"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
Mother Night ~ Kurt Vonnegut
"You're not going to try and wedge that in there, are you? It is crowded inside as it is," Solas remarked to Varric.
"Bianca goes where I go." At least I committed to one of them, he concluded.
"It would be far more comfortable if you put your crossbow with the rest of the cargo," he insisted.
"Like you did with your staff?" Varric pointed at the slender staff, artful woodwork encapsulating a spherical crystal at the top.
"My staff is hardly cumbersome," the elf declared, trying to make it lean against the carriage's seat without slipping forward.
Varric had climbed up and was perched on the carriage's doorstep, positioning himself to enter.
"Are you insinuating Bianca is? Because if you are, you should know she doesn't take lightly to—"
He was interrupted by a light whack to the back of his head. Turning his head over his shoulder, he found himself eye level with the brim of Cole's impractical hat.
"Pack it or lose it, Kid," Varric pointed at him.
He noticed Cole's daggers were securely sheathed over his back. He frowned. Knowing Evelyn, she, too, would be bringing her staff.
It was going to be uncomfortably crowded.
"Hope this isn't a bumpy ride or we'll all end up impaling ourselves," he grumbled, watching Cole's hat become wedged between the threshold, preventing his entrance.
When Evelyn arrived, she balked.
"Cullen, this is tiny."
"It is deliberately so— it shouldn't draw attention."
"Or transport passengers!" she teased. "Are Leliana's operatives feisty young children these days?"
Cullen crossed his arms over his armored chest. He had an idea of where the argument was going.
"It might be better if I ride my horse—"
"Out of the question."
"But I can resume light activity now."
"Only you would think riding down the Frostback Mountains was 'light activity.'"
Varric peered out.
"Curly!" he called.
To Cullen's great irritation, he found himself looking up and responding to the nickname. "I can ride in front with the coachman. Solas, Cole, and I can take turns." Evelyn and Cullen exchanged glances considering the suggestion.
"That sounds reasonable to me," she agreed, trying to figure out if she could lay her staff down alongside the bottom of the overstuffed seat. Varric circled the carriage and securing his footing on the wheel, hauled himself up to the front bench beside the coachman, a dwarf he recognized from his forays into the stables.
"Varric Tethras," he nodded.
"Grurin Odar," he returned the greeting amiably. "I actually look forward to having some company," he grinned.
"Well, I can tell you right now, I'll be the best company out of the other two," Varric warned him, placing Bianca behind his legs.
Cullen watched the carriage pull out of the front gate and addressed the soldiers riding in their detail. They had allowed their charge to get a slight head start down the busy bridge.
"Stay close and remain watchful of unusual activity."
"Yes, Commander. We will travel on the main roads—it will add a few hours to the trip, but we won't be isolated."
Cullen pat the horse's rump vigorously and waved them off.
He felt the corner of his lips edge up into a small grin as he remembered the furtive kiss she had graced him with before her departure. She had left him with plenty to do, including briefing his second-in-command on the strategies and contingency plans for leading the battalion they would have to station near the Winter Palace. Evelyn had joked that his most daunting task while she was away would be convincing Cassandra to keep the appointment for her fitting at the tailor's atelier that afternoon.
It's not too far from the truth, he sighed.
The ride had become easier once they descended the mountains and rode over flat ground. They overnighted at a small village north of the foot of the mountain, a few miles shy of the Imperial Highway. It had been a thankfully uneventful trip so far, she found, except for the bickering between Varric and Solas anytime Cole sat up front with the coachman. The argument had been over the usual: Cole. Both men argued passionately for what they believed was best for him.
"He's become more human because he is human!"
"Cole is a spirit. Any pretension otherwise would be unwise and dangerous. One cannot go against one's essence and nature without consequences."
"Being human is part of his nature."
"He looks human, but that doesn't mean he is—"
They kept interrupting each other, reacting to the same old statements. Evelyn had braced herself, a dull ache radiating over her torso. It didn't hurt as much as before, but she definitely felt sore. She realized it was almost time for another dose of her medicine and wished, at that particular moment, she could gulp it down with something stronger than water.
"I don't expect you to understand the subtle nature of spirits—"
"No offense taken," Varric spread his hands out annoyedly. "I know you are the resident expert and I often wonder myself if you are really among the realm of the living—"
"That's unnecessary!"
"I call it like I see it," Varric shrugged.
Evelyn inhaled deeply and tilted her head back, shutting her eyes, the carriage jostling rhythmically over the road.
Maker…
Elven handiwork, Evelyn guessed, as they rode past two large stone sentinels: a woman wielding a bow and another woman, horns sprouting from her temples.
"Andruil and Ghilan'nain," Solas told them in a hushed voice.
They had reached a crossroads— further down from it sprawled a roadside trading post complete with makeshift docks in a picturesque inlet in the Waking Sea. It was an ideal place for merchants to meet before or after a Val Royeaux visit, she noted, glimpsing the various caravans transporting chests and barrels. Along the entrance to the inlet, smaller groups of soldiers, likely mercenaries hired by guilds, kept a watchful eye out for trouble. Dinghies launching off the coast with cloaked passengers made her wonder what kind of underhanded trades were unfolding around them. An old, rustic mill house sat farther down the hill alongside a brook swiftly running downwards to meet the sea, a large wheel turning with the rush of the water. That far down the mountain range the air felt warmer and the late afternoon sun made the sea shimmer in the distance.
"What's your business?" an armored guard asked the head of their detail.
"Just giving the horses a rest," he stated nonchalantly. The guard had given the carriage the once-over and after peering through the window, snickered. "Sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn't it? A mage, an elf, and a dwarf…"
"I don't get paid to ask questions." He shrugged. "You know how it is."
"Aye. The trough is just at the foot of the hill," he indicated, pointing ahead. "The tavern serves dinner and is open until late, but doesn't rent rooms. If you need to overnight—"
"We won't be long. We need to reach our destination before nightfall," he explained, waving in thanks as they slowly rolled into the clearing the guard had directed them to. She, Varric, and Solas exited the carriage, taking in their surroundings.
"We'll meet back here in a half hour," Evelyn informed the coachman and the detail. Three people should guard the carriage and watch the horses at all times," she told them while glancing about her mistrustfully.
"Yes, In—" the soldier was cut off with a cautious look from his colleagues."—Deed!" the soldier quickly amended, to their relief.
"Ah, traders' crossroads! A cutthroat's delight," Varric chuckled. He pat his crossbow. "Bianca and I have so many fond memories…"
Solas watched Cole, who surveyed the area as if in a slight daze.
"Anything, Cole?"
He turned, seeking to follow an unheard beckoning. His legs carried him up a hill, in a strange trance, a certainty that was not his guiding him further. The others followed him closely, watching him climb the steep hill. As the hill crested, a large, imposing stone dragon sat in an endless vigil among the mundane detritus of everyday trade: stacks of lumber piled carelessly alone the edge of the hill, a few mossy slabs of stone, their ropes still tightly binding them, and broken crates littering the ground. Beneath the solitary dragon, two men appeared engaged in hushed negotiations. One was a dwarf in unidentified armor and the second was a dandyish sort, Evelyn found, in a turban and trimmed fleece lining the leatherwork over his mail amor. They caught the end of their conversation.
"Yea, this should get me through the month," the man had said gruffly.
The men were distracted by their approach. He had turned to meet their figures emerging over the hill. He raised his gloved hand to the dwarf.
"Give me a moment," he asked, before heading towards them. "Greetings," he called out dryly. "Can I help you?"
The dwarf slipped away.
"You," Cole rasped with an animosity she had never witnessed in him before.
She felt a shiver run down her spine and wordlessly gripped her staff. The man balked and in a blink, Cole had breached the distance between them, stepping out of a black cloud, marching towards him threateningly. In less than an instant, he had the man cowering on his knees, hands raised in a frightened cringe, held down by his forceful grip.
"You killed me!" Cole accused, his voice suffused with anger.
"What?" the man waved his hands defensively. "I don't…I don't even know you!" he argued, perplexed.
Upon closer inspection, Evelyn noticed threadbare spots on the man's clothing, missing fingers on his once-fine leather gloves. The pearl earring dangling from his ear must not have been worth much, or it would have been long gone by then.
"You forgot. You locked me in the dungeon, in the Spire, and you forgot, and I died in the dark!" Cole spat, as his eyes glistened darkly.
Evelyn watched Solas and Varric approach hurriedly.
"The Spire?" the man uttered slowly.
"Cole, stop," Solas ordered firmly.
At the sound of his voice, Cole released the man from his grasp. He scrambled onto his feet and scurried away, terrified.
Cole began to follow him, his steps heavy, his expression hardened, until Varric stepped onto his path.
"Just take it easy, Kid," he appealed.
"He killed me!" Cole shouted, his finger pointing in the direction the man had run off to. "He killed me. That's why it doesn't work. He killed me, and I have to kill him back!"
Evelyn's eyes widened.
"If he killed you…wouldn't you be dead?" she attempted to reason with him.
"Cole," Solas intervened again, "this man cannot have killed you. You are a spirit. You have not even possessed a body."
Cole turned away from them, his body taut and ready to spring forward.
"A broken body, bloody, banged on the stone cell, guts gripping in the dark dank, a captured apostate."
Evelyn's hand flew up to cover her mouth. He wasn't channeling nearby thoughts, she realized. He was remembering.
A captured apostate. Fewer things instilled as much fear in the hearts of people. Maker have mercy.
Cole continued shakily.
"They threw him into the dungeon in the Spire at Val Royeaux. They forgot about him."
Varric stared down solemnly.
"He starved to death."
She met with Solas' grave eyes and furrowed brow.
A horrible, painful death, Evelyn thought. Inhumane.
"I came through to help…and I couldn't," he confessed. "So I became him. Cole," he completed sadly.
Such suffering would have rippled into the Fade. It always does— all the deep, intense feelings experienced here do that.
Varric addressed them warily.
"If Cole was an apostate, that'd make the guy we just saw a templar," he concluded. "Must've been buying lyrium."
"Let me kill him," Cole said, his voice tremulous with rage. "I need to…I need to."
Evelyn felt her heart tighten. This is dangerous. Cole is so close to igniting into something terrible, succumbing to this rage, to this grief. It will find an outlet, even if it consumes him.
Cole wandered off, his gaze affixed to a narrow dirt path.
"Solas?" she asked nervously.
"We cannot let Cole kill the man!" he said sternly.
"I don't think anyone was going to suggest that, Chuckles," Varric censured him.
"Cole is a spirit. The death of the real Cole wounded him, perverted him from his purpose. To regain that part of himself, he must forgive," Solas emphasized.
Varric grimaced skeptically.
"Come on! You don't just forgive someone killing you."
"You don't," Solas countered. "A spirit can."
"Varric?" Evelyn urged him to continue.
"The Kid's angry. He needs to work through it," he justified.
"A spirit does not work through emotions. It embodies them," Solas interrupted.
"But he isn't a spirit, is he? He made himself human, and humans change. They get hurt, and they heal." Varric paused, collecting his thoughts. "He needs to work it out as a person."
Solas remained undaunted.
"You would alter the essence of what he is?"
"He did that to himself when he left the Fade. I'm just helping him survive it," he concluded defiantly.
Evelyn raised both her hands in an attempt to appease them both.
"Before I decide anything, I need a clearer picture of what happened."
Solas nodded.
"It seems the real Cole was an apostate, captured and taken to the Circle by templars."
"Who aren't known for their gentle nature…" Varric observed.
"As the young man starved to death in a dungeon, his pain caught the attention of a spirit…Likely one of compassion."
Evelyn's eyes widened.
Of course! He is sensitive to the pain evinced in others.
"Compassion?" Varric asked doubtfully.
"An uncommon spirit, certainly…And all too fragile, when its efforts to help proved to be in vain."
She raised her eyes towards Cole's figure, moving forwards in the near distance.
"There is only one way to resolve this," she declared, walking decisively towards him.
A/N: A longer chapter mostly because it features so much dialogue from the game. I always feel like that's a little too easy, as much as I like to use these milestone scenes to keep my plots moving along.
I have to say, I've met some of the nicest, coolest people thanks to this story. Thank you for your support and for sharing your thoughts. This exchange we have here is its own special kind of alchemy. ;-)
We're getting close to a resolution, which is great and a little sad for me...but we're not there yet! Still plenty to be told/resolved.
In the meantime, be well and walk in sunshine!