Chapter Two
"I changed my mind." I whimpered, "I'm not going."
I'd rather stay home than face a bunch of people I didn't know. Especially after how my birthday went. It could have been worse, but I didn't want to risk hurting one of them like that. Although, I did have to consider the fact that it was Josh's friends I was thinking about. They'd probably find being hit like that funny. Not to mention the fact that they were bigger, and a pillow wouldn't even phase them.
That just made it harder to go.
"Leandra." Alice sighed, "How are you going to survive school if facing four kids you don't know intimidates you?"
"That's my entire point." I laid to the side on the couch.
"It's just one afternoon." She urged, "You'll live through this. You'll see."
"No promises they will." I whined, "You remember Rachel."
"She's.." She trailed off for a second, "She wasn't very nice, but not everyone is like that." It was too big of a risk for my taste. She wasn't getting it.
"I'll just go tomorrow." I mumbled, "When it's just them."
"No." She murmured, "You can go today. Come on." She took my wrist gently and sat me up, me whining the whole way, "Look at it this way, Leandra." My whines quieted as I looked to her, "There is about to be five almost teen boys at that house. I'm almost positive Heather is going to need someone to keep her company, or she's going to lose her mind." I had to smile a little at that image, "So if you don't go for you, or you don't go for even Josh, then at least go for Heather."
"You can go for me." I muttered, "They'll like you better anyway."
I didn't know anyone in the world who could out-stubborn Alice, but I did know it was stupid to try. Having had my own experience with trying to out-stubborn Alice, I'd won that battle but definitely not the war.
I'd already agreed to be there, so it really wasn't a surprise when I sat in the passenger seat, staring at Josh's house from the window.
"I'm going to die." I whined.
"No you're not." She replied instantly, "Look. I'll even walk you in, okay?" That actually did make it easier. I nodded a little, and she nodded as well, already climbing out. I took a breath before I followed her, my shoes hardly making a sound on the grass on the curb.
Heather stepped outside to meet us, having seen us pull up. I gripped Josh's wrapped gift tightly in both hands, letting Alice lead the way. Up the front walk, toward the front door. A particularly loud laugh from a small group of boys inside the house made me pause.
Alice sighed as she reached Heather's side, "She's a little nervous." Waving me forward, she smiled at me. My feet felt like lead as I continued moving.
"Oh, she's got nothing to worry about." Heather assured her, offering to take the gift from me. I released it, and she continued, "They're a little loud, but other than that, it's fine. If she starts having too hard of a time, she can always come find me. I'm probably not as much fun, but it's something." I nodded a little.
Unfortunately, with the door wide open like that, Josh saw me on his way from the stairs. Immediately changing his direction, he stepped out onto the porch with us with a grin.
"Hey." He greeted me, "I thought sure you'd chicken out."
"I wanted to." I mumbled, looking to Alice.
"Well, I'm glad she didn't let you." He read my expression with a laugh, "You look like you're about to be tortured. Come on."
He took my hand and tugged me forward. I whimpered, hesitating just a bit before letting him pull me into the house. Instantly, the sound of laughing boys got louder. I soon discovered why, as one of them stood in front of the TV in the living room, playing some random really violent video game, three others watching him.
The first thing I see on the TV screen is three animated people getting run over. This was going to be a great day.
Just let me hide away, I thought. Don't-
"Guys." Josh called, and they all looked at me, "This is Leandra." The car on the screen hit a mailbox, stopping its rampage as its 'driver' looked me over in what seemed like confusion. Zack waved at me, which I appreciated.
"Leandra, that's Nate." He gestured to the one holding the controller, before looking to the couch in front of us, "This is Dylan, and that's Lucas." Lucas was sitting over on the smaller couch with Zack.
Obviously unimpressed, they all looked to the screen again. The car on the screen reversed, turning another pedestrian into a speed bump, and they continued on. Josh laughed a little, and he looked to the only girl sitting on the far end of the couch. She looked about as entertained by the video game violence as I was.
"That's Madison." He told me, "Dylan's little sister."
"It's Maddie." Her correction sounded harsh, "Stupid." I frowned at her rudeness, not liking it a bit. Especially toward Josh.
Josh laughed again, seeing my expression, "She doesn't want to be here, but her mom made her come. Dylan says it's probably got something to do with their parents both having the same day off."
"Then why doesn't she just leave?" I asked, "If she doesn't want to be here, I'm sure she's got a friend that lives around here."
"Because I won't let her." Dylan answered that one, "Are you crazy? Like I'm just going to let my sister roam around town by herself."
"Sorry." I grumbled, "Geez. I didn't know she was that fragile." I responded to his sharp tone with one of my own.
"I'm not." Maddie argued, "He just thinks I am."
I sensed this was an argument they had often.
"You're eleven." Dylan reminded her.
"So that automatically means I'll hop into the nearest stranger's car if he waves enough candy at me." She rolled her eyes, and her sarcasm was heavy.
"We just got them to stop fighting." Josh laughed a sigh.
"Sorry." I muttered with an apologetic look.
"And it's not around town." Maddie continued at her brother, "It's four blocks that way! I promise I won't get hit by a meteor on the way there."
"Leandra?" I looked back at Alice's voice as she neared, "I'm leaving now. Have a good time, alright? I'll be back to pick you up at six."
I realized again what it felt like to be stared at. All three of the new boys stared at Alice like she was made of gold. That sort of freaked me out, as they reminded me of dogs staring at a table full of turkey. She smiled a little at them, and I thought Lucas was going to wet himself by the way his face instantly blushed. Zack beside him was laughing, waving his hand in front of his face.
"Breathe, dude." I heard him mutter to him.
Maddie, though, was still irritated. Not giving a second look her way.
"Um.." I shook my head a little, trying to get back on the subject, "Okay. Right at six, right?"
"On the dot." She told me, giving me a hug, "Be good." I held onto her a few seconds longer than normal, not wanting her to go. She gave me a very supportive smile as she backed away, her voice lowering, "You can handle this." With that, I watched her leave. I hated watching her leave. If Josh hadn't been standing next to me, I would have followed her.
It wasn't so bad, I figured a little while later. They were all focused on what they were doing, and leaving me alone for the most part, but Heather wasn't wrong. They were loud, and that irritated me. Maddie wasn't much company, which was just fine with me. She ignored me for the cell phone constantly glued to her hand.
I was still shaken from a particularly loud cheer from the boys, so when Maddie gave me my out, I took it. Gratefully.
I stood up with her, and followed her as she headed for the kitchen. I was pretty sure sitting there, hoping nobody saw or talked to me wasn't the way my family was hoping this to go, but I was in it for survival and safety.
Double bonus, Heather stood there in the kitchen, moving yet another batch of cookies from a pan onto a plate. The boys went through cookies like breathing, so the oven was nearly constantly on.
"Hey." She noticed our arrival, "Having fun?"
"No." Maddie grumbled, and I looked to her. I wanted to slap some 'lighten up' into her. She annoyed me so much.
"Hey, Maddie." I mumbled, and she looked over, "I won't tell your brother if you sneak out the back door."
Her expression lightened, but Heather gave me a look.
"What?" I asked her, "She wants to be at her friends house. Why make her stay?" Especially when she was being such a little bitch about it. I was quiet, but I wasn't glaring at everyone or making them miserable.
"I think her brother would mind." Heather replied, "Not to mention her parents. I know I'd be a little upset if I thought my daughter was one place, when she was somewhere else."
Maddie sighed heavily, sitting down at the small table in the kitchen.
"Nice try." She told me and I shrugged.
I leaned against the back of another chair, watching Heather sigh and sit down as well. She always seemed so tired. Heather, being Jack's younger sister, knew him probably better than anyone else on the face of the planet. I briefly wondered if she got any more sleep than I did. For a second, I wondered what her dreams had to be like, and if they were as bad as mine were.
"Can I help with anything?" I found myself asking her, and she smiled a little at me.
"No, honey." She replied, "You're sweet, but it's alright." I wanted to insist, but I didn't want to irritate her.
"Just let me know." I offered, "I really can help. I don't get a lot of stuff to do at home."
"You want chores to do?" Maddie asked me, obviously questioning my sanity. It wasn't so much doing the chores that I liked. It was helping out. Being useful for something.
"Yeah." I replied anyway, "What's so wrong with that?"
"You're weird." She shook her head. I pursed my lips, but didn't bother replying.
"It's okay, honey." Heather told me, "You're here to have fun, not to work." I smiled a little, amused as I sat down last. There wasn't a whole lot of fun to be had in a room full of boys ignoring me. I didn't blame Josh or Zack for being more into what everyone else was doing. I just didn't share those same interests. I wasn't going to go in there and demand their full attention.
Maddie sighed heavily, "I'm so bored!"
"Shut up already." I couldn't stop that from leaving my mouth, "If you're that bored, go run circles around the house. I don't think a little exercise is going to kill you."
"Well, ex-cuse me." She sneered, crossing her arms over her chest. Heather, trying to hide her amusement, stood up.
"Do either of you want some lemonade?" She asked.
"Yes, please." I replied, and Maddie just shrugged, choosing to look at her phone again. I frowned. Was that an answer? Was a shrug really an answer? Better yet, was it really that hard of a question?
I accepted my glass with a quiet, "Thank you."
I actually did feel better now that I was sitting in here, away from most of the kids I didn't know. Maddie was easy to ignore, because she ignored me. Since my snap at her, she took the hint, and stopped complaining. I was pretty sure I could lean back, kick her out of her chair, and she'd just stand right back up and sit back down with how focused she was in the text messages flooding the little screen.
Heather and I kept most of the conversation, and it was almost possible to pretend that I was here for the normal reasons. Not to push me to like people. It was working, too, until the ones I came into the kitchen to escape from came in. Everyone aside from Josh filed in, Zack and Lucas already fishing in the fridge for a soda.
Nate and Dylan spotted the cookies on the counter, and Nate nearly knocked Maddie from her chair to reach the plate.
"Excuse you." She snapped, and he grinned at her, "Pig."
"Sorry." He said, but I didn't believe it one bit, given the way he ruffled her light brown hair. I frowned, also finding that rude. If she put up with these kids for any length of time, no wonder she was such a bitch. She swatted his hand away, glaring at him.
"Come on, boys." Heather stood back up, "Be nice."
"We're being nice." Nate smiled innocently at her, "As nice as I can be."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, stupidly bringing attention to me. He laughed with Dylan.
"It means.." He spoke slowly as if I'd have an issue understanding him, "That she's annoying. I can only be so nice to annoying people."
"Be nice to her." Zack spoke up, stepping around to stand next to my chair.
"Sorry." Nate repeated, grinning again.
"Don't worry about it, Leandra." Maddie told me, "Boys are always like that."
"Does that mean all girls are annoying?" Nate asked, leaning on the table and snagging a cookie off the plate they'd just stolen.
"Definitely not all of them." Dylan chuckled, "I think they outgrow that eventually."
"Either that, or we just put up with it because of things they grow into." Nate added. I wrinkled my nose at their laughter.
"Now, that's enough of that." Heather huffed, not at all amused.
Josh finally made it into the kitchen, bringing the population in the kitchen to a really crowded level.
"It's way better to be a guy." Nate pointed out, lifting a strand of Maddie's hair and letting it fall.
"What's wrong with being a girl?" I frowned.
"Everything." Dylan chuckled in reply, getting a laugh from the rest. Unfortunately, even Zack. I ached to hit him, "I mean, hell. You have to grow up to be interesting. That must really bite."
"It's only because boys don't think as well as girls can." Maddie sniffed easily, "You don't think we're interesting because you don't get it. It's all one track with you."
"One track with us?" He snorted, "Right. All girls care about is clothes, boys, and whatever else you creatures do."
"Hey." I found that offensive.
"Come on, guys." Josh was trying to herd them out of the kitchen, but they'd found a subject worth sticking to.
"They're not even fun." Nate frowned.
"Yeah?" Maddie asked, "Well, if it wasn't for a girl, you wouldn't even be alive. Can you do that?" Heather choked, giggling into her lemonade, trying not to laugh too loudly. That shut them up for a solid chunk of time, until with a final 'shut up', they all turned away. Taking the plate of cookies with them. I looked over at her, surprised. Where had that come from?
She grinned, "I heard that on TV once."
"It came in handy today." I had to hand it to her.
"Okay." Heather seemed to have recovered, "Well, I guess that was settled, wasn't it?" She stood up and pulled a separate plate of cookies out for us, since the others were stolen. I thanked her as she handed me a small plate with two sitting on it.
"For now." Maddie sighed, scooting her own plate closer to her, "Boys are stupid, though. They'll probably forget."
"Not all boys are stupid." I pointed out, "Josh isn't stupid."
"He's a boy, isn't he?" She asked, "Zack too."
"He's my friend." I frowned, "Zack isn't the smartest person around, but he's not stupid either."
"O-Kay." She rolled her eyes, "Every boy except for those two are stupid."
"Is your dad stupid?" I asked her.
"I said 'boy'." She countered.
"Doesn't matter." I replied, "You shouldn't call all boys stupid just because a few of them act like jerks." I picked at the cookie on my plate, choosing to eat the chocolate chips first, "I'm sure there are some pretty stupid girls out there, too." I wondered if she knew I was implying her.
"Yeah, well.." She muttered, "Whatever. You know what I mean." I did know what she meant. That was the problem. I didn't think it was right to hate someone just because they were a boy. Zack and Josh were some of the nicest people around. What she was implying was just as bad as what Nate and Dylan had implied.
I glanced over, noticing Heather's smile before I looked back down. I didn't quite know what she found so amusing, but I wasn't going to ask about it either.
A little later on, I got that answer. I stood there, helping her put stuff away while Maddie and all the boys finished a movie in the front room. Mike had gotten home just in time to grab the last of the pizza, keeping the boys busy. I got to put the plastic wrap over the dishes that the rest of the food was in while she found room in the refrigerator. Rolling up the chip bags and putting them in the pantry, throwing the empties away, things like that.
"You've been a big help today, Leandra." She told me, and I smiled a little, "Thank you."
"No problem." I replied with a smile, and it was true. I liked being of use.
"You know," She murmured, "I've been curious for awhile. You have such an amazing view of things around you. It's like you understand everything in a way not many people can. How do you think so differently than any kid I've ever met?"
I shrugged a little, "Just lucky, I guess."
She laughed in response, shaking her head, "Well, I won't disagree with you there. You're so smart, Leandra. I never know what to expect when it comes to you."
"I think I'm just getting a big mouth." I laughed a little too, handing her a plate.
"Not at all." She replied, "That's a very good trait to have."
I was never nervous when whoever came to pick me up would talk to Heather, because I made sure to always be as well behaved as I could. I doubted Heather would ever have anything bad to say about me even if I wasn't, but I didn't want to take any chances.
Heather and I nearly got ran over by four boys chasing each other toward the stairs on the way to the open door from the kitchen. However, seeing who was at the door, Dylan stopped dead. Nate running into him, and Lucas running into Nate. Nearly knocking Dylan off his feet. Right in the middle of the hall between the living room and kitchen.
Alice stood there, watching them with an amused smirk.
"Come on." Josh called them from the stairs, "Stop staring, you psychos."
"Bye, Josh." I looked to him, and he leaned over the railing to look at me.
"Going home already?" He asked, smiling.
"I've been here all day." I laughed a little, "Hope your birthday was happy."
"It's not over yet." He reminded me, and I shrugged.
"Then I hope it stays happy." I replied, glancing to the group of staring boys, "Can they not stare at my sister? It's creeping me out." All three turned their heads to look at me.
"She's your sister?" Nate asked me, "I thought she was your friend."
"That too." I allowed, "Now, move it."
"Yes, ma'am." He sure changed his tune. The three-boy pileup in the hall quickly dissipated, thankfully, and we could continue on.
I jumped back as Zack rounded to follow them and nearly took me out anyway.
"Watch it." I barked after him. He just laughed, not pausing for a second.
Mike sighed, joining us in our journey to the front door. I smiled a little at him, feeling sorry for the abuse he no doubt had endured.
"I take it you've been busy?" Alice asked, and Heather sighed as well with a laugh. We made it to the door, and I wasted no time in stepping outside. The cool evening air helped ease me.
"And I have all night to look forward to this." Heather answered, "Mike gets to be on kid duty tonight, with specific instructions not to wake me up in a panic unless there's blood, exposed bone, or someone falls out a window." I winced, "I've got to get back to work tomorrow."
"I'd tell him to keep an extra eye on Nate." I muttered, "He's most likely to fall out a window." Heather laughed before I added an afterthought, "And hide the lighters."
"I second that." Mike spoke up, "That boy isn't the brightest."
"I'll keep that in mind." She told me.
"Best of luck with that." Alice laughed, hugging me into her side.
"She was great." Heather told her with a smile, reaching forward and patting my head lightly, "As usual. She, Maddie and I all hung out most of the time. She did seem to be a little intimidated, but who wouldn't be?"
"I'm glad to hear it." Alice admitted, and I heard how she meant that, "She starts school soon, and well.. We're a little worried about how she'll do."
"I'm sure she'll do fine." Probably not, but I didn't want to argue with her.
I honestly wasn't sure what would have been a better idea in this case. Maybe I should have wrecked the house or injured someone, just so they wouldn't send me to school next month.
"Don't worry about it, kiddo." Mike told me, "You do seem to worry a lot." He was referencing my morning in California when I'd overheard Heather arguing with Ken. I smiled a little, nervous at the reminder.
"That was before I knew her." I defended myself quietly, "You're never gonna stop bringing that up, are you?"
"I can understand why you'd get freaked out over that." He replied, "I'm just glad I got to be there." I smiled a little.
He was such a sweet guy. Another unnecessary worry I'd had. It was true, I'd had less interaction with him than I did with Heather, but that was only because he worked so much and could get less days off. The fact that I had to actually look up quite a distance to meet his eyes was hardly a factor anymore.
We got home right as Carlisle got home, which tried to ease my arguing a little bit, but not by much. Carlisle had been working more lately, probably because he'd had to take so much time off. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, honestly. I'd had so much time to get used to him being around.
To my surprise, Edward was there when we got inside. I hadn't seen much of him at all over the summer, as he was always off with Bella, but he'd brought her along. The main argument, however, wouldn't wait until Bella wasn't around.
"Just because I didn't punch anyone in the face doesn't mean anything." I grumbled on my way into the living room, "I stayed away from them for most of the day, like Heather said."
"You did great today, Leandra." Alice followed me into the room, Carlisle following her, "I think you'll be fine at school too." Edward looked up from his place at the piano, Bella seated beside him. Alice continued, "Really. I don't know why you're so against this."
"I just am." I muttered, falling into place beside Emmett on the couch.
"Do you forgive me yet?" He whispered.
"No." I whispered back.
"Just checking." He nodded, suddenly standing up, "I think she shouldn't have to go to school." Surprised, I looked up at him. Alice placed her hands on her hips.
"Now you're not helping." She told him firmly.
"Hey, someone's on my side." I pointed up at him, my eyes on Alice.
"Why are we even discussing this?" Alice sighed, "Leandra, you belong in school." She was trying to be firm with me, but I was pretty stubborn.
"I'm fine right here." I patted the couch.
"Me too." Emmett sat back down next to me.
"You can stay if I can stay." I offered, looking over at him.
"Deal." He grinned.
"No." Alice was getting irritated, "No deal. Don't go telling her those kinds of things, Emmett."
"Hey, if it makes her like me again, I'll vote in her favor." He shrugged, "Even if it doesn't make a difference, at least the kid has someone on her side."
"Leandra, you'll be going to school." Esme added her word, "End of story."
"That's not the end of the story, though." I pointed out, watching as she descended the stairs, "There's plenty more to it. I'll go, but no promises I'll move anywhere further than the front sidewalk. Unless someone moves me, I'm not moving. I'll just sit there like a bum all day."
"She's diabolical." Emmett chuckled, "I like it."
"Emmett." Carlisle sighed.
"You're still not helping." Alice pointed out.
"Look." He sighed, "She hardly ever argues about anything. Maybe shorty has a reason to not want to go. Ever think of that?"
"She has a reason." Alice nodded, "I know she does. She was raised to avoid people at all costs. That's her reason." That shut him up.
"That's not the only reason." I muttered, crossing my arms, but the only response I got was a glance.
Alice continued at Emmett, "And did you ever think that maybe there's a reason we're insisting she does go?"
"Um.." He looked to me, "Help me out here."
"Uh-uh." I shook my head, "You're the decoy. They can argue with you for a minute."
"Does this happen a lot?" I heard over at the piano. Bella was curious.
"You get used to it after awhile." Edward continued playing, "It's a skill not many possess."
"All I'm saying," Alice went on, "Is this situation is hard enough. Don't encourage this."
"How is making her rather hide in a closet to avoid something any better?" Emmett asked.
"Is this really still an issue?" Jasper's arrival was my cue to leave. I darted up and toward my room. I didn't really appreciate my mood getting switched around on me when I wanted to stay stubborn. Naturally, Alice caught a hold of me before I could get by her.
I laughed a little as she spun me into a hug, standing behind me with her arm over me. If I really wanted to, I could fight her, but I didn't mind it so much.
"She can't stay afraid of people her entire life, Emmett." Alice explained, "She needs to adjust."
"Why?" Emmett asked, "If we're keeping her, what's the big deal?"
"It's about more than just existing around us." She replied, "If she never learns to get through her aversion to people, how is she ever going to experience things kids should experience? Relationships outside of the family are just as important as inside the family. There's only so much we can give her. She needs friends."
"I have friends." I frowned up at her.
"And besides." Alice added, "Carlisle agrees with this wholeheartedly. That says enough in itself, doesn't it?" With Carlisle standing right there, I really didn't expect a different answer.
Emmett sighed, "She's got me beat there, shorty."
"Traitor." I grumbled, glaring at him.
"Sorry." He chuckled, "What he says goes."
"Maybe I can help?" Bella offered, standing up and almost hesitantly approaching with a glance to Jasper, "What's wrong?" What wasn't wrong?
"They want to make me go to school." I answered bitterly, "Long story."
"And?" Bella asked, "Leandra, they have to. It's against the law not to." My expression fell. I didn't know that part. I glanced to Carlisle, but he didn't deny it.
"Trust me. I'd know." Bella added.
"Oh."
"Especially for you." She went on, "If you're allowed to stay home without a good enough reason, Carlisle could get into a lot of trouble."
"Well, crap." I groaned, stomping a little. I no longer saw a way out of this. If there was one way to make sure I quit my arguing, it was to put them in trouble because of me. That left me with no other choice. I hated being cornered.
I had to keep trying, "What would be a good enough reason?"
"There aren't many." She replied regretfully, "Sorry."
I thought of one, looking back and up at Alice as she hugged me again, "What if I go, and I remember something else? What do I do then?"
For a moment, it seemed like she didn't know what to say. I was sure Alice was filled in on how I reacted at remembering the one thing I needed to remember about them, as I practically fell apart.
I actually had yet to remember much else, and I could tell my mind was trying. Maybe that's what made me so nervous. I didn't know how to tell the difference yet.
"You're pretty good at lying, shorty." Emmett pointed out, and I glared at him again, "Make something up."
"Now you're not helping." I grumbled, repeating Alice's earlier words. I took a deep breath. It seemed I'd have to go anyway. That thought would take some getting used to.
"Fine." The word was irritated, drawn out, "But I won't like it, and if I hurt someone, don't blame me."
"Thank you, Bella." Jasper told her, and she smiled.
"No problem."
"I don't think you understand." He murmured, "We've had this argument with her since the subject was brought up in April."
"Why didn't you just tell her?" She asked.
"I considered telling her." Alice answered, "But she wouldn't have believed me. She probably would have thought I was making it up." I shrugged a little. Despite Alice not being my favorite person right then, I liked being hugged, which was why I chose to stay standing there, even though I finally lost the big argument.
"Well, it's true." Bella replied, looking to me, "Trust me. You going is the best way. It's not so bad. I'm not that good around a whole lot of people either, but I survived this far, didn't I? And I went to fifth grade in Phoenix. Do you know how many people live there?"
"A lot?" I guessed.
It was a little more complicated than that, I thought, but I wouldn't argue with her. I didn't like arguing with people I hardly knew. She just didn't know that anyone new was a problem for me. I suspected that the reason I warmed up to Josh and Zack so easily was because Jack had me meet them.
"More than that." She replied, "Here, it's nothing. You'll be okay." I didn't believe that one bit. Truthfully, I was terrified. I didn't know a thing about these kids, and if the birthday party was any indication, I'd have a rough time there.
I pictured myself clinging to furniture and door frames on the day I did have to go, but even I knew that'd be going too far. I just really didn't want to go.
"You're overreacting." Edward pointed out from his seat at the piano. I kept my retort to myself, not knowing if it was exactly me he was talking to. I had a feeling it was, but it was probably best not to snap at him. He smirked.
I found it best to just think about something else. I'd already agreed to go. My fate was sealed.
I forced myself not to think about being abandoned, made to rot away in some classroom, parked in the plastic seat of a desk I hated while listening to some bastard drone on about what divided by what equaled what, and avoiding the looks I was bound to get by countless numbers of as of yet faceless others I'd pre-determined to hate me.
I forced myself not to think about what would happen during that hellish half-hour of time that usually came during a period called 'recess'. Fending for myself against the band of ruthless still as of yet faceless others running around like wild animals.
Not to mention the feeding rush. The stampede, when all those wild animals would flock to the cafeteria like starving hippos, running each other over and only the strongest surviving. The ones that fell were left behind, discarded like yesterday's soggy newspaper.
"Wow." Edward chuckled.
"Shut up." I grumbled, turning and heading for my room.
"You have a very vivid imagination, Leandra." He called after me.
"That's part of the problem." I growled back.
I was only freaking myself out. Flopping face down onto my bed, I laid there. Refusing to move until I died. A sick sort of resigned despair filled my stomach at just the thought of putting myself through that, but again, I'd already agreed.
Well, just because I agreed doesn't mean I'd be happy about it.
I nearly cried into my cereal bowl the morning school did start, that stomach-filling sense of despair making it difficult to eat. Apparently, we'd have to get there pretty early. Because I was new, Carlisle had to come with me and sign papers in the office.
It really wasn't early enough for my taste, though. By the time we did get there, there were plenty of kids already there.
"I changed my mind." I whimpered, looking to Carlisle, "Don't leave me here."
"Come on, Leandra." He gave me a supportive smile, "Let's go inside."
"Let's not." I called after him as he stood from the car, "Really. I just remembered that I'm sick. I don't feel that good." I knew he could hear me as he rounded the car to the passenger side, "I have a cold. The flu. Pneumonia. I seriously think I might throw up." He pulled my door open and I whined. Continuing to sit there.
Conveniently, the parking area was right in view of the front playground to the right of the main building, which only made things worse. The large playground area was sectioned off by a tall chain-link fence, where all the other kids ran around. I didn't want to join those animals. Shoved in that cage with people I didn't know.
"I can't." I gasped, "I can't."
"Leandra-" I turned, crawling between the two front seats and scrambling into the back seat. I actually did start to cry. It surprised me too, but my tears were genuine. I knew that much. No part of these tears were made up.
"It won't be that bad." He spoke to me from the front, but that didn't help, "Leandra, breathe." I remembered to take a breath, but it was hard to.
He sighed, standing there and obviously thinking when I just continued crying. I had to question myself, though. If I refused to move, would he move me? I couldn't help it. Each time I looked out the window to the playground, it just got harder to deal with, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't not look that direction.
"Come on out, Leandra." He tried again about a minute later, and I shook my head. He closed the front passenger door and opened the back passenger door, choosing to speak to me from there, "How did you always start school before?"
"That was different." I sobbed, "I was there before, and I'd get beaten if I didn't go." I actually wasn't trying to use that as a cop out, but hell, if it worked, why not? It didn't seem to sway him, though.
"You can do this, Leandra." He told me, "I know you can."
"No I can't." I turned away, flattening myself against the back driver's side door.
"Is it really this hard on you?" He asked, and I refused to answer. It really was. I jumped as I felt his hand find my wrist. He was going to move me. He wasn't holding tightly. I knew he was only trying to give me a boost, or a little tug of confidence, so I wasn't mad at him, but that wasn't going to work.
"No." I grumbled, yanking my wrist from his hand.
"Leandra, please." He sighed, "I'm asking you to give this a chance."
I looked over at him as my sobs squeezed tighter. That only made the pressure harder on me. It wasn't a choice I could make. I couldn't just decide to do something like this. Just the thought of leaving the car made me panic, keeping me stuck in place. The fear was impossible to fight through. How could I fight something that was impossible to fight?
"What are you so afraid of?" He asked, concerned now, "What is bothering you so badly?" I couldn't answer that. I couldn't even look at him. Shamefully keeping my crying eyes on my hands in my lap.
"Alright, Leandra." He murmured, "Just one step at a time, then. Just come out of the car. We won't go inside yet, but I think fresh air would help." I looked out the window again, spotting the few kids that had caught sight of us, shaking my head. Besides. I was trembling enough. Fresh air would only make me colder.
He sighed again. This was obviously hard on him too. I knew that, but I couldn't help it. He paused, hesitating a moment before pulling out his phone. His hand braced on the door, but he stood upright. No longer looking at me.
I surprised myself by realizing I was considering running off. I was that wound up, that freaked out that I was considering running off. Maybe if I did, he'd take me seriously. Only the thought of leaving the safety of the car made me stay.
I'd gotten the attention of the animals behind the chain-link fence. It was my own stupid fault, I knew that, but leaving this car willingly was out of the question now. More than before.
My attention was taken by the two adults leaving the building up ahead, coming our direction. One woman and one man. As they reached us, I vaguely heard Carlisle explaining the situation quietly, but I was more concerned by the new man looking in at me as Carlisle moved away.
If Carlisle thought this was going to help, he was sadly mistaken. I flattened myself further against the door, glaring at him now, but it was hard to look tough when I couldn't stop crying. If any part of him reached for any part of me, I'd hurt him. His hands braced against his knees, though, as he bent low to look into the back seat at me, he smiled.
"Hi there." He spoke, but I stayed quiet, "My name is Mr. Mitchell. I'm the counselor here." Good for him, "I take it you don't want to come out of there?" Oh, and he was observant.
I fidgeted a little, looking back down.
"Leandra, is it?" He spoke again, but I ignored him, "Believe me, I see kids like you all the time." What the hell was that supposed to mean? "Scared, nervous about their first day somewhere new. They always warm right up to being here. I promise." Well, I wasn't them.
"Come on." He smiled a friendly smile that didn't fool me, "Come on out. I can show you around, if you want."
I didn't want that. I wanted him to leave. He stood up briefly at over thirty seconds of my continued silence, looking and talking to Carlisle quietly. I strained, but couldn't hear what they were talking about.
I tensed, looking over again as Mr. Mitchell actually sat down. Joining me in the back seat. This confused me. He didn't try reaching for me, but looked over at me.
What the hell was he doing? It took the closing of the door to send me scrambling out the other door. I stood there for a moment, surprised into a yelp as Carlisle picked me up. Lifting me off my feet, and I easily caught on. That was a dirty trick. I glared at him, but his gaze was apologetic as he closed the door.
Knowing I'd want to get as far from that bastard as I could, he let him sit down. The only way further from him was out the door, and picking me up made sure I couldn't get back into the car unless I fought him, which I really didn't want to do.
"There now." Mr. Mitchell stood back up, shutting his door, "This isn't so bad, is it?" It was horrible, and his tone was pissing me off. By now, the group of kids at the fence had tripled. Many curious eyes on us, which I noticed immediately. That was only making it worse.
"How about we go inside?" Mr. Mitchell asked me. How about he goes straight to hell? "I think she's okay now. You can set her down, Mr. Cullen." Nope. I looked at him with 'Don't do it' in my eyes, but he did anyway.
The second I was on my feet, I jerked my hand from Carlisle's, and took off. Rounding, and darting across the street, much to the dislike of the driver of the car I was nearly hit by. Just as I figured, it wasn't hard for Carlisle to catch up to me. Even using human speed, it only took him seconds to catch me. Lifting me back off my feet, I actually did fight for a second, already in tears again.
My heart was pounding too hard, and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"Alright, Leandra." He told me, "Okay, listen." I paused in my slight struggles, "If you're really this against it, I'll listen. You don't have to go today, but you will be working on this, okay?"
How could I be sure he wasn't just telling me that to calm me down? I'd stay worked up. He'd already tricked me once today. I didn't bother starting to believe him until he carried me back over to the car and set me in the front passenger seat. Closing the door while he turned to speak with Mr. Mitchell.
I didn't like where I was, so I turned over and crawled back into the back seat, sitting right where I sat before being tricked out into the open. It was more hidden here, more closed in. I focused all I had on taking a decent breath, and trying to slow my trembling.
It was just starting to work, when Mr. Mitchell opened the door again.
"I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea." Carlisle was telling him, but he wasn't listening.
"One more try, Leandra." He smiled at me, "I know you're braver than this."
He didn't know me.
He sat back down again, like he had before, except this time, I wasn't going to let him chase me from the car. I flattened as far back against the door as I could and turned to face him. He was turned, saying something to Carlisle, so he didn't see me do this.
The second he looked to me once more, though, I kicked as hard as I could in the direction of his face. Outward and up, giving myself a boost off the seat. The impact of my shoe hitting his face jarred me, but I didn't care. Not in the least. My effort had been just enough to get him out of the car, away from me.
I scrambled across the seat, slamming the door shut when he had rolled out of the way. I rounded, sobbing as I reached up front to the door lock. I pressed the button furiously, and all the locks falling into place was a very comforting sound.
Carlisle had the key, so I wasn't worried about him being able to get in, but Mr. Mitchell couldn't, and that was all I needed. I sat back on my heels, covered my face with my hands and just cried for a moment. Crying for another reason this time. I was so freaked out.
"Well.." Outside the car, over my cries, I heard him laugh, but he was obviously in pain as he cupped his face, "That sure didn't work." He laughed again, bringing his hands back to inspect the blood on them, "No, no. I'm fine. I should have known better." At least he was being nice about it, instead of blaming Carlisle. That was somewhat of a plus, at least.
The woman standing there too didn't seem as impressed, however. She seemed pretty upset. Talking firmly with Carlisle, but quietly. Repeatedly gesturing toward the car and I assumed toward me, and shaking her head. I didn't like that.
Just like with Lily, I didn't like having to snap like that. It made me feel bad, but not bad about what I'd done. Not quite sick, but the ache and cramp in my stomach could almost be comparable to nausea.
I watched Carlisle round the car, shaking his head as well. Unlocking the door with the key, he reached in and unlocked the doors. Stepping over, he pulled my door open and pulled me out. I didn't resist in the slightest, crying way too hard to even think about it.
He held me like that for several minutes, letting me get the rest of my crying out while I hugged onto him. He didn't seem mad at me, which helped. I started to breathe a little easier like that. I wanted to tell him that I hadn't wanted to do that, but I couldn't. I didn't trust myself speaking yet.
"Mr. Cullen?" I didn't look, but I was surprised at the very familiar sounding voice calling ahead and only getting closer, "What happened to her?"
Embarrassment closed my eyes for me. I didn't want Zack to see me like this.
"Zack." Carlisle spoke up, "Thank goodness you're here."
"That's the first time I've ever heard that." He laughed, "What happened to her?"
"She's having trouble adjusting to this." I assumed he gestured to the school.
"Oh," He seemed to understand, "Well, I don't blame her, really. I'd want to stay home all the time too, but shoot. If it's these butt-heads she's worried about, she's got nothing to be so scared of."
"Do you think you could perhaps talk to her?" Carlisle asked him.
"Sure." He replied easily, "But that's kind of hard to do when she won't even look at me." I tried to hold on as Carlisle moved to set me on my feet, but I couldn't. Eventually landing on my feet beside him. Sniffling hard, trying to make it seem like I hadn't just been sobbing.
"Hey." Zack smiled a little. I couldn't return it.
"Hey." I mumbled, looking down shamefully. The problem was that yes, I was embarrassed by my behavior, and I knew it was stupid, but acting that way and doing those things weren't my choice.
Zack laughed quietly, "Trust me. You'll be fine here." I glanced to his side, finding someone new. He was just about my height, a short kid. Darker brown hair than Zack, with fitting brown eyes.
"If they even let her stay." New kid pointed out.
"Oh," Zack muttered, "Leandra, this is Andrew. He's cool." I'd have to see that for myself. Right now, Andrew wasn't helping me any by standing there.
"Leandra," Carlisle took my attention, "I have to go inside for a moment. Are you going to be okay here?"
"No." I whimpered up at him.
"I'll watch her." Zack told him proudly. With a small nod, he turned. Watching him walk away bothered me in the worst way, but I couldn't just follow him like I wanted to. I was sure this was what he was counting on. I couldn't help comparing this to the day of Josh's party, watching Alice walking away.
"So." Zack spoke up again and I looked to him, "What the heck did you do to Mr. Mitchell's face? All we saw was him falling out, and suddenly, there's blood everywhere and Mrs. Coleman is losing her mind."
"I kicked him." I muttered.
"Why?" He asked, surprised. He must not have been there through everything. Maybe just arriving, or not having been paying attention from the start.
"I don't like him." I replied simply.
"No one does." He allowed with a shrug, "But still. That's pretty brave of you."
"Hey, new kid." I looked over a little at the call from behind the fence, "Nice move."
"Shut up, Justin." Zack called back, "You're not helping." He didn't know how right he was. Just looking over there took me a half step back.
"Make me." Justin laughed in response.
Zack shook his head and looked to me again, "Don't mind him."
"Definitely minding." I muttered, looking down.
"You know Dr. Cullen can get into a whole lot of trouble for what you did, right?" Andrew asked shyly, and I looked over at him.
"I'm so sick of everything I do or don't do getting him in trouble." I snapped, "Why-"
"I'm sorry." Andrew told me, surprised, "Wow."
"It's none of your business anyway." I grumbled, calming my tone quite a bit. I tried to calm myself down, but it wasn't exactly possible. It wasn't his fault I hated him yet, but that was quickly changing.
"I'm just saying that you can't go around hitting, or kicking teachers." He replied. Yeah, no shit.
"Then maybe they should just leave me the fuck alone."
The silence wore on for a minute or two, before Andrew spoke again.
"Is he your dad?" He asked.
"Foster dad." I corrected, and he winced, "What?"
"That means what you did today will probably go on record." He answered, "Foster parents are watched pretty closely, you know. Anything a foster kid does bad is doubly bad."
"Thanks." I snapped again. He was really pissing me off with his know-it-all matter-of-factness.
"Hey, don't blame me." He defended himself, "I'm just saying."
"Well, stop saying."
"Calm down, Leandra." Zack chuckled, "He can't help knowing this stuff. His dad's a cop."
I hated cops. There was at least one main thing I had yet to get over, and that was my hatred of cops. Not for anything wrong they'd done to me specifically, but because of the way I was taught to hate them. From the time I was little, I avoided them at all costs, and that meant anything associated with them.
"Well," I muttered, "It's been fun." On that note, I was suddenly fully prepared to try walking back home. I moved to step away, but Andrew moved forward, blocking my path.
"I'm sorry." He said again, "I didn't mean to make you mad."
"I'd give her some space." Zack told him, "When she gets that look, she can be mean."
"Move." I told Andrew.
"Hit him!" Justin called from the fence. I wanted to.
"Shut up, Justin." Zack called back. I rolled my eyes, and attempted to step around Andrew, but he countered.
"I don't want you mad at me," He told me, "But didn't your dad say to stay here?"
"If you don't want me mad at you," I grumbled, "Then move."
"Hey." I didn't look back at the woman's voice now calling from the fence, "You three, come on in here. You're not allowed out there." It was a teacher, come to round us all up and put us inside the fence. She didn't know I didn't belong in there, and if I didn't move now, I wasn't going anywhere. I stepped to the side, and he followed again.
"Move." I told him again. I wasn't about to let myself be roped into going into the cage.
"Leandra-"
"Move."
I clearly heard the gate open behind us, and finally glanced back at the teacher coming out to round us up herself because we weren't listening. I had finally had enough. I shoved Andrew as hard as I could, not surprised by the way he fell, but instead of running off like I wanted to, I kicked him in the stomach just as he rolled in an attempt to stand up.
"Whoa." Zack laughed.
"Yeah!" Justin cheered at the same time. Many, many others cheered as well, having witnessed it the same as Justin did. Laughter echoing through the group at the fence.
I went to kick Andrew again, but he grabbed my foot in an attempt to stop me, unfortunately making me lose my balance, and I hit the pavement as well. Landing on my side. If I had been thinking clearly, I'd have known that it had been an accident, but I wasn't. I hadn't been thinking clearly all morning.
Falling like that really hurt.
So I responded with a punch to his face, which got me released enough to sit up and scramble away. Propelling myself backwards with my feet. I was yanked to my feet, unfortunately still upset and fought with whoever had me. It was the teacher, having come over quicker, as only seconds had passed since I pushed Andrew.
"She didn't mean it." Zack immediately told her, "See, she was-"
"That's enough." She cut him off firmly, "You, get back in there. You two, come with me." Andrew was in trouble as well, even with the slight bruise forming on his face. She helped Andrew to his feet, and though I glared over at him, I didn't try to hit him again. He seemed a little dazed, but not really as upset as I was.
I held in my tears the best I could, not really feeling up to crying in front of everyone again.
"Sorry, Leandra." Zack called.
"It's okay." I whimpered back at him as Andrew and I were tugged toward the front building. Right to the office, the first door inside the building, and we were marched straight inside.
I spotted Carlisle immediately, and he spotted me. His eyes widened a bit in surprise as he and the woman he'd been talking to came straight over. I recognized her as the one outside the car. She must have been the principal.
"Let go." I snapped at the teacher whose hand was still on my shoulder. The sleeve of my shirt in her hand, my light struggle didn't do much.
"What happened?" Carlisle asked, taking my arm in his hand and looking it over. I only then realized how badly I'd scraped it up when I fell. Blood trailed from the wounds near my elbow slowly, nearly reaching my hand by then.
"I caught these two fighting." The teacher reported, "I'm not entirely sure who started it."
"I think I have an idea." The principal, who Zack had called Mrs. Coleman, sighed.
"She pushed me." Andrew admitted. I looked to him, surprised.
"He wouldn't move." I countered, incredulous.
"And she kicked me." Andrew took it further, "That kind of hurt."
"You're not bleeding." I snapped, fully prepared to change that fact.
"That's enough of that." Mrs. Coleman spoke firmly, "Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry. Perhaps this would be easiest to attempt another time? I must consider the safety of my students."
I knew what that meant, and that was more than enough to calm me right down. She didn't want me there, and honestly, I couldn't blame her much. She didn't want me there, I didn't want to be there. It seemed like Carlisle was the only one determined to keep me here.
Beside me, Andrew winced at those words. Carlisle sighed and stood up.
"I understand." He told her.
She gave him a very tense smile, "I'm sorry. I just don't think she's right for this school right now."
Right for this school? This was public school. I hadn't even been here more than half an hour, and I was already getting kicked out. Hesitantly, I looked over at Andrew.
"I told you." He muttered quietly to me, "In case you were wondering, no. That's not good."
"Sorry for pushing you." I told him. I purposefully kept my tone quiet, not intending that apology to be anything but an honest apology.
"It's okay." He replied, "Sorry you're getting thrown out."
"I expected it." I admitted, glancing up at Carlisle. He was disappointed, clearly, but there wasn't much I could do about that. The teacher that had hauled us in here finally released my shoulder so Carlisle could take me from her.
He led me outside, right back to the car.
"Sorry, Leandra." Zack called from the fence again, "I did promise to watch you, but there was never any mention about being able to stop you from kicking his ass."
"I would have just hit you too." I replied, "I'm glad you didn't try."
"Me too." He laughed in reply just as the bell rang, "I hope you feel better." I watched him turn, heading for the side of the building.
Inside the trunk, Carlisle had a first-aid kit that would work in cleaning up my scraped arm, and as usual, it looked worse than it really was. Being seated in the open door of the back seat, I held my breath. Trying to calm down.
It stung a bit when he cleaned out the shallow wounds, but I didn't dare complain much. Holding still while he worked, and a single large band-aid covered the wounds effectively. He discarded everything in a nearby trash can, before it was time to go.
Opening the driver's side door, he sat down with a heavy sigh. Aside from my left over sniffling, I stayed quiet. Scooting fully inside the back seat, I shut the door. I knew the signs by now. He wasn't happy. Not in the least.
I'd told him, though. I'd warned them! Over and over and over, and all Carlisle could tell me over and over and over was that I'd be fine. I'd do fine. Fine, fine, fine. That wasn't fine. That was a disaster, just like I knew it'd be. How can he be mad at me if I warned him?
Nervously, I kept my eyes down. Comfortably in the back seat, away from where he could reach me if he wanted to hit me. This was a little bit worse than what I'd done to Lily. This was probably the worst thing I'd done. I knew with enough time, it wouldn't seem so bad to me, but right then, the weight of nervousness and undoubted impending doom kept me still and quiet.
Why was I acting like this? Doing worse and worse things before I could even stop myself.
Not having said a word the entire trip back home, I was pretty nervous as Carlisle parked inside the garage. What was he thinking about? I knew when he was quiet, he was thinking.
He opened my door for me, and hesitantly, I climbed out. Glancing up at him nervously as I stepped away from the car. Why couldn't I do that at the school? I knew he was thinking the same thing, which only made it harder on me.
With his hand lightly on my back, he led me into the house. Urging me slowly ahead of himself as he pushed open the door for me. That helped a little, but I wasn't eased. I wouldn't be until I knew what he was thinking about so hard.
"Leandra?" Esme seemed surprised to see me, and I couldn't blame her. I was supposed to be in school, and no doubt she'd already noticed my bandaged arm. I moved forward immediately and hugged her.
I couldn't help being relieved to be back home. Like I could breathe again. Being out there, especially at the school, it made it hard for me to breathe. Being here again fixed that.
"It didn't go quite as planned." Carlisle admitted with a sigh, "As it turns out, she wasn't exaggerating."
"What happened?" Esme asked, still surprised. Taking my wrist lightly in her hand, she raised my arm to look at the bandage. She seemed more concerned than bothered.
He sighed and looked to me, "Leandra, go to your room."
I looked down nervously, hesitantly moving away from Esme and doing as he told me. He obviously wanted to fill her in without me around, meaning he didn't want me to hear what he had to say. I could take a hint, gently closing my door behind me almost before I was even all the way through it.
I moved away from the door, just so nobody thought I was trying to listen in. Crossing the room, and sitting carefully on the side of my bed. The truth was, I wasn't proud of how I'd acted. I was ashamed, as I knew I should be, but that didn't change anything.
I would do it again if I had to.
I would cry as hard as I had to, I'd deny him as many times as I had to, and I'd kick as many people as I had to. I'd bite them to get my point across. I'd fight Carlisle as much as I had to, I'd fight anyone as much as I had to. That many kids against one of me wasn't happening. Not without a fight.
I wasn't getting left on my own without a fight.
I wasn't sure how long I sat there. Time was something that went both faster and slower in times like this. Slower, because I couldn't hear what they were talking about. Faster, because I dreaded what would happen when they got done talking about whatever they were talking about. I hadn't been in this much trouble yet, so I didn't know what to expect.
The door opened slowly, and I looked up at Carlisle standing there.
"I'm sorry." I blurted before he could speak, "I had to. I just.. Just.. Saw everyone else, and I guess it scared me. I couldn't do what you said, even if I wanted to. I wouldn't let me. I was stuck. I know how stupid that sounds, and I know that sounds like a lie, but it's not." I'd started to cry at some point during my mumbled explanation, unable to help it. I just really wanted to get out of trouble, and I figured explaining myself the best I could would help at least a little, and a little was enough for me.
"Leandra." He sighed, trying to shut me up, but I couldn't.
"I know I shouldn't have let myself get stuck like that, but I didn't know it was happening until it happened, and I couldn't stop it." I babbled, "I'm so sorry. I know what I did was bad, kicking that guy, but I didn't want him there. I didn't want to leave the car again, so I kicked him. That's not a good enough reason, and I know that, but I don't do the things I normally do when I'm scared like that."
He sighed again, "Leandra?"
"I don't think when I'm scared like that." I went on, "I just.. Do things, and believe me, I hate myself for doing it when I'm calm enough to hate myself for doing it, but when I'm doing it, it seems like the right thing to do, so I do it, even if it's bad to do it. Like what I did to Andrew. The teacher was coming over, and I knew she wanted me to go into the fence, but he wasn't moving. So I pushed him, and that's when it all went wrong."
"Calm down." He murmured, and I paused for a sobbing breath, hanging my head.
"I'm sorry." I sobbed, shaking my head, "If you want to get rid of me, I get it."
"Get rid of you?" He asked, surprised.
"I kind of want to get rid of myself, but that's kind of impossible." I explained.
"Leandra, no." He told me, and I shut up again, "No, you're not going anywhere."
"Are you going to hit me, then?" I asked, looking up.
"Of course not."
"Because that's hit worthy." I pointed out, coughing out a sob.
"No it's not. Leandra, listen to me." He replied almost firmly, and I knew to stay shut up for a little while, "First, there is no reason I can think of that would cause any of us to want to hit you. I understand you've only been here a few short months, and it'll take some time to learn that, but no. You will never be beaten like that while you're here. Not once. Am I clear on that?"
Hesitantly, I nodded a little so he continued, "Good. Second, about what happened at the school.." He trailed off, stepping further into the room with a quiet sigh, "I've been thinking, and thinking hard about how on Earth I can possibly punish you for something you did that was out of your control."
That surprised me. He knew I didn't want to act like that? I watched him close, looking for any sign that this was a trick, but I knew better. Carlisle wasn't cruel like that. Tricking me out of the car was one thing, but calming me down just to change everything up again was a Jack thing. He wasn't anything like Jack.
"It had quickly became apparent to me that that behavior wasn't your choice." He murmured, "So why would I punish you for something you couldn't control? No. I can't, and won't be scolding or punishing you for that. I understand that you had no choice but to act that way, so I must apologize to you."
"To me?" I asked as he kneeled in front of me, "Why me? I was the bad one."
"I didn't fully understand before just how deep this fear went, and I refused to believe you." He replied, "You weren't bad, Leandra. You were telling us repeatedly that this was something that you needed help with. Help that involved more than just trying to drop you somewhere that you were uncomfortable, but nobody listened, so I do apologize. It doesn't surprise me in the least that you've managed to develop a sort of phobia of other people after the life you've had, and I should have considered that before anyone could get hurt. It was foolish of me, and I'm sorry."
I looked down. Was that what it was? A phobia? I didn't know if he was right or not. All I knew was that I couldn't let myself be anywhere near those animals alone.
I knew that wasn't all there was to it, and I knew I was probably going to get a decent scolding when everyone else got home, but for right then, I could try to calm down a little. It'd been a very bad day for me, so sitting with Esme was all I wanted to do. I wondered how badly my scraped arm was bothering her, but if it bothered her, she wasn't letting on. Even with me curled up right against her side.
Now and then she'd sigh, smooth my hair and say, "Oh, Leandra." She was disappointed too, but I didn't blame her. I didn't know what to say to that, so I never said much. I just appreciated the calm moment for what it was. At the school, it seemed to go on forever. It was nice to feel safe again.
I wasn't sure where Carlisle had gone off to. Somehow, I believed him when he told me I wasn't going anywhere. That made any calm at all possible, but I couldn't help wondering what the next move would be. I was obviously more broken than he thought, and that wasn't going to change no matter how much everyone denied it.
I didn't move when I heard the others get home. Despite the way Esme looked toward the garage from where she sat holding onto me. I felt bad enough, and really wasn't looking forward to the demand for answers when they figured out I was here instead of at school for another hour, but running wasn't going to keep that from happening.
I did glance up at Carlisle descending the stairs, though, and for a moment, I hoped he'd take their disappointment for me, but I couldn't count on that too much. He'd probably been up there trying to figure out what to do about me. Forks only had one elementary school, and the one in Sappho was only open to those that lived there.
"Leandra?" Jasper's surprise was justified. I glanced over, finding his confused gaze, as well as everyone else's. He looked to Carlisle, "What happened?"
It was my turn to be surprised. He wasn't mad at me, but worried. That would probably change, though, when he and the others were told what I'd done. So I waited, sitting quietly and keeping my eyes down as Carlisle got into the explanation.
"Serves him right." Emmett snorted, to my surprise, "Trying to corner shorty like that, he deserved it."
"I really didn't expect that to work a second time." Carlisle admitted, shaking his head, "I never should have allowed it, so that was purely my fault."
"So how did she get hurt?" Alice asked.
"A small disagreement with another student." He replied, "Both of them are fine. It's only a scrape. Nothing serious, but something best covered. Considering."
"Disagreement?" Jasper prompted.
"While I was inside the school trying to sort out the first incident, she was being pressured to join the other students, and this particular boy wouldn't let her move away." He explained, "She decided it needed to get physical."
"He deserved it too." Emmett muttered, "He should have moved." He looked to me, "I'm guessing you told him to get out of the way?"
"More than once." I mumbled, "Zack told him too. It didn't work."
"Then it's not that big of a problem." Emmett shrugged, "If anything, it proves she knows how to take care of herself."
"The problem is, the school's principal didn't see it that way." Carlisle corrected, "She wasn't nearly as forgiving as we are, and I personally can't blame her, because all she's doing is protecting the other students, but that does pose a problem for Leandra."
Emmett sighed, "So how about we just go with the idea I gave you from the beginning? Home-school her. Esme is a way better teacher than any of the morons working for schools these days."
"Thank you." Esme smiled at him.
"But there is still the issue of her learning to tolerate people." Alice argued, "How is she going to learn that-"
"Give it time, Alice." He argued right back, "That's what her little friends are for. Let them work on her for a little bit. I think they've been doing just fine a job already. Through them, she'll probably be forced to meet new friends sooner or later anyway. I think it needs to happen on her own time anyway.
"And who even cares if she doesn't have five hundred friends? Who cares if she's not gone all week at some practice or another, or running around to fifty 'friends' houses a day? If the kid wants to stay here, dammit, let her stay here. There's nothing wrong with her wanting the company of family. I'd rather have her here and comfortable than out there somewhere trying to make it work around humans she wants nothing to do with."
Even I stared at him in the silence, unable to really believe his speech.
"Uh." He paused at all the stares, "In my opinion."
"I want to agree with you." Alice sighed after a moment, "I really do. There's just one little problem."
"What's that?" He asked.
"The only reason she wants nothing to do with them, is because of him." She replied, and I looked down, wincing a little.
"Out of everything he's taught her, that's what you're caught up on?" Emmett asked, frowning, "It could be a whole lot worse, and you know it. Her wanting to avoid humans is a whole lot better than her wanting to run around killing them." I didn't want to hurt anyone. That was part of the whole worry.
"I agree." Carlisle spoke up with a slight nod.
"I think considering how much of a psychopath this guy is, her wanting to stay where it's safe isn't so bad." Emmett added, and I couldn't help smiling a little.
Clearly, this needed a lot of discussion, but for right then, I wasn't in trouble. They weren't mad at me, and that meant a lot. It also meant a lot that they finally seemed to understand where I was coming from. They knew that when I argued about something, I knew what I was talking about.
To me, that was a huge step forward.
A/N: Chapter two, down. I hope it was satisfactory. :)
THANK YOU to those that chose to review last chapter! :D I know you probably get tired of reading this over and over and over and over, but it's still just as true as the day I first said (err.. Typed) it. You guys make my day. :) More than you know!
Chapter three should be along without too much difficulty, so that's a plus, right?
Until Three, my friends! :D