Lying on his stomach with his muzzle propped upon a set of crossed paws, Xander contemplated the possible consequences of his actions. Aside from being totally insane, there was the distinct likelihood of this German shepherd winding up with a mouth full of broken teeth. Plus, Selina was sure to yell at him.

Didn't matter. No Jim Croce fan could ever pass up the opportunity to do this, despite the rock singer/songwriter who'd died much too early in 1973 sternly warning against what Xander was planning for today in Metropolis' Middle Park.

Swoosh!

Swoosh? What da swoosh? Who be doin' the swoosh-?

Just then, someone landed lightly overhead onto the temporary stage floor above Xander's position where he was lurking among the platform's underpinnings, accompanied by the sudden loud cheers of the crowd beyond in front of the canvas skirt shielding the dog from anyone's sight. Well, anyone not having X-ray vision, but Xander doubted a just-arrived Superman would particularly care about a stray dog napping under the stage.

Taking a deep breath, Xander got up on all four feet and poked his muzzle through the slit where two ends of the canvas met on the opposite side from the crowd. Seeing nobody at the moment behind the stage, Xander squirmed completely out from under the platform, only to turn around in a half circle and look up at the backs of several people standing there a few feet higher than the dog.

Xander didn't pay any attention to the mayor about to hand Superman yet another award for saving the city from its latest attack by the villain of the month. Instead, the dog's monochromatic gaze was intently fixed upon a long, gray article of clothing invitingly dangling just a leaping length away-

Accepting the award, Superman felt an instant later the utterly unexpected sensation of an actual tug on his cape.

Watching how a large dog had just jumped upwards from behind the stage and grabbed with its teeth Superman's cape to then continue to hang from there while giving off playful growls and twisting from side to side like this animal was enjoying a mock tug-of-war, the park crowd went completely silent. Except, no more than a second afterwards, everyone witnessing the ridiculous scene quickly burst into a communal roar of mirth. Jimmy Olsen, who'd been glumly on hand to take pictures of another boring ceremony, was himself whooping with glee while snapping off numerous camera shots. This was Daily Planet front page stuff, for sure!

Even Superman was chuckling. Handing back the award to a guffawing mayor, the Man of Steel carefully reached behind and got hold of both the dog and his cape this canine still refused to let go. Speaking as sternly as he could manage in between his own laughter, Superman ordered the dog now cradled in his arms, "Down, boy! Didn't your owner teach you not to jump on people?"

Xander promptly stopped chomping onto the cape. Luckily, rather than being so hard that his fangs would've shattered on it, this Kryptonian fabric consisting of the baby blankets placed in Kal-El's rocket ship and rewoven by Ma Kent into Superman's costume including his cape was flexible enough that it merely gave way without any damage under Xander's bite. Acting exactly like the canine he was supposed to be, Xander next gave Superman a slobbering lick on the man's classical chin.

Even more hilarity was felt by the crowd witnessing this last, so much that some of them were and holding their ribs aching from all the entertainment they were having today. However…

Among all the delighted noise, a woman's furious shout cut through this like a knife slicing an apple in half with one quick slash: "XANDER!"

The dog he was holding produced a worried whimper, ears flattening out in equal anxiety. Looking down in surprise at this animal, Superman's attention was then caught by a young lady steamrollering her way through the crowd. Prudently deciding not to get in the way, a Smallville native bent over and put the dog on the stage floor at the same time the female newcomer stepped up onto the platform. Marching towards where what was apparently her dog was trying to inconspicuously slink off into the other direction, that woman dropped to her knees and seized hold of the dog's ears with both of her hands.

Using just enough force to wrench up his head to look the German shepherd right in the eye, the beautiful owner began to scold him in baby talk: "Mumsie-wumsie's doggie has been very, very naughty! Xander Cuddles should know better than that! Diddums even miss me a little when you ran off earlier after that stuck-up poodle? You keep acting like this, it's snip-snip-snip time at Doctor Morton's office!"

Almost as if he'd understood every word of this, the dog abruptly crossed his rear legs. Virtually every guy in the crowd felt like imitating the canine.

Even Superman. There were certain things common to the masculine gender throughout the entire universe. Trying not to do this in a high-pitched squeak, the Metropolis Marvel cleared his throat.

Getting back up onto her feet while taking hold with a firm grip her dog's collar, the woman sent a dazzling smile at both Superman and the mayor plus every other flunky there with the humans in the main as a result straightening their spines, brushing back what hair they had, and sucking in stomachs. A throaty coo then was uttered by her to no one in particular, "Thank you so much! I'll be going now, me and Xander Cuddles!"

Sure enough, the woman then left the stage, dragging the dog after herself, all without ever revealing her name. She and this animal soon departed from sight by a side path taking them directly away from the crowd. As long as the unknown woman was in view, though, the majority of this throng wearing long pants watched with interest how her fashionably tight spring outfit stretched across this woman's fit rear. When she and her pet finally vanished among the park foliage, the ceremony started all over again, with the mayor once more presenting Superman with the city's award only this time a bit more absently.

For some reason, the hero of the day on the stage was also acting in a manner suggesting he was also thinking of something else. No, not that! Rather, Superman was trying to absorb what he'd just caught via his super-hearing in the direction of where that beautiful woman had gone.

Instead of someone's feminine voice speaking, a definitely indignant male had complained, "Xander Cuddles?! And if you ever threaten me in public with neutering again, Selina, I'm gonna shed five pounds of fur in one go right onto your best little black dress!"

Ummm… Superman mentally went over his calculations again. No, it couldn't be. Mr. Mxyzptlk wouldn't pay another of his irritating visits from that imp's fifth dimension home for at least another two months, so there had to be some other explanation for this minor bout of weirdness today for Superman.

After all, without the possibility of actual magic, there was no such thing as a talking dog…

Author's Note: Besides such rock standards as 'Time in a Bottle' and 'Bad, Bad Leroy Brown', Jim Croce penned in 1972 the refrain for his tune 'You Don't Mess Around With Jim':

You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim

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