This is your NEW school
All characters mentioned in this(except ones that I made up)belong to Rockstar Games. I do not make money off of this.
Contains slightly worse language than in the game and sexuality. – XX-THIRST
…Chapter 8: The Great Switch
Mr. Dramaz ( a tall and thin man with a black pointy beard and platinum blonde hair) stood before his art class ( who all stood in a circle rather than sit in chairs ) . He fiddled with the handkerchief in his pants pocket before clapping his hands together and saying
" Welcome….welcome, welcome , welcome all. Ah, I can't WAIT for all of you to try out these new paints I just ordered. Hmm…oh! The new student. James something-or-other. You get first go ".
He tossed a tube of green poster at Jimmy. The boy stared at it quizzically, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do with it. He then squirted the green goop onto the large canvas sheet in the middle of the room and spread it around with his fingers . When done, Mr. Dramaz exasperated
" Look at that! … Hapkins? Hopper? Whatever it is, my goodness, what inspired you?".
" Hell if I know ".
"Mmm. Hell if I know. Hell if I know. Hell if I know ".
He repeated the phrase several more times.
" This young man is truly inspiring. And here I thought I had seen everything now that I'm in my mid f….thirties. Class, we have an artistic genius here! ".
Jimmy saw Gary's face humorously scrunch into an angry scowl upon him being called a genius. HE was the only one deserving of that title. So Gary thought. And Jimmy enjoyed the irritation it was causing him.
"That was nothing . Watch this!" said Gary, removing his shoes and socks. He dunked his right big toe into a bucket of blue paint. The lumpy shape later produced , as he proudly proclaimed, was a foot painted with a foot.
Dramaz gleefully cheered " Impressive! Looks like we have two geniuses in this class! ".
As the rest of the class dove in to splatter the canvas, Gary whispered to his fellow ' artistic genius '
" Don't start feeling all high and mighty, Dramaz is impressed by anything ".
" You're just pissed because you can't draw".
" This means war , Jimmy! Just you watch! I'm the competition from hell! ".
And he certainly wasn't bluffing. He competed with Jimmy in Geography by trying to name more capitals than him( they came to a tie), shoved him during dodge ball, jumped ahead of him in the lunch line and finished eating quicker than him. When in Shop class ( which was conveniently merged with Home Economics ), Jimmy finally confronted the sour faced boy.
" What the hell is your problem? ".
Gary's only reply was a raspberry (that sprayed Jimmy's face with warm spit) and he swiftly shot up a middle finger. He suddenly giggled and guffawed
" Ha! Har! Har!Har! You fell for it! Me? Jealous of you? Gwa! Ha! Ha! Ha! ".
" Geez, tone it down. God, Gary, you're just…sad ".
" Screw you. Now, we're switching those cast lists tonight. The regular list is in the teachers' lounge, but the door is heavily guarded by hall monitors. So we'll get in through the window. I hope you learned a lot from all that rope climbing in gym because that's what we're going to be doing ".
" Exactly how do you plan to get the rope up there? ".
" Oh dumb, ignorant Hopkins. I think you've taken one too many beatings to the head. You attach a grappling hook to the end, DUUUUUHHHH. And you're going to be the one making it today in here in shop class ".
" Why me?...hey, are you telling me you suck at shop? ".
"Can it, Jimmy ! It's part of my stupid therapy program. I have to admit my faults and become more…ugh…humble ".
At that moment, Mr. Jonathan Wood (a handsome young man , barely in his twenties) loudly said to a student
" Now Mikey, you really need to get these grades up. What would your mom say?".
" Just because your dad knocked up my mom, doesn't mean you can patronize me" the kid muttered back.
" Patronize? Using big words now? I guess you do have some brains under all that hair " Mr. Wood sneered , lifting some of Mike's waist length, black hair with the very tips of his finger. The two continued to fire fierce words back and forth while the class could only watch in awkward silence.
" Shit, what's their beef? " Jimmy asked Gary.
" Half-brothers. John's dad had a fling with a bartender and it resulted in Michael Berginhiem being born. John tries to play the big brother role, but as you can see, he sucks ass at it. Heh. If no one stops them, they can go all day ".
" So what do we do? ".
" Normally I would just let them go at it, but since tonight's the only night when we can switch those lists...".
Gary stood up from his seat, cleared his throat and said
" Uh, Mr. Wood, as much as we'd all love to just sit back and let you two bicker, we'd really be missing out on some fine education. And what would the headmistress say if I told her you were here arguing with a student instead of teaching us? I hear she's sharpened her whip recently...".
John became flustered and straightened his tie. And with that, he began class. He stressed the importance of wearing safety gear, team work and other things that went straight over most of the students' heads. They paired off in groups of two, Gary and Jimmy being stuck with each other of course. The former handed Jimmy some metal rods, rope and a metal bender.
" Here, you'll need these. I think. I saw it in a book once".
" This isn't all that hard to do. Okay, first we'll need sharpen the ends of these rod. Hand me a knife".
"I'm not allowed to use knifes or anything sharp. That stupid leather cow's rule" Gary irefully mutter.
"Ugh. Understandable, but inconvenient. We'll just have to make do. Alright, let's bend these rods in a bow shape. Take the ends of each rod and turn them upward into an "L" shape. Bring the top of the 'L' back over toward the main part of the rod. The more the ends resemble hooks or barbs, the better your grappling hook will be, see? Make a cross shape out of the two rods by placing one rod on top of the other. Tie the two rods securely together. The rods should be completely immobile ".
Gary carefully watched every move, taking in every instruction.
" Now we attach the rope to the center of the two rods and...done! A grappling hook ".
" Excellent! Thank...you... grrr... Jimmy... for... teaching... urgh …me ...how...to…eggh ". Gary struggled with his rare act of politeness, the words obviously forced out. "...God damn it...makeagrapplinghook,THERE! Bah! I said thank you!".
Jimmy smiled and thanked him for being a good student, all the while thinking that he must be in some bizarre, parallel dimension.
7:30 PM. Gary and Jimmy stood just below a small window, three stories up from them. The plan was for Jimmy to throw the grapple up onto the flower box, climb the rope into the teachers' lounge, switch the cast lists and bolt the hell out of there , while Gary stood down below as a look out.
' Pff! Of course he wants the easy part! '.
" Here's our revised cast list, Hopkins. The other one should be either up on a bulletin board or in a desk ".
" How would you know?"
" James, have you not learned yet that I am VERY observant? You just have to listen to what the teachers say when they think no one's around. And another thing. I know we've been through this, but why do we have to be stage hands for the second act? ".
" Grr! Like I told you already, it's so that we can give Kody the signal to switch with the real Juliet. He's not going to remember on his own, he's stoned most of time. I just wish he'd forget about that date...".
" Oh boo,hoo, quit yapping and get up the rope, fatso".
As Gary turned away, he felt a sharp kick to his ass.
"Ow! What the f-!".
"You know, you're really lucky I'm not reporting this to Brunhilda..." said Jimmy, swinging the grapple.
With one large motion, he swung ,the hook launched and latched onto the flower box. He hoisted himself up onto the rope and made the long climb up. At the top, he carefully lifted up the window, his shirt sleeves covering his hands, looking for any trip wires or alarms. Seeing none, he slid down into the dark lounge ( this certainly wasn't his first act of breaking and entering). From the moonlight peering in, he saw a bulletin board and examined it. No cast list. He spotted a maple wood desk to his left and opened one of the drawers. Bingo, there it was! He took out the sheet and slipped in the other list. But before doing so, he made sure to memorize who was who.
Romeo: Lionel Nerdstrom. Juliet: Daisy May , Billy May's younger sister . Juliet's father: Juno Shoelaces Kraz . A hippie who didn't wear shoes. Romeo's mother: Lindsey Morris, the fattest of the cheerleading squad, as Gary had described her. Trees and rocks: Keith Doe, Nigel Wilcox, Ronnie Harper, Robert Hinklesack, Daniel Bay( a jock and secretly a nerd). Furniture: Faith Manson, Heather Peeper, Olivia Banks(blonde, brunette, redhead, all cheerleaders, all brainless, all pissed about having to be furniture). Stagehands: All the geeks , Gary and Jimmy.
Jimmy quickly tip toed back across the room. He slipped through the window again and climbed down the rope. He was grateful, and somewhat surprised, to see Gary still at his post, having expected him to either run away or report him to the school authorities.
" Took you long enough , Hopkins. Thought you had run off and ratted me out ".
" Funny. I was thinking you'd do the same".
" What? You don't trust me? ".
" Not at all ".
" Hmf! Good. You shouldn't. You don't know shit about me, James. I'm only behaving because I don't want to end up in a rubber room again. But if we were in a different environment...".
He stopped. His ears twitched, picking up the sound of a girl crying. Jimmy heard it as well and headed off in the direction of the noise while Gary puffed behind ,muttering
" Oh great, ' Hero Hopkins' off to help a damsel in distress ".
The two peaked around the corner of a wall and saw Gwen sobbing whilst Lionel sarcastically read aloud ,from what looked like a diary, to a group of students.
" Oh Dearest Journal, mere words cannot express what I feel for Lionel. I'm shocked that others think him to have the persona of some sort of pompous, evil, tyrannical overlord…"
"You just figured that out? "Jimmy mummered.
"…but I know underneath that, there's a kind and sensitive young male. I have to get him to notice me, to hold me, to share long protein strings…".
" You've got to be kidding me " said Gary, burying his face into the palm of his hand.
" He's the one for me, I just know it! Pff!". Lionel tossed the dairy over his shoulder. It landed in a mud puddle and Gwen cried even more.
" That diary was a birthday gift from my mom!".
" Then ask her to buy you another one , you loathsome fool. My God, I can't believe I'm surrounded by such incompetent-".
A curvy ,freckled faced girl came bonding pass him, her mousy brown pigtails flopping up and down. She turned to him and, in her think country accent, quipped
" What'chall do'in heer? Weez hav'in sum kinda pary? ".
Lionel blushed beet red and stammered " H…h…h…hi…hi…d…d…duh…duh…daaaaa…Daisy…ha…ho…how…arr rrrrrrr…..are…y…y…y…yooouuuu….? ".
"Aw, ain't cha cute. But what'chall do'in now? ".
" N…n…n…nothing in…in…eh…eh..interrr….resting…I…ah…ah…ah… I… wu…wu…wus jussss…st…leaving…noooo…..ooow ".
And he scampered away, while everyone else left as well. Gwen still stood where she was, no longer crying, but clenching her fists tightly.
Gary began walking away ,saying" Ah well, that was fun, now time to be off ".
" I don't know Gary, I don't just wanna leave her like that ".
" Don't tell me you feel sorry for Zit Girl".
"Yeah, I do, so what? Come on " Jimmy grumbled, roughly pulling Gary by the wrist and dragging him over to the girl. Gwen crossed arms at the sight of them.
" Are you here to mock me too? You'll be disappointed, I have no more tears left to shed ".
" Nope, I just...well, I just wanted to do something to make you feel better ".
" And I just got dragged over here by your white knight ".
Her eyebrows raised, she was taken back. No one outside of family had been this nice to her.
" You really mean it?... this isn't some kind of stupid joke, right? ".
" Nope. I mean it. What would make you feel better?".
She placed a finger on her chin, thinking for a moment.
" Well...hmm...I've got it! One of you could go on a date with me! Monday, 6:30 pm ".
Both boys cringed.
" Any better ideas? " they said simultaneously.
" Hey! No date with me means that I tell the Headmistress you broke into the teachers' lounge AND I tell Lionel what you're planning to do to him during the school play. How does that sound ? " she purred, her mouth forming into an evil grin.
" Damn, Zit Girl. You're driving a hard bargain. What do we get out of this?".
" Oh, really, we're going to go down that route? All right then, go on a date with me and you get my personal Sling Slot 5000. I made it myself. It's the sling shot of the future, with a laser sight, increased range and it fires three rounds at a time. What do you say?".
Gary and Jimmy turned away and whispered to each other. Try as they might, neither could find any physically redeeming qualities about Gwen. A dull brown, boyish haircut. Buck teeth. Zits everywhere. And an annoying voice to boot, she sounded like a duck on crack (according to Gary).
" Jimmy, you got us into this shit, you go on the date ".
" I already have a date Kody at the same time, which by the way, is your fault! ".
" Don't go bringing that up again! Besides, you could use a little action ".
" Hey, I got a girlfriend. You're the one who hasn't had date since he was twelve".
Gary's whole body stiffened. He then growled " Who told you that? " so hard, that he practically ground his teeth into dust.
" Oh, just a little drugged up birdy ".
" Why you-!"
They stopped talking when they saw Simon off in the distance. They called out his name and he happily skipped over.
" Jolly good evening ".
" Say, Femme Boy 2, would like you to do us a favor? ".
" What is it? And please, do stop calling me that ".
" Sure fem-….er, Simon. You see, our friend Gwen here wants a date for Monday night, but since neither Jimmy nor I are willing to jump on that grenade, we thought , you know, you could take one for the team? ".
" But I have to study for a math test!".
" Ugh, come on. Are you really turning down a date for homework?! ".
" But isn't that what both of you are doing? ".
" He's kind of right, Gary ".
Gwen impatiently tapped her foot.
" Well? I'm waaaaaaiiiiitttting….".
The three boys stared at each other worriedly and swallowed hard.
Ah,finally done! So, who will go on a date with Gwen? Will Jimmy try to go back and forth between her and Kody? Will Gary whisk her away to downtown? Or maybe Simon will actually skip doing homework?. -XX-THIRST