Chapter Three

"You're a legend." Zack was way more excited about this than I was, "Everyone knows who you are."

"That's not helping." I grumbled.

At first, I'd been way too embarrassed to see them. It took me until Sunday to see them, but I could only go for a few hours in the afternoon, since they had school the next day. I sensed this would be an issue. I was so used to being able to spend all day with them, and regretted not getting over it before the weekend was up.

Apparently, even though I never actually went to school, I was being talked about. It also didn't help that many people from multiple grades had seen for themselves what I had done just to get out of becoming one of them.

I was relieved to know that Andrew was fine. I hadn't hit him that hard, just hard enough to get him to let go of my foot, so that was a good thing.

"I always miss the good stuff." Josh was quite disappointed.

"That's what you get for being born two years before us." Zack grinned. He looked to me, "It'll blow over soon. Watch. Someone else will do something stupid, and that'll be big news. How long do you think you'll be home schooled?"

"Hopefully forever." I replied, but even I knew better.

"But how cool would it be to have you at my school?" Zack asked, "Nobody would mess with you."

"Justin seemed a little.." I trailed off.

"Oh, him?" He asked, "He was only tough behind the fence. If you were standing in front of him, he'd wet his pants." I laughed a little at that, shaking my head, "It's true."

"You gave a teacher a bloody nose." Josh pointed out, "Do you know what that says to everyone else?"

"I was just scared."

"They don't know that, or even care." Zack replied, "All they care about is that you did."

"But I didn't want to do that." I sighed, "Doesn't that matter?"

"Not really, no." Zack laughed quietly.

That was comforting.

Expressing my worry about it at home later that night, Emmett chuckled one word.

"Reputation."

Reputation as what? What did that even really mean? Sure they knew about me now, and that would probably help a little in keeping people away from me, but it would also bring out all the ones wanting a challenge. I didn't want that. I was a little reluctant to be poked or prodded into fighting with someone.

That was not very high up on my list of things to think much about, though.

I could feel it coming, and I always knew when a bad day was coming. I could always tell, so this was nothing new. I just wasn't sure what it could have been that brought it on.

Sitting there that evening, I could tell. Esme always watched me closely when she sensed a bad day was coming, but my lack of thorough responses to her questions, or lack of wanting much to eat was a really good indication I wasn't really there.

It was so hard on me, so hard to break myself out of this mood, that I learned not to even bother. I couldn't stop it, so why try? It was like constantly floating in an ocean, and I could clearly see the wave coming straight for me, but I couldn't avoid it. So I just closed my eyes and waited to drown again.

I'd expected it, so it wasn't a surprise.

However, that night just after falling asleep, I did dream again. It was nothing light, or easy to handle. It was one of those dreams that stuck even after I woke up. The ones that left me with a particular smell or taste in my mouth, or sound in my head. The images still vivid, waiting just behind my eyes for me to close them and become real again. I hated dreams like this, but there was nothing in the world that could keep them away.

Sitting there, the thunder and the dumping rain outside. Seeming to match my mood.

It was dreams like this that really made me see again. Filling my head with the threat I was still undoubtedly under. They made me fully realize that Jack was still out there somewhere. Still free. Probably just biding his time. Waiting for the moment when he'd come to find me.

It was dreams like this that made that normally small sliver of insecurity blossom into something much bigger than I was. Despite knowing I was safe, protected when my family was around me, I couldn't help wondering. When would I see him again? When would he come back for me? Would he decide I wasn't worth it anymore, and kill me?

There were also other more pressing issues I had to deal with. Nights like this made that impossible to deny.

Like how it seemed to me that there was another part of me, other than the part everybody saw, that wanted to be afraid and hide away. Turning on itself, and turning on me.

It felt to me like even though he was no longer around me, or me around him, these dreams were still teaching me. I was still learning from them. That even though Jack wasn't there to teach me, I was teaching myself.

All those years of living with him, I learned so many things I never should have, but when I was smaller, to me, it was just something he did. Not quite normal, but I accepted it. That acceptance was what was hurting me now.

I could never forget it, and I could never ignore what that did to me. Just attempting to think back to some of the points of my past, threatened to squeeze tears from my eyes, but knowing I shouldn't cry. A darkness in me wanted to hold onto me, and never let me go, and it was unshakable.

Nobody knew what I struggled with. Nobody really knew how hard, or how dark this was.

All they knew, was the smallest bit of details. I was beaten, and I was hurt. Repeatedly taught what it felt like to feel pain, but it was more than that. They didn't understand yet how thorough he really was. There was a lot more to it than that. Something behind those small details that they didn't understand without an explanation I really wasn't willing to give.

They didn't understand how deep those scars ran. As if those scars were all that held me together. They didn't understand that when I went silent, my thoughts were loud. They didn't know that when I was quiet, I was remembering the harder times. They didn't realize that when I was quiet, that was when I felt the most pain. Remembering the way he shouted, and the way he whispered.

They knew the basics, they knew the main details, but underneath that, there was an infection I couldn't fix. A sort of poison in me that I thought if I ever let anybody know about what I lived through, I'd poison and infect them too. A poison that kept my heart beating a little too quick, my tension a little too high.

A part of me I kept hidden, not mentioning a word about it. A part of me that no amount of good days could put back together. I wanted to deny it, to lie to them, and I did for the most part. That lie was part of the best behavior I was constantly striving for. If I was good, maybe they'd hate me less when they did find out.

There were six years of horrifying details I couldn't even think about, much less speak about. Things he did, and put me through that I'd never speak about. Fear keeping those secrets. Things he'd say to me, especially when he was in a darker mood. Things he'd tell me, and things I'd listen to. I had no other choice.

I could still hear all he told me. I could still feel everything I felt, and see everything I saw.

They didn't hear the sound of his voice when he wasn't shouting, or being condescending. They didn't hear what his voice sounded like in a murmur, or a whisper. They didn't know what it was like for me to want to cringe away with my entire body, but being unable to, because fear kept me still. To be trapped that way. All the time. Nearly every day, all day.

Six years of darkness that would always be a part of me, and continue to teach me that hate was the one way I could be happy. To blame, and to hate others who were supposed to keep me from that sort of fate. To blame, and to hate others who never had to live that sort of life.

To blame and hate my sister, because she got to have my dad. To blame and hate my mother, because she was supposed to be protecting me. Finding out she was behind my dad's disappearance from my life made the hate I felt for him crawl on over to her side. Doubling the hate and blame I held for her.

But I fought it. Day in and day out, because I didn't want to be that way. I didn't want to be like Jack, but I knew better. Even from this day forward, if I never saw him again, I'd still turn out like him. At least, to some degree.

And if I could keep the others from knowing that, if I could hide my thoughts from Edward for as long as I could, I would. The only one that could possibly begin to understand how much I suffered would be Jasper. He could feel it, but he just couldn't understand why. He was always watching out for me, and part of me really appreciated that, but he really understood the agony it was to live with my emotions when they escaped.

I didn't know if I should talk to him about it or not, as that would open the subject up for discussion. Something I really didn't want. I wanted to hide from it, and talking about it would just destroy that, however I did need to tell Jasper to not mention my pain to anyone else. I needed him to lie and to keep that a secret, like I was. That was something I fought with since I first settled here.

Because my family didn't need to know how dark the world could be. How suffocating it could be just to breathe. To keep breathing. I wanted to hide the disturbing truth, because they were such loving people. I guess I just wanted to protect them from knowing what kind of place the world was.

Or so I told myself.

I was probably more afraid of them discovering what kind of person I was. By admitting all of the things that happened, and all of the things I remembered and felt, I worried they'd finally agree with Jack, and discover how I wasn't worth it anymore. How I never had been worth it. I'd die the day that happened.

Up until that dream, the vision I'd had of my family, my life had been nothing but a damning nightmare. Day, night, every single second, a living nightmare. One that ensured I would always be this way. Ensured that I would never be normal, and I'd always remember these things. .

My dreams would always be a thing to fear, because they were always real to me. Vivid reminders of things I'd gone through, and one of the many reasons why I still feared the darkness of a room without the light on. Why I couldn't get passed that one childish fear.

Those few extra days with Jack were proving to be just as influential as six entire years of my life. I would never admit it, because I wanted to hide from it myself, but I hated much more thoroughly than any of them knew. I was capable of much more than any of them knew, and I knew that.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep at all that night. Sitting there, locked in my own head just like the bad night before. I really hadn't been expecting a bad night this soon, but it was undeniable that I'd be in pain for at least the next day.

I wasn't surprised when Jasper ratted me out and sent Esme into my room to check on me. Sometime passed two in the morning, when I still hadn't slept, she came in. Allowing the light from the hallway to illuminate me sitting up, and she knew immediately that though the light was on me, I was still stuck in the dark. One glance from me told her I was hurting, and hurting badly. I hated worrying her like this, but I literally couldn't stop it.

I'd never admit to her just what my pain was about, but she didn't exactly need to know what it was about to offer her support. The ache of emptiness would always be there, and she'd probably always want to help me with it, but all that was doing was teaching me how to live with it.

It hurt me so much, and there was nothing in the world I could do to fix that.

She would try talking to me, but even she had to know by now that when I got like this, I wouldn't say anything. It was rare to get me to say anything when I was like this. This was different from when I'd go silent during a questioning. This was closing myself off, refusing to let anyone see what I hid.

So there's where we sat until near morning. Thoughts spinning through my head too fast to stop. Wounding me, hurting me even more without having to move. It was pure and hellish torture. Everything my life before held scrolled through my thoughts.

My eyes closed, but I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't sleeping, but I was almost dreaming. Stuck in a waking nightmare that nobody could pull me out of. I was drowning again, and I just had to hold on until I could get to the surface again. I just had to hold on, though the pain ensured I didn't want to, because no matter how I felt about it, it wouldn't be enough to kill me.

One sight, however, stopped all those thoughts in their tracks and sent a chill of almost panic through my stomach to numb my limbs for a brief moment. Opening my eyes, someone rounding the door frame startled me out of my own misery for just long enough to think. To stand there and observe, no doubt.

Edward met my eyes, and I understood immediately that he'd been here for quite a bit of time, and I never even knew it. Had I known it, I would have done more to stop those thoughts before he could see them, but as it stood right now, he'd seen plenty. More than enough to understand, and far more than I ever, ever wanted him to see.

Through the numbing panic, the first thing I felt was embarrassment. Humiliation, and after that, came the sorrow. I was sorry he had to see all that, but I didn't know he was there! What must he have seen? All the things I'd gone through. All the things Jack had done to me, said to me, made me do..

I sat upright slowly from where I sat leaned against Esme, horrified for him. I hadn't known, otherwise I never would have willingly let my thoughts through like that.

"I'm so sorry." I spoke for the first time that entire time.

"Don't." He spoke, and his voice was tight, "Don't apologize. Just.. Don't." I couldn't understand his tone, but I knew enough to know it wasn't anything good. I winced, looking down.

"Edward?" Esme prompted.

"That man shouldn't be allowed to live." Edward murmured, and I'd never heard him speak that way before as my eyes found his again. He was angry. Struggling, it looked like, to fix his emotions like I did so often. I'd been there.

I sat there, stunned into stillness, watching as he shook his head and turned. Leaving the doorway. I really, truly and honestly didn't mean to piss him off. I didn't mean to make him mad, and I sure didn't mean to torture him like that.

I wanted to cry again, but for a different reason. I felt so horrible, so guilty and ashamed for putting him through that. Whether or not I knew he was here didn't matter to me. All that mattered to me was that I had.

I forced myself to scramble out of bed as Esme stood up as well. I rounded the doorway just in time to see the front door slam shut, and Jasper standing up. Carlisle followed Edward quickly, and though I knew it was only to calm him down, I felt even worse.

"How long has he been here?" I asked, my voice muted and trembling with emotion. I needed to know how much he'd seen.

"All night, Leandra." Jasper replied. I closed my eyes in something that felt an awful lot like despair, embarrassment chewing and clawing at my mind.

"I didn't mean to, I just.." I couldn't offer much an explanation, "I-I didn't know that he was here, or I.. I didn't mean to make him mad."

"No." Jasper instantly told me, "No, it wasn't you. He's not mad at you, Leandra."

I didn't buy it.

"He saw everything." I whimpered, my wide eyes burning with renewing and unshed tears. He saw everything. How could he not be mad at me? He knew what kind of person I was, and though I had no doubts he had an idea before, now it was a real possibility.

I returned to my room. I even denied Esme's company this time. I didn't deserve it.

Choosing to lay on my side on my bed, as I really didn't want to see what would happen when he came back. If he came back. I felt sick, my stomach turning against me with the guilt and shame. I felt so bad, horrible for putting him through that, and I was convinced he would push for me to find a new place to live.

I'd understand. If he didn't want me there, I'd understand. It was his house first, and I was just someone coming along with no real worth. There was no benefit to keeping me. Eventually, I knew they'd all find out and that would be it for me here. Gift, or no gift.

Unfortunately, I had to let my eyes close. They were aching so badly from the emotion I let escape, the tears still coating my cheeks. I just closed them to rest them, but my exhausted mind had other plans.

I was so relieved when I woke up on my own, I wanted to cry. I would have, if my eyes hadn't still felt so sore. I hadn't dreamed, and that was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. I was disoriented, however. I hadn't actually meant to fall asleep.

Pushing myself up, sitting upright I thought back to hours ago, and that relief I felt just moments ago turned around on me. Switching, changing into something like a resigned depression. By now, Edward would have at least told Carlisle everything, and I was moments from losing everything I ever considered home. As Emmett said, what Carlisle said went.

He wouldn't want me. He might not be the type to hit me, but getting rid of me would hurt far worse. I'd rather be hit a hundred times than be made to leave because I was a bad person. Definitely not good enough to stay here. Edward would make him see that I wasn't worth much.

Giving a glance around my dimly lit bedroom, I wasn't sure what to do. Should I pack some stuff first, or go out and see where they decided to send me first? Would they even let me take stuff with me? It was theirs, after all. Would they even want it after I had it?

I shook my head, and looked down at my hands. That one bad night had pretty much costed me everything I had.

Should I even bother going out to face them? Or should I just find my own way out through the window? Maybe Jack was right. Maybe everything he told me was true. I wouldn't ever have anything better than him. I was grateful, though, for the time I did have here.

I couldn't just leave, though. I had to at least thank them.

With a yawn and residual sniffle, I climbed off my bed. Hesitating several times, I had to keep convincing myself that this was the right way to go about things. Facing anybody after they knew now seemed so impossible.

I took a deep breath, held it, and opened my door. Hesitating a moment longer before stepping out. Rounding the doorway, I chanced a silent glance up. The only one looking my way, however, was the one I really was not expecting to see.

"Oh, God." I whined, rounding back into my room.

"Leandra, wait." Edward called, "Wait."

I couldn't. I couldn't even look at him without the same shame and humiliation I felt the night before threatening to turn my stomach. I closed my door again behind me, whimpering into silence as I leaned back against it.

Not only was I embarrassed at torturing him like that, but he'd seen everything. He knew. He watched my life play through my head like a movie. I couldn't stand that thought. Nobody was supposed to know that. Not one person. I would have died with those memories, but now that someone actually knew, that was ruined and it made me feel very insecure.

I wasn't mad at him. How could I be? I wasn't mad at him, because I knew it wasn't his fault. It was mine. It was always mine.

"Leandra?" He'd come to the door, knocking softly on it, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Please don't." I whimpered, "I know what you're going to say."

"You actually have no idea what I'm going to say." He replied through the door, "I understand that you somehow fell under the impression that I was angry at you last night."

I didn't bother replying. Moving away from the door, straight to my bed.

"I understand how that could happen, but I assure you-"

"Please go away." I whispered, but I knew he heard it. This was hard enough. He had to see how badly I needed to hide from him.

"I'm not angry at you, Leandra." He told me, "I was angry at the situations he put you in. The things he put you through. I was angry at him, Leandra. Not you."

I stayed quiet. Not bothering to reply. I'd heard him, and I knew he knew I heard him, but the words never stuck. It just didn't make sense to me how he could possibly not be angry at me for what I did to him. Without even knowing. How selfish could I be?

"Think about it." He urged quietly, "One more thing. I haven't told anyone." That took my attention, and I slowly looked toward the closed door. The others didn't know?

"No." He answered, "They don't. Those are your thoughts, Leandra. Your memories. I can't avoid overhearing them, but that does not give me the right to share them with everyone else. If you're not ready to talk about them, then that's that. They're yours to share when you see fit. Not mine."

I took a deep breath and nodded a little. That eased me quite a bit, but the embarrassment stayed. I might not be getting kicked out after all, but he still knew. He saw everything I recalled, and that bothered me.

"Don't blame yourself." I knew what he meant, "Please don't blame yourself. You have no reason to feel responsible for what he did to you." I turned away from the door then. He was wrong.

After about a minute longer of silence, I heard him sigh.

"Come on out when you're ready." I appreciated that. He seemed to understand my need to hide away while I came to terms with the thought that he knew everything now. It would definitely take some time to get used to that.

I didn't come out until I absolutely had to, and that was for the bathroom. I knew I just had to make it through today. I just had to survive today.

Everyone knew me well enough by now to know that when I stayed in my room like this, I wouldn't be looking for company, or someone to tell me how I didn't need to put myself through this. I just wanted to be left alone.

It was always so hard to shake off my emotions when I got like this, but even worse now with embarrassment thrown into the mix. It usually only took me a day of hiding away before I wanted company again, and surprisingly, this time was no different.

Not to mention the fact that I was finally hungry again. That usually helped get me out of my cave, and this time, I figured if I wasn't being kicked out yet, I wasn't going to be.

Esme was cooking already by the time I came out, so I knew she was going to bring me something anyway if I hadn't come out on my own.

I slowly approached, and took my usual spot on the couch with Emmett. He always waited right there for me when I got like this. Knowing I'd come out eventually, and find that spot. He was a naturally light-hearted person. My heart was heavy enough for both of us, so it almost balanced everything out. He almost always helped me to bounce back.

"Bad night, shorty?" He observed, and I nodded. Taking a quiet breath, fighting more tears. I'd had not only a bad night, but a worse than usual night. He offered a small smile as I glanced over at him, "I heard what happened. I get mad when Eddy sneaks up on me too."

Unable to help it, I grew a small smile of my own.

"You'll be alright." He offered, covering and squeezing my hand on the couch.

Emmett was always extra nice to me when I felt this bad. Not trying to comfort me, but just being there. He never tried to get me to talk about it, but I knew the option was there if I needed it. I hadn't yet, but it was nice all the same.

I refused to sleep that night, too afraid of everything starting all over again, and the following morning, I sat there struggling through some fifth grade reading material that Esme had given me. I had no trouble with it, but my concentration was shot. Half laying on the counter, I was exhausted and extremely worn out.

I wasn't "officially" being home-schooled yet, but she thought it was a good idea to keep me caught up to the other kids my age while we waited for approval.

I hoped she'd let me skip the math part that day. Everything else, I'd be fine with, but I hated math and I was pretty sure that math hated me.

Esme was probably the only teacher I knew that could multitask easily. She could explain something in detail while cleaning the entire house, without me feeling like I was bugging her or in the way. I could get a little caught up on a word I wasn't familiar with, and she'd know exactly what word it was, even if I never said anything more than the first letter. She might not have been particularly distracted, but I sure was.

Her focus was on me, and everything else at once. It was pretty cool, and I couldn't blame her for wanting to get this stuff done, as Bella's birthday party was that evening. A party that had been planned for a month, and that Bella didn't even know about until that day.

I didn't mind this thought so much.

A birthday party that I wasn't the center of. One I didn't have to dread or endure. It was just Bella. I knew Bella, so this was acceptable. Something to get mine and everyone's focus off of me for a little while.

"I'm going to get so fat on all this cake." I muttered, eyeing the cake sitting on the counter. Mine, then Josh's, now Bella's? Not being used to it, I was pretty caked out by then.

Esme laughed a little from the next room, "I'm sure she'll want to take most of it home."

"I wouldn't mind." I replied, "One bit."

I couldn't shake the nervousness, though. I couldn't understand it. I was assured it'd only be Bella here, and Bella never bothered me to be around before, so why was I nervous about this?

I found it awfully convenient that nobody mentioned me needing to change my clothes until the stupid dress was laid in front of me about twenty minutes before the party would begin. Bella and Edward were already here, staying upstairs until everything was finished being set up. That included me. I stared at it incredulously, before looking up at Alice.

"It's alright." I told her, "But isn't it a little small for you?"

"It's not for me." She knew full well I knew who it was for.

"You want me to wear that?" I asked, "It'd look better on Zack."

"Now that, I doubt." She laughed a little, "Come on. It's not going to bite."

"But I hate dresses." I argued, "You know that."

"It's a special occasion." She countered, "I didn't make you wear one for your birthday. Please humor me." I hesitated, sighing out a groan of defeat. Staring at the fabric laid on my bed with distaste, but I knew I'd already been enough of a pain in the ass lately, so I shook my head, but lifted it. I could relent on this one.

I wasn't especially against it. I just hated the feel of it. I could suffer for a few hours if it made her happy. I was being allowed to stay here. I could humor her.

It was a light blue color, and the top part was sleeveless, with little yellow flowers embroidered on it. I wanted to set it on fire, but I knew that wouldn't go over well, so I just put it on instead, buttoning the three buttons at the top with a quiet and bitter, "I hate you."

They'd just gotten me comfortable in t-shirts instead of sweaters. This thing did very little to hide my upper back and shoulders, much less any part of my arms.

"Oh," Emmett grinned once he saw me, "Don't you look so pretty?" And I took a swing, which he dodged easily.

"I've got to teach you how to throw a punch, shorty." He chuckled, catching me before I could fall off balance. This was what I didn't want. I hated dresses, and I missed the coverage of jeans.

"Don't tell me that." I snapped, glaring up at him, "Not ever."

Seeing he'd actually pissed me off, he stopped laughing, but kept his smirk. I was a little sensitive when I was uncomfortable, and I was very uncomfortable. I was sensitive anyway, considering I hadn't slept in close to two days.

"I'm sorry." He said, "I didn't mean anything by it." I decided to let it go, glancing to Carlisle as I sat down on the couch.

"I would have been fine in jeans." I muttered bitterly, "I don't see why I have to wear this stupid fucking thing." Emmett snorted, trying to hide his chuckle.

"Leandra." Esme corrected, "You shouldn't use language like that."

"Delicate little flower." Emmett commented, moving over to help Rosalie light candles.

"Sorry." I mumbled, "I look so stupid."

"Uh, no you don't." Alice replied, giving me an incredulous look, "Nobody in this family ever looks stupid."

"You look mean." Emmett offered, "But not stupid." I glared up at him, and he grinned, "See? Terrifying." Despite how irritated I still felt, I smiled a little, looking back down as he spoke again, "Light blue is your color, though. It makes the color of your eyes seem even scarier." I was back to glaring with a slight hint at a pout.

"I like my eye color." I told him, "Leave my eyes out of this." I grew suspicious at his widened smile, "What?" What the hell had I said to make this more amusing to him?

"That's the first time I've ever heard you say you liked something about yourself." He replied, and surprised, I realized he was right. I'd always expressed dislike or hatred for everything having to do with myself. No matter what it was, but I did like my eye color.

It was almost a unique shade of green. A few shades darker than the hazel I'd seen on other people, and under certain light, could almost look blue.

"Well, I do." I muttered, inspecting a mosquito bite on my arm, "So don't make fun of them."

"It's definitely a start." Jasper pointed out from the side, smiling a little.

"If you say so." I finally sighed, shrugging a little.

I always appreciated it when they never really treated me different after those nights. It made me feel better about it. Like it wasn't the end of the world, which was how I knew I'd be okay for a little while. Until the next bad night.

"Are you done picking on her, Emmett?" Alice asked, her hands on her hips.

"Finished." Emmett grinned in reply, "All done. For now, anyway." I smiled a little, looking over at him.

"Good." She said, "May I please bring them down now?"

"Of course, your majesty." He answered.

"At least someone recognizes the title." She smiled, skipping up the stairs. Keeping my slight smile until it faded on its own, I stood up with a sigh, moving to Emmett's free side. Rosalie had his other side. He looked down at me, hugging my shoulders.

"Forgive me?" He asked and I nodded a little. I kept quiet, though. Returning the hug as much as I could. Something didn't sit right with me. Along with being uncomfortable, I was nervous. I felt it in my stomach, and in my throat, and actually wondered if I would throw up. Maybe having to wear this stupid dress actually made me sick? Or it could have been the fact that I'd hardly eaten much of anything lately. Emotion having stolen my appetite.

I realized I'd just have to grit my teeth and deal with it, as Alice started back down the stairs with Edward and Bella in tow.

That's when I moved to the side. The same sense of nervousness I'd felt the entire day pitting in my stomach in a more intense way, and I didn't like it. It wasn't exactly Bella that made me nervous. I knew that much, which confused the hell out of me. I just couldn't understand it.

Glancing up at Jasper beside me, he glanced at me in return. Not commenting. He understood, given the nod he gave me. He felt my nervousness too, and for a moment, I found myself wondering. Did my nervousness make him nervous? He felt everything I felt, but did it alter his own mood to do that?

That would suck, I decided, and without the option to turn it off, he'd be stuck always depending on the mood of others to feel what he wanted to feel.

So there I stayed, trying to ignore the nervousness constantly rolling in my stomach. I looked up at Jasper, still wondering if he felt nervous too. He sure seemed to. From what I could tell anyway. It only got worse as time went on, though, and I hoped he wasn't upset with me for being so nervous, but it made it better that he and I seemed to be the only ones nervous.

Bella's gifts weren't nearly as numerous as mine had been, so I knew it wouldn't take nearly as long as my birthday party had, but that didn't help me. If anything, looking to the tiny gift pile bothered me. Was there something wrong with them? Alice choosing one at a time to hand her, me watching each one closely as it changed hands.

How would I explain that, though? About the third, I decided to try.

"Jasper." I murmured, worried now. I managed to take his attention for just a second before I clearly heard Bella's mutter of pain, and I couldn't blame him for looking her direction. I did too.

I realized she'd cut her finger on the thick paper of the gift she held, and I winced a little. I hated paper cuts. That thing would sting for days.

Everything sped up then.

Before I even realized what was happening, I was suddenly back. Shoved backwards and landing onto my butt on the carpet with a grunt, far away from Jasper in time for him to completely lose it. I hadn't even finished rolling back to roughly hit the wall before he was running forward.

I sat there, quite a distance back as Edward shoved Bella backwards first, before catching Jasper next. Shoving him back across the room, back toward me. I realized then, as Jasper landed on the unsuspecting piano, what had happened.

The blood that escaped the paper cut in Bella's finger was too much, and Jasper realized that. He felt himself slipping, so he shoved me away from him right before he snapped. Focused on Bella, and her blood escaping, I didn't appeal to him.

Seeing first hand what blood could turn them into, I had to admit I was scared. The ache of nervousness in my stomach had turned into the chilling rush of fear while I watched things happen almost too quickly for me to watch.

Thankfully as the others restrained him, he didn't even look at where I was. I probably would have screamed, but he never did. I wasn't hurt like Bella was, I noticed, as I watched the blood flow slowly down her arm.

Sure, my butt ached from landing on it, and my chest hurt from where he shoved me, but I was fine. A little shocked, but fine.

Things slowed down again. Everything seeming to pause right there, nobody moving and ensuring Jasper didn't either. I found it rather difficult to breathe or catch what breath I'd lost by being shoved, but that felt more like a mild form of panic than actually being hurt. The trembling I felt was unmistakable.

"Leandra." Esme murmured as they took Jasper from the house, "Honey." She kneeled beside me, helping me stand up.

"I'm fine." I immediately said, trying to shake off my instinctive fear, "I'm okay. He moved me before anything could happen." She sighed, in relief as she smoothed my dress down.

"You're sure you're okay?" She asked, and I glanced over as Carlisle helped Bella up the stairs.

"I'm fine." I nodded, "I know he didn't mean it." Despite what I said, despite how I thought I felt, I guess I was more shaken up than I thought, and I started to cry before I'd even finished saying that.

I hated the fact that I did so, because I did know he didn't mean it. I just couldn't help crying. Immediately, she put her arms around me, comforting me as I returned her hug, crying into her shoulder.

"Come on, sweetheart." Slowly, she walked with me outside. Out onto the porch. The darkness around me only chilled me more, but it did help my attempts to stop crying. It helped clear my head, and stung my eyes just enough to clear them with deep breaths.

The only one out there besides us was Rose. The others must have been out with Jasper.

"Rose," Esme said, "Please keep her company. She's a little shaken up. I need to clean up inside." I clearly saw the way Rosalie detested the idea, but nodded. Esme gave my hair one last comforting smooth, before leaving my side.

I stood there, awkwardly holding my arm.

"You don't have to stand around with me, you know." I mumbled, "I'm fine." I sat down on the top step stiffly, sniffling as I struggled to stop crying. She didn't even acknowledge I'd spoken, and I concentrated on my aching backside. I'd landed pretty hard.

"That happens, you know." She told me after a minute, a hint of hidden bitterness in her tone, "I'm shocked it hasn't happened sooner. Jazz is getting better, though. Especially since he had just enough control not to turn and kill you." That made me a little nervous, but I didn't reply.

"I think he knew Edward would stop him." She mused, her bitter tone fading, and I listened, "He knew Edward would stop him, because he knew the snap was coming. He's good like that, but he knew nobody was close enough to protect you. You just mean that much to him, I guess."

I took a deep, shaky breath. Calming down further. I'd never really had much interaction with Rosalie. I was pretty sure she still hated me for almost barfing in her car, but of course, only she'd know the real answer to that.

"So when he gets back, do me a favor." I looked up at her, "Now that you've had your cry, tell him you're fine."

"I will." I replied immediately, "He probably already feels bad enough, and I am fine. I just wasn't expecting that, is all." She nodded a bit.

"Edward's probably going to overreact." She sighed, "You watch." I didn't know what to say to that, but fell silent as movement across the yard caught my attention. Alice and Emmett came from the trees.

"How's he doing?" Rosalie asked as Alice made it to her.

"He's been better." Alice replied quietly, "How's Bella?"

"She's fine." Rose sighed, "Carlisle's taking care of her. Esme's cleaning up, so it should be safe to go back in soon." Alice's eyes fell on me, and she immediately sat beside me. Hugging me. I grunted a little with the force of it, wanting to tell her that this wasn't helping me catch my breath, but it did feel nice.

"I'm okay." I assured her, with more confidence this time, "It's okay."

"I'm so sorry, Leandra." She told me, "We were all just.. So focused on Bella, and-"

"It's fine." I laughed a little, "I'm not hurt anywhere." That was a lie. My chest hurt, and it was a little tough to breathe, but I was probably just sore, and had the wind knocked from me.

Before she could insist, the three of them looked back to the trees. Edward crossed the yard without even really looking at us, and the look in his eyes made my heart sink as he stepped passed all of us, up the steps and into the house. My head turned, my gaze following him until he disappeared inside.

Jasper followed a few steps behind, deeply angry at himself given the look in his eyes, but he stopped with us outside. He didn't go inside, which was probably the right move.

"Are you alright?" He asked me pointedly, and though I was a little intimidated by his tone, I smiled a little.

"I'm fine." I told him, "Tired of nobody believing me, but I'm fine. I'm not hurt or anything. That carpet is pretty soft, and my butt is pretty padded." Another lie, but I added another small smile, laughing a little along with Emmett.

I was fairly sure wanting to make someone feel better came with its own set of emotions that he could understand. I wasn't mad at him, or upset with him. I wasn't afraid anymore, because I recognized him again. I wasn't injured, or concerned about myself very much. The anger in Jasper's eyes lessened significantly, and he sighed. Nodding.

"I'm pretty sturdy." I reminded him with a smile, "I'm fine." That only helped him even more, and it helped me too.

Alice stood up, and hugged onto his side.

"It'll be fine." She told him, and I looked to her. I could tell immediately that I wasn't the only one fibbing.

"Leandra." Carlisle's voice had me look back at him in the doorway. Around the front of the house, I heard Bella's truck start, and I figured Edward was driving her home.

"I'm fi-"

"Humor me." He insisted, and I sighed, standing up. It was easier to breathe now, so even if I was a little hurt, it wasn't that bad. I passed him into the house, "Upstairs. Into my office." I followed his instruction, slowly climbing the stairs.

He followed close behind me, and I looked up at him as he stepped around me.

"Where did he hit you?" He asked, and I frowned. I didn't like that word.

"He didn't hit me." I said, "He pushed me." He gave me a look, and I sighed. I gestured to my upper chest, "Here."

He nodded, letting me know to let him look. I sighed, unbuttoning the top portion of my dress. I peeked down the front, and winced. Carlisle was going to freak out. The bruising over the direct center of my chest wasn't too dark, but it was obvious against my pale skin. It wasn't too big of a bruise, but not small either. Already beginning to spread outward in a deep purple tint. Darker toward the middle.

I let him look, and he sighed heavily. Immediately looking closer at the already darkening bruise. Just as I figured, it concerned him.

"Does it hurt to breathe?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"No." I answered, "It was a little hard to a little bit ago, but now I'm fine."

"Take a deep breath and hold it." He told me, and I did as he said. As deep as I could, and despite how the bruise ached, it didn't really hurt. After only a few seconds, he told me to let it out. I laughed a little as I had to take another breath immediately after that.

"I think you're alright." He nodded.

"Told you." I mumbled, already buttoning up my top. He sighed, standing straighter. I was quiet for a moment. He seemed distracted. Deeply concerned. I never saw him this distracted over something so small. It made me even more nervous, watching him. As if something had changed.

I hated that feeling.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed." I mumbled, watching as he looked back down at me.

"I think that's a good idea." He replied quietly, "Good night, Leandra."

"Good night." I responded as I turned. Leaving the room and heading downstairs. I paused beside Esme, watching her pick up the pieces of glass.

"Do you need any help?" I asked, and she smiled up at me, watching as I kneeled beside her. A rather large piece of jagged glass had taken my attention, and I focused on the way the light glinted on it. Brighter along the edge. Maybe I was more tired than I thought.

"No, honey." She said, "I've got it." She gently caught my wrist as I went to reach for it anyway. I smiled a little at her, "You have to be careful, honey. These are sharp." Right. The last thing we needed was another open wound. I curled my hand back, so she knew it was okay to release me.

I nodded a little, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." She stood up and helped me up along with her, "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." I sighed, "I'm gonna go to bed." She nodded.

"Alright, darling. Sleep well." I gave her a smile, appreciating how normal she was acting. She did a better job at hiding the tension she felt than the entire rest of the family. She smoothed my hair from my forehead and hugged me with her free hand. Her other hand held glass.

I quickly changed into my pajamas, crawling heavily into bed. Indescribably grateful to be rid of that stupid dress.

They could discuss all they needed to discuss now that I was out of the way. While I laid there, I thought about what all had happened. The same nervousness I felt earlier swirled in my stomach, and though I was more than glad that I wasn't afraid anymore, I couldn't get passed the nervousness.

What did this mean?

What happened wasn't Jasper's fault. Not in the least. He didn't mean to. It just happens sometimes. I resisted the urge to think, to try to hunt down the vision. It was hard to resist looking, as I knew the longer I waited the more would slip away, but I couldn't. I'd been doing so well, and I had to keep from undoing that. I could really do without a breakdown undoing all the convincing I'd done for Jasper, and I wasn't particularly eager to cry again either.

As hesitant as I was to fall asleep, I needed to. I'd gone too long without sleeping, and I was pretty sure I was an hour of sleeplessness away from hallucinating. I fell asleep, refusing to let myself try to look forward. As much as I wanted to know what happened, I knew this happened before. It had to have happened before, because I knew to be nervous.

I woke to being lifted out of bed, the blanket over me falling away as I was gathered up, which would have woken me up in a panic if I'd wanted to wake up. Instead, I just whimpered, choosing to just frown instead. I recognized Esme's arms as the ones holding me, so I didn't mind after a second or two.

"Leave some clothes out for her." Esme spoke as I struggled to make some kind of sense of what was going on, "I haven't gotten to pack her a few things yet. Just leave a few outfits, pajamas and stuff there on the shelf in the closet. I'll get to it soon." I wanted to stay asleep, my eyes refusing to open. I was so tired. What had I been dreaming about?

"You got it." Emmett replied. It was hard waking up, as I was still so tired, but I opened my eyes as she carried me from the room. Despite going to bed rather early the night before, I felt like I hadn't slept at all.

"What's going on?" I mumbled, frowning. Outside the house, in the early morning light, were three large moving vans. Which would have been confusing enough, but out in the living room, there was nothing left. No furniture, nothing there where it had been just the night before, and Esme paused beside the stairs as Alice and Rosalie carried a heavy oak desk down them, toward the door with ease.

"We're moving, honey." She told me, setting me on my feet, "Just sit tight here, okay?"

"Moving?" I asked sleepily, watching as she headed back up the hall toward my room. I stood there beside the stairs, watching as Rose and Alice came back inside. Alice giving me a comforting smile as she passed me on her way back up the stairs. My eyes had yet to adjust, so it was still very confusing to watch them.

Boxes and boxes of books and things came from up the stairs, and I only got more confused. Carlisle and Rose met in the empty living room. Rose took the stack of five large boxes from him easily.

"Emmett and I will take this stuff, and come back." Rose offered, and Carlisle handed her two keys with a nod. From the hall, my bedroom furniture came next.

"Is there room for this in there?" Emmett asked, holding both my mattress and box-spring over his head.

"Hey." I protested grumpily. I wasn't done sleeping yet, I thought to myself bitterly. I wanted him to put that back.

"Yeah." Rose nodded, leading the way outside, "On top." Jasper followed him with the rest of the pieces to my bed. I was so lost. I followed Carlisle up the stairs.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trailing behind him back into his now empty office.

"We've got a place in Ithaca we'll be going to." He informed me distractedly, looking over a stack of papers on top of a stack of boxes.

"Where's that?" I asked, attempting to lift a lone box. I grunted, unable to lift it much higher than an inch or so off the floor.

"New York." He told me, lifting the box easily.

"New York?" My tone reflected my shock, "I'm going too?" I asked, and for the strangest reason, that surprised me.

"Yes, Leandra." He replied, "We want to be gone by noon." I watched after him as he left the room, frowning in confusion. I decided then to just stay out of the way until they were less busy. Majority of everything upstairs was already out of the house, and it left my head spinning to see it this empty.

They must have had a storage place somewhere, because about half an hour later, Rose and Emmett returned with the two large trucks. Both empty and ready to be filled with the last minute stuff, and the third truck was taken next.

For the next half hour or so, I wandered around. Following one person or another, trying to get everything straight in my head. My room was fully emptied, boxes of my stuff carted out. I ran after one particular box, chasing Alice toward the front door.

"Wait." I muttered and she turned. I plucked the stuffed turtle out of the box, and nodded to her. I wanted that with me if everything else was being packed away.

"Your clothes are sitting in your room." Alice informed me, "Go change out of those pajamas and give them to Esme." I nodded, turning to do as she said. I took my kidnapped turtle with me, just so nobody tried to steal it again.

By the time I came out of my extremely empty room, shoes on and all, everything was done and everyone stood around near the stairs now. Probably waiting on me to get done.

"Esme and I will leave first." Carlisle told the rest of the family, "I want to get Leandra there quickly, just so she has a chance to get settled. If we have few detours, we should get there by tomorrow night, or Thursday morning. We've already called ahead, and had the house readied, so it'll be ready by the time we get there."

I bit my lip as I sat on the bottom step of the stairs, the turtle smashed in my arms like the couch pillows had so often been when I felt anxious. I was still lost, but I hadn't had a chance to ask yet.

"Emmett, Rose." Carlisle continued, "If you will, please unload the last two trucks, and return them."

"Not a problem." Emmett smiled, letting him know he didn't mind. He looked to me and kneeled onto my level, "See you there, shorty." I nodded, unable to return his smile as I gave a glance around the very empty living room. I couldn't help the worry in my expression. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. I'd just learned everything about this house, and now we were moving?

"Don't worry so much." He told me.

"I can't help it." I muttered, "I still don't get it."

"You'll be okay." He smiled again, "Don't worry."

"Easier said than done." I replied and he laughed.

After a brief hug from him, I watched as he and Rose left the house, stepping outside.

Esme hugged both Alice and Jasper tightly before we left the house, too. Would they be coming too? Alice hugged me as well, but Jasper hardly looked at me. He seemed the more unhappy of the group.

Esme got me and the turtle into the car and waited outside, as if she were convinced I'd make a break for it. Three huge black bags were placed into the trunk, and I knew those were probably filled with clothes and stuff I'd need right away when we got there.

With me still stuck in the back, we got going. Nervously, I looked back, back to the house and Alice standing on the porch talking to both Emmett and Rose. Despite Alice and Emmett's upbeat attitude inside, they seemed unhappy now. At least from what I could see of them. Maybe my eyes were playing tricks. That wouldn't be impossible.

Did this have anything to do with what happened the night before? Did what happened the night before have anything to do with why suddenly I was taken out of bed, and everything had already been packed up?

Or, more concerning, did this have anything to do with Jack? Had Alice seen something? Had something come up? Were they moving me to keep me safe? With a whimper, my hand rubbed my stomach. Trying to ease the sudden rush of fear there. Now I regretted going to bed early, because I completely missed any sort of discussion that went on the night before.

"You're not dropping me off at the dog pound, are you?" I asked nervously, and Esme looked back at me.

"Of course not." She murmured, surprised, "No, honey." I believed her, so I didn't ask again. Sitting straight in my seat, looking out the window.

"Does this mean I don't have to work on those math problems today?" I asked, quieter now. She laughed a little, so I knew she wasn't as tense.

We were just leaving everything behind. Maybe I was crazy, but that bothered me.

I made one request as we reached town. There was one thing I had to do before we left. Since it wasn't so hard and just the right time of the morning, Carlisle allowed it. Of course, calling ahead first.

We pulled up outside Josh and Zack's house. To think I wouldn't see them for quite some time, I wanted to at least tell them I was leaving. It actually made me sad to think about. Outside, they waited.

"I'm sorry it's so early." Carlisle spoke as he stood from the car, but I'd already beaten him out. Nearly half way to the porch already.

"It's not a problem, Carlisle." Heather replied, but she was obviously confused. With a quiet sigh, I gestured that the boys follow me, leading them out into the yard.

"What's up?" Zack asked, seeing the less than thrilled look in my eyes. He gasped, "Did your turtle die?" Against my will, I laughed a little.

"Don't make me laugh." I hit his arm lightly, "I wanna be sad."

"Why?" He asked, "What's wrong?" I wondered how hard this would be for them. I wondered if it would bother them at all. They had so many other friends, so I doubted it would be as hard for them as it was for me.

"Um.." I sighed, looking down, "We're moving today." That was a shock to both of them, and I could clearly see it. I couldn't blame them. It was still a shock to me.

"Where?" Josh asked, surprised, "We'll still see you, right?"

"We're moving to New York." I said sadly, "So probably not."

"Aww." Zack slumped a little, "Who's going to be the legend at school now? And who's gonna encourage us to hurt ourselves?" I shrugged, keeping my eyes down, "Why are you moving?"

"I don't even know." I replied, "I have no idea. All I know, is we're moving to New York. Right now."

"Where in New York?" Josh asked, "Dad's got a sister living in Rochester."

"I don't know where that is," I said, "But we'll be living in Ithaca. Wherever that is."

"Maybe we can visit sometime." He said, "That's real close by. We don't usually visit her until early in the summer, but maybe dad can make it sooner."

"Maybe." I smiled a little, appreciating how open he was being about this. He wasn't mad at me for having to move like I thought he'd be.

"Well, here." Josh spoke up again, patting his pockets for a second before taking Zack's shoulder and turning him. Unzipping his backpack settled on his shoulder and digging around in it.

"You really need to clean this thing out, Zachary." Josh mimicked his mom's voice, which only made me smile again against my will. From the backpack, he produced a half crumpled blank sheet of paper, a small paperback book, and a chewed-on, broken in half pencil with no eraser.

Turning him further around, he laid the book against Zack's back and started writing on the piece of paper. Looking over his project, I noticed that Josh wrote down his house's address, and his e-mail address. I was pretty sure Carlisle already had their phone number, so that wasn't included.

"I don't know how to use e-mail." I muttered, surprised as he handed it to me.

"You'll figure it out." He smiled, "It's easy." Well, at least I had his address now, I figured, "Zack lives here too. Unfortunately. So if you have to send him something."

"I'll give you our new address when I know it." I said, laughing a little, and he smiled. I nodded with him as I looked down, feeling a sort of sadness I hadn't been anticipating. I didn't want to say goodbye to them. It bothered me. Like I was losing them.

Glancing over, I noticed Heather not looking too happy, so I knew Carlisle and Esme were probably telling her the same news.

"Say goodbye to your dad for me?" I asked, and they both nodded, "I'd do it myself, but I don't think there's that much time."

"It's okay." Zack told me, "He's still sleeping anyway. Josh will forget, but I'll remember." I attempted a smile.

"Thanks." I mumbled, "I'm gonna miss you guys."

"Trust me." Josh replied, "We'll miss you too. You're probably the coolest girl we know. All the others are.." He trailed off, wrinkling his nose, "Really, really boring." I laughed, feeling a little better. Knowing they cared whether or not I was gone was a comforting feeling, but it still left me sore to have to leave.

Nodding as he hugged me, Josh laughed along with me, but it was brief. Not at all as much laughter as I normally heard from him. I almost didn't want to let go when he stepped back, making room for Zack to hug me next.

"If I get a turtle, I'm gonna name it Leandra." He told me, and I had to laugh again.

"Thanks." I replied somewhat sarcastically, "Just don't kick it around."

"I won't." He grinned as he stepped back.

"Leandra?" I looked over as Heather started this way. Her arms crossed over her stomach, as if trying to protect herself from the chilly morning. I gave the boys a small smile before turning to meet her half way. Josh looked down as I stepped away. Zack just watched, his previous grin fading.

As I reached her, she sighed. Kneeling down like Emmett had done earlier to be more on my level. She attempted a smile, but I knew this bothered her. I felt like I knew her well enough by now to know that.

"I'm going to miss you." She started by saying that. I looked down, "You know that, right?"

"I know." I mumbled, nodding a little.

"But I know I'll be seeing you again sometime." She continued, "If I have to drive all the way over there myself, you're not getting away from me that easily." Oddly, it sounded comforting coming from her. I smiled a little, but it faded quickly so she went on, "I'll pack Josh up in the back seat, tie Zack to the hood, and we'll just.. Go." I laughed at that one, finding that visual pretty funny. Zack would love that.

She laughed a little along with me, reaching forward and taking my hand. It got silent for a moment, until she sighed again.

"You can always call." She told me, "I'm sure the boys would love to hear from you whenever you get the chance." I nodded a little, knowing she wouldn't mind hearing from me either.

"You gotta get Zack that turtle." I murmured, and she smiled with a nod of her own, "Just make sure it's a girl turtle, because he wants to name it after me."

"Understood." She laughed.

"And don't let them play hockey with it in the kitchen." I warned, my eyes on the ground, "It might get stuck under the fridge."

"Definitely not." She laughed again, "I'll make that a rule when he receives it."

"Basketball either. Or soccer. I don't think turtles are very good at sports." I tried to make that sound funny, but I started to cry instead.

"Oh, come here." She murmured. Reaching forward and hugging me, she sighed sadly. I returned it easily, not hesitating for a second.

"Take care of yourself, Leandra." She stressed that one, "I'm not going to be there to shield you from any boys."

It was so weird to consider it just as hard to leave her as it was to leave the boys. She was as much my friend as they were with how much we both had in common, and how much we talked about. Unlike the boys, and unlike Mike, she knew the real reason I was with my family. She was the only one outside the family that really understood why I was where I was.

"I will." I whimpered in response. Squeezing her tighter for a second before stepping back. She looked up at me, sadness in her own eyes.

"Okay." She sighed, "Better go now." Glancing behind her, Carlisle and Esme had been patient. Not saying a word to rush me, but I knew they were in a hurry if we were going to get there when Carlisle wanted to get there.

"Yeah." I muttered, nodding a little. Looking back, I spotted the boys standing there silently too, "Bye, guys."

"Bye, Leandra." They echoed.

"Bye, Heather." I looked to her, hugging her one last time. She returned it.

"Bye, baby." She replied gently. I didn't mind the term.

I was relieved, more than relieved that Carlisle and Esme were taking me with them instead of dropping me off somewhere, but that goodbye was one of the hardest ones I'd ever had to give. Thankfully, my real sobs waited until I was back in the back seat and we were on our way.

Neither Carlisle and Esme said anything, so I just let myself cry. I couldn't help it if I wanted to, and I knew once I got done crying about it, I'd be able to focus again, but it was still hard. Three of the only friends I let myself have, and I had to leave them behind.

"I'm gonna miss them." I admitted quietly when my sobs let up enough to.

"I'm sorry, honey." Esme offered, "I know."

It was a very long day from there. Keeping my eyes out the window for majority of the time, I chose to stay silent. My head still spinning from how fast everything happened. One minute, I was sleeping, and the next, we were uprooting and leaving everything I knew behind. That was a lot to handle for someone like me.

I started to snooze sometime after they stopped to get me something for dinner. I didn't eat much. Being far too irritable, and being slightly queasy kept me from doing so. I didn't look at how fast we were going, but it surprised me when we made it fourteen hours worth of distance before sunset. I trusted Carlisle, so I wasn't worried about the speed. I knew he was careful.

This trip, though farther of a distance than California, was taking far less time. Maybe because back then, I'd been covered head to toe in bruises that stiffened more painfully the longer I sat, and being stuffed into a backseat for this long would have been tormentingly painful?

Now, it was only mildly painful compared to what that would have been, but mind-numbingly, tear-inducingly boring.

I'd been pretty silent since Washington, not having much to say. I knew they didn't like this any more than I did, but I had yet to ask for an explanation. I think I was just waiting for them to offer one, rather than be the demanding little shit most kids in my situation would have been. Even Esme told me how well I was dealing with this.

Oh, if she could read thoughts.

I knew they didn't like this any more than I did, given the way Esme would look to Carlisle. Either she worried about completely ruining the sense of stability I'd built there at the old house, or she just wanted to go back like I did. Probably both, considering I felt both myself, and some nausea.

I understood Carlisle's rush now. He just wanted to keep me from throwing up all over the back seat of his car, due to emotions and nerves nobody in our current position could cure. That was a lie, I told myself. He knew I was only nervous and deeply uncomfortable. I was just being bitter.

By the time Carlisle finally did decide to stop later for the night, getting a hotel room, we were already through Montana, and halfway into North Dakota. He didn't need to tell me that we were making good time, because I knew that. A full day's worth of driving in less than twelve hours.

Me complaining that my butt hurt was why he stopped at all.

Unfortunately, I dreamed while sleeping. Waking myself up with a brief scrambling sort of struggle. Panic squeezing a few tears from my eyes, but Esme was already there. Sitting with me until I could breathe again.

She urged me to sleep again, since I'd only been asleep a couple of hours, but I instantly refused that suggestion. I remembered what I dreamed about this time, so it was impossible to let myself.

I was actually glad they decided not to take my suggestion to just get going again, because I fell back to sleep watching TV just a short while later. I was sure it helped to have Esme sitting next to me.

Another twelve hours, I told myself as we started off again the next morning. That's it. We'd be there that night. I despised long car rides, but apparently, I was still doing well. It might have had something to do with the way I didn't throw a fit when they tried to get me back into the back seat to leave the hotel. Why was I being like this?

To pass the time, and to keep from hitting my head against the window to gain blissful unconsciousness, I decided to finally speak. Passing a particularly interesting billboard just passed one of the exits to Chicago.

"If it's a gentleman's club, why is there pictures of women on the billboard?" I wondered out loud, "That makes no sense."

Up front, Esme looked to Carlisle with an expression I couldn't read. I wasn't trying to get an answer. It'd mainly been an observation, having seen many billboards like it this far, and it was just something worth pondering instead of the more obvious things.

"Why did we leave?" I asked, and Esme looked back to me, noting the subject change.

"Oh, honey. It's a long story." She replied sadly, "I know how strange this must be for you." It's not strange, I corrected bitterly. It's cruel.

"Was it something I did?"

"Of course not, sweetheart." She told me, "No. It's.. It's complicated."

"Was it because of what happened the other night?" I asked, quieter now. She hesitated, looking to Carlisle.

"Partially." She allowed, and I nodded. Looking back out the window briefly.

"Are Alice and Jasper going to be there with us?" I asked, slight nervousness in my tone. I'd been nervous that the entire family was splitting up. That I'd lose them like I lost Josh and Zack. I couldn't do that again. Maybe that's what been bugging me this whole time, I thought. I was scared about splitting up. I should just be happy they didn't make me make my own way there.

Stop it, I told myself. Knock it off.

"They'll be there." Esme assured me, and I breathed a sigh in relief. Closing my eyes briefly.

"What about Emmett and Rose?" I asked, "They'll be there?"

"Sure are." She answered, her tone telling me she knew I was feeling insecure and grumpy, and she was trying to get me out of my mood.

"I don't like splitting up." I mumbled, and she smiled a little.

"It's just for now, sweetheart." She said, "They'll be there within a day after we get there, so you won't be lonely for very long." That relieved me quite a bit more, but I wouldn't relax until I knew they were there with us.

"What about Bella?" I asked, and that was the one I knew she was hoping I wouldn't ask about. She was quiet, sighing sadly as she looked to Carlisle again. He'd been silent through this, and I could sense his concern now.

"She's staying behind." Carlisle told me, and I looked to him. Frowning.

"Wouldn't her dad let her go?" I asked, and he shook his head slightly.

"It's more complicated than that, Leandra." He replied gently, and I sensed that now was time to change the subject to avoid becoming that little shit I worried about earlier. I pursed my lips, thinking about what else I could bring up.

"I hate long trips." I finally muttered, "They make me think too much." And with me having spent the entire day just a few days before thinking too much, that was a problem, "And my butt really hurts." I frowned, thumping my head lightly against the window. I was particularly irritable that day, and now that I knew someone would listen to my complaining, I was prepared to let it fly. Without even realizing it. Esme smiled a little once more.

"I think you're going to like it there." She offered a hint of positivity in an attempt to counter-act my negativity, but I was more stubborn than that. My luck, I'd annoy the hell out of them until they left me on the side of the road somewhere.

Stop it, I told myself again.

"I liked it there." I replied quietly.

"I know, honey." She murmured, "I know."

"I don't like new places." I mumbled, "I was just getting used to it there. I didn't want to leave." I sighed, laying to the side. Sprawling across the seat. It hurt too much to sit upright.

"Sit up, honey." Esme requested, "It's not safe."

"My butt hurts." I told her again, "A lot." And laying like this eased it.

So we stopped, and that's when both Esme and I discovered that I'd either bruised, or broken my tail bone when I landed on the floor the other night as a result from Jasper's shove. Most likely bruised, she said, since I could still sit on it at all. Carlisle wasn't pleased to hear about that, and said something about how I should have mentioned it before.

I was given some Tylenol for the pain and allowed to lay to the side like I wanted to. After some time, it did help.

I watched up and out the window again at the puffy clouds, half wishing this was just a joke. I wanted to go back. New places always made me nervous, as I never knew what to expect, and I had the strongest sense of nervousness, like I wasn't looking forward to something, but I had no idea what it was.

Maybe it was something having to do with what happened before, in the vision? I wasn't sure. I didn't think that was it. Maybe I wouldn't like the house? To keep myself from going crazy, I decided that was it.

Until we finally did get there, and I figured out that that wasn't it. Esme and I stood out front while Carlisle pulled the bags from the trunk of the car.

It was dusk, but the entire house was already lit. Waiting for our arrival.

I fell in love instantly with this house, just from the sheer beauty of it. I smiled tiredly up at it, loving the way it looked. It was pretty large, just like the house back home was, but the style was completely different.

Encasing the small grassy front yard was a four foot wall made up entirely of large, reddish sandy colored stones.

The front of the house had the same large reddish sandy colored stones making up the outer walls and the balconies the two upper floors had. The windows weren't anything like the other house. These were tall, long and rounded at the top. Cut into the face of the house like the house had been build around them.

Doors above us held the same shape as the windows, and were a dark brown color. The slanted roof held red ceramic tiles that only added to the beauty of the entire house, and it covered the top floor's balcony. Thin, what looked like cast iron metal encased the balconies in a beautiful woven pattern.

Those had to be the bedrooms up there, I thought to myself.

The front door was a larger rounded shape, and the soft, gold glow of the lights along the matching walkway and the lights along the large, wrap-around porch gave it a very warm feeling. Just by looking at it. The porch held up the upper floor's balconies with thick, intricately carved dark wooden pillars.

Grass on either side of the sand-stone walkway, with a wide open view of the sky above us. No tree in sight to block the stars just beginning to show.

"Wow." I gasped, amazed.

I'd known they had homes all over, but this one, I knew, would remain my favorite. Aside from the one at home, of course. That one would always be my very favorite. Esme smiled down at me, hugging me into her side.

I was even more stunned as she led me inside the house. Carlisle following closely. The interior was perhaps even more beautiful than outside.

It kept the wide open floor plan of the other house, but instead of light, bright colors, it had warm browns and tans. From the flawless hardwood, and tan colored rug beneath our feet, to the beige color of the ceiling and selected walls.

The ceiling was vaulted, with dark wooden beams running through it. The tall ceiling gave much more room for the towering, generously stocked bookshelf against the far wall between the living area and the kitchen. Directly to our left was a curved staircase, leading to the upper floors.

"I think this house is bigger." I murmured, looking up and around.

"Oh, maybe a little." Esme agreed quietly, "Do you like it?"

"I love it." I murmured without hesitation, "There's so much room."

"The others will be along soon." She assured me.

"This place is amazing." I felt like I couldn't breathe, "I've never seen it before." She moved us forward so Carlisle could place the bags on the floor inside, and I felt distracted as I looked around, "I think before, you left me behind." That surprised her, given the way she looked to Carlisle and they both stopped moving.

"This happened before?" She asked, and I glanced to her. I had to give it some thought, just to realize I'd felt the same way about James. I hadn't given it much thought before, honestly. Either that, or now that I was here, I could really focus on it.

"Yeah." I replied quietly, "It happened before. You left before."

"Why would we leave you behind?" She asked, and I just shrugged, taking a few more steps inside. I was tired, but I wanted to keep looking around.

"I don't remember yet." I admitted, "I've been trying not to look." I glanced to Carlisle, "Maybe that's what was bugging me so much on the way here. This is so new to me."

"I can't imagine why we wouldn't take you with us." Carlisle frowned.

I hesitated a second, "Does us moving here have something to do with Jack, too?"

"No." He replied instantly, "Alice still hasn't seen anything regarding him."

"Are you sure?" I asked, and his frown deepened. I almost never asked him that, already knowing he was sure. Now, I wasn't so sure he was sure.

"Of course." He replied, "Why?"

"I don't know." I sighed, "I just can't stop thinking about it. More than usual."

"Well, no matter what, you're safe here." Esme replied after a moment, "Don't worry." I took a breath and nodded, "Now, come on. I'll show you your room." I nodded again as she lifted one of the bags easily. That one was probably mine. They all looked the same to me, and it had to have three months worth of my clothes in there.

I followed her to the stairs, stepping up the wide steps alongside her. This house had many more bedrooms in it than the other one, which was surprising to me. There looked to be four on the second floor, and probably just as many on the third.

Maybe while they lived here, everyone got their own room if they wanted it?

Strategically placed paintings and framed pictures hung on the wall. Down at the end of this hallway, was another set of stairs. Shorter, and not as extravagant, but the same colored wood.

Up on the third floor, the second to last door on the left, she opened. The light inside the room was already on, a tall standing lamp in the corner set the room in the same golden glow as outside.

The bed looked impossibly huge for someone as small as me. At least a king sized bed, but to me, it looked even bigger than that. The bed frame, foot-board and head-board were mostly shiny gold metal, but decorated with painted, vividly red roses. The contrast of the colors stunned me for a moment.

A large, short dresser sat against the wall beside us with an ornate mirror, matching the rose pattern of the bed attached to it. Another tall dresser sat to our left, between the closet, and another door that surprised me once I realized what it was. An attached bathroom. I wouldn't have to cross the hall to take a shower.

I wouldn't know what to do with all of this room.

"Everything should be here if you want to get settled." She told me, "Would you like me to stay?"

"It's okay." I told her, "I know you've got stuff to do." And I'd really prefer to get to know my bedroom here a bit on my own. Of course, I didn't tell her that part. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She smiled, stroked my hair.

"Let me know if you need anything, honey." She said, "We're right downstairs." I smiled up at her and nodded, watching as she turned and left the room. Leaving the bag by the door. Before dealing with the clothes and things inside the bag, I slowly wandered around the room. Though the hardwood floor creaked a little, it was quiet. A painting across the room from the bed, over the tall dresser caught my eye.

It was a rather large painting of a vase filled with roses. It matched the roses painted on the bed frame and the outer edge of the mirror, and I focused on the thorns on the stems of the roses for a moment. I liked it.

If we were ever to move back home, I'd want this painting to come back with us.

I ran my hand over the cold metal of the foot-board on the bed, despite how warm the room was. I rounded the bed, headed for the other side of the room. To the large set of double doors, that led out to the top floor's balcony. Thick, sheer curtains covered the glass of the door, but still added to the door's beauty.

Unlocking it, I quietly pulled open the door. Surprised by the breeze that instantly blew into the room. It was a warm breeze, but I somehow sensed a chill in it that unnerved me slightly. Fall was coming quickly.

This place also smelled differently than at home. It didn't have the wet, earthy smell home had. It didn't hold that constant scent of rain home had.

Another painful pang of homesickness touched me, but I quickly shook that off. I knew Carlisle and Esme were right down stairs, and that comforted me. If I was with them, I'd handle anything. The others were coming soon, Esme had also said. They'd be here once they had everything they needed.

I still didn't fully understand what prompted this sudden move, but I wasn't minding it so far. I had never known houses this beautiful existed. It was like walking around inside a painting in itself, and I almost couldn't believe that we'd be living here now.

I stepped out onto the balcony, the stone under my shoes making no noise. No sound. I only went far enough to touch the cast iron railing, wrapping my hands around it and looking around. The view from up this high was beautiful.

A few miles away, I could clearly see the lights of the city. Through fields, more houses, and a few standing trees further off, they were bright. It got dark quickly, and the stars were really bright, despite having the entire outside of the house brightly lit.

Taking a very deep breath, I smiled a little, though I still felt like crying. I told myself I would like it here. I had to. There was no other choice.

I yawned, and decided I had plenty of time to look around later. After I'd had time to rest from the cross-country move. Stepping back inside, closing the doors behind me.

I got to work unpacking my clothes, finding places to put them for now. Taking my time hanging up the folded shirts in the giant closet, and putting the jeans away. I found many, many sets of pajamas, and chose my favorite ones.

My bathroom, I discovered, had a separate standing shower, and a tub the size of a swimming pool. I shook my head with a small smile. They didn't do anything half-way.

It never stopped surprising me when I was brave enough to turn the hot water knob in the shower. I couldn't help it. I adjusted the temperature, and didn't hesitate in stepping in. It felt too good to waste time. I was tired from the incredibly long drive.

I barely managed to turn off the light before climbing under the heavy blanket on the bed. Despite how dark it was in the room, I could still find light coming into the room from outside, and the well-lit yard. Just enough to keep me from being afraid, but not enough to keep me awake.

A/N: Yay! I figured out and fixed what was bugging me about this chapter in the original version. There were many places that needed to be fixed, actually.
THANK YOU! To that AMAZING reviewer of chapter two! :D THANK YOU! :D
Chapter Four is where things get complicated, so I might take my time with that one, but we'll see what comes of it. :)
Until Four, my friends!