". Gary sprinted ahead,down the hall to his right.
Simon turned to Jimmy and said " Well, I have English . Do take care now, it was nice meeting you Jimmy " with a goofy grin on his face. He headed to his left.
Jimmy ran where Gary had just went. He found him by a dark green door that read MATH in cursive. Next to the door was a painting of a boar wearing
small glasses and writing arithmetic on a black board.
" Hey, about time slow ass. All those Beam Colas catching up with you? ".
' Crap. This probably means we have all the same classes ' .
He saw a name plate on the door and read it aloud.
" Hmm...Mr. Al Gerbra? You've got to be kidding me...".
"Yes indeed . Oh, one small detail. It's ...well... it's his voice...how do I put it...it's like the sound of someone scraping nails on a black board at a thousand
decibels ".
" Come on, it can't be that bad ".
Gary didn't answer, he only shook his head and entered the classroom.
Jimmy was hunched over his desk in frustration. He had never really done any sort of math through out his school years, much less the advance geometry placed before him . He roughly scratched his head, trying to figure out what the hell all these funky equations were. And the sad part was that these brain wrecking problems were only slightly more irritating than Mr. Gerbra 's voice. He had to admit that Gary was right, he did sound horrible. It made him recall that screaming duck from those Aflack commercials. He laughed now thinking about it. He almost forgot that he was seriously screwed if he didn't get someone to do this assignment for him. A Geek. Yeah, a brainiac could certainly finish this crap before the bell rang. He scanned the room, first taking notice of Gary, who was seated directly in front of him, scribling away. Sure, he was pretty smart, but Jimmy thought that if he asked Gary for help, he was bound to do something crazy. Like call him out in class. Or purposely write all the wrong answers on the sheet. Or maybe even take this as an excuse to put a hold over him.
' God, I'm really getting paranoid! Think Jim, think! '.
Getting back to surveying the students of the class, he saw a Goth,two Farm Kids, a Hippie and a Metal Head, none of which were likely candidates. He looked to his immediate right. As if it were a miracle, here was a Geek. And double luck, it was Leo Finklestien too. Whispering as low as he could, he got the attention of the pimple faced kid.
" Hey. Yo, you there. Leo or whatever it was. I need a favor ". It took a moment, but the other boy eventually raised his head. Not making eye contact and keeping his face turned forwards, he leaned towards Jimmy.
" Ah, I'm glad to help. Anyone who can stand up to Lionel like that is a friend of mine ". Jimmy passed his assignment onto Leo's desk. He took a quick glance.
" This is a breeze. Of course you will have to do something for me...".
He took a scrap of paper from his vest pokect, wrote on it, folded it and placed it on Jimmy's desk.
" Your instructions are on there".
Jimmy opened the note.
MEET ME AT 1800 hours IN THE COURT YARD. FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS WILL BE GIVEN THERE.
LEO
Jimmy smiled. He now had an ally.
Long chapter. And a fight scene too. Things are getting interesting.
German translations:
Guten Morgan: Good Morning
Die Strafe wird nicht ausbleiben!: Punishment is inevitable!
XX-THIRST
*UPDATE 10/03/2013 : Fixed some more spelling grammar errors.
*UPDATE 07/30/2016 : Fixed a few more errors. Hopefully.