Thursday 11:43 am

Mount Sinai Hospital

Beckett stood outside the door and fixed a smile on her face. She certainly hoped it looked better than it felt, because the smile felt forced and artificial. She opened the door and walked into Esposito's private room. The curtain around his bed was drawn back, and she saw the bed had been raised to put him into a sitting position. He was lying there contemplating a food tray. He looked up, smiled, and called "Hey, Jefe!"

"Hey, Javi. What's for lunch?"

"Jello, jello, and more jello." He pronounced it 'hello'. He turned his face up as Beckett reached the bed. She bent down, gave him a kiss on the lips, then an awkward hug which put her left cheek on his left cheek, her face in the pillow. She held the hug for several seconds, then straightened up. Grabbed his hand in hers. Then, as she had planned, she shifted her gaze down to the bottom of the bed, to where his right leg and foot should have been. She stared down there for several seconds, then back up again to his face. Her eyes were filled with sorrow and regret. She squeezed his hand.

Esposito flashed a small smile. "Thank you." He squeezed back.

"For what?"

"For looking. Ryan was here for an hour this morning, and refused to look below my chin. I felt like a naked chick in a monastery."

"Esposito! That comment is so wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin."

"Oh, well, I'm going to blame the drugs. How are you doing?"

"Me? I'm not the one lying in a hospital bed with morphine and plasma dripping into him."

"Maybe not, but Hey! I still look good. No offense, boss, but you look like shit."

"Offense taken. Keep it up and I'll bring in my book of short jokes."

"Didn't you hear? New prosthetics. In three months I'm going to be seven feet tall."

"Yeah? On one side? How would that work for you?" She squeezed his hand again. "Seriously, Javi, how much did they have to take?"

"Kate, they saved the whole knee. If infection doesn't set in, I can start rehab in two weeks, and get fitted for new parts in two months, be back on the job in four." He tried to shift positions, and obviously felt a great deal of pain based on his intense grip on Beckett's hand. "You know, there was a guy who lost more in the Boston bombing, and he ran the entire marathon this year. And he was from Bah-ston. I figure this New York boy can do much better than that." It was an article of faith with Esposito that a Yankee fan would outshine a Red Sox fan in any endeavor.

"Esposito, you hate to run."

The door swung open, admitting two nurses, one young and pretty and the other obviously a veteran of many years. Esposito smiled at the younger one. "You need to bring in a chaperone now, Chica? What's wrong? Afraid you can't control yourself?"

In her driest voice, Beckett commented, "I seriously doubt that's what she's afraid of, Javier."

Both nurses smiled at her. The older one said, "We need to change Detective Esposito's dressings now. You can wait here or outside, your preference."

"Espo?"

He squeezed her hand again. "If you can stay, that'd be great, Beckett."

"Okay. I'll just wait in that chair." She walked over to it and sat. She quickly realized it had a recline feature, and just as quickly utilized it. She closed her eyes as they drew the drapes closed around Esposito's bed. She had started the day exhausted, and the crying jag downstairs had totally drained her. Maybe if she took a quick power nap . . .

A timeless span later, she heard the door swoosh open and Kevin and Jenny's voices greet Esposito. She thought, 'Oh good. I can tell Jenny congratulations and say hello' but, try as she might, she could not open her eyes. She could distinctly hear them talking, so she wasn't asleep, but she couldn't DO anything but lie there, so she wasn't awake. It was like she was in some strange twilight zone, an anti-fugue state. She got tired of trying to wake up, and decided to just relax and go with the flow, maybe get a couple more minutes of rest.

Esposito was whispering, "No, don't wake her. I don't think she's slept this week".

Jenny asked, "How long has she been here?"

"Almost an hour. We talked for awhile, then when the nurses came in she grabbed the chair."

Ryan asked, "How did she seem to you, partner?"

"She's Beckett. She's stepping up and taking the full weight. She's a mess."

"Javi, she had a complete meltdown in the lobby this morning. I've never seen anything like it. It was like watching Superman bleed or something."

Jenny said, "Well, think of what she must be going through. I hope she's as strong as you two have always been telling me."

"I don't know, Sweetie" Kevin responded, "You didn't see her. She still has do look forward to Castle's Mother and daughter who aren't even here yet, make the arrangements, all that stuff."

Esposito commented, "I've seen this in the service: Senior non-coms and officers that were involved in missions that were total clusters, where everything went wrong. The best ones always stepped up, always accepted the blame. Then, after the disaster, they had to answer a lot of questions from superiors and rear-echelon morons, and after that they still had to look forward to writing those letters. It broke a lot of good men. We even had a name for it. We'd say they 22'd."

"22?" asked Ryan, "like in caliber?"

"No, not caliber, like in the Psalm … you know, Psalm 22 … Old Testament Psalms … Hello? I thought you Irish kids went to church every Sunday."

"Hey, Pal, in our parish we read the weekly bulletin, the four gospels, and Saint Paul … in that order. What is Psalm 22?"

Jenny, in a small, tear-laden voice. "My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?"

"That's it."

Ryan whispered. "Jesus Christ." A long, heavy silence fell, broken by Ryan asking, "Did these Officers and non-coms recover?"

Esposito sighed. "A few." The silence was even longer and heavier.

Ryan's voice. "I'd like to help her, but I don't even know where to start. She can't even say his name aloud."

Jenny said, "Give her time, Kev. It's been less than a day. Does anybody know how the hearing went this morning?"

"Nope. I haven't heard yet."

"Me either. Hey, Ryan, when's your hearing?"

Jenny asked, "What hearing?"

Esposito whispered, "Uh-oh!"

"Honey, I was going to tell you later at the doctor's office. I, um, apparently screwed up last night."

A long, loud sigh from Jenny. "What happened?"

"Well, after the gunfight, the entire world showed up all at once. One minute we were all by ourselves, and the next minute the place was filled with firemen, ambulances, and cops. Apparently, Javi's boy Hernandez started screaming for the cavalry as soon as the shit hit the fan. We were getting Detective Loudmouth here and Castle to the ambulances when this IAD clown, Lieutenant Dou... er, Lieutenant Robinson tried to block Beckett from staying with Castle because he wanted a full debrief. Immediately. After finding Castle, Beckett wouldn't let go of him, just kept repeating 'I'm so sorry' over and over. She totally ignored this guy. When they were wheeling Castle out, the asshat actually tried to physically GRAB Beckett! So I, um, kind of handcuffed him to a fire truck."

"AFTER pulling your weapon on him."

"Esposito, can you keep your mouth shut for just one minute?"

"No."

"ANYWAY, Hernandez showed up here last night when Javier was still in surgery. He told me that the acoustics in that place were so bad, nobody heard Lieutenant Asshat yelling for help for over twenty minutes. Yeah, right! Gates told me last night that I was on desk duty until she could straighten it out." After a moment, Ryan continued. "Another strange thing Hernandez told me. He said, last night at the scene, Permlutter totally broke down. He was supposed to be taking measurements from around the blast site and where we found Castle, and they found him on his hands and knees bawling his eyes out. He couldn't get it together to work. They grabbed a Brooklyn ME and sent Permlutter home. I thought he and Castle hated each other."

Esposito chuckled and said, "Do you remember the time when those two old guys, identical twins, were both killed in that car wreck? And Castle kept sneaking into the morgue and switching the bodies, so Permlutter didn't know which one he was working on. The old Doc was SO mad. Lanie didn't stop laughing for weeks."

"Or the time" Ryan was adding enthusiastically "Permlutter created the Little Orphan Annie loop?"

Jenny sounded puzzled. "Little Orphan Annie?"

"You see, honey, there were these three college kids who decided to start this fight in this biker bar, with the inevitable results. One of the kids died in the hospital, and we caught the case. Permlutter was asked to recreate the scene digitally for court."

Esposito took up the tale. "So Permlutter, somehow, recreates the entire fight sequence. Then he photo-shopped Castle's face on the three vics."

Ryan chuckled. "THEN he photo-shopped Little Orphan Annie faces on to all the bikers. Must have taken him HOURS. So what he ended up with was a computer generated three minute video of a dozen leather-clad Little Orphan Annie's kicking the snot out of three preppy Castles. He showed it in the squad room. Everyone was in hysterics, especially Beckett. Castle was appalled. Permlutter kept telling him, 'The identities of the individuals is superfluous, Mr Castle, only the physical sequence of events is relevant.'"

Espo added, "Kevin and I used it as our screen saver for a month. Castle had to bribe us to take it down."

"Bribe you?"

"Yeah, remember that double date with Lanie and me when we had those floor-side seats when the Miami Heat came to town?"

Jenny's tentative, "Yeah?"

"Well, there you go."

"You guys can be so mean!"

"Don't worry, Honey, Castle gave as good as he got."

Esposito again. "When I close my eyes to picture Castle, I keep seeing him cowering in the break room after Beckett had booby-trapped the Espresso machine."

In a much more subdued voice, Ryan said "I keep seeing him ... yesterday." After a pause, he added "Ah, Honey? We need to go to your doctor's appointment soon. Do you want to use the rest room before we go?"

"I don't have to ... oh, okay. I'll just be a minute?"

"That'd be fine." After the sound of the bathroom door closing, Ryan asked "What?"

"Tell me what happened after I went down yesterday."

"I did."

"No. Tell me about Castle."

"Jesus, Javier. It wasn't pretty. Castle had followed us in, and was between the armored car and the wall near the guy I'd killed. When Kauthman came out with the shotgun, he yelled a warning to Beckett. Apparently, he picked up the 44 that my guy had dropped when I knocked him off the trailer. His first shot hit Kauthman, but didn't put him down. Kauthman got off the round that took you out, then Castle delivered the kill shot. When the shotgun started emptying its magazine, Castle took cover behind that big, rolling toolbox. Those assholes put a GRENADE as the last round in the shotgun. It flew under the trailer, and set off the Semtex and ammo for the recoilless rifle. Demming said the whole rig lifted off the ground three feet. The toolbox slammed into Castle, swatting him like a fly. He probably never felt a thing. He ended up right next to the door where we entered, thirty feet away."

Ryan could be heard sniffling. "He saved our asses, Javi. I was in front of the truck tire, or the shotgun blast that caught you would have knocked me out of operation, too. Beckett and Demming were exposed, and would have been stuck between the M16 and Kauthman."

"And Beckett?"

"She thought Demming had followed me, and was the one that took out the shotgun. When she realized it was Castle, she took off and ran THROUGH a bunch of unexploded and burning ammo. By the time I got over there, after the EMTs had arrived for you, she was sitting on the ground with Castle's head in her lap. His right side had been slightly burned, and he was bleeding pretty much from his left ear, but he was still breathing. She wasn't crying. She was rocking him like a baby, saying 'Sorry' and making shushing noises like she was putting him to sleep. It was ... it was ... heartbreaking."

They were quiet for a while, then Esposito said "Okay. Thanks."

The bathroom door opened. "Kevin, we have to go."

"Yeah, I know, just give me a sec. I'm going to hit the head real quick." The bathroom door swooshed again.

"Be good, Javier. Take those meds. It doesn't help anybody to lie there in pain."

"Yes, ma'am. Hey Jenny, with one thing and another, I haven't congratulated you yet. Way to go on numero dos. Is it going to be a boy or a girl?"

"It's a little early to tell. You can't see the boy parts until about month four or five."

"Well, he's Irish. It might not be until month seven."

"Javier Esposito! I love you dearly, but you can be so Neanderthal."

"Hey, maybe that's WHY you love me."

The bathroom door swooshed open again. "Why does she love you?"

"Hey, Kevin, we're talking about your next little bundle of joy. If it's a boy, you still thinking of calling some little Irish baby Javier?"

Jenny answered, tears in her voice again. "We were talking about that on the way here. We both like the name Richard."

"Rick is a good, strong name" Esposito responded, his voice quavering slightly. "Loyal. Smart."

The hallway door opened. "I'll see you later today, partner." The outer door closed.

Beckett, who'd been drifting in and out, hearing most but processing little of the conversation, thought 'That's a great name. Richard Ryan. Sounds like a Broadway actor.'

A short time later, she heard Esposito calling her. "Beckett! Hey, earth to Beckett. Wake up!"

Her eyes opened reluctantly, as if they'd been lightly glued shut. She looked around. Same room. Same Esposito. If possible, she felt worse than she did prior to her nap. She looked at the room's only other occupant. "Oh, sorry." She rubbed her face vigorously, removed some sleepers from her eyes, then extricated herself from the reclined chair. "What can I get you, Javi?"

"Well, for starters, you can stop snoring. If you could also reach my pitcher of ice chips, I'd appreciate it." He pointed to his rolling tray table, pushed out of his reach.

"Sure." She rolled the table in front of him. "And I don't snore."

"Beckett, everybody snores, and everybody denies snoring, like it's some god-awful thing." He'd poured his ice water, and was now staring intently at Beckett's eyes. "It's a condition of life. Everyone is born. Everybody pays taxes. Everybody dreams of sex. Everybody snores. Everybody dies."

The last two words had been said just a bit too casually. "Cut it out, Javi. Okay? Just don't. I'm not in the mood."

He nodded his head. "Okay. At least tell me how the hearing went today."

"It was a farce from beginning to end. The only ones that didn't really know what was going on were the three suspects and some desk jockeys. The other suspects had been cleared by that Justice lawyer, Miller. He'd have made a good homicide man."

"So? Who was it?"

"Oh, sorry. The detective out of Robbery, Boling. Demming found his prints where they shouldn't have been." Beckett made it sound like it wasn't a big deal.

"Great! Chalk up another win for Team Alpha."

"Is that your take away, Esposito? Another win for Team Alpha? I hate to break it to you, Buddy, but we got our asses handed to us."

"What are you talking about? Six guys including the mechanic involved, six taken down, and all within 24 hours." Esposito was still watching her intently.

She knew she was being goaded. Not just provoked, but provoked by an expert, one who knew her far too well. Still, she couldn't help herself. "Was it worth it, Javi? Was it?" She looked pointedly at his missing limb, and then back at Esposito. "You lost your leg. I lost … him."

Esposito's hand snaked out and grasped Beckett's thin wrist. "Say his name, Kate. Come on! SAY HIS NAME!"

"CASTLE, OKAY? RICHARD EDGAR CASTLE!" She had to look at the ceiling and take a second, to swallow back the tears. "Happy? His name was Rick! And now he's gone!"

"You do not have a monopoly on grief, Kate. We all loved him, and we'll all miss him. He was a great member of the team."

"A member of the … ?" Beckett was flabbergasted. "How can you even think that? He was so much more than JUST ONE OF US COPS. He was a GREAT MAN. We're all just a bunch of sewer workers, cleaning up the slime at the bottom of this cesspool. But he ... he changed lives! What's it matter what our team does, if we get a freaking win? There's always going to be another body. And another. And another. There's always going to be someone who kills because they weren't rich enough, or safe enough, or didn't get enough hugs as a child. Richard Castle made a difference in this world! What we SHOULD have been doing is protecting him. THAT was our job. Another win for Team Alpha? You know what? We're going to go down in history as the team that got Richard Castle killed!"

"Don't you DARE say that!" Beckett had seen Esposito pissed often, and occasionally angry. She never remembered seeing him enraged, and certainly never at her. "We DID change lives. We saved lives! Our team has done more than any other team in the history of the NYPD. We fought corruption and evil and wickedness, and we WON! If I die tomorrow, I die knowing I accomplished something in my life, because I was part of this team. YOUR team, Beckett! This is MY legacy, and I won't have you dismiss it because our last arrest went fubar.

Esposito was still yelling, but juxtaposed to his fury were the tears now coursing down his cheeks. "When I was in foster care, I thought I learned about how to be a man, but I was clueless. In Special Forces, I thought I learned about service and responsibility and how to depend on teammates and have them depend on you, but I didn't really know. You know WHO taught me those things? YOU DID!"

He grabbed her wrist and with both hands, pulling himself off the pillow "You and Castle and Ryan taught me how to be a part of something that was more than a bunch of people, more than a team. You taught me about love, and sacrifice, and family. You taught me that you don't fight evil with evil, you fight it right! By caring. By being more than you've ever been, because those that you love are counting on you. That you can count on others, and they won't let you down EVER, because they love you too. You guys have taught me every important lesson I've ever learned – what's important in life, and why. Castle knew it, too and BELIEVED it.. Just ONE OF US COPS? Damn straight. YOU better believe it."

The older nurse came in and half-shouted, "What in the world is going on in here? Miss, you let him go! Now, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Esposito let go of Beckett, and sank back into his pillow, panting. Beckett turned and walked past the nurse, who started fussing with Esposito's pillows. Beckett opened the door and held it, turning back to look at Esposito. "Hurry up and get better, Javi. They need you back on the job."

Even with the drugs and the pain and the roiling emotions, Esposito was far too good a detective to miss the use of the pronoun. 'They need you', not 'We need you'. He could hear the finality in her voice. Team Alpha was disbanded, his family broken. He looked up at the ceiling, coming to grips with his over-powering feeling of loss. Fresh tears glistened on his cheeks as he looked at Beckett and nodded. Message sent and received.

She returned the nod and turned to leave. From behind her she heard Esposito call in a loud voice through his tears, "Vaya con Dios, Katherine Beckett! God Bless You."

The door shut softly behind her.