Ch.4

Nothing to lose or Nothing to gain?

It had been one thing to let Sai play for him when he had not known anything about Go and the world that surrounded the game. It had been fine, even fun to let the ghost play for him because Hikaru hadn't thirsted for the game, hadn't known the power or the passion that this game with its odd circles and complicated board could create.

He hadn't known, he hadn't understood… until… until Touya, Akira had shown him what it was like to actually care about something you did. That you could actually plan your future. After that, he no longer wanted to support Sai's shadow. He wanted to play with his own skills, prove himself worthy of actually being able to do something instead of being just a regular kid that didn't know what the future held for him. But it had been so hard. So hard to be rid of Sai's light that shadowed him in the biggest of darkness. No one saw Shindo, Hikaru. They saw Sai.

Hikaru could still recall Touya's face at that school Go competition. That complete

disappointment and anger at seeing Hikaru's true skill and not Sai's. It had been a blow to Hikaru and a hurt that he couldn't have put into words to know that he, Shindo Hikaru, was still nothing next to the other boy he so admired. He wanted to tell him that he was going to catch up, that he would enter this world that was so intense and passionate yet serious but words at that one event had failed him and instead tears had fallen from his eyes.

He had wondered then if he was doing the right thing—trying to play on his own when Sai who actually had the gift for the game could just as easily play. But he couldn't stop. When Hikaru hadn't been looking, a love for the game had been created within him and it hurt just to think about not playing for himself.

Now as he stared at Sai who was sitting where he was supposed to be kneeling, he had to wonder again, who of the two of them was really selfish. Here was his chance to get out from under Sai's shadow, to show Touya and everyone else who Shindo, Hikaru really was and all Sai wanted to do was take that away from him. That ghost wanted to just place him back into the shadow and support that unbearable weight of knowing that he just wasn't good enough yet…

His heart thudded in his chest. Hikaru couldn't move, couldn't even talk, much less try to think… and the weirdest part of it all was that he couldn't even find it in himself to be mad at Sai. It just hurt.

An image of Sai's worried eyes came to his mind, reminding him that Sai was nervous about his time running out. Was that true? It couldn't be… already Sai had gotten the chance to come back twice… three lives to play Go at.

"Shindo-kun?" A voice called out, breaking him from the moment of paralysis. That was when the fear, the anger, the hurt… all of it started to touch him.

'SAI!?" He thought angrily, the hands at his side turning into fists. 'Move!' The pale ghost acted as if he'd heard nothing, his serious eyes gazing into Touya-meijin's eyes as if the other man could see him there as well.

"Hey, sit down…" Another man muttered, looking vaguely worried at the timing passing.

'…Sai…'

"What's wrong, Shindo-kun?" Touya's father looked away from where Sai was sitting, his eyes looking instead to where Hikaru was. The boy was the only one who saw the pained understanding that came into Sai's strange blue/violet eyes. He was the only one who felt his heart clench at the sight, an inner battle starting to take place within him.

'I'm sorry Hikaru… I just sat down…' His apology was probably what clinched it.

'Sai?' But if he could have been truthful with himself, Hikaru would have known all along that it would come down to this…He would return to supporting Sai's shadow. Touya, Akira who he knew was watching… well… Hikaru would have to wait longer to show him his real self…his real strength. Still, he looked at Touya-meijin's face as he sat down, trying to find something, anything to make it so he could play and not Sai. 'Don't start whining now. I'm about to play a game. I understand your feelings but… but…yeah…Its true that an opportunity like this is rare…' He sighed, turning to see Sai who was facing the wall. The ghost was trying so hard to not show his emotions. But years of living together had taught Hikaru something and that was that no matter what was going on, Sai could never truly hide what he felt from him. They were too connected by now. He looked at the Go stones. He didn't want to deal with being the center of attention again when it wasn't him that had this talent… if only…if only. 'Sai…would you be willing to play with an even greater handicap…' He didn't even have time to finish his thoughts as the ghost turned to face him.

'I'll play like that!'

What he didn't know was that during all this, not only had Touya come to see him but so had Ogata-sensei, Kuwabara-sensei, Ochi-kun and more importantly, Waya. Waya had come in with Ochi, talking to him about when they were scheduled to play and hoping that his nerves weren't showing. He was happy for Shindo but worried about him at the same time and not knowing why he was worried for him at all. Who the hell would have guessed that Shindo would get his wish so early in his career of playing someone like Touya-meijin? It was just too unbelievable. Sometimes, Waya thought that Shindo had a strong case of good luck. Or bad… he wasn't quite sure which yet.

His worry for the boy turned to outright shock and surprise as he saw who else was there to watch the game. Ochi seemed just as worried and behind his glasses, the boy's eyes seemed to even reflect fear.

"Who is this Shindo?" He asked as the two listened in on the older men's conversations. The question startled Waya, who sat back huffing a sigh.

"He's our classmate, our rival… and our friend." He finally answered. There was nothing more to add. That was who Shindo was. As he looked back at the two men, he wondered what it was that they saw in Shindo that he and his friends hadn't seen yet. He'd known for awhile that Ogata-sensei was interested in Shindo… but…

Waya shook his head and was surprised once more when the door opened again to reveal Touya, Akira who greeted Ochi with a slight surprised but nevertheless polite greeting. As Waya watched the other pro, he wondered idly if Touya was surprised because of Ochi's presence or by the other two men's presence. "You know Touya?" Waya whispered to Ochi trying to find some semblance of normal in this event that was already twisting out to be rather strange. He wished Isumi was here with them so that someone rational could explain what the hell was going on. That was before he heard Touya stammer… the arrogant brat actually stammered that he was interested in Shindo's skills. He'd never heard this kid stammer before much less pronounce that he had interest in anybody else's skill before! It was true that Shindo had said that Touya thought of him as a rival but…Shindo had been so bad at that point. His Go level so low. It couldn't have been true, could it?

This was going to be an interesting game. That would hopefully bring about some answers that made his friend who he had become accustomed to into a strong stranger that Waya was now certain he had never quite known.

…

Omi was let into Waya's apartment hours later. His smile faltered slightly as he took in the younger boy's appearance. Waya looked tired and angry about something as far as Omi could tell. He also looked a bit paler than the last time he had seen him.

"Have I come at a bad time?" He asked as the door was closed behind him. Waya shook his head mutely before giving a sigh.

"Sorry Omi. It's just that the Beginner Dan Games have started and Shindo…" He paused to see if the older boy remembered the other Go pro player's name. At Omi's nod, Waya continued. "It was his game today and…" Again, the redhead trailed off, a frown making his eyebrows furrow together. "…Shindo seems a bit shaken by it. He's here. I hope you don't mind." Omi shook his head.

"Of course not. Are you sure you don't mind that I'm here? We could…" His attempt was futile though as Waya waved it away.

"Maybe a new face will get Shindo to snap out of it. I don't know why he's so upset anyway… he was bound to lose against the Meijin. We'll all lose in the beginner Dan series… the older pros would die before letting us win."

"Oh." Omi agreed quietly. He'd look up what entailed the beginner dan series later, when he was back home. The two stepped into the main room where an even younger looking boy was sitting on the floor, his head lowered as his green eyes focused on the carpet. Omi was only partly surprised to see that the boy's bangs were dyed blond. A lot of kids in his school had dyed their hair as it was a new fashion. He'd never seen someone with only part of their hair dyed though.

"Hey Shindo. This is Omi. I tutor him in Go." The boy snapped his head up and looked not to where Omi was standing but to his side with a slight hurt look. Waya gave his head a slight shake and gave Omi a sideways glance that seemed to promise an explanation for the behavior later. Shindo finally looked to Omi and gave a half grin.

"Hi."

"Hi. It's nice to meet you." Omi greeted the other boy politely.

"Sit… sit…" Waya urged. "I'm gonna go get some soda and then we can play a game or do whatever."

"Sounds good to me." The Weiss member was left to comment at Waya's words as Shindo looked back down. He wasn't sure what to do or say next though as the redhead left him alone with the younger boy. Omi soon found out that it didn't matter.

"So…How's Waya as a teacher and all?" Shindo asked, after shaking his head.

"Good." Omi answered quickly, relieved that the uncomfortable silence was broken. The younger boy nodded and then gave a grin that could only be described as either impish or mischievous.

"I hope you realize that if you want to play a real go player… I'm the one to come to. And oh!" The boy exclaimed so fast that he didn't let Omi have the time to comment. "HEY WAYA! HOW GOOD IS THIS KID ANYWAY?" He yelled out to the other room. A rather annoyed looking Waya came in, juggling three cold cans of soda in his hands.

"You don't have to yell. I'm not deaf. And Omi is right in front of you he can tell you as well as I can how good he is. God knows you let me know where you stand each time I see you." Waya muttered much like an old man would rather than a teenager. "And if he couldn't tell you then test him by playing against him." Shindo's eyes got big and his mouth opened and then closed without even having a sound come out of it.

"Uh…" Omi said intelligibly. Shindo snorted.

"Waya, you're grumpy today." And with that said, the younger boy reached for the goban and moved it so it was between him and Omi. Then he took a handful of stones in one hand and placed his fistful on the board, his eyes challenging Omi in a way that surprised him. Not even Waya's eyes got like this. Though he often felt that Waya held back a little when he played him. He felt a chill but dutifully as he was watched by his 'sensei', Omi began to play.

An hour later…

Omi sat back with his head literally aching. Shindo hadn't held back at all and he was vicious when he played.

"And so, what do you think?" Waya asked the younger boy quietly, a slight smile on his face.

"Good. But his defenses are his weak point. You attack too much Omi. Like right here." Shindo pointed to a corner that had been at one point Omi's territory. "Instead of making sure I couldn't win this back someway, you concentrated your efforts on attacking me for this small part. And at this star…" Waya chuckled at Omi's widening eyes. He'd gotten a good lesson with some valuable experience and one heck of a surprise. Inwardly, Waya sighed with relief. Omi had been the best distraction from whatever Shindo had been moping on. "Hmm… think we should take him to the Go Salons with us and play as teams again?" The question was surprising and Waya couldn't help flinch at the suggestion as it reminded him too much of Isumi.

"I don't see why not but… Omi should probably work out some of his weaknesses before we bring him to play with us." Omi nodded quickly. The poor guy. He probably thought that everyone at the Go Salon they'd go to would have Shindo's skill for doing the most unpredictable moves. He'd have to let him know later though that Shindo was an oddity… even for the Go world. He let his chin rest in his hand and regarded the two other boys in front of him. Shindo stretched back, a lazy grin playing on his lips with a look of satisfaction clearing his wide eyes from the darkness that had been in them before. That look didn't stay too long though as the boy lost his balance and fell promptly backwards with a little undignified squeak. His one hand knocked into the book shelf that had been hastily placed there when Waya had moved in making several books fall from it. Omi made no noise but moved even before all of what had happened could even start being processed in Waya's startled brain. In no time the small blond was at his friend's side looking down at him with wide blue eyes.

"Are you ok?" Omi asked gently, grasping Shindo's elbow slowly and pulling the other boy up. Shindo made a face as his free hand went and started rubbing the back of his head.

"Owwie…" Was Omi's answer. Waya blinked. And then shook his head.

"Then again…" He started dryly, making the other two look at him. "Maybe we should just not go because you're an embarrassment." Shindo stopped rubbing his head to shake his fist towards Waya's general direction. "Klutz."

"Grrr…"

"I take it you're ok." Omi sighed with relief and some amusement before letting go of the elbow he'd been holding. He turned to look at the book shelf and winced in dismay at the pile of books and papers that had been knocked loose. "Were they in any particular order?" Omi asked without even looking back at Waya. Waya who was being distracted by Shindo's growling was startled into answering…

"Huh? Oh… no."

"Good." Omi picked at the first book and started to put it back. Shindo stuck his tongue out at Waya one last time before turning around to help Omi with putting things back in order. Waya was going to join them but was stopped as Omi pointed out that they were almost done and that the area around the book shelf was simply not big enough for the three of them. At a bit of a loss, Waya sat back and decided to just enjoy lazing around for a few minutes.

Hikaru grabbed the last book and was startled at having a picture fall out of it. He reached for it and felt Omi freeze behind him. "Waya…" Hikaru muttered, ignoring Sai's advice about just putting it back where it belonged. "Is this you and your family?" He was curious. He'd never seen Waya's family or even heard them mentioned. Waya sat up from his slouched position and motioned for Hikaru to bring it over. The redhead's face darkened visibly as he took the picture from Hikaru's hands. He gave one curt nod.

"Your brother…?" It was Omi who spoke. Hikaru was at a loss of words. He'd never seen Waya look like that before. The redhead gave a wry smile.

"Don't tell me." He said softly. "You're a soccer fan." Waya flicked an imaginary dust off the picture. Omi shook his head.

"No." He started carefully. "But my friend is." He paused. "I'm sorry." Hikaru was even more confused than he had been before but this time he didn't even need Sai to tell him not to meddle. He knew better.

"Eh. Whatever. It happened a long time ago." Waya shrugged. He saw Hikaru's confusion and decided to take pity on the kid. "My brother, Ken, was a professional soccer player. He died a couple years back in an unexplainable accident." Hikaru blinked and opened his mouth to say something… anything. But nothing came out. Waya looked at the picture for awhile, refusing to look at Omi's or Hikaru's face. "He was…" Waya's voice trailed off. "…perfect." It was probably one of those times that should have been followed by silence but Waya's face, reflecting a grieving that he had probably never allowed himself to show, struck something inside of Hikaru and so he spoke up without thinking.

"You're perfect!" He blushed as the words came out of his mouth but he knew he wouldn't take them back for the life of him. Waya's head snapped up and he laughed. It was short, strange kind of laugh but it was a laugh never the less.

"I should write that on the calendar." Waya muttered. "Shindo, Hikaru has finally admitted that I am superior." Hikaru made a face. "Come on… I don't have anything left in my fridge. How about we go out to eat?" Omi smiled, face a bit strained. "You too. And don't even think about saying no." He muttered quickly as he saw Omi about to say something. The boy blinked and then nodded. Hikaru smiled and got up, glad the moment was over.

"Ramen?" He asked hopefully.

"Hell no! Sushi!"

"RAMEN!"

"Are you deaf Shindo? I said SUSHI!" The three of them left the apartment in a hurry and this time it wasn't just Sai alone who noticed as Waya secretly placed the photo in his back pocket and how his hand lingered there for a minute too long. This time, Omi did as well.

A/N- To be continued