The Gift of Resilience - Re-Vamped

by KNeu21

(RV2)S to 'TGoMisfortune'-Set during NM:RE-VAMPED VERSION! After waking up from a vision to find herself not only back to where she started, Leandra learns how to begin rebuilding the relationships she couldn't live without, and struggling to recall the details. While trying to avoid becoming the monster she fears she is destined to become. COMPLETE!

6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"Shorty?" Emmett prompted, and I shook myself out of my thoughts.

"Sorry." I muttered.

I didn't blame them anymore, but my mood stuck around. It felt a little like when I was mad at him for playing with Lily, but it was different. This wasn't jealousy I felt. I wasn't mad at him, or I didn't blame him. I didn't understand it, but I didn't question it, either.

"You okay?" He asked me.

"Just thinking." I replied, sighing.

"About?"

"Nothing." The standard answer.

Nearly two weeks had passed, and everyone got that answer now. I stayed closed off, choosing each word carefully, but even Emmett could see that for most of the day, I wasn't there. Each week day, I went to school, and I did my work. I avoided people, and I came home. I went through the routine without complaining anymore. Knowing full well it never did me any good.

Alyssa had become a normal part of that routine. I didn't try avoiding her anymore, but of course, I never talked about her. Carlisle would ask about her, but he'd only get silence in return. I was actually pretty concerned by the fact that I could almost ignore his questions about her now. Almost like I never heard him. I never saw her outside of school, so it was easy to act like I didn't know what he was talking about.

The weekends were worse, because I didn't have that routine. Weekends were wasted by thinking too much, and avoiding questions like this.

"Come on, shorty." He seemed really worried. After learning how badly having my emotions turned around on me could hurt, I was really careful about what I said or did. Of course, I'd never mention that, because things had just started to go smoother.

I sighed deeply as I stood up, "I have a book report."

He knew not to try calling me back, because it never did any good either. He and I both knew there was no book report, and if there was one, I'd have done it the night before. That didn't stop me from burying my nose in a book, though. That seemed to be the only way I could focus my thoughts in an acceptable direction these days.

My goal lately was mostly to stay out of the way. To stay quiet, manageable. I wanted to avoid another fight like I'd given when we first got there so much, and I thought any opinion or thought shared would blow up again. It scared me. I didn't like feeling like that.

It was hard to think that I talked more to Alyssa than I did to my family. With Alyssa, I could talk. With my family, I wouldn't let myself.

Needless to say, they were worried. Without Edward here, they had no way of knowing how much worse my thoughts had gotten. What I carried around with myself day in and day out. Every single unrestrained thought led to Jack. I wasn't letting it go, no matter how hard I tried to.

Most nights consisted of staying up to read as long as I could keep my eyes open, only to wake up an hour later because reading couldn't direct my dreams like it did my thoughts. Somehow, I still managed to make it through the school day without much issue. Carlisle couldn't complain, because I was already getting pretty decent grades. I was doing pretty well school-work wise.

I'd already sat through two one-hour meetings with the counselor, and I hated every moment of it. She tried to talk to me, but I refused to say a word to her. I didn't want to be there, even if her office was quiet. A good place to go to get away from all the other kids, even if she was annoying.

At home, was a different story.

Esme couldn't even get me to speak a word about the thoughts through my head, and that was really saying something. Alice couldn't, and Jasper surely couldn't. Emmett tried, and besides Esme, he'd noticed the most change in me.

I was a little worried, though. If my nights were this bad consistently, how much worse would my bad night be? A bad night, for me, was sort of like a reset. Everything builds up until it got to the point where it couldn't build up anymore, resulting in a night like the one I'd had a month before. I was passed due for one.

I was also passed due for a memory-dream. I hadn't had one of those in quite a long while. My nightmares varied now. Between what happened before in the vision, and things I couldn't remember. Waking myself up in a panic, unable to recall a single thing about dreaming. I went through Aspirin like candy for the headaches I constantly lived with, which probably wasn't a good thing.

I didn't particularly care for the dreams of the vision I'd had.

Remembering, recalling what had happened before on a more recognizable level. When they'd left before, they'd left me behind. With my mother, of all people, but as I'd explained before, it hadn't been their fault.

However, right around now, this time in the vision, my mother had found, and brought home a boyfriend. I didn't remember much about him, but I did know he wasn't the best person in the world.

I realized quick, after only a few dreams, that I shouldn't be doing everything I could to push them away. I should just be grateful that they took me with them. I was only just beginning to recognize the emotions of that vision. How painful it was to lose them. To be left behind like that tore me apart, and though it did hurt, I knew it was far worse than I remembered yet.

Another reason I refused to open up again. The last thing I needed was for them to know how pointless it was.

So along with the fear I felt constantly, there was a new sadness there I wasn't used to. One nothing had happened to cause, but to me, that sadness was real. I carried it around, unable to do much else with it.

While I was awake, was a whole other story. Without directing my thoughts, I was so scared he'd find me. Some nights, it kept me awake instead of the reading. Making it impossible to read at all. Trembling where I sat. Sometimes it amazed me, really thinking about it, how deeply terrified I could be of one person.

I would sit up in my bed, the light in the room on. I couldn't make myself turn it off. I just knew if I turned it off, he'd find me. It was stupid, I knew, but I couldn't help it. It was times like that that my mind like to get creative, just to scare me. I was fully aware that he couldn't reach me here. I knew he'd be stupid to try, and he knew that too, but I couldn't help being afraid.

But now, instead of running downstairs for company, I'd stay right where I was. I stay in my room, and I'd refuse to leave my bed. Sitting up, waiting for the fear to pass, or for me to get too tired to stay afraid.

I was hurting. Hurting so badly, nothing would cure it and I didn't even fully know why. What was I missing so much? What would help me? I didn't want to be so alone anymore. I didn't want to be afraid or angry anymore. I didn't want to be that way, but I didn't know how to change it even if I could. If I could change, I wouldn't know where to start.

Carlisle had taken a second, part time job. After ensuring I was fine with it, of course. I would be alright, I told him. He didn't have to worry about me. Of course he didn't have to worry about me. I was done resisting. I just didn't know if he did that to get away from not knowing what to do about me, or if he actually wanted to.

Jasper had started attending night classes at the college here, and that seemed to keep his mind busy. Probably as a small example of how school wasn't that bad, or maybe to get away from my constant torture. I didn't blame him.

So it was retreating up to my room with me. Carlisle was gone, working more and more. Often not getting home until near midnight when I was always still awake.

It was almost time to settle in and start my nightly battles with my own mind. I hated this part of the day, because I knew I'd always wind up losing. Constantly being beaten down by my own head was a very discouraging thing.

Sitting up in bed, reading by the light of the lamp beside me, my attention was stolen by the soft rumble of thunder outside. Looking over at the doors across the room. The wind blew particularly hard tonight ahead of the approaching storm, rattling the glass slightly, and it unsettled me.

Shaking my head at how stupid I was for being unsettled, I turned my attention back to my book.

Carlisle got home right on time, but I didn't bother moving. I had at least a few pages to go before I was ready to close the book and try to sleep. All while trying to ignore the louder thunder, and the brief flashes of lightning outside the doors to my left.

Knowing it was stupid to be afraid of the storm outside didn't keep that from happening. It was one thing to try to ignore it sitting up and reading, but with as tired as I was, I couldn't do that anymore. I needed to try to sleep.

Here we go, I thought as I laid down. Thinking I'd be alright, since I left my light on. I hid in the light now. More often than not leaving it on. Any amount of time spent in the darkness always made it hard for me to breathe, so it stayed on.

It wasn't too bad, as I'd seen worse ones, but this one kept me awake. I'd jump every time I heard the thunder, and I'd jump every time I saw the flash of lightning behind my closed eyes.

Resorting to stuffing a pillow over my head, I curled into a tight ball, and I waited. I waited, and I waited, holding onto my thoughts the best I could, but I could certainly feel them slipping.

No, I thought to myself. I knew where I was. I was okay here. My thoughts didn't need to move, or stray. They didn't need to remind me of anything. They didn't need to torture me. I forced my breathing to stay slow and deep, despite the way my heart pounded faster than it should. I hid in the false sense of calm I believed in, ignoring the fact that underneath the pillow, my eyes were wide open.

Until at one point, the wind blew particularly roughly, right as the rain started dumping outside. Really pouring, from the sound of it.

I sat up in my bed, looking toward the illuminated windows. Leaves blew across the balcony outside as the wind carried them from the trees. I heard the scraping noise they made clear as a bell, and it made me really edgy.

Now, already scared from all of that, my fear turned to heart-stopping terror as an even louder clap of thunder exploded overhead, at the very same time lightning illuminated my bedroom, and with just that, all of the light was gone.

The room around me bathed in complete darkness, my heart pounded a million miles a minute. I couldn't see absolutely anything around me. The light snatched from me, stolen from around me, and in a deep sense of panic, I fought my way out of bed. Kicking the blanket back as quickly as I could. Fighting with it.

I knew it was stupid to be so afraid of the dark, but that did little to calm me down. Throwing open my bedroom door, I raced up the hall toward the stairs until arms suddenly caught me. My resulting scream seemed to come from my toes, and I fought.

"It's only me." Alice's voice immediately stopped my struggles, "It's okay, Leandra. It's alright."

Listening to the sounds of those downstairs ascending the stairs, I started to cry. Heavily. She lifted me up easily, holding me as I clung to her. Outside, the rain continued to pour in rivers as I cried uncontrollably in Alice's arms.

"What happened?" Esme's voice directly behind me caused a strong whimpering sob to leave me, as she'd startled me.

"The storm must have scared her." Alice explained, "She came running from her room. I knew she'd fall if she tried to run down the stairs, so I stopped her. She wasn't expecting it."

The electricity was suddenly restored, the light in the hallway returning. I could see again, but chose to keep my eyes tightly closed, and the process of trying to calm down started. First things first. I needed to breathe. I needed to take a breath.

"Is she alright?" Carlisle was there suddenly, both he and Jasper soaking wet. They had probably gone outside to fix the power.

"She'll be alright." Alice answered, "Though with how tight she's holding on, I think she'll be awake for awhile."

After a few seconds I was slowly changed arms and I recognized Esme's arms holding me now. I kept my eyes closed tight, despite being able to see now. I was still so scared. Trembling violently and unable to stop it.

She turned, carrying me down the stairs. Not seeming bothered in the least to hold me this way. Just as she reached the bottom step, the light disappeared yet again with another heavy rumble of thunder. Given my whimper and tighter hold, she knew I noticed. She sighed, shaking her head.

"It'll be fine." She told them, "Wait until morning so this doesn't keep happening. We'll just light some candles." The others immediately got moving.

The candles were lit, and the movement in the room died down as the others settled around. Concerned over how upset I was. I was hardly ever upset anymore. Since that day, I'd just buried it all away. Now, I couldn't. I couldn't bury it anymore. Taking a deep, trembling breath in an attempt to calm down.

"What's bothering you, sweetheart?" Esme asked, sitting with me on the couch. The way she held me was making it very easy to slow the panic that was numbing me. Sideways across her lap with both her arms around me, which I didn't mind in the least.

I finally opened my eyes, and I could see again thanks to the several candles resting lit around the room. Looking up at her. I knew why she asked. Refusing to talk about things that bothered me lately, and suddenly, tonight happened. I had to at least give her something.

"The dark.." I mumbled through tears, looking away again, "I can't stay in the dark." I felt so stupid admitting that I was still terrified of the dark, but they knew that.

Hell, it was even impossible for me to walk down a dark hallway to get to my room. I took the long way to get through it.

Turning on the hall light to walk ahead and turn on the next hall light before returning to turn off the first hall light. Once at my room, I'd turn on every light in my room before turning off the second hall light, then hauling ass into my nice, bright bedroom. It was bad. It had gotten worse, but they knew that.

"Besides that." She wasn't taking that as an answer.

"And please," Emmett spoke up, "Don't say 'nothing'."

I pursed my lips, shaking my head. I wasn't ruining everything now. I wouldn't say 'nothing'. I wouldn't say anything. I couldn't anyway with the way my emotion stuck around. I just laid there in Esme's arms, resting for a moment.

"What's bothering you?" Esme asked again, and she got the same answer. I wasn't giving up anything. With a sigh, she tried to sit me up, but I wasn't having that. Holding tighter to her to stay right where I was. Taking the hint, she kept me where I was. I couldn't even look at her anymore. I couldn't look at anyone. Choosing to stare at my bare feet rested on the couch.

Esme sat with me, holding me securely in her arms on her lap. Sitting silently now, she didn't ask anymore. Instead, she smoothed my back.

Several minutes passed this way, but I was having trouble calming down, despite the way Jasper watched me. The storm outside kept claiming my full attention, and I trembled roughly with each loud clap of thunder that rocked the house, and my tears continued. I fought it, but my tears wouldn't stop, and I even had to ask myself. What was I so afraid of?

At one point, I felt her nod. To what, I had no idea, but I didn't feel like asking.

Holding me this way was something she'd done for me before. She'd held me like this before, many times, but tonight, she decided to do something new that made it somehow mean more.

Softly, she started to hum to me.

I wasn't sure I was hearing right when she started, so I had to listen closer. Concentrating on her voice instead of the storm outside or the fearful thoughts in my mind. Listening this way stole my entire focus.

I didn't recognize the song she hummed, but it had to be the most beautiful song I'd ever heard in my life. I almost couldn't hear it with how quiet it was, and I found myself calming down just so I could listen. To focus solely on her voice, and nothing else. Blinking left over tears from my eyes, and forcing my breathing to slow.

The combination of her smoothing my hair and her humming voice comforted me in a way I had never been before. Not once. Not even with her before. This was something that calmed me far more than anything else she'd ever done. More than anything anyone had ever done.

I'd never had this experience before, but it was something I definitely loved, and it reached a much different part of me I hadn't even known still existed before. It reached a part of me that I had always thought was gone forever. This part, the part this comfort reached, was as close to the emptiness as anything had ever gotten before.

I'd always, always thought that when I grew up too fast, that was it. I always thought that when I grew up, there wouldn't be this anymore.

This opened my eyes to the fact that I did still have a part of me that had always longed for this. To be comforted this way, to know for sure that she was here, because the sound of her humming was so constant. It seemingly never ended. I'd never paid any attention whatsoever to the part of me that desperately needed a mother. I'd resisted it, until tonight, when Esme filled that part more completely than I'd ever accepted before.

It confused me, but I didn't question it.

It really made me realize what the others had been telling me all along. I really was only ten years old. Despite how I wanted to keep crying, for an entirely different reason now, my tears had finally stopped, though they continued to dry on my cheek. I finally realized how tired my eyes were. Sore from crying so much, so often.

This was something I hadn't even realized I needed. Esme doing this for me was something I never even knew was possible. She wasn't my mother, and I'd always kept that in mind, but suddenly, she was now.

Now that I almost had no choice but to accept that, it almost hurt to have that part of me that needed this woken up again. It hurt me, but it ached in a way that was so unfamiliar to me. Like the ache of bruises healing, but it wasn't a bad thing.

I hadn't even noticed just how calm I'd gotten until I gave first one deep, shaky yawn, then another moments later. Within probably only a few minutes, I fell asleep. Normally, I kept myself awake by dreading falling asleep. Scared of what I'd see, and what I'd remember. It nearly surprised me to know I didn't dread it. If I could have been surprised, I would have been.

I woke a bit later to her moving, carrying me back up the stairs, but her continued humming kept me from waking completely.

She laid me back into my bed, and I did start to wake up. Enough to reach up and grab her hand as she tried to pull back. I opened my eyes to find a candle had been brought up with us, so it wasn't dark in here. Carlisle was just setting it down as I glanced over at it. The source of light only aided in keeping my panic at bay.

I wanted Esme to stay with me. Not to leave. I felt a little selfish for wordlessly requesting for her to stay, but I couldn't help it. I was confused, very confused and I knew she could see it.

She just smiled at me, holding my hand in return as she gently sat down beside me. She continued with her song, this time adding quiet words to what she was humming before. Easily soothing me back into the calm I'd been in before.

Her soft voice, how slow, unrushed and patient it was, made me firmly believe that she had no intention of leaving me. That, combined with being covered with my blanket had my eyes close again. Seconds after I felt the secure weight of the heavy blanket over me, that was it. It was as if I had no choice but to sleep, my eyes too heavy to stay open. I clearly heard more thunder rumble outside, but that wasn't even enough to make me stir again.

I slept the entire rest of the night, never remembering moving at all. When I woke up, I was alone, and the morning was still rainy, but not as much as it was the night before. The quieter rain reminded me more of home, and I wasn't afraid anymore. The candle was gone, but I didn't need it anymore.

Across the room, I noticed something new. In the electrical outlet between the closet door and the bathroom door, was a circular thing plugged in. Staring at it, I tried to make sense of it, but it took me a moment. Climbing out of bed, I inspected it. It looked to be a nightlight. One that turned off when it sensed light in the room, but covering the little sensor, it turned on. I wouldn't know for sure until that night, but it seemed to put off a decent amount of light.

Sighing, I kneeled there. Thinking.

I honestly didn't know what to think about the night before. It unsettled me just how much I'd relied on her. Allowing myself to be comforted that much was more than I'd ever let myself before. I'd always taken her kind words and her hugs lightly. Not depending on them or relying on them very much.

But the night before, it was more than that. That part of me hadn't ever been reached before. Would it stay that way? The real question was would I let it stay that way? And now that I'd allowed myself to be reached that deeply, would I open up to the family again?

Would they treat me differently, or would I treat them differently? Everyone had seen what she did, and at the time, I didn't mind it. Now, I was embarrassed. I wasn't some little kid. I depended on my ability to handle things on my own. As much as I'd never known how much I needed a mother, I needed my wall of strength I hid behind.

It confused me how easily she stepped behind that wall, and reached me without me blocking her way. Had she done the right thing, putting forth that extra bit of effort? It came naturally for her to be a mother, but did it come naturally for me to be a daughter?

All these questions raced through my mind, but I knew the only way to find the answer would be to go downstairs. I'd always been so guarded. Independent in my own way. Would this change how I'd always been?

So, nervously, I left my room. I didn't know why I was nervous, or why I was so unsettled. I hadn't minded what she did for me. Not in the least, but I felt like I didn't know where I stood anymore. Like I didn't know myself anymore.

I found her in the kitchen, sitting at the table with Carlisle. Both of them looked my way, finding me where I stood hesitantly in the doorway. I was sure she saw the questions in my eyes, ones I didn't know how to ask, because she just smiled. Like the night before.

"How.." I muttered, "Did you do that?" I was so confused, and that was the first question I could think to ask.

"Come here, sweetheart." She requested quietly, and I did. I stood beside her where she sat, and she took my hands in her own, "I know what happened wasn't something you're used to, but I'll be here to do that for you whenever you need me to. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable?" I shook my head immediately, "You weren't expecting that to work so well, were you?"

"No." I answered quietly, shaking my head again, "I didn't dream. At all. That hasn't happened since we've been here."

"You're still a child, honey." She reminded me, "You still crave affection, and you need that comfort you never received from your own mother. Craving affection like that isn't something you need to be ashamed of. It's nothing to feel embarrassed about."

"I didn't even know that was possible." I admitted, "I've never felt that comfortable before."

She smiled, "I think that's what's been bothering you. The bond was there, but you needed more than that. You just didn't know how to, or even if you should ask for it. I've been tempted to try that for some time now, but I wasn't sure how to go about it."

"It probably wouldn't have worked as good before." I smiled a little.

"Probably not." She agreed with me, "The others aren't going to tease you, if that's what you're worried about." I nodded a little, "They understand completely, okay? They won't even bring it up. They don't expect anything different, but they do hope you'll give them a chance as well. We all know how closed you've been."

She calmed me down about it, easing my worries without even really trying.

"I didn't want to be." I mumbled, looking down.

"What's been going on?" She asked, pulling me lightly to sit beside her. I sat willingly, keeping my eyes down. I felt so bad suddenly. I couldn't keep denying anything was wrong. Not when she was so worried, and definitely not after she'd tried so hard the night before to help me.

"I hate fighting." I admitted, "I don't like the way I talk to you, because I know you don't deserve it. I guess my mouth just doesn't listen to my head when I get that mad at everything." I paused, "I couldn't stay home, and I figured if I could get that mad, and still have to go, that wasn't gonna change. So I taught myself how to give up, and it worked, but I guess I was just still afraid to bother anyone here. So I stayed out of the way. I think I gave up too much."

"Is that why you haven't spoken much?" She asked, and I nodded, "Honey, you know you can give your opinion any time. All we ask is that you try to stay calm about it." I looked down, "And we definitely don't want you to close your thoughts off. We all see how you've been struggling with those." I hesitated, before I nodded a little again. It'd be kinda stupid to try to deny that.

"For what it's worth, you've been doing exceptionally well in school." Carlisle spoke up, and I looked over at him, "You're very smart. We've always known that, so I don't see how you could think distancing yourself was any part of what we'd want from you."

"After how I acted?" I mumbled, "It was as far away as I could get without living outside."

"You were upset." He reasoned, "But that doesn't mean you need to hide away every chance you get. Disagreements are going to happen, but there's no progress ever made by lashing out or running from them."

I nodded a little again. I'd noticed that already. How by hiding away, things pretty much stayed the same for me.

"Compromises are crucial when there can be no agreement." He continued, "You're still learning that, and nobody can blame you. You're still learning how and how far to give in, and that's a difficult lesson to learn, but no matter what happens during an argument, you don't have to feel put out or threatened."

That's where I disagreed, and he could tell that by the way I looked over at him.

"Yeah, I do." I replied anyway. That concerned him, so I went on, "I'm not allowed to feel too mad anymore." Understanding came to his eyes, "I don't want that hurt again, so I have to be careful." I took a breath, "When I feel mad like that, it's usually because I have to cry. The more mad I get, the more I feel like crying. I sort of.. Balance it. I've done that my whole life, but when all that mad was taken away, it hurt even worse."

I shook my head, "I shouldn't have yelled like that, and I'm sorry for that, but I was trying to get away before I could. Nobody would let me. I just wanted to calm down first before I had to talk about what happened that day."

"I've spoken to Jasper about it." Carlisle told me, "That isn't going to happen again."

"How do I know that?" I asked, "I get why he did it, and I don't blame him because I was being so mean, but I don't want that to happen again."

"It won't." Carlisle assured me, but I let it go for now. Instead, I gave a glance around.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"They wanted to go out and do things." Esme explained, "It's been awhile, and since it's so cloudy today, I didn't see the harm."

That made sense, "Oh."

"So tell me." She prompted, "Why haven't you been sleeping? Same reason?"

"That's a long story." I sighed, leaning forward and resting my folded arms on the table, "Some nights, it's the stuff I don't remember, and others, it's about what happened before. In the vision. It's driving me crazy."

"No memories?" She asked, surprised.

"Those wait until I'm awake." I muttered, "So it's like I'm dreaming all the time now. Except when I read, but even sometimes then. That's why sometimes I have to do whatever school-work Mr. Kline lets me at home."

"Would you still be against perhaps taking something to help you sleep?" Carlisle asked, and I cringed a little, "I know you don't really care for sleep-aids, but going so long without adequate sleep isn't good for you."

"I like being able to wake up when I need to." I mumbled.

"What I give you won't be very strong." He clarified, "Just enough to help you rest." I whimpered, looking over at Esme.

"We're just worried about you." She told me, "All we're asking is to just give it a try."

I hesitated, looking down as I thought.

"Can I ask something too?" I asked, and that clearly got their attention.

"Of course." Carlisle replied, and I looked to him.

"I want you to look." I muttered, "To make sure you're the only one allowed to pick me up from school. Well, you or the others."

"Why?" He frowned, "Leandra, that should go without saying. Did you see something?"

I shook my head, answering his last question before I spoke, "I don't know, but.. Just look. Please? I know I'm a pain, but I just want to be sure." He nodded.

"You aren't a pain, and I'll do that first thing tomorrow." He said, "I'll also request specifically to be notified if that changes, or if anyone else were to try." I nodded this time, taking a breath, "Again, that should go without saying, but if it'll ease your worries, I'll be happy to do it."

Honesty was working so far. Making myself say the things I needed to say was helping.

"And I don't like having to visit with that stupid school counselor." I said, "She watches my every move, and it makes me think she's just itching to call me insane or something."

"I'll see what I can do about that as well." Carlisle nodded again. I was being taken seriously. This was working.

"I won't hit anybody else if I can help it." I mumbled, "But sometimes it's hard. Especially when I'm packed around other kids. I get scared then. I mean, in class, it's not so hard, because they're not moving around. But during lunch or at recess or something, I have to sit away from them."

"Oh, honey." Esme murmured, "You shouldn't isolate yourself like that. It defeats the purpose."

"I'm not really isolated." I admitted quietly, "Somebody sits with me." My first time ever mentioning Alyssa to any of them. I must have been feeling better than I thought. I shrugged a little as I glanced at Carlisle, "She's the one you always see."

Esme smiled immediately, glancing to Carlisle also as I went on, "She's in my class, and I started talking to her the day I got back from being suspended. Apparently, one of the boys I beat up was her brother. So the least I could do was talk to her, you know? After that, we just sort of.. Started following each other around. Her brother follows us when he can."

"That's so wonderful." Esme grinned, hugging me. I couldn't help laughing a little, her enthusiasm contagious.

"It isn't that big of a deal." I mumbled, shaking my head with a laugh, "I don't know. It's just different with her. She's not like the other kids."

"So tell me about her." Esme requested, and I frowned a little.

"Well," I murmured, "Her name's Alyssa. She's got a huge family?" I was uncertain if that was interesting enough. Esme smiled, so I assumed it was, "She's got four brothers."

"Four?" That did seem to surprise her a little.

"Yeah." I said, "Three older than her, and one younger. That's the one I hit. We haven't talked much about her other brothers yet. I don't think she likes talking about them much. She's got a little sister, but I haven't met her yet. She's in Kindergarten."

I hadn't even realized I was rambling. I went quiet, looking down.

"Honey, there is something I'd like to talk to you about." Esme spoke up, and I looked over at her, "I want to ask you if it'd be alright with you if I picked up a project."

"What do you mean?"

She explained about her hobbies, things she liked to do. She told me she'd found an old house she wanted to restore, or fix up, and she wanted to know if I'd be okay with her being gone for hours, sometimes all day on certain days.

"Why does everyone think they have to ask me before they do anything?" I wondered, shaking my head a little, "Whatever you want to do."

"We want to avoid upsetting you." She explained, "We know how difficult change is for you."

"I'm as adjusted to being here as I'm ever going to be." I told her with a sigh, "As long as someone stays here with me, and I'm not here all alone, I think I'll be alright."

I found I felt a lot better with just talking about everything. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed talking to them, and on the plus side, Esme agreed not to tell the others I finally spoke up. I didn't want to be expected to just jump right back into being the way I was before. That wouldn't help anything.

Sitting on the couch when they all got home, Emmett found me in my usual spot.

"Hiya, shorty." That was his usual greeting whenever he saw me, patting my head lightly on his way by. Rosalie gave me a look, clearly still not having forgiven me for the things I said to her.

Emmett and Jasper both stopped for a word or two with Esme in the kitchen, before Emmett found his way to his usual spot on the other side of the couch. Now that I knew where I stood again, it was easy to see now how I'd been treating him.

He was focused on whatever movie I'd chosen to watch while waiting for dinner get done, his hand rested on the empty couch cushion beside him. Right where it usually was.

Reaching over, he noticed the second I moved but only watched as I scooted my hand under his. I looked over at him, and I couldn't help smiling a little at the surprise on his face. It was a good surprise, so I knew he wasn't mad at me. Especially given his grin seconds later.

He squeezed my hand lightly, like he always used to, and left it at that. Thankfully not making a big deal out of it. I'd need to get into giving them a chance on my own.

It was a stand-off that night before bed. Between me, and the tiny white pill sitting on the table in next to me. It seemed so scary to me. I held the small glass of water in my hands, just watching it.

Carlisle was patient, not pushing in the slightest. He knew how hard this was for me. Even agreeing to this took a whole lot of trust, and I knew he was only trying to help me, but it was still hard for me.

Anything Jack ever gave me to take for whatever reason he found always resulted in some not so pleasant situations. Anything that would make me the slightest bit sleepy, I would always refuse if it were up to me. I'd already explained that, so I knew he knew how much he was asking of me.

I reasoned with myself. If I tried this out, Carlisle would go to the school tomorrow to talk to the people there. I wanted that, so I had to do this.

It took close to fifteen minutes of preparing myself, but I eventually reached over and picked it up. Closing my eyes, not giving myself a chance to look at it or pause, I took the pill with a few large gulps of water.

I wasn't sure how long it'd take to kick in, so I laid down with a nervous whimper to wait for it.

"I know." He told me, taking the empty glass from me, "I wouldn't be suggesting this if I didn't believe it'd help you a great deal." I nodded a little, taking a deep breath.

"Can you leave the light on?" I asked quietly, "Until I fall asleep?" I wasn't sure about the nightlight, and if it was bright enough, I wouldn't mind it later on, but for right then, I wanted as much light around me as possible.

"Of course." He replied with a nod. It seemed he was going to stay with me for a little bit. I didn't mind that.

"I just need it to stay on." I mumbled, despite the way I knew he knew that, "It can't be turned off."

"It'll stay on." He repeated, "I promise. Try not to think about anything before you fall asleep."

"I've tried that." I shook my head, "My head chooses where it goes, not me. Especially when I'm asleep. It does what it wants then. I guess I should be glad my dreams haven't been memories lately, though."

Another few minutes of sitting there, I knew he could tell it was starting to work.

It wasn't a choice to close my eyes. It just happened. Like I didn't have the strength to keep them open anymore. I hated that feeling, and it scared me as much as it could, but it didn't make a difference.

I'd gone to bed early, just so I could have plenty of time to sleep, and still wake up fairly early in the morning. Esme was sitting there when I did find myself starting to wake up, having taken Carlisle's place. It took a few tries, and even falling back to sleep for another half hour, but I eventually managed to open my eyes to early morning light outside.

It was hazy, but I knew I did dream. It was trying to come back to me, and it was starting to, but it was taking its time. My dreams the night before had been mostly centered around the vision. What happened before.

If I hadn't been before, I was now overwhelmingly glad I got to come along with them this time around. The pain I thought I felt before over them leaving, paired with the desperate loneliness, was unbearable to remember this vividly. Instead of my memories becoming real, the vision seemed real this time. It actually surprised me that I was here.

"I hate this." I mumbled when I could.

"You'll start to shake it off soon." She assured me quietly.

"I can't do that again." My tears started to fall, trailing from my eyes into the pillow beneath my head. It messed with my head too much, and it shook me. It had honestly felt like I'd been there, and the emotions of that were catching up to me. On top of feeling sick, and whether that was an emotional response or a physical response, I wasn't sure.

I jumped awake again at Esme's hand smoothing my hair back. I hadn't even realized I was trying to fall back to sleep.

"Perhaps a lower dosage?" She suggested.

"I'll try lower." I mumbled, knowing that's what she wanted to hear. After that dream, I'd be as cooperative as I could. And besides. As active as my mind had been, it did feel good to get as much sleep as I had.

Sitting up did help. It eased my emotions and helped me to shake off the pill. I still felt it, but maybe an hour after sitting up, it became less noticeable instead of lasting the entire day. My earlier emotions were still there, but they were comforted significantly by the blueberry pancakes Esme made me for breakfast. I sure wasn't complaining.

To my surprise, nobody else was downstairs with us for quite some time. There was always at least Emmett with me. When someone did arrive, it was Carlisle.

I still had about an hour before we needed to leave, so I wasn't in any particular rush, but I did feel quite underdressed when Carlisle was already dressed to leave.

"You're still coming to the school today, right?" I asked him, and he gave me a nod.

"Of course." He replied, "How are you feeling?"

"Better." I admitted, nodding as well, "Better than when I first woke up."

"Having something on your stomach helps." He explained.

"I didn't know how hungry I was." I laughed a little. It was a surprise to me how much I could eat.

"You haven't exactly had much of an appetite lately, either." Esme spoke up, and I had to agree. She had a point. I'd been lucky to finish a bowl of cereal lately. It really made me see how much lack of sleep could affect everything about my life.

"So we'll be trying a lower dosage tonight?" Carlisle asked, seeming unsure if I'd still agree. I nodded again.

"Just a little less." I requested, "I don't like how hard it was to wake up."

"That could also have been your attempt to catch up on all of the sleep you've lost." He replied, "So that may still be a side effect tomorrow morning."

Monday. The last week in October began the day before Halloween.

I wanted to make sure that Carlisle stuck with what he told me the day before, sticking by his side as he entered the office, and took the time to speak with the proper people. This person's name was Ms. Vera, and she took care of all the important student records for the principal. I wanted to feel bad for her, because there were so many students here, but I couldn't.

She assured Carlisle that the only ones actually allowed to sign me out of school was Esme, and himself. Anyone else wouldn't be allowed to see me should they try, but unfortunately, there was nothing they could do about who picked me up after school let out for the day.

However, there were always several teachers watching the kids as they got to their proper places once let out of school. As in to the buses or their parent's cars. If something was wrong, they'd be the first to know.

She also assured him that this was generally the safest school in the district, and that if he had any more questions regarding my safety, they'd be happy to answer them, or address any concerns he had. He declined with a smile.

Even that bitch seemed so full of it. Just like the principal. I didn't believe her, but Carlisle assured me that he did. The bell had rung while we were in there, so I hoped I wouldn't be in trouble for being late to class.

For once, however, Carlisle actually walked me to my class. I didn't mind that. Not in the least. I actually wanted him to see where I had been trapped most of the day, since he hadn't seen it yet.

He stepped into the room with me, and I smiled a little at the sound the class made as they saw him. Carlisle paid no attention to that, though. Probably used to it, considering that he taught part time now. He apologized to Mr. Kline as I stood there with him, letting him know my reason for being late. I didn't need a note if Carlisle was the one that explained it.

Mr. Kline assured him that he wasn't upset, and glanced down at me.

"Leandra, could you please go have a seat?" Mr. Kline asked me, "I'd like a small word with your father." I nodded compliantly. Leaving Carlisle's side, I headed up the row to my desk.

"That's your dad?" Alyssa asked me in a whisper the second I was in range, and I laughed a little. He'd seen her, but she must not have been observant enough to see him. At least never really close enough to notice before. I let my backpack fall from my shoulder, catching it.

"Yeah." I said, sitting down, "Why?"

"I've never had a crush on someone's dad before." She muttered, and I looked at her. What the hell was she talking about? I knew what she meant by having a crush, as she'd discussed it with me before, but that just weirded me out.

"Gross." I said, and she laughed.

"Are you blind?"

"No." I said, leaning down to open my backpack.

"Look at him." She stressed.

"Okay," I laughed, "Stop talking. How'd you like it if I talked like that about your dad?" The thought turned my stomach, but I was trying to make a point.

"Ew." She frowned.

"Exactly." I huffed, laying my folder on my desk, "So shut up."

"But you're not actually related to him, though." I regretted letting that slip once. I'd mentioned to her that they were my foster family, but wouldn't go anywhere near an explanation.

"So?" I countered, "He's still my dad. As much of a dad as I have."

"All I'm saying, is that he's hot-"

"Ah!" I interrupted, "Shut up, Alyssa." She was making me very uncomfortable, without even trying. Somehow, knowing Carlisle could actually hear what she was saying bugged me.

"She's right, you know." The girl sitting behind me, her name was Brianna, commented, "I don't think there's anybody here that doesn't agree. Except maybe the boys-"

I turned around, "Do you want me to stab you?"

"Leandra." Alyssa frowned, and I sighed. She was right.

"I'm serious." Brianna insisted, "I get that you don't see it, because if you did there'd be something wrong with you, but that don't mean we can't look."

"Fine." I muttered, shaking my head as I looked back down at my book and Friday's math problems, "Look all you want, but leave me out of it. You guys are gross."

Alyssa turned in her chair and looked to Brianna, both giggling at my obvious discomfort. I chose to focus on the math problems in front of me. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd answered number four right, and that bugged me.

After a minute or two, I watched as Carlisle came up the row to me, crouching down to be on my level. I thought Alyssa was going to die. I shot her a brief look, and she quickly focused on the page in front of her.

"When I get home tonight, we have to talk." Carlisle seemed concerned, "Emmett will be picking you up today, because I have to work later, but expect a discussion when I get home. Okay?" I nodded, agreeing, "Will you be okay today?"

I didn't miss his brief glimpse to hyperventilating and giggling Brianna behind me, knowing Alyssa was doing the same, despite the look I gave her. I knew why he'd ask. Embarrassment never kept me calm. I had to be blushing just as bad as Alyssa was.

"I'll be okay." I sighed, and he nodded, hugging me briefly. Smiling a little as he stood up, I watched after him as he left the room.

"Oh my God." Alyssa whined as soon as the door was closed behind him, melting a little in her chair, "I've got to come over to your house one of these days."

"Only if I can go over to yours first, and drool over your dad." I muttered bitterly.

"You wouldn't want to do that." She said, her smile fading instantly.

"It's only fair." I challenged, and she looked down. I sighed, suddenly feeling bad for being so mean. It wasn't really her fault, I figured.

So I relented, "I'll ask if it's okay."

She instantly grinned again, looking over.

"Thanks."

"Can I come too?" Brianna asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"One at a time." I mumbled, "I'm not having the entire class follow me home. I go home to get away from you people."

"Aw." She muttered, disappointed.

"I think every girl in class just grew up all at once." Alyssa pointed out, and I leaned forward, thumping my head on the desk. Choosing to ignore that, I shook my head, looking forward again at Mr. Kline trying to get everyone to pay attention again. Just as I figured it would be, that was impossible until after recess.

The whispers continued, however, and that annoyed me, but I ignored it the best I could. Recess was unbearable. It sure didn't help when a bunch of girls from my class gathered around the swings with a bunch of girls from the other fifth grade classes, giving me glances now and then. Even a handful of fourth grade girls started to take notice of their talk.

"What the fuck is wrong with people?" I grumbled.

"Just ignore them." At least Alyssa had thankfully let the subject drop, "This stuff happens all the time. You should have seen it the time my older brother walked us to school. I didn't get it either, but I sure do now." She gave a small laugh, but it died as I glared at her, failing into a light cough.

"Let them talk." Alex added, ripping at the grass, "They're nothing but a bunch of air-heads anyway."

It almost came to a fight, though, when three were brave enough to come over and ask me his name. Until Alex chased them away by threatening to spit on them. He even chased after them as they ran, squealing, back to their herd.

"He's really not so bad." I had to admit, and Alyssa laughed.

"Nah," She said, "He's got his moments."

As usual, Alyssa and I sat together for lunch. I was still a little full from breakfast, but Alyssa was starving, so I didn't mind keeping her company.

"So do you think they'll say yes?" She asked me, smiling at me hopefully as we sat.

"I don't know." I mumbled honestly, "I haven't exactly been the model kid, you know? But I'll ask." She nodded a little, looking back down at her tray for a moment. She had something on her mind.

"What's wrong?" I asked, "Aren't you hungry?" She smiled a little.

"Not really." She replied, "Loose tooth."

"Can I see?" I smiled a little as well. Proudly, she opened her mouth to point out the canine tooth on the left side of her mouth, wiggling it a little with her finger. It was pretty loose, almost ready to go and barely hanging on.

"I wanna yank it, but I'm scared." She admitted.

"Let me do it." I grinned, and she seemed hesitant, "Please? You can yank mine when it gets loose."

"Fine." She muttered and I grinned even more as she opened her mouth wider. Pushing up my sleeves, I grabbed a napkin and scrunched it up, placing it gently over the loose tooth and finding a grip.

"I was so freaked out the first time I ever lost a tooth." I told her, mostly just to distract her, "I thought I was dying. It scared the hell out of me." She laughed along with me, "Ready? One.." I didn't even get to two before I yanked it out. She squeaked, but otherwise seemed fine. Hardly any pressure, and it was right out.

"What a rip-off." I muttered, "I didn't even need to use pliers." I handed her the tooth, napkin and all, and she looked it over. Hardly any blood colored it, just a slight pink around the tooth.

"Don't say rip-off." She laughed a little, "Especially when you're talking about yanking a tooth."

"Good point." I cringed a little.

"How's it look?" She asked, smiling.

"Like a hole between your teeth." I pointed out, "It's bleeding a little, but you're not going to die." She nodded.

"Alex offered to punch it loose, but I said no thanks." She explained.

"I don't blame you." I replied, "That would hurt."

"It feels much better, though." She told me, "Thanks."

"No problem." I smiled, "That was fun."

The conversation died for a minute or two. I picked at one of the three chicken nuggets on my tray, inspecting it. It screamed the word 'unhealthy'. Shuddering, I dropped the piece I'd picked off. Nope. That wasn't happening. I'd have to start requesting to bring my lunch instead. This stuff wasn't even fit for dog food.

"Leandra?" She asked, and I looked over, "I know you don't like talking about it, but.." She trailed off, "Why do you live with a foster family?"

I immediately looked down. Back to the ill-looking nuggets on my tray.

"Why don't you live with your real family? Did your daddy hit you?" She asked, and I stayed quiet. I knew she'd eventually get really curious, but I hadn't expected it so soon.

"No." I lied. Not only, I finished in my mind. I couldn't admit it to her.

"Just wondering." She shrugged a little, "How'd you get those scars, then?" She nodded toward my bare arms resting on top of the table. I immediately moved, hiding my arms under the table and pulling my sleeves back down.

The scars she was referring to, were the ones I had on my forearms. The only ones visible to her, as I had a lot more than those, but they were all caused by Jack. They'd healed quite a bit, but I hated how clear they still were on my skin. I always had.

Seeing I was not appreciating the subject, she spoke again.

"I got scars too, so don't worry." She assured me, "See?" She raised her sleeves, and sure enough, she did but they didn't seem quite the same as mine. Where mine were wide and varied in size and in shape, she did have a few that looked like mine, but she had a few more rounded ones. Not quite dots, but circles. Obviously healed over by a year or two.

"How'd you get yours?" I asked quietly, curious.

"You tell first." She shook her head, "I asked first." I looked back down at her arm, until I noticed something else.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked, reaching over and pointing out the hint of a bruise higher on her arm. One she hadn't even realized was partially visible. She flinched a little, a blush coating her cheeks as she hurriedly lowered her sleeve. Just the way I had done just a moment before.

"You first." She insisted. I looked back up, meeting her eyes. I hesitated before looking back down at my lunch tray.

"Never mind, then." I mumbled, and she shrugged.

"Fine." She mumbled.

"Fine." I repeated, and we finished our lunch in silence. Well, she did. I wasn't very hungry suddenly. More nauseous than hungry, actually.

She didn't let this bother her, though, and she acted as if there was nothing wrong. We finished the second half of lunch by walking around the playground. It really was chilly out today, and after about ten other girls coming up and asking me about Carlisle, I found it to be a very good idea to go back to the classroom early.

"I didn't say a word to anyone." Alyssa laughed in her own defense, "I swear."

"Remind me to stab Brianna." I muttered, "It's only fair."

"Why do you want to stab so many people? Or hurt them?" She asked.

"Why do you always gotta ask a million questions?" I countered, heading inside the building.

"Sorry." She muttered defensively. The classroom door was locked, so we just sat outside the door in the hall. Biding our time until Mr. Kline would get back.

"I don't mean to ask too many questions." She was still defensive.

"I know." I sighed, "Sorry. I'm just not used to it." She looked over, "I've never really had very many friends. I mean, I had two where I lived before."

"Just two?" She asked, and I nodded.

"Except they were more like.." I trailed off, "Cousins, I guess. Long story."

"Well, we have some time." She prompted, and I shook my head, so she went on, "I've never really had many friends either. Unless you count my stupid brother, but I don't think that counts. I just don't get along with people like I should, I think."

"Me either." I replied. This wasn't a surprise, as we'd discussed it before, but I didn't mind returning to the subject.

"Can you tell me about your friends?" She asked, and involuntarily, I smiled.

"I miss them a lot." I admitted first, "Josh and Zack were their names. I think you'd like them, too. Almost nothing bothered them."

"You said they're like cousins?" She asked and I hesitated.

"They're my stepdad's nephews." I replied, and she understood. Nodding, and accepting that answer as enough.

So I passed the ten minutes before recess ended telling her all about them. Describing their personalities made it really hard not to be bothered again, though. I missed them a lot. I also had no choice but to describe the turtle subject thoroughly, my quiet laughter echoing through the hall right along with hers.

I told her about Heather, and about Mike. How great they were, and how easy it was to get along with them.

I found she was smiling as much as I was, so she must have gotten the hint.

"And you'd rather move away from them to be with your foster family?" She asked, "I'd have wanted to stay with Zack and Josh."

"That's a long story too." I replied, "I mean, yeah. I fight with my family sometimes, but they're.. They're more than I deserve. They're amazing people. You don't even know."

"But you never talk about them." She pointed out.

"Maybe I just want to keep them just mine." I shrugged a little, and she nodded. Understanding again, so I looked over at her, "And what about you? You never talk about the rest of your family either. Just Alex, but he's not really that interesting. The most interesting thing about him is that he can pull some really.. Weird stuff from his nose."

Unfortunately, she got out of my line of questioning by the classroom door opening. Mr. Kline interrupting our discussion gave her room to change the subject by talking to him about the science project we'd recently had to turn in.

Narrowing my eyes a little, I watched her follow him to his desk. She seemed to be about as good at avoiding talking about something as I was.

So I let it go.

By the time school let out for the day, just about everybody in the fifth and fourth grades had asked me about Carlisle. If I didn't have Alyssa with me when all that happened, I probably would have hit a few people.

"So," Alyssa sighed as we stepped out front of the school, "What are you doing for Halloween?" Alex found us, stepping over.

"Nothing." I replied, shrugging.

"Don't you want some candy?" She asked, surprised.

"Not really." I answered, "I can just steal yours."

"Uh-uh." She laughed along with me, "I work hard for that stuff."

"Running around in a bed-sheet isn't working hard, Alyssa." Alex pointed out.

"Neither is using mom's make-up, Alexander." She countered, and I had to admit. That one was funny. She looked to me with a sigh, "Brothers."

That reminded me. I glanced over, across the street to my normal pick-up spot. Emmett stood outside his jeep where Carlisle was normally parked. Watching, and very amused by the smile on his face.

"Speaking of brothers," I spoke up, quieting their arguing, "Wanna meet mine?" They both followed my gaze, finding Emmett. I knew the second they saw him, as their eyes widened as they looked to me again.

Getting bored of waiting for them to say something, I stepped away. Crossing the street to where Emmett stood in the shade, grinning as he greeted me with a grin. It wasn't often he was the one to pick me up from school, but I'd never minded it before.

"Hey, shorty." He smiled, lifting me off my feet easily. Sitting me on his shoulder. It had been awhile since I'd allowed this. It felt normal.

He chuckled, "I think you have an admirer." He gestured back across the street at Alyssa and Alex, along with their incredulous, wide-eyed expressions.

I sighed, waving them over. She hesitated, but eventually led Alex over our way. The way Alyssa stared at him told me that he was the one with an admirer. Not me.

"Alyssa, this is Emmett. My brother." I told her from where I sat on his shoulder. I don't think she could have blushed any brighter. This time, I had to laugh, "Emmett, this is Alyssa. My friend."

"Friend, huh?" He smiled, kneeling a little, "Well, it's very nice to meet you." He held his hand out to her, and once again, I thought she was going to die. She muttered something in reply, and he chuckled. I nearly toppled over, but held on as he stood back up. He reached a hand up, bracing me. Just in case. I appreciated that.

"And that's Alex." I said to him, "Her little brother. He's weird." He didn't seem bothered in the least by my friends or their stares. Emmett smiling at Alyssa again, he seemed to be having a grand time making it hard for her to breathe.

"You're probably the biggest person I've ever seen." Alex muttered, and I palmed my face.

"I try." Emmett replied, chuckling.

"Don't pass out." I muttered to Alyssa, and she gave me an incredulous look. I spoke to Emmett now, "Alyssa wants to come over to our house sometime. I told her I'd ask, so put in a good word for her, okay?" He glanced up.

"I'm sure that'd be fine." He said, "I know Alice would have a field day with all that hair to work with." He swung me to my feet, and I couldn't help laughing at the quick drop, and the way it made my stomach drop with it. I wasn't used to that anymore.

I don't think Emmett could have made Alyssa's day any more than he did right then. Aside from when he lightly took her hand again before we had to leave. The wind blew cold this afternoon, so I knew she wouldn't think anything of how cold his hand was compared to hers. Even if she did, I knew she didn't care, and I was genuinely surprised she didn't pass out right there in the street.

Right about then, Alex turned with a quick, "Bye." And jogged back to the other side of the street. Glancing back after him, I saw the younger kids being led out of the building in a single line.

"See you tomorrow?" Alyssa asked me. I dreaded that, actually.

"Sorry, shorty." Emmett spoke up, "You've got an appointment tomorrow, remember?" I did? I looked up at him, and knew immediately to play along.

"Crap." I muttered, "I forgot about that." Explaining away the fact that I hadn't brought it up until now.

"Come on, Aly!" Alex called from the sidewalk, "Quit flirting, and let's go!" Beside Alex, holding his hand as she struggled to clear her longer, wind-blown black hair from her face, stood the tiniest girl I'd seen in awhile. I had zero doubts that was their little sister.

"Wednesday, then?" She asked me urgently, and I nodded, "'Kay, bye!" I watched after her, shaking my head a little with a small laugh.

When we could finally leave, I was tucked safely into the passenger seat of Emmett's jeep as we made our way back toward home.

"I think Alyssa is in love with Carlisle." I muttered, irritation in my tone. He laughed at what I said, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't doubt it." He said, "If how she looked at me was any hint. She doesn't hide it very well."

"Well," I admitted, "She said she has a crush."

"It's normal." He chuckled.

"It's weird." I countered, "Whatever it is, she needs to knock it off."

"It's only weird because you're part of the family, shorty." He told me, "If you'd just met us, you'd have the same reaction."

"No." I corrected, sitting forward a little, "I've never had that reaction. Remember? Back when I did first meet you guys. I met Alice first. Then Edward, and Jasper. I never acted like that."

"I wouldn't know. I didn't see you until lunch time." He reminded me.

"Well, I didn't." I replied, "You can ask Jasper. I was more nervous at being caught smoking than amazed like that."

"Well, you were also younger back then." He pointed out, "That could have been it, too."

"Not that much younger." I mumbled, disappointed as I added, "I'm still small."

"You might be small, but you've got some punch packed in that tiny package." He chuckled, "How long has it been since that fight? And he's still got two black eyes?"

My smile faded as I looked down. I thought about what I noticed the day I got back. The bruise I didn't cause.

"Yeah." I mumbled, keeping my eyes down. Should I bother bringing it up? It was probably nothing, but it bothered me. Then again, it had always bothered me how Zack and Josh would play rough.

"What's wrong?" He asked, glancing over at me.

"Nothing." I said, and he gave me a look, "Really. Nothing." He continued with the look, so I sighed, "Do all boys play rough with each other?"

"That's pretty much a given." He answered, "And it also depends on how they're brought up. It's in their nature, shorty." That was as good as an answer as I needed.

"Just wondering." I explained, my tone telling him he'd answered me sufficiently, and he nodded. We traveled in silence for a moment until I spoke again, "I wanted to hit everybody that asked about him today."

He smirked, "Carlisle?" I nodded, "Just imagine Wednesday. They'll all be asking about me." I groaned, realizing he was right.

"New rule." I said, "Nobody's allowed to visit me at school. Not if I want to stay out of jail. When I get picked up, whoever picks me up has to hide in the bushes."

"Protective?" He asked, "Or jealous?"

"Both, I think." I admitted, and he smiled over at me.

"Well, that's nothing new." I didn't comment on that, "Don't worry. You'll always be the only shorty to me." I smiled a little.

I wasn't going to say anything, but the second we got inside to find Rosalie and Esme talking on the couch, Emmett decided he needed to report.

"Shorty's little friend is the cutest thing." He chuckled, following me inside as he closed the door behind him. Ignoring him, I sat on the couch, and since we didn't have any homework besides reading, I stayed there.

"Oh?" Esme asked, smiling a little.

"I thought she was going to pass out." Emmett chuckled, having made the same observation as I had.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked, looking to Esme. Hoping to change the subject.

She offered a supportive smile, "No, honey. There are just some concerns of your teacher that need to be discussed. That's all."

"I've been good." I told her, "I haven't hit anybody."

"It's not about that." She assured me, "Don't worry."

"I'm always there on time." I went on, "I do all my work. There was that one math quiz that I didn't do very well on last week, but that was a hard day. I tried, though. I got a 'C' on it, at least. I didn't fail it completely."

"It's not about that, sweetie." She repeated with a smile, so I decided to let it drop.

I brought out my book, frowning at it. Waiting for Carlisle to get home, Technically, we were only supposed to read half the chapter, but I read the full thing in about forty-five minutes. It would have been faster, but I was distracted by my own thoughts and worries.

By the time he did get home, I was twice as worried. Had I done something wrong that I didn't know about? I couldn't think of a single time since that day that I'd acted out. I did all my work at one point or another. If I couldn't finish it in class due to distraction, I always did whatever he let me do for homework and turned it in the next day. He seemed to understand to a point, and was never really upset because he knew I was trying.

I followed Carlisle into the kitchen, nervously sitting at the small kitchen table. Where he spoke to me most often. Esme sat beside me with a small smile, so I knew at least she wasn't mad at me.

I waited, watching as he sat across the table from me. He didn't seem mad either, but I could tell whatever it was had been on his mind all day.

"Let me begin," He said, "By saying you're not in any trouble. I promise you." I eased ever so slightly, waiting, "We'll be going over this in greater detail with your teacher at the conference on Friday, but I'd like to address this with you now."

I fidgeted a little, nervous. Why would Mr. Kline want to schedule a conference? That usually meant the kid was in trouble.

"There are a handful of concerns he mentioned, and the first being that he's worried that you're too bright, too smart for the work in his class." That surprised me, "He thinks it's too easy for you. He's worried that you're not living up to your full potential there, and he wants to discuss the possibility of moving you ahead a grade."

"Even with all the school I already missed?" I asked, frowning a little in my confusion. I didn't consider myself any smarter than any other kid in my class.

"Apparently." Carlisle smiled a little, "Your test scores in reading alone are nearly high school levels." I remembered that. The short tests we'd had to take the week before was where he got that from, "Every other subject he's tested you in has far surpassed what grade you're in now."

Emmett smiled at me from where he leaned against the door frame, and to my surprise, Jasper did as well beside him.

"I want your opinion on the matter." He said, "I'd like to know your thoughts."

"I'd rather stay." I murmured, "Moving up a grade means I'd have to start middle school already. I don't want to have to start a new school again. I'm just getting used to this one."

Carlisle nodded, "I understand."

"Is.. That okay?"

"Of course." He replied, and I sighed a little, "If that's your preference, of course it's alright." I nodded again, so he continued.

"Now, there are a few more concerns." His previous small smile faded. Concern taking its place. I waited, looking to him, "As he explains it, sometimes during the day, he gives the class time to draw, or write their own stories about subjects he specifies." I looked down, knowing exactly what he was getting at, "Do you want to tell me about what you draw?"

"No." I mumbled, tracing the edge of the table with my finger.

"Leandra." He prompted and I sighed.

"I use the color red a lot." I answered, "So he doesn't like that. That's not my fault."

"It's not just that." He murmured, shaking his head, "This particular day, he asked everyone to draw what they dreamed about."

"He shouldn't have asked that." I replied simply, shrugging, "I wasn't even going to do it, but he wanted me to. I didn't want to get into trouble, so I just did it."

"He's only concerned, Leandra, and I can easily see why." Carlisle assured me, "He showed me one, and I have to say I am a bit concerned as well."

"I didn't do anything bad." I grumbled, "I didn't draw people." He sighed, reaching into his back pocket, pulling out the piece of paper he was talking about. Unfolding it, he laid it flat on the table in front of me. I remembered that drawing, and I didn't see what was so bad about it.

"Damn, shorty." Emmett was surprised, and I looked to him.

"What's so wrong with it?" I asked.

"Well.." He muttered incredulously, "For one, you tried to make the color of blood."

"That's not what I meant to do." I replied, "It just came out like that, but hey. It does, doesn't it?"

On the center of the piece of once-white paper, were only black scribbles, oval shaped scribbles. Three scribbles, but different sizes, and on all of those scribbles, I went over them with red. Layering the colors black and red, more red than black, so it made the red darker. Even darker when I'd press harder onto the page.

The same color red underneath the scribbles, pooling out from beneath them across the page, but between them was a darker red than they had on them or under them. It was basically just one big mess of black and blood red on one page, but the effort was there. Just enough to know the difference between the blacker black of the page, and the reddish black of the ovals.

Carlisle spoke again, "This is what almost everybody else had to draw."

He'd been given another student's picture. Just as a comparison. Laying it beside mine, he looked to me. I recognized it as one of the boy's pictures. This boy sat two rows over from me. His picture was of a horse standing out in a field. Many different colors, but absolutely no black or red. The sky was blue, the sun yellow. The fence and the horse brown, and the grass green.

Boring.

"Do you see the difference?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"His is pretty good." I commented, nodding a little. Carlisle shook his head.

"Look again."

"Uhm.." I trailed off, looking closer, "His grass is crooked?" Now Carlisle knew I was avoiding the answer. I knew what he found concerning, but I didn't find it concerning at all. It was normal to me. That was normal, but I could see the difference.

The boy's picture was open, mine was closed. Mine showed anger, effort in each pass with the crayon. Stress in the paper. Anger. Effort. Stress. Darkness, and blood.

The boy's picture was a horse. A horse standing in a sunny field. Seeing the pictures side by side like that, of course I could see a difference.

"What are we going to do about this?" He asked quietly, "Leandra, this worries me."

"Why?"

"Is this what you dream about?" He asked, and I bit my lip.

"Sometimes." I admitted, "Lately, it's hard to tell, but that's what I get from it. I can't see them, but I know they're there. I couldn't really draw what else I dream about." He stayed quiet, slowly pulling the pictures back to himself, "That'd just worry him even more, I think."

"Leandra, what do you and the counselor talk about?" He asked, "During your visits?"

"She asks me to tell her what I think about." I grumbled, "I never talk to her, but she doesn't quit trying."

"Why won't you talk to her?" He asked.

"Why should I?" I asked in return, "All these people worried about what's going on in my head, when they don't even want to know about it, because they'd just freak out. All I want is to just be left alone. It's none of their business what I think or dream about. It's not their problem."

"Leandra, if you're dreaming or thinking about things like this, that's a sign that something is wrong." He explained, and I slowly looked up. I didn't like what he was telling me. Not that it was news to me, but it bothered me to hear him say it.

"That's what I've been saying." I sighed, "Nobody believes me. I know something is wrong with me. I don't dream about the things normal kids dream about, and I don't think the way normal kids think, but I'll draw a stupid horse next time. Maybe then I won't get into trouble."

I was getting irritated and defensive. For a second, before he even replied, I realized that. Taking a breath, taking a metaphorical step back. I took a second to really think about how I was feeling, and that helped.

"You're not in any trouble." He assured me, "We just want to help you. That's all."

"I can't be helped." I told him simply. I sighed, and I knew the more denial I gave him with this, the more he'd insist on talking about it. So I shrugged a little, "It's fine. I'm used to it." He didn't seem convinced, "I told you. It's not a pretty place in my head. It never has been. That's why I don't blame Edward for staying behind. If I could get away from it, I would too."

That only seemed to concern him even more, but he let it go for now. He sighed, standing up.

"Do I have to be there at the conference on Friday?" I asked, and he shook his head.

"No, that's only for Esme and I." He replied, and I nodded, "Tomorrow, you'll be staying home." I nodded again, smiling a little as I stood up. That pleased me.

"It's because of the party, isn't it?" I asked, curious.

"I only think it'd be best if you weren't made to interact with hyperactive children." He explained and I laughed a little.

The small party for Halloween our grade was having. They'd all meet in the bigger classroom. There was bound to be sugar galore there, and probably kids bouncing off the walls everywhere you looked, so he was right to be worried. If someone annoyed me the wrong way, I'd punch them without another thought. I could do without that, so I'd gladly stay home.

"I'm not complaining." I murmured, "I'd rather stay home for good, but I know I can't. Can I go now? I want to get tonight's homework done." There'd probably be no homework tomorrow. Mr. Kline was cool like that. He nodded and I turned. Leaving the kitchen.

I found my backpack still lying on the couch, pausing long enough to sigh deeply.

"You okay?" Emmett had followed me.

"Not a good look, was it?" I asked, looking up at him, "If that picture I drew worries you, then you'd really hate having Edward's gift. That was nothing."

"I guess we just didn't think it was that dark in there." He lightly poked the side of my head, leaning against the back of the couch beside me.

"It's been worse lately." I murmured, "I think it's because I'm always so tired, but it's the reason I'm so tired. I keep on waiting for things to change. To either get better, or get worse, but they never do. I don't think I've ever been too scared to have a bad night before."

"Scared?"

"All the time." I sighed, letting my backpack rest on the floor. Slouching a little in my exhaustion, "But it's the same feeling I had before. When I remembered.. Well, stuff I shouldn't. About the vision. I'm afraid, but I don't know the reason why yet. That's the part that bugs me the most. There's something I'm not getting."

It was another stand off that night between me and the pill, but it wasn't quite as hard to get passed my nervousness. The pill had been cut in half, so I could only hope it made a difference with my dreams.

I was allowed to sleep in the next morning, able to shake off the remnants of the pill myself, and by the time I came downstairs, it was already passed ten.

I sat down beside Emmett, yawning. He seemed distracted, but so was I. I could almost feel how close I was to figuring out what the dreams I couldn't remember held. I could almost see it, and that was a lot more than I could say the day before. It hurt to push, to try to move forward with it, but that didn't stop me from trying.

"Shorty," He spoke before I could ask him about it, shaking me out of my own thoughts, "Let me ask you something." I looked over at him, "What do you think about strangers?"

"Strangers?" I asked, confused.

"People you don't know."

"I hate them." I replied quietly, "You know that." That was an odd question coming from him.

"Good." He muttered, "Don't forget that." I frowned.

"Why?"

"I watched a movie last night that got me thinking about it." He answered, "That's all." I stayed quiet, laying back. He put his arm around me, hugging me into his side. I whined a little, looking up at him. What was his deal today? He hadn't pushed me yet. I'd been comfortable, but a little irritated now at the hug.

"As if she needed any help hating strangers, Emmett." Alice grumbled on her way through the room. I could smell Esme making me something to eat, but I knew it wasn't done yet. My stomach rumbled a little, and I laughed a little.

"Listen to me, shorty." Emmett's tone had me giving him full attention, "There are people out there you don't want to cross paths with."

"I know."

"They'll tell you anything to make you cooperate." He continued, his tone serious.

"Like Jack."

"Not at all like Jack." He corrected, "No. They won't be mean, or threaten you. These people will tell you anything, so they can steal you. Don't fall for it, shorty."

"Why?" I had to admit, I was getting nervous, "Why would they want to steal me?"

"Because they can." Was his reply, "And I don't want you to go missing. I like you right here."

"I'm not stupid." I reminded him. Was someone going to try to steal me?

"Even if these strangers seem nice." He was confusing the hell out of me, "Even if they seem important, or tell you they're from this place or that place, don't believe them, and definitely don't get into their car until you know for sure."

"I know that." I mumbled, "Emmett-"

"This isn't like Forks." He insisted, "This place is much bigger than back home, shorty. A lot of people come through here. They come, and they go just as quickly." I watched his expression, but it gave away no sign that he was joking.

"Even if they tell you they know me, or Carlisle, or anyone else you know." He added, "They'll tell you they're only doing us a favor, and taking you to us or something like that. Don't fall for it."

"How do I know if you know them or not?" I asked, "I don't know everybody you know."

"Good question." He said, "If you don't remember meeting them, or having one of us introduce them to you, then it's a good chance they're full of it." I frowned in thought, looking down, "I know I would never tell someone to go pluck you up just to bring you home. They could be the most important person in the world, don't trust them." He said, "If it doesn't sit right with you, run away." I nodded, taking a breath.

"No problem." I sat closer to him, nervous now.

That did make me curious, however.

Were there really people out there that would try to steal me? Besides Jack or Ken, I couldn't imagine anyone trying to pull that. I knew Jack, and I knew Ken. I knew to run away from them, but other people? Would I fall for it? Was I that stupid? And why would Emmett tell me this suddenly?

The schools were always bringing it up, about being careful of strangers, or people we didn't know. I never paid any attention to that, because I always, always thought that there would never be anybody worse than Jack, but I sure paid attention now.

"They think I'm being overprotective." He muttered, "But I just want you to be safe."

It seemed simple enough. Just ignore anybody I didn't know, but was that completely possible? I was wary of everybody I didn't know, but then again, all it took was someone seeming nice to get me to talk to them.

If someone were to make the effort to get me to talk to them, then it would be possible, and it really wouldn't take much. If everybody knew who Carlisle was back home, I'd imagine it was the same here. All they'd have to do was mention him, and they'd have my attention.

Then my thoughts moved on. What would happen if I did wind up going missing? Would my family be able to find me? Or would they have no clue where to look? Would they even want to try? Would they ever give up?

And if someone was okay with stealing kids, what would they want them for? Were there really worse people than Jack out there? Jack wouldn't steal kids, otherwise he would have already. He just tortured me. Everybody else, he left alone.

All these questions circled around in my head repeatedly, and it was all thanks to Emmett, and the one movie he watched the night before that got him thinking about it.

All I knew, was that I was both unnerved, and very curious.

A/N: Woohoo! I'm a bit relieved this one is out of the way. Now we can start getting into the good parts. Yes, as you probably guessed it, Mikah is in the next chapter. I know you've been looking forward to seeing him again, and I can't blame you. :D
THANK YOU! To those that left me some BEAUTIFUL reviews! You're AMAZING!
Seven won't take long. :) I promise. It's just waiting on me to get some sleep for a final edit.
Until Seven, my friends! :D