This is your NEW school
All characters mentioned in this(except ones that I made up)belong to Rockstar Games. I do not make
money off of this.
Contains slightly worse language than in the game and sexuality.
Sorry for the long wait. I do have other things to do. – XX-THIRST.
…Chapter 4: Jim Class
(words in italics stand for thoughts)
Jimmy had the mumbling and barely understandable Mr. Beaker for science class, grilled cheese sandwiches and grape juice for lunch (which Gary remarked as being a 'dork lunch' and then proceeded to throw mashed potatoes at Simon) ,a plump and pleasant but highly annoying Ms. Timely for history and Mr. Phonic for English who seemed quite the opposite of Mr. Galloway for he demanded absolute perfection to the point where everyone had to write their answers in pen. Now Jimmy was sitting on a bench in the gym locker room tying the laces of his sneakers. He sat next to Gary who appeared to be amusing himself by flicking crumpled bits of paper into a waste basket.
" So, enjoy your first set of classes ,Hopkins? What did you think of Brat-Hog's fine educators? ".
" Hated them " grunted Jimmy.
" Just the answer I expected. Though I can't say I care for them either. I hate it when Ms. Timely does that accent thing. You know, when she read about the French revolution, she did that God awful French accent? Shit, I'd hate to see what happens when she reads about cavemen discovering fire".
Jimmy chuckled and was amazed that Gary actually said something he found funny. Finished tying his shoes, he looked about the room and wondered aloud "Hey, where's Simon? I could've sworn he was in here a second ago…".
Gary sucked in a breath and said " Hell if I know. The little squirt always hides somewhere during gym class. Probably afraid of getting his ass whooped ". Gary stretched from side to side and rolled his neck around and about while grunting. Jimmy's stretching on the other hand was in a less dramatic fashion and as he did so, he caught a glimpse of Lionel who glared at him and mouthed " I've got my eye on you".
' What a douche bag '.
Gary started snapping his fingers in Jimmy's face.
" Hey, earth to Jimmy! We're going to be late for gym! It's mandatory that you be in the gym one minute before class starts. Do you want to get your ass fried? Let's move it ,slow poke". The two exited the locker room and walked into the massive gym which was adorned with teal flags featuring a boar climbing a rope. Jimmy took in his surroundings, eyeing a wrestling mat in one corner, vaulting posts in another, an enormous balancing beam near the back and a long thick rope hanging from the ceiling in the center of the room.
" Who's the teacher for this class ?" whispered Jimmy to Gary.
" Just wait and see. I think you'll be presently surprised". A bell rang and all the students were quiet. Footsteps could be heard approaching the gym doors. Jimmy envisioned a burly, overly tanned, seven foot tall body builder ploughing through those doors with steaming nostrils at any minute. But instead, an all too familiar face strolled in instead, clad in leather boots and a leather trench coat and wielding a whip.
" Ah, Guten Tag studenten. Aufgepasst! Herr Hopkins!" .
Gary whispered to Jimmy "Stand up straight. She has a strict rule about slouching". Jimmy immediately straightened his back.
" Gut. Now let us start class. As you know, since vee have a new student, vee must show must show him no mercy. Kick him as hard as you can, throv him as hard as you can, be unbarmherzig! ". Jimmy peeked out of the corner of his eye. He saw Lionel with a devious grin painted across his face.
" First vee are going to play a little dodge ball, ya? Now Herr Hopkins, I must explain our rules. Vee here separate teams by clique. Makes things much more orderly. Now hmm… vat team shall I put you and Herr Smith on…".
Jimmy thought this over. He could join the Jocks and kick Lionel's ass. But then another plan came to mind.
" We'll join the Geeks" he quickly said.
" Hmm? ". Brunhilda raised an eyebrow.
" Me and Gary are-".
" Gary and I!". She cracked her whip.
"Aah, geez! Gary and I are joining the Geeks ".
" NO!" screamed Lionel.
" Herr Nerdstrom! Go stand in zee corner until zee end of zee leezen! Now Herr Hopkins, since Herr Nerdstrom here decided to be a Du Blödmann, you are going to lead zee team, ya?".
" Sure why not….I mean yes ma'am".
Jimmy saw Lionel giving him the evil eye as he went for his "time out". He flashed the pompous nerd a middle finger …when Brunhilda had her back turned of course.
" And the purpose of joining the Geek's team Jimmy?".
" To piss off Lionel".
" I thought of that before you did. Bitchhilda just happened to ask you instead of me".
" Yeah right, did not".
"I did too!".
" Did not!".
" Did too!".
" Who cares?".
" I do because it was my idea!".
"Oh just drop it. I think Brunhilda is gonna say something".
The imposing woman stood before the student body and boomed "Aufgepasst! Zee first teamst to battle are das Goths und die Mydchen".
Jimmy couldn't decide who looked more ridiculous, the homely Tough Girls wearing guys' plaid gym wear or the Goths who looked like rejected members of KISS in black gym shorts. Whilst watching the clowns, he felt a tap upon his shoulder. It was Leo.
" Greetings Jimmy. Are we still on for our meeting?".
" Yep. But I have to drag Gary along here, hopefully you won't mind ".
" Not a problem at all. And thank you very much volunteering to be our team leader, perhaps we'll obtain a victory this time".
" Uh, how often do you guys lose?".
" We currently hold the record for most losses in a school year…for four years straight".
" I'm actually not surprised".
" And I am not surprised by your reaction. As you can see, none of us are physically adept to play dodge ball …or really any sport".
"Oh great. Look, when in doubt, just pass the ball to me or Gary. And you're best off using one of us as a shield ".
" Will do. With you as our leader, this will be a piece of cake!".
Unfortunately it didn't go that smoothly. They played against the Farm Kids who were really something fierce (their leader Billy in particular). Jimmy and Gary did fine on their own, but it seemed the Geeks lacked basic hand/eye coordination. Maurice Brim tripped over his shoe lace. Julius Roach was scared to death of the dodge ball hitting him, so he shielded his face and got hit in the head. Logan Hess broke his glasses and because he was unable to see, he threw the ball into gangly Merrill Winston's face who then stumbled into Gwen Thompson. Probably worst of all, Leo Finklestien somehow managed to hit himself in the nuts.
" This is damn pathetic" said Gary glumly.
" No shit" sighed Jimmy lowering his head into his palm.
" Well now what do we do? We're getting clobbered".
"You tell me. Didn't you say this was all your plan Mr. Genius?".
" Screw you Hopkins".
" Whatever. I think we need a new strategy". Jimmy motioned for the Geeks to gather in a huddle before the fifth and final round began.
"Alright morons. You guys seriously suck big time".
" Hey! There's no need for insults" protested the black geek, Maurice.
" I wouldn't be calling you names if you didn't suck at dodge ball, okay? Now, here's how I see it. Gary and I will line up side by side and everyone one else will line up behind us. Got it? ".
The geeks nodded in agreement.
"This will be the lineup. Gary and I are the front men. The fat asses Maurice and Logan will stand behind us. Behind them will be Merrill and Gwen. Behind them will be Leo and Julius. Now my strategy is that we all move at the same time. If the ball lands on the right, we all move to the right. Leo picks it up, passes it to the front and I throw. If it lands on the left, Julius picks it up, passes it to the front and Gary throws. No one's going to screw that up. Everyone clear ?".
"Yes".
" Indeed "
" I am ".
" Yep ".
" Yes Jimmy ".
" I'm with you".
" I conquer " .
" This plan sounds really retarded Jimmy, but it may just work ".
And that's what they did, even if it did earn them quite a number stares, giggles and comments like
"What the hell? ",
" Stupid dork-wads ",
" Bunch'a jack-asses" and
" You gotta be f-ing kidding me ". They certainly kicked the Farm Kids' asses though, leaving Lionel seething with anger for he certainly could've come up with a much better plan. At least that's he thought anyway. And he was going make sure Jimmy knew that he much smarter than him.
" Aufgepasst! Vee are going to now vestle some,ya? Everyvon line up at zee wrestling mat!" boomed Brunhilda after dodge ball. She commanded Jimmy, since he was the new student, to go first and wrestle with Mo Finklestien, who Leo had briefly mentioned was his twin sister.
" Why the hell do I have to wrestle a girl? ".
" VAT VAS THAT ? ".
"But…but that's not fair ".
"Do not tell me you are scared of a young Fräulein, Herr Hopkins ".
"No Ma'am ".
" Then vestle her Herr Hopkins. Vee do not have all day ".
" Yeah, we don't got all day" Mo gruffly repeated, the bull ring in her nose bobbing about with every word she spoke.
" But I don't wanna wrestle a girl! This is a trap!" .
Mo sucked her teeth and twirled a lock of her long curly brown hair. " Oh please. I've wrestled plenty of guys in my life time ".
" And what kind of wrestling would that be? ".
"HERR HOPKINS! ".
" Sorry Ma'am".
Gary pushed past Jimmy.
" Fine, I'll fight her Jimmy since you feel like being a pansy today ".
He cracked his knuckles and crouched down low and ready to fight. He and Mo stood silent. She suddenly smiled coyly and her blue eyes seemed to twinkle with mischief.
" Hey Gary, I can see your balls ".
" Huh? ".
Mo came in hard and fast, her head ramming into Gary's gut, which sent him stumbling backwards.
" Damn…" Mo grumbled. " I was aiming for his groin ".
She charged towards him again. Gary dodge her this time and quickly put her into a choke hold, one arm around her neck and the other around her waist. It didn't last long however, for she elbowed him in a sensitive area and he loosened his grip.
" Urgh! Cheap shot! Friggen cheap shot!" Gary screamed while stuffing his hands between his legs.
" FRAU FINKLESTIEN! " shouted Brunhillda.
" Er…y..yes Ma'am? ".
" As convenient as it ist, hitting in zee genital area ist not permitted. Are vee clear?".
" Yes Ma'am. Sorry Ma'am".
Gary had apparently recovered from his injury and took his wrestling stance again. Mo leapt with lightning speed and pounced on top of him . She shoved her first two fingers up his nose and let the rest dig into his face. After about ten seconds of that, Gary threw her off his back. She was stunned just long enough for him to crawl over and bite her leg. She let out a yelp, reached for his hair, grabbed a fist full and gave it a hard tug. He grunted is response, but didn't let go which only made Mo angrier. She then tugged his hair with both hands and pulled with all her might. Jimmy all the while was expecting Brunhillda yell at them for such barbaric fighting, but she didn't say a word or even flinch for that matter.
'She'll allow hair pulling, biting, scratching and sticking your fingers up someone's nose, but no kicking in privates? That Brunhillda is crazy!'.
Now Gary and Mo were tumbling about the wrestling mat, both of them grunting, snarling, sweating profusely and amazingly, not one drop of blood had been spilt. Eventually Gary pinned Mo unto her stomach as he twisted her arm behind her back. Still stubborn as hell and not ready to give up, she kicked Gary in the butt and he practically sailed across the mat. He quickly sprang to his feet, ready for more action.
" I'm gonna make sure everybody here sees you lose to a girl" Mo shouted as sweat poured down her face.
" Just try!" Gary yelled back.
They dashed towards each other at full speed. They collided. Mo's fist slammed into Gary's crotch while his foot struck hers. The two toppled over and groaned in pain.
"Okay! It lookst like it ist a tie! One minute until zee next match!" the headmistress bellowed.
Jimmy helped Gary up off the floor, trying to stifle a laugh at the sight of him rubbing his privates and groaning " Damnet! Two shots to the nuts in one day!".
Mo, hobbling to the back of the gym, whined "Ugh, I didn't think I could get hurt there!".
One minute passed and Jimmy came face to face with his opponent, much to his relief, a male this time. Six feet tall,a well-built guy with swept back black hair, pale green eyes and boyish good looks. He shot Jimmy a smug grin.
" Man, I almost feel bad fighting you…I'd hate to …uh…what's that word? You know, the one that means you emasculate someone?".
"Emasculate?".
"Yeah, that one. I'd hate to emasculate you in front of all these hot chicks…and hell, the ugly chicks too".
He blew a kiss at the Tough Girls who all blew him back a raspberry. He then arrogantly flexed and kissed his biceps.
" Yeah. Kyle Brooder the man, all the ladies love him" he gloated. Dropping to his hands and knees, he began doing push-ups. " Bet you wish you could do push-ups like me". He moved his right arm to his back, did them one handed and repeated " Bet you wish you could do push-ups like me". He did one hundred one handed push-ups. He stood up and shoved Jimmy.
" Come on little guy, fight me". Jimmy didn't react, didn't move a muscle. Kyle pushed him again, harder this time.
" Didn't you hear me? I said fight me squirt ". Jimmy still didn't move. Kyle was obviously irritated. His face turned a noticeable shade of pink and he clenched his fists.
" I said fight me. NOW " he said through gritted teeth. Jimmy only laughed at him.
" I'm only fighting you after you've done six hundred jumping jacks, six hundred push-ups and six hundred sit-ups. In that order ".
" Heh, heh, heh that's all? Piece of cake! ".
And he did six hundred jumping jacks, six hundred push-ups and six hundred sit-ups. He rose from floor and shook his hair. Perspiration flew every which way, like a smelly, salty rainstorm. He breathed heavily as he turned to face Jimmy.
"Now…are we…gonna fight…or..what?" he gasped. His face was now beet red and his legs shook, barely able to hold him up.
"Okay. Let's fight. You go first".
"Alright…get…ready…to…hyrrg..!". Kyle threw a weak punch and collapsed. After not getting up for ten counts, Bruhillda announced
" And zee vinner ist Herr Hopkins !".
Kyle's fellow Jocks peeled him from the mat while him grumbled every curse word in the English language.
The next matches aren't really noteworthy other than Lionel(who was finally dismissed from time-out) fought against a burly Metal Head and surrendered after being pinned to the floor for three seconds.
With wrestling over, the students were rushed to the balance beam and were ordered to balance on it ,three people at a time. Jimmy had perfect balance. Gary fell off and landed flat on his ass. Vaulting was next. Gary leapt over the posts with ease while Jimmy(having the inability to jump high enough) crashed into the posts and sent them toppling over. That same inability caused him an embarrassing moment when it came time to climb the rope and he was unable to reach it. The headmistress had to aid the poor boy by scooping him up into her arms and lifting him up to the rope, the scene causing a roar of laughter amongst the students. Thankfully, that was quickly forgotten for Lionel, upon reaching the top of the rope, remembered his fear of heights, kicked his long skinny legs frantically and squealed like a stuck pig. He was eventually brought down with the help of a ladder and several hall monitors.
5:25 pm came with loud ring of a bell. As the students trudged out of the gym, Brunhillda motioned over Jimmy and Gary with a single finger.
" Haben Sie sich gut unterhalten ,Herr Hopkins? ".
Not being fluent in German, he wasn't exactly sure how to respond. The headmistress sighed.
" Did you like my class Herr Hopkins? Hmm? ". She towered over the boy, lightly tapping her whip on her right hip.
" Uh…".
" 'Uh' ist not an answer ".
" It…it was okay…um…I had a good work out".
"Gut. Do try to work on your jumping. A toddler could jump higher than you ".
5:30 pm. Jimmy and Gary were sitting down to dinner, meat loaf, green beans and lime soda and Gary's smashed mountain of food with prescription pills sprinkled on top of it. Jimmy re-laid to Gary about the note Leo had given him in math class.
MEET ME AT 1800 hours IN THE COURT YARD. FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS WILL BE GIVEN THERE.
LEO.
In between bites (and chewing with his mouth open) Gary agreed to accompany Jimmy to his meeting with Leo.
" This should be very interesting. I'll come along to amuse myself. Don't have anything better to do". He shoved a spoonful of mush into his mouth, grimaced and swallowed hard .
"Ah, gotta love that good old Angertrex DM. Tastes like crap every time".
" Hey Gary. I think I see Simon coming this way".
He was indeed right. Simon came skipping to their table carrying a tray of chicken nuggets and a tall, clear glass of water. The English boy plopped down next to Jimmy.
" Good evening Jimmy and Gary. Mind if I take a seat here and chat you up? ".
" Huh?" Jimmy asked, his eyebrows positioned in a quizzical state.
" Oh, pardon me. You and I haven't had a chance to chat really. Gary only told me a tad about you this morning before he came to knock you up- ".
" Say what? " said Jimmy, getting angry.
" That's dork talk for ' I knocked on your door' ".
" Dork talk? Why I never!" Simon scoffed.
While Simon and Gary bickered over whether it was "dork talk" or British English, Jimmy observed, from across the room, Lionel bossing his fellow Geeks around.
'Geez, the guy thinks he owns them. And that Kyle dude wasn't that much different from Pizza Face. Is everyone at this school a condescending jerk? '.
Dinner came and went quickly. Simon had run off to the library, explaining that he needed to study for a math test. In the meantime, Jimmy, much to his dismay, discovered that he had to share a dorm room with Gary. The two boys sat on their beds across from each other, Gary scribbling in a note book, Jimmy listing to music on a beat-up CD Player, both of them killing time before their meeting at 1800 hours( also known as 6:00 pm ). Gary had informed the other boy that they could be attending one of the many social clubs and participating in various activities on Bat-Hog's campus right now, but most of them he wasn't really interested in. " Trivial meanderings" was the term he used to describe such things.
Fifteen minutes passed and they were off to meet the Geeks. Gary led Jimmy through a maze of long narrow hallways while he rattled off the profiles of the members of the aforementioned clique ( and he obviously enjoyed doing it ).
" Alright, so as you've probably noticed, Lionel Nerdstrom is arrogant as hell and thinks he owns the Geeks. This stems from the fact that his computer analyst mother and bio chemist father have donated most of the equipment for the science and computer labs and Lionel demands that everyone should kiss his pimply ass because of it. As if we all owe him something ". Gary spat at the end for emphasizes.
" Then we have his, somewhat, second in command, Leo Finklestien. Can fire off mathematical equations a mile a minute, but the poor kid crumples like tissue paper if a speck of dust hits him, the polar opposite of his twin sister Mo Finklestien who tried to rip my balls off in gym class. She's the lesbian lover of…oh wait, sorry, I'll tell you that little story later. Back to the Geeks ".
Jimmy quietly sighed, slightly disappointed.
" Next, there's Maurice Brim, the fat black Geek who's cheerful but very sensitive about his weight. Logan Hess, the fat white Geek who doesn't give a rat's ass about his weight. Julius Roach has chronic B.O, but you probably didn't notice because of your own B.O problem ".
Jimmy shot a tight fist up, a mere inch from Gary's nose.
" Would you like that nose of yours coming out the other side of your head Gary? Keep saying shit like that and it WILL happen ".
"Okay, okay, calm down. You don't need to go into gorilla mode. Now where was I? Oh yes, what I meant to say was that you probably didn't notice Julius's B.O because he slathers on a ton of deodorant. Gets rid of the stink, but leaves all the arm pits of his shirts chalk white or pale yellow ".
" Gross, man".
" Nerds and Geeks are not the most hygienic people. Which brings me to my next point. Julius also doesn't shower. He's afraid of large amounts of water, which also contributes to his stench".
" Ew ".
" There's Merrill Winston who's the sixth generation to attend this hell-hole, but he's the only one to not attend on a sports scholarship. The nerd scourge of the family. And we have the female Geek, Gwen Thompson, officially named ' Ugliest Girl at Brat-Hog '. Yick. Have you seen her f-ing face? Looks like an exploded pizza with coke bottle glasses and a boy's hair cut ".
They finally came to the main hall. Kids were bustling and chattering about this and that while the hall monitors, all stern looking women in long green trench coats, watched over them all like hawks. Before Jimmy knew it, Gary was quickly pulling him into a dark corner. He jiggled the knob on an old rusty door that was in that corner. He opened it slowly and only half way and then motioned for Jimmy to follow him inside.
" What the hell are we-".
"Sssh! There's a loose stone in the wall here somewhere…ah,hah! Found it. This hole leads outside to the front courtyard. We're only allowed off campus every two weeks and lucky you, this just happens to be the week we're not allowed off campus".
" What kind of crazy ass rule is that?".
" Beats me. Go ask Bitchhillda, the leather cow, yourself. I'll explain the rest of that later ".
The two moved the stone together and crawled out through the narrow hole onto the front courtyard. It was dark and completely deserted. Well, almost completely deserted. In the far off distance were shadowy maroon blobs standing by the front gate.
' The Geeks… '.
Once Jimmy and Gary had arrived before the group, Leo stepped forward.
" Hello Jimmy. Hello Gary . We need you to do us a…very… big favor".
" Yeah? What's that?".
The pimply faced boy's eyes narrowed as his mouth curled into a sadistic grin.
" We need you to kill Lional Nerdstrom ".
There we go. Done. Took me awhile didn't it?.
Will Jimmy and Gary really have to kill Pizza Face? Who knows. We'll see.- XX-THIRST
German translations:
Guten Tag studenten: Good Afternoon students
Aufgepasst! : Attention!
Gut: Good
Unbarmherzig: Merciless, ruthless
Du Blödmann : Jerk
Das: The(for masculine words)
Und: And
Die: The(for feminine words)
Mydchen: Girls
Fräulein: Female
Haben Sie sich gut unterhalten?: Did you have a good time?
*UPDATE 10/04/2013: Fixed some spelling and layout errors*