"The best way out is always through."
~ Robert Frost
Solas sat with his hands clasping his knees, facing a subdued Cole when Evelyn walked into the room followed closely by Varric.
"Solas?" she called out quietly.
"Come in," he invited them.
"What's going on?" she asked gently, pulling another chair up to them.
"It seems to be as I suspected. His claim to a physical form has begun to take a toll on him."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Try to imagine this: a person who is unable to differentiate between his own emotions and another person's emotions, feeling everything with the same intensity."
"But I thought Cole always did that," Varric noted. "I even asked him that."
"Yes, but Cole was able to delve into these emotions from a spirit's neutral and centered perspective."
"And the difference now?…"
"He is experiencing his own emotions—not that he did not before, but until recently his emotions manifested themselves always in response to the feelings, reactions, and needs of others."
"Denser, heavier, the air is no longer light on me," Cole told her.
"What was the final decision at the War Table after Varric and I left?" Solas asked.
Evelyn exchanged glances with Varric.
"Josephine believes one of her contacts, a Rivaini noble, might be able to obtain an amulet for us."
"How soon?" he pressed.
"The contact is already in Ferelden. If she is able to help us, then we should hear back by the end of the week." She hesitated, turning her eyes back to Cole. "Otherwise, we will have to send agents on a much longer mission… to Rivain."
"There was water and there was wind, but now I cannot tell which one makes the ripples. There is nothing but myself, and I tire of my words," he said listlessly.
"It is my hope that the matter is settled soon," Solas continued. "Cole is vulnerable," he revealed.
Evelyn turned to him with surprise.
"I thought you said—"
"That Cole will be bound by blood magic is highly unlikely, provided he stay at Skyhold until the amulet is found…That is not the vulnerability I was alluding to," he explained with an edge of impatience. "He is vulnerable to himself. To his own intense emotions."
"I do not want to be bound. I do not want to be lost. It is not why I am here, or why I came," he said passionately. The feelings come and go, but never leave, the only things changing are the reasons for it. Same face, different names."
Evelyn faced Cole.
"We are doing our best to get you that amulet as soon as we can so that you don't have to suffer any further. But in the meantime there are two things we can do."
Varric wondered what she was getting at and saw that Solas appeared intrigued as well.
"The first is the obvious one: we keep you and the Venatori away from each other. The second thing," she leaned forward. "Is teach you that emotions are just part of being alive. You'll have to do your best to understand them…and cope with them."
"Untidy, the colors and edges bleed into each other, fade and change," he murmured. "How do you do it?" he asked. "What do you do with it all?"
"That's the trick, isn't it?" she told him, not without sympathy. "Because we all deal with our feelings differently, especially when they overwhelm us." She looked up and indicated the dwarf. "Varric is worried about you. Do you know how he handles his unease?"
Both Cole and Solas glanced in his direction.
"He tries to make light of it."
Varric snorted slightly.
"There's an expression, Cole: to keep your demons at bay. It's a figure of speech for some, but can have a literal meaning for mages…and spirits…You and me…The expression is usually preceded by some kind of action. For example, when she is distraught, or angry, Leliana prays. She has conversations and even arguments with the Maker, as if she were standing before him. And Dorian…he quiets down his anxieties with knowledge; he pores through books seeking answers, solutions, and power. Cassandra writes reports and detailed accounts after difficult missions. She argues they are necessary records for posterity, but I believe the process of collecting her thoughts helps her acknowledge her grief and her doubts… We do all these things to keep ourselves moving forward. But I don't need to tell you all this: you have seen this for yourself. You know each one of us well. You know the machinations we put ourselves through." She sat up. "What I am trying to say is: you have watched us, so do what we do." She reached over, taking his fine, pale hands in hers and wondering at them— hands that he'd conjured out of sheer will when he crossed from the Fade: the hands of a young man containing an old spirit. "Keep your demons at bay," she repeated pointedly.