Dearest Kate,

I love you.

It would be impossible to begin this letter any other way. For years, you have dominated my every thought, my every desire. Every time I've looked upon you, or heard your voice, or smelled your wonderful scent, that thought has overshadowed all others, saturating my heart. It is my first conscious thought when I awaken and my last warm sentiment when I drift off to sleep.

I love you.

Three small words. Eight letters. It is inconceivable that such an insignificant phrase can carry the weight, the depth, or the breadth of my devotion to you. To us. We have a love for the ages, one that poets should be immortalizing for years to come. You have completed me, just as I am confident I have completed you. Now, all the songs do indeed make sense.

I love you.

I have found my paradise on this earth. It is in your arms, it is in your eyes, and it is within your heart. Every hour I have spent with you is infinitely more precious to me than a decade of years without you. I had no idea who I was, or who I could become, until I met you. You, and you alone, transformed me into a man of whom I could be proud. I became so much more than I used to be, because you shared your boundless strength, your impeccable honor, and your infinite compassion.

I love you.

The significance of the fact that the other important people in my life, my daughter and my mother, worship you is crucial to my peace of mind. It allows me to place an unfair burden on your shoulders. What's the point of having the last word (for once!) if one cannot enjoy it? (I believe it's also known as the last laugh!) I am asking you to care for Alexis and Martha for me in my absence.

My daughter adores you. She appreciates the amazing difference you have made in my life, and loves you like the mother / big sister she never had. Alexis is a very strong young woman, with phenomenal drive, superb intelligence, and a huge heart. She also just lost a parent at a young age under very trying circumstances. Does any of this sound familiar? I can think of nobody better qualified to help Alexis, my most prized accomplishment in my life, then you, the greatest gift of my life. Thank you from the depths of my heart.

I love you.

Kate, here's the last laugh part: Martha Rogers is terrible with money, so I didn't leave her any. Instead, I am leaving you the bulk of my estate. You have often recalled how annoying I was early in our partnership. Well, I learned from the best. My Mother is a terrific actress, and can be more irritating than any other three people you've ever met combined. She is persuasive, compelling, passionate, and a little nuts. When she feels her role calls for a strong woman, she plays one to the hilt. If she needs to appear aloof, or debonair, or wickedly fun, she is the very embodiment of those facets of her personality. However, she's not as strong, or independent, or carefree as she may appear. As a veteran of countless interrogations, where people are rarely what they appear to be, I know you won't let her fool you. Kate, I know you'll care for her, and give her what she needs – and be the daughter she never had. Again, my gratitude knows no bounds.

I love you.

Since you're reading this letter, I know that I have shuffled off this mortal coil. (How can I write you a letter of any significance without quoting the Bard at least once?) Specifically, because you're reading this letter, I met my fate while 'working' on an NYPD case as your partner. One of the reasons I am subjecting you to my intolerable handwriting is that I couldn't think of a better way to personalize this letter, this 'last transmission'. I know you are now feeling terribly alone. I didn't follow correct procedure at a crime scene, or had some of my characteristic bad luck, or (more likely) stuck my nose somewhere I shouldn't; so now you're hurting, and I'm the cause of that pain. That's inexcusable, and I'm so sorry.

I love you.

Have you ever understood the reason I follow you at crime scenes, to interviews, and to arrests? Do you know why I refuse to stay behind, even when handcuffed to a car? Why I have prized our partnership above my well being? It's not morbid curiosity nor retroactive adolescence. It has never been for research, nor is it a refusal to recognize the dangers. It's cowardice, pure and simple. When I know you are putting yourself in harm's way, I cannot not be there. If I'm not there with you when perils loom and threats lurk, I die a thousand deaths. It's intolerable. Great gifts sometimes come at a steep price, and my imagination simply won't allow me to wish you well as you go out to face danger without me. I must accompany you.

So it logically follows that you, being the exceptional leader of our little band of merry men, have taken full responsibility for my demise. You should have somehow foreseen the dangers, and been able to take corrective steps to prevent my death. You're good, Beckett, maybe the best homicide detective ever, but you are neither omniscient nor omnipotent. Know that I was there, because being anywhere else was unthinkable. Know that I wanted to be there, because to have been anywhere else would have been unbearable.

I love you.

I know you so well, Kate. You have a wonderful heart, but too often rely on that incredibly analytical mind to think how you should feel. I realize these words alone will not allay your guilt and grief, because you are still logically reviewing whatever sequence of events transpired. You are probably feeling some sort of culpability, and are terribly alone right now in your misery. Allow me to ruin your logic with my story . . .

Once upon a time, in an island kingdom not very far away, there lived a beautiful princess. She was extraordinary in every way. Unfortunately, this story begins with the untimely death of the Princess's Mom, killed by unknown evil men. Princess Kate vowed to discover what had happened and avenge her queen, while insuring that the same fate did not befall her fellow subjects. She grew strong and she grew fierce. She became one of the bravest and best knights in the realm, and evil doers rightly feared her. She brought justice to the wicked, and closure to those in need.

However, her knighthood came at a terrible cost. In order to be invulnerable, the Princess had to hide her heart from everybody, including herself. Lock it away so it would be safe, behind impregnable walls, so she would feel no more pain. She would take it out of hiding on occasion when consoling victims and relatives, but she was quick to return her heart to its secret hiding place so she could remain invincible. She never fed it nor nourished it. After a while, she got used to not having it, and eventually forgot what it was like to use it.

It was then that she met Prince Charming. The prince, though he lived nearby, came from a very different land. He came from the Land of Magic, where faeries and light sabers and elves and space ships resided. The Princess knew immediately why he was named that: he was called Charming because that's about all he had going for him: a rugged handsomeness, a little wit, and a lot of charm. Charming had his own small kind of magic – he could put words together to form entertaining stories. The princess had been impressed with his stories in the past, but was very disappointed in the man. He was everything she was not – immature, irresponsible, and completely self-involved.

Unfortunately for Charming, he had lost his magical abilities. Try as he might, he could not regain his story writing talent. That all changed, however, when he met the princess. Charming found her inspirational; her blend of strength, intelligence, integrity, and beauty utterly compelling. Words, once irretrievably locked inside of him, sprung forth freely as if from a gushing spring. The magic had returned.

By using a forbidden type of magic known as nepotism, Charming was appointed Court Jester in the Princess's group of knights. The Princess was very unhappy with this turn of events, and abhorred Charming insinuating himself in every facet of her life. Twice she'd thought she'd rid herself of Charming, and twice he returned like a bad penny. Always joking, always under foot, always inappropriate; he made annoyance an art form.

Charming, on the other hand, became more and more enamored with the princess. The Prince found that his normal methods of wooing and winning fair maidens were woefully inadequate when it came to her. She was not interested in his fame, nor his wealth, and certainly not his considerable charm.

Since the day he met her, Charming searched constantly for the princess's heart. He first thought if he helped solve the queen's murder, he could win her heart. He soon discovered that her heart could not be won that way. After that near disaster, he tried flirting, innuendo, humor, anything he could think of to get her to reveal her true self. He soon realized that he would never find her heart, at least as Court Jester. Instead, he would have to earn her heart.

Charming knew that he would have to drastically change to interest the princess.

So, miraculously, he changed. He began to help the princess in her constant fight for justice. He began to emulate her by investing in the victims and their families. He told fewer jokes. He attended fewer parties. They had many adventures together, some dark and dangerous.

He soon grew to be an apprentice knight. He helped the princess and her knights occasionally. He eventually became a part of her team of knights, and her partner. Throughout this entire time, he was falling more and more under her spell. When he got into trouble, they invariably rescued him. Together, the princess and prince got closer to the men ultimately responsible for her queen's demise. They also grew closer together. He finally earned the princess's trust and respect, and was graciously rewarded with tiny pieces of the princess's heart. Prince Charming, who was used to getting whatever he desired, would have to be content with those small pieces the princess deemed to share.

Then, Charming did something he'd never done before, something the princess had never seen before. Instead of hoarding the small fragments the princess let escape, he combined them with his heart and gave it right back to her. Every instance, when he was bestowed another piece of her heart, he would collect his entire heart, and all of her heart she'd previously shared. Charming would except these precious gifts lovingly, then turn around and present the princess immediately with the sum of their hearts.

These gifts of Charming's slowly mended the princess's heart, which had been ignored for so long. Eventually, together they discovered the identity of the evil dragon that was behind the queen's death. It was soon thereafter that Prince Charming received that last, missing piece of the princess's heart. Like he'd done before, he combined it with his heart and immediately returned it. The princess, with her infinite compassion, returned their collective hearts back to him. This repetitive giving and taking resulted in their hearts uniting into one heart, and that heart grew at each mutual sharing. Their pooled hearts grew, and grew, and grew.

So, it soon came to pass, that both Prince Charming and the Princess possessed each other's hearts, as well as their own, and these hearts were enormously bigger than they would have dreamt possible. They each found that together, they were much larger than the sum of their parts. That each was half of something truly huge and stupendous.

They had become irretrievably linked, totally merged in their hearts and their souls. For the first time since they were children, they were each truly happy. They were each whole. They were one, and they would stay as one until the end of time.

I love you.

It's our story, Kate, yours and mine. I am so much more than that sugar-rushing 9 year old you arrested at that book party so many years ago. You are so much more than that no frills, by the book detective who first arrested me. You have become such a huge part of me, and I'm confident that I have become a huge part of you. We are inexorably mixed, you, and I, and you will never be rid of me.

Therefore, regardless of what you do, know I will be there with you. You may not always recognize me, but I'll be there. I might be that inappropriate comment you want to make in a meeting. That unexpected burst of laughter at a gathering of friends. An especially bright sparkle reflecting off a wave. A remembered scent on a crowded sidewalk. A cool breeze on a hot summer day. Rest assured, even if you don't see or hear me, I am there with you.

Continue to move forward, Kate. Live your life to the fullest. Open that magnificent heart of ours to the world. To some extent, it's immaterial what you decide to do. Continue to be the best homicide detective in the world. Learn to fly. Go back to school and become a lawyer or doctor or artist. Run a marathon. Make babies. (BTW - I left a gift for you at the Mt Sinai Fertility clinic). Know I will be with you every step of the way, so don't forget to Live, to Laugh, and especially to Love.

It's almost immaterial what you decide to do, because I already know what you will be. You'll continue to be extraordinary.

I love you.

So, Dearest Kate, hold to these truths: I have loved you since time began, and I'll love you until long after the universe ends. Know in your heart, regardless of what you do, whomever you are with, wherever you find yourself:

I love you, and

I will be with you . . .

Always

Rick

White noise! Static! Beckett's mind was a total blank, thoroughly overwhelmed. There were so many thoughts and emotions flying through Beckett's mind and heart, they seemed to cancel each other out, leaving an unfathomable jumble. She found herself panting, feeling as if she'd just run a race. Her eyes kept misting over. She had read the letter at record speed, trying to devour his words.

So this time she started to reread the letter more slowly, concentrating on every word. Every phrase. By the time she completed the second reading, she was crying freely, huge tears sluicing down her face, dripping off her cheeks. She was trembling so badly she had to brace her wrists on her knees to still her hands enough to read this mind-boggling letter again. She'd just started on a third reading when she heard a key in the door.

A/N: Whew! Most difficult thing to write since my thesis, so I'd appreciate reviews if you have a minute.