Ed, Al, and Winry reentered the room after a moment, and Winry sighed heavily.
"Well," she started, "Normally, I'd say it would have to be amputated."
Envy's eyes involuntarily widened.
"But, this is alchemy. And, because of that, I don't know what to do."
Envy let out a breath. Ed sat down on the coffee table again and sighed.
"What do you think?" Envy asked.
"If there were some way to safely get the stone material out of your system, then…" Ed trailed off.
"Well how would we do that?" Envy prompted.
"I'm not sure," Ed muttered, "I mean, if nothing we try works, we can ask Marcoh to take it out professionally. But for now we can maybe try to make you just… naturally get it out of your system?"
Envy took a moment before he put all the moving pieces together.
"You're going to try and make me barf it up?" he questioned.
"Hey, whatever works, right?" Ed said desperately.
"There are other ways, but that sounds… gross…er…" Winry muttered. Envy eyed her for a moment, before he realized what she was getting at. He shuddered. He really did not want it coming out the other end.
"Puking it is," he consented.
"Lovely," Winry said, putting on a face that Envy could've sworn was just a bit sadistic.
"But maybe we could have the pipsqueak do the actual barf inducing?" Envy almost pleaded.
"That's probably for the best," Ed agreed, looking at Winry suspiciously. Winry nodded sadly, and then made for the kitchen.
"Hey, where're you going?" Envy asked.
"I promised Al I'd make him apple pie once he got his body back," Winry explained, "And I'm not about to go back on that."
With that, she disappeared into the hallway.
"I think she likes you," Envy muttered to Al.
"Huh?" Al sputtered, "Uh, really? You think so?"
"Been around long enough to tell," Envy said casually.
"How old are you?" Ed asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Four hundred years, give or take a few. I kind of stopped keeping track," Envy shrugged, but almost instantly regretted it.
"Idiot," Ed muttered. Envy growled.
"What right do you have to insult my intelligence?" Envy spat.
"The truth is a defense," Ed explained.
"As soon as I can stand up, I'm going to kick you," Envy grumbled.
"I look forward to punching you in return," Ed smirked.
Al sighed. How had the conversation gone from Winry to fighting so quickly?
"Ass," Envy shot at Ed.
"Bastard," Ed returned.
"Drink some milk," Envy told him.
"Spare some lives," Edward shot back.
"Yeah right, when you reach five foot two," Envy smirked. Ed poked him in his arm for lack of a better comeback.
"Ow!" Envy growled, "That was way too far."
"What do you want me to do?" Ed smirked, "Kiss it make it better?"
Envy blushed furiously, "Hell no shrimp!"
"Brother…" Al groaned.
"Stay out of this!" Envy spat at him, let his anger come to a boil, "I don't need help from someone who grew up as a tin can with no questions asked!"
Al looked taken aback, if not a bit hurt. Ed looked furious.
"Leave my brother out of this!" he spat, and jumped on Envy. Envy attempted to block his punches with his good arm, but Ed was aiming almost exclusively for his right arm. Al jumped on Ed and tried to pull him off of Envy. Winry appeared to inspect the cause of all the noise, and she took in the situation within a few moments.
"You idiot!" she shrieked, throwing her wrench at Edward's head.
"Ow!" Ed threw his arms up to hold his head, and Al took the opportunity to lift him off of Envy. Winry was instantly at the homunculus's side.
"Are you okay?" she questioned. Envy's eyes had grown wide and he was panting labouredly. She felt his forehead, which she was sure could've rivaled the heat of a stove.
"I'm going to get you some water," she murmured, "Al, watch him until I'm back."
She raced back out of the room, and left Ed to stare at the small and feeble form of someone who had once been so strong. He'd turned him into a panting being, fighting to simply breathe.
"Envy, I -" Ed tried, but he couldn't seem to find the right words.
"Here," Winry raced back into the room, spilling about half of the water on her way. Envy took the water gratefully, and felt his stomach seize up as soon it went down his throat. He threw up the water on the - thankfully - wooden floor. Ed gasped at the small red stones mixed with the water.
"Of course," Ed muttered.
"What is it?" Winry asked, turning to him.
"His body doesn't want the stone material in it," Ed said, "It's infecting his body because there's just so much of it. He'll expel it out as soon as he's given the chance to. All his body needs is something to help it along."
"Great," Envy panted, "Now I'm bulimic. Just wonderful."
Winry couldn't help but chuckle at that.
"I'll go get a bucket," she giggled, "You rest a while and then we'll try more water."
Envy nodded, and closed his eyes.
"Don't fall asleep now," Ed chided.
"Don't think I could anyway," Envy mumbled.
"Why not?" Ed inquired.
"You try falling asleep while your arm's trying to explode," Envy growled.
"It really hurts that bad?" Ed asked.
"It'd give you too much satisfaction to answer," Envy spat.
"You think it gives me satisfaction to see you hurt?" Edward growled.
"Why wouldn't it?" Envy challenged.
"I'd have to hate you to enjoy this," Ed told him.
"What, and you don't?" Envy rolled his eyes.
"You died at least once for every life you took," Ed sighed, "You've paid for what you did. In my eyes, right now you've got a clean slate."
Envy stared at him a moment. He thought about briefly. If he really had been handed a clean slate, what would he do with it? Splatter blood on it again? Do something for the good of mankind or some other mushy girly crap?
"Yeah, although I wouldn't say you've taken a step in the right direction. You can go either way right now," Edward voiced what Envy had been thinking, "Kind of like a baby, only grosser."
Envy eyed Ed for a moment, before he burst out laughing.
"W- what?" Ed asked.
"That - that was funny," Envy snickered. Ed laughed as well, although it was more at Envy than at his own joke.
"Who knew you thought anything other than death was funny?" Ed chuckled.
"Death's not funny, it's ironic," Envy corrected.
"I guess I can see how you would think that. We go around saying we don't want to die and living like it's not creeping up on us until it's staring us in the face," Ed muttered, looking for a new take on it, "Death, in that sense, is kind of ironic."
"And painful," Envy added. Ed ran a hand through his hair. He wanted to ask Envy what it was like to die, but he thought it would probably be an upsetting topic. If there was a heaven, he didn't think Envy went there.
"What?" Envy eyed him.
"Huh?" Ed started, being pulled from his thoughts.
"You got all serious looking," Envy commented.
"Oh, well, I sort of started thinking about… what it would be like," Ed mumbled.
"Oh," Envy looked at the ground, "Guess that's sort of my fault."
"No, I just overanalyze everything," Ed told him.
"You do, don't you?" Envy managed a smile, "Hey, if you hadn't, you wouldn't be here now, would you?"
"Guess not," Edward admitted.
Den walked over to them and nuzzled Ed's leg. Ed sat down on the coffee table again and scratched behind his ears.
"What's his name?" Envy asked, not sure if he should ask how he lost his leg.
"Den," Edward smiled, "He's been with us since we were all little kids. When he pulled through the accident, he just became that much more special."
"Accident?" Envy asked, sensing that it was safe territory.
"Car ran him over," Ed explained, "He's lucky Winry's a miracle worker."
"You are too," Envy smiled.
"Yeah," Ed agreed, "She's probably the only person I'd feel comfortable with Al being with."
"What, you don't like her?" Envy raised an eyebrow.
"No, I guess I never really had time for stuff like that," Ed shrugged.
"Never would've thought of you as innocent," Envy smirked.
"You'd be right," Ed crossed his arms, "Just because I've never done that stuff doesn't mean I'm innocent. I've committed the ultimate taboo, in case you've forgotten."
"And you still never learned your lesson," Envy smirked.
"I will hit you again," Ed frowned.
"Hey," Envy pushed Den away from the spot on floor he'd been sniffing.
"What?" Ed asked, holding Den away from it.
"I just don't think it's the best idea to feed a dog barf of a homunculus who just overdosed on philosopher's stone," Envy explained. Ed saw his logic. He held Den back while Winry cleaned it up. Ed shoved the rug over it for good measure. Den calmed down, and went over to pant on Envy.
"You're cute, even if you did drool all over me before," he smirked. He began scratching behind his ear. Den licked his partially gloved hand.
"Although I could live without the saliva on my clothes," he commented. Ed chuckled. Winry grabbed Ed by the arm and dragged him into the kitchen.
"Are you sure this is the same Envy I met up north?" she asked.
"Yeah," Ed shrugged, "He kind of pulled a one eighty on us at Central before he died, saying he wanted to be a human and wishing me luck to win."
"You're kidding," she raised an eyebrow.
"Nope," Edward said, "He even called me by name."
"Wow," she murmured, "He seems a lot nicer."
"I told him he had a clean slate as far as I was concerned," Ed told her, "I think it actually got to him."
"Well, for whatever reason, he's not acting like an asshole," she stated.
"He still called me short - a shrimp - to be precise," he smirked.
"Wow, and you didn't yell at him," Winry eyed him.
"I don't have to be personal about it anymore," he shrugged, "I got taller, so now he's just trying to push my buttons."
"Well, I still have plenty of insults for you that don't regard your height," Winry smiled.
"And I'll still through equally good ones back in your face," Ed smiled, but then turned serious, "So, tell me, when are you going to make a move with Al?"
Winry sighed, "I guess whenever the time feels right. That is, unless you think he's got the guts to make the first move?"
"Ultimate powers of psychopath claiming to be God? Sure. You? No way," Ed shook his head seriously. Winry laughed.
Author's Note: Hello there all of you amazing human beings, or aliens, or werewolves, or whatever you may be. If you're actually enjoying this story (miracle) I would love to hear what you have to say, anywhere from fangirl squealing to constructive criticism, but keep in mind that I will cry if you hurt my feelings. Tell me how to improve, not what I'm doing wrong! Well, now that you all know I'm a complete pussy, as Germany would say, I bit you a fond farewell. And cookies. Everyone deserves to be bid cookies. Pasta!