The Gift of Resilience - Re-Vamped

by KNeu21

(RV2)S to 'TGoMisfortune'-Set during NM:RE-VAMPED VERSION! After waking up from a vision to find herself not only back to where she started, Leandra learns how to begin rebuilding the relationships she couldn't live without, and struggling to recall the details. While trying to avoid becoming the monster she fears she is destined to become. COMPLETE!

12. Chapter 12

ImPORTANT NOTE: VERY unpleasant mentions in this chapter. If you're sensitive to hints/slight descriptions of abuse, then I'd proceed with caution. As a reminder, this fic is rated 'M'. It isn't graphic, but it's not pretty either.

Chapter Twelve

It definitely had everything to do with the discussion earlier, but my dreams that night were ones that hurt so much to remember. Things I thought I'd forgotten. Not all of them were scary things, but all of them were painful things.

Then came the bit I couldn't remember.

I didn't wake myself with the memory dreams, but I did wake myself up by fighting out of the dark, unmemorable dream. Kicking, the blanket leaving me with the force of it. Fighting things I couldn't see, and things that didn't exist. My heart pounding, breathing racing too quickly for my taste.

I was seated up now, looking around myself. The panic angering me this time.

"No!" I hadn't shouted that loud in a long time. Emotion breaking my voice, "No! Dammit!"

My door opened at the same time I started to cry. Loudly. Laying back forcefully, trembling in the cold sweat that covered me as I covered my face with my hands. Pressing the heels of my palms hard into my eyes as I rolled to my side.

I couldn't stand this anymore. I couldn't stand not knowing, not being able to see what was scaring me so bad. I'd had one too many of those dreams that I couldn't remember, and I was so tired of it.

"Leandra." Esme was suddenly beside me, "What was it?"

I just continued to cry, completely ignoring her this time.

"Make it stop!" I begged to anyone, "Please make it stop! I can't take it anymore.." I was out of breath at that point, sobbing much too hard to breathe. The pain was unreal, splitting me in a way it hadn't in quite awhile.

I felt Esme's attempts to roll me back over, to face her, but I flinched from her hands as if she'd burned me. Curling into a ball instead.

"I can't.." I sobbed every bit of breath out.

Whatever was in that darkness was worse than I thought before, but I still didn't know what it was. This was how I knew it was more than over-worrying. This was how I knew I wasn't making this up. The pain and fear, mixed with my physical reactions now told me something was going to happen.

"Leandra." Esme tried again, but I stayed curled. I couldn't handle this, whatever this was. Each time she tried to gently take my arm, I only cried harder. My entire body locked up, panic ensuring that.

"Jasper." Carlisle's tone wasn't as calm as I was used to. It took a minute, but my heart did start to slow down.

"That doesn't fix this!" I shouted again, and I couldn't understand the sudden anger. That had literally come out of nowhere, not having felt angry before.

One more try from Esme to turn me over and this time, I fought away. Scrambling off the other side of the bed, just to land on the floor beside it and curl into an upright ball this time. My arms hugging my knees and hiding my face at the same time.

Jasper sure upped his efforts, as after only a few seconds more, my cries had calmed drastically. I sat there, my eyes still hidden as I practically gasped for breath after that.

"Whoa." Emmett's voice in the silence that followed was surprised.

Esme moved. Off the bed to kneel in front of me. Her attempts to pull my arms away were far more successful this time, but I hugged her instead. Easily returning the embrace. I just continued to cry. Quietly now, but my tears kept coming.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled through tears. It was true. Despite the way I couldn't control my reactions, I felt bad for them.

"No, honey." She told me, "It's okay."

"What was it, Leandra?" Alice asked me, and I shook my head. I had no idea. Not to mention the fact that I needed to concentrate on slowing my trembles. The fear was gone, thanks to Jasper, but my reactions had stayed. That wasn't as easy to stop.

"She doesn't remember." Thankfully, Edward was still here, and he explained for me.

My head pounded painfully, and I wasn't sure if that was from the dream I couldn't remember, or from the emotions caused by it.

"I can't handle it anymore." I cried instead, shaking my head, "No more.."

"Your gift can't be stopped, Leandra." Alice told me, but that didn't help me. She came over, "I know it can be frustrating at times. Believe me." She kneeled beside where Esme sat holding me in her arms. As mixed up as I was, I wasn't leaving those arms for anything. Thankfully, though, Alice didn't try to make me.

"This is more than that." I shook my head, looking over at her, "I can't handle it."

"You wouldn't have it if you weren't meant to have it." She replied gently, but that just irritated me, and my cries reflected that, "Nobody can do anything to get rid of that. You can't just get rid of your ability. It's impossible. Trust me. The only thing you can do is learn to live with it, because it's not going anywhere. It'll only get stronger, and I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. So you need to learn how to handle it."

"I've tried." I replied, "I've tried. It doesn't work, Alice. Make it stop. Please make it stop. I don't want it anymore."

"Leandra, I can't." She replied, "I would if I could. I would do that for you in a heartbeat, but I can't. Whatever you're trying to see-"

"I'm not trying to see anything!" I was getting desperate, "It just won't stop!"

"Whatever your mind is trying to see isn't working." She went on anyway, "Just accept that."

"Why won't it work?"

"Maybe it's not decided yet." She suggested, "Maybe it's not certain yet. Maybe something needs to change first for that to happen, or maybe you're not ready to see it yet."

"I can't do it anymore." I sobbed quietly, "I don't want to see it. I don't want to. I can't see it, and I don't want to, but it just keeps trying."

I couldn't deny, though. Something about that statement sounded familiar to me. I fell quiet, still trying to catch my breath but thinking. At about that time, Jasper eased whatever emotion I was still feeling, and I had to hand it to him. His ability was pretty impressive. Impressive, but irritating.

"I won't lie, Leandra." Alice spoke again, and I looked to her, "Whatever you're trying to see that warrants a reaction like that does worry me."

"That's what I've been saying." I whimpered, "It's more than over-worrying, like Edward said. I know it's more than that."

She looked down in thought for a moment, probably thinking.

"It's like.." I paused, "Sometimes it's like trying to walk through a brick wall. Other times, it's like running into it. Constantly running into it, as hard as I can. Some things come to me, but everything else just.. Hides behind it." I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I still felt the need to cry, but not having the emotion to was confusing me.

"So start talking." She suggested, and I looked up again, "We're still facing this problem, Leandra. There's still too much in your mind, so start talking."

I looked away, hesitating.

"Don't think about it." She urged, "Just start talking. Like you did that day."

"I-I.." I didn't want to do that. I was back to blocking myself, but I couldn't help that. I'd already been given enough time to think about it. I shook my head a little, and she sighed.

"You were doing so well with that." She murmured sadly. I looked down.

I didn't have an explanation for that. One step forward, three steps back. I'd already let them know too much. I had to be careful.

"What goes on in that head of yours?" She asked, and though I glanced back up, I didn't look at her for long. Instead, I just focused on Esme again. Hugging her more firmly. Esme didn't seem to mind that, but Alice sighed again and stood up.

She wasn't going to press me about it, which I was grateful for, but I knew she'd want an answer soon.

My doorway became less crowded. Emmett and Edward both left, but everyone else stayed for a few minutes until they were sure they weren't needed anymore. I rested my eyes while holding onto Esme, but I refused to let myself fall back to sleep.

Despite Esme's insistence to try to sleep, and despite how indescribably tired I was, I made my way downstairs. The decorations all still in place were things I had to force myself to ignore, but that was hard to do when I needed to focus on something else to keep my thoughts from wandering. I really didn't feel like torturing Edward more than I could help.

I thought about anything else. Anything I could besides what wanted to scroll through my mind. The pattern of the carpet, the arrangement of books on the bookshelf. The position of the TV remote sitting on the coffee table. The pattern of wood in the coffee table itself. The way the light in the corner glinted off the glass of it. The couch pillow arrangement.

Anything. Anything but his voice. His words, his eyes, and the way I wanted to throw up. Anything but the way I felt. The choking desperation of whatever dream I'd had, or the panic numbing my limbs, all despite Jasper's help. I was a walking time-bomb, and I knew that. I did know that. If Jasper let me go any time soon, I wouldn't last long.

I glanced to Jasper as he followed Esme and I. Unable to keep his distance, because he knew as well. He knew how much I needed him just to remain in one piece. With his help, I could function again.

"What is it?" Esme asked me, and I glanced up at her. Instead of making me sit in the living room with all the Christmas crap, she followed me into the kitchen. Where Carlisle stood talking with Edward. Gaining their attention as well.

"I don't want to." I mumbled, and she seemed confused, "That was part of it."

"Of..?"

"The dream I can't remember." I answered, sitting down in my usual place at the table, "I think I said that."

"You remember it?" She asked, sitting beside me.

"Just that." I shook my head, "Nothing else. I don't know what I don't want to do. I keep trying, but even what I remember is hard to think about. It hurts a lot." I pressed my palm against the top of my head, as that was where it hurt the most.

"Don't try." She murmured, and I sighed.

"But it's my only clue." I argued quietly, "It's the only thing I have to go on. Something like that, I need to try to see. No matter how much it hurts, because whatever happens hurts so much more."

"Don't push yourself too much, Leandra." Edward told me, and I looked over at him, "If you're not meant to see it yet, don't keep trying. Your physical limitations are in place for a reason. If you try to push those limitations, who knows what might happen?"

"I never thought of that." Carlisle admitted quietly, more than worry in his tone. I hadn't either, but that was nothing new.

"It's better than waiting for whatever's going to happen to happen." I mumbled, "And a lot better than thinking about other things."

"How many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to try to protect your thoughts from me?" Edward asked.

"It's not for you." I replied, "I don't like seeing those things either. I don't like seeing those memories either. Do you know how hard it is remember that?"

"I do." He answered, "I see what it's doing to you. All of us do, but when you refuse to talk about them, you keep them going." I looked down.

"I've said enough." I sighed, "Too much."

"And it's back to that." Jasper sighed as well.

"Nobody said this would be easy." Edward reminded me.

"It's sure as hell easy for him." I muttered, meaning Jack, "He's probably having a grand time, wherever he is, while I'm stuck suffering. He doesn't lose sleep. He isn't tortured. He's not constantly reliving everything, but I am. How fair is that?"

"Oh, I wouldn't doubt that he's reliving everything, but he's the type to enjoy what he sees." Edward replied quietly, "He's fueling himself with those thoughts, keeping himself going as he obsesses over you. Only adding more fuel to the fire, so to speak."

"Awesome." I grumbled, leaning forward. He didn't know how right he was. What he'd gathered from my memories of Jack was spot on.

"He's going to get desperate soon." He added, "And that's when he'll make his mistake, no doubt."

"That doesn't exactly help me now." I pressed my forehead against the tabletop.

"You're not exactly helping yourself, either." He reminded me, "You're letting them get the best of you. By refusing to give anyone a glimpse in your mind, you're letting those thoughts and memories poison you." I looked back up at him at the mention of that specific word, but he continued, "By refusing to talk about it, you keep yourself believing that there is no hope. You're keeping yourself stuck in those thoughts, perpetuating the idea that it's no use. Only adding more fuel to the fire, so to speak."

It really sucked having a discussion about this while I couldn't feel anything.

"Think of it this way, Leandra." Edward went on, "By refusing to talk about it, you're protecting him."

"No I'm not." I instantly replied.

"In your mind, you are." He argued, "You most certainly are. You're obsessing over him the way he's obsessing over you, and that's not going to change as long as you keep yourself in this cycle."

I whined miserably, lightly thumping my head on the table top again. I wanted so much to really tell him what I thought, but without the emotion behind it, it wouldn't mean as much and the motivation wasn't there.

I wanted to be mad. I wanted to cry and feel pain, but I couldn't. It wasn't just Jasper keeping me from doing that, however. I'd noticed that before. As much as I did cry, I never cried for the reasons I needed to. It wasn't only Jasper keeping those emotions under tight control now.

"It's you." Edward answered for me, "You're so used to hiding, you don't know how to stop. Remember what we talked about earlier? Well, you're getting your answer now." I winced.

"The darkness, Leandra." He muttered, "That part of you, the part you consider stuck in the darkness, that's the part of you that has yet to heal. The one that's not continuously angry like you think, but that's the part of you that's still hurt, and still so afraid."

Of course, he was right, but he had more to say. I just lightly thumped my head again, squeezing my eyes shut. I wasn't exactly wanting him to shut up, but I didn't want to hear all of this. It bothered me, made me uncomfortable, because I thought I was the only one who'd seen that part.

"The part of you that you don't dare let out, because if you do, it'll open you to more pain." He sat down across the table from me, "The part of you that never got what you needed growing up, and the part of you that you protect so fiercely because nobody else ever did."

That one hurt. Hit too close to home, but that hurt was taken by Jasper half a second after I felt it. Esme, however, lightly smoothed my back from her place beside me. I appreciated that.

"That's the part that has stuck with you all your life, and it's the one that you never let see the light of day. That's the part that gets so angry for seemingly no reason. Lashes out, blames those that aren't to blame. Says the things that you don't mean. That's the one that is so.. Desperately terrified, frightened of everything. Terrified of letting anyone too close. Terrified of caring too much, or relying on anyone. Refusing to let you believe anyone when they say anything positive about you.

"It's you, your fight, your anger and hatred, and it convinces you that no matter what, you're not worth it. It hurts you, continuously causing you untold amounts of pain with every new breath you take. That's the part that takes you three steps back and refuses to let you move forward, but you protect it. You protect it, just the same."

I couldn't believe how much he knew. I had underestimated before just how much he'd seen from me, but he was sure letting me know now.

"You hide that away, thinking that's the only way to guard it." He didn't let that thought from me slow him down, "You try so hard to hide yourself away, but that darkness is you. That darkness consists of your emotions, the ones that never left. It's your fear, your pain. Your contempt, your sadness, and your anger at everything he did.

"The years you spent hiding everything, fighting to keep anyone from looking. Fighting to hide while fighting to keep yourself alive. The balance you found, and the unending routine of survival, violence and anger. The things he forced you to see. The situations and experiences he forced you into, and the longer you hide those experiences, the darker that part of you will get, and you'll just continue letting it hurt you. You'll just continue to protect it, because you don't know what else to do."

I didn't say anything. I wasn't trying to defend myself, or argue with him, because I knew he knew exactly what he was talking about.

"You tell yourself you're trying to protect everyone else, but it's not entirely everyone else you're worried about, is it?" He already knew the answer to that. He sighed, "Silence isn't going to hide you anymore. Not like it did with your counselor."

Shit. He knew about that? Carlisle probably told him about it.

"I'm not crazy." I muttered.

"No." He replied, "Of course you're not. Leandra, anyone who has been in the places you've been would have that part of them. Anybody would struggle with the things you struggle with. The point is, there's a whole lot more to it than you're acknowledging. Than you're letting yourself see, but you need to realize that nobody here is going to ever.. Ever stop trying to make you see it."

"Just.." He sighed again at my silence, "Give it some thought. Really think about it. Take a step back and get to know yourself. Instead of trying so hard to figure out what your future holds, take another look at where you came from and where you've been. Instead of fighting with yourself and everyone else, really look. You just might be surprised by what you find."

I kept my eyes down, but listened to him stand back up.

"Spend your time with people that make you happy." He told me, "Be a kid while you have the chance." I knew what he meant. I was too young to feel this kind of emotion, but this kind of emotion obviously had no age limit.

I stood up at that, leaving the room. I didn't blame him, but I didn't like that that part of me had been brought to light. I wasn't upset, because I knew I could just hide it away again. I could, it was possible, but now that everyone knew about it, I had a feeling it'd be like trying to hide an elephant behind a square of tissue paper. It just wouldn't work.

I didn't stop to look at anyone else. Passing Jasper, and Alice in the doorway. Passing Emmett and even Rosalie in the hall. Right back into my room, closing and locking the door behind me this time. They'd heard everything, but I wasn't willing to face that.

Apparently, no matter where I was in the house, Jasper could keep my emotions controlled. So his following me earlier was just for his own peace of mind.

I didn't mind it this time. Without so much emotion, I could sit there and think. Just like earlier. Without my emotions making me lash out, Edward was able to say what he needed to say to me without me throwing a salt shaker at his face.

I wanted to be embarrassed, but during the time I had to think, I decided that it wasn't so bad that everyone had heard what Edward had to say. After all, they definitely had the right to know how incredibly fucked up I was.

I was tired, and my head hurt, but I stayed sitting up. Watching the cloudy sky lighten outside. I also had to consider the best way to show my face again, and quickly, because I was getting hungry.

There was no way in hell I could just stay up here the rest of my life, no matter how much I wanted to, so I eventually decided to just go with it. Now they knew. So what? It really wasn't the end of the world.

I left my room with a deep breath. Without nervousness to stop me, I just continued on. Descending the stairs, keeping my eyes down so I didn't trip and accidentally kill myself.

"Leandra?" I looked back at Esme's voice. She was just following me down the stairs, and she smiled a little, "I wasn't expecting you to come out so soon."

"I got hungry." I admitted, and walked with her the rest of the way into the kitchen. Honestly, I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. My lack of normal emotions was confusing me.

"I-I'm sorry." I mumbled as I sat down, "About last night, and-"

"No need." She replied easily, "You're having such a hard time, honey, and we know that. There's no need to feel bad for anything."

I took a breath and nodded. Instead of arguing with her, I'd just accept that.

I really shouldn't have been surprised at Alice's arrival. She fell into the open seat beside me, and I looked over at her. She seemed not quite excited, but expectant.

"Start talking." Were her first words to me this morning and I sighed, "First thing you think of."

"Can't that wait?" Esme sighed.

"No." Alice replied simply.

"It's not that easy." I told Alice, shaking my head.

"Then what do I have to do?" She asked.

"Well.." I muttered, "Make it specific. Like Emmett did." She seemed confused, "He asked about taking care of my mom. What do you want to know about the most?"

"Okay." She nodded a little, pausing for just a second, "What would a typical day for you consist of with him?"

"Weekend, or week day?" I asked, "Because there's a huge difference."

"Weekend."

"Right after a beating, or before?" I asked, "There's a huge difference there, too."

She paused for a moment, "Before."

"If it was a Saturday, that meant Jack was at work." I answered, "He'd leave usually really early in the morning, before I even woke up, and be gone all day. First, right after I'd wake up, I had to go check on my mom to see if she was still alive, and bring her a couple of beers if she was. If she wasn't, Jack always told me to just wrap her up in a sheet and roll her out back. He'd take care of it when he got home. I never had to do that, though."

She winced a little, not liking that. I could understand that, but I'd been used to it, so it didn't really bother me that much. I'd be a bit bummed my pet rock had died, but she wasn't something that couldn't be replaced with a real rock.

Looking over, I noticed the others were curious as well. I should have expected to see Jasper standing there, and I did, but Emmett and Carlisle were a bit of a surprise.

"Leandra?" Alice prompted, and I shook my head a little. Trying to sort out my thoughts. Being distracted sort of scattered them for a moment.

"After making sure she had her beer," I continued, "I'd normally wash my clothes for Monday and Tuesday. By hand, though. I was never allowed to use the washer. For any reason. I'd probably rest after that, because it was pretty hard to do the physical stuff when I was hungry." I paused for a breath, "After that, I'd check on my mom again, bring her another couple of beers, and about then is when she really passed out. I probably wouldn't have to check on her until around evening time, just before Jack got home.

"Until he got back, it was sitting in my room and either work on whatever homework I had, or stare at the wall. Jack would probably be in a really bad mood, so I'd just sit there, and hope he forgot about me. After he got home, the fight would start, and I'd watch for the need to run."

It was silent for about a minute.

"And your mom?" She asked, "Tell me about what that was like." I couldn't understand why she'd be so interested in her.

"I never talked to her." I answered, "I didn't get why I should when she never really talked back, so I just left it. Besides telling her to get up or to move so I could do something with the bed, or if she was in the way, but most of the time, I had to move her myself.

"The couch was easy to move her off of, because I had the back of it right there, and I could just.. Sort of.. Scrunch myself in between her and there, and kick her off onto the floor and step just around her, but the bed was harder. She was heavy for someone like me to move. That's why I only made changing her sheets a once a week thing. I couldn't do that all the time. Sometimes it was twice a week, if I felt up to it, or if she barfed or forgot to go to the bathroom. She was usually pretty good about that, though."

I sighed, deciding to move on before she had to ask.

"Sundays were Jack's days off." I hesitated, skipping over the part I didn't want to say, "I had to be careful. I couldn't do everything I wanted to get done on Saturday, because I had to spend all day Sundays looking like I was busy. If I was busy doing things, he almost never bothered me, because he sure didn't want to do it."

"That's the routine Edward mentioned."

"One of them." I nodded, "There were a lot of them. Ways to get around things."

"And what about after?" She asked hesitantly. After a beating. I took a deep breath, focusing on my hands resting on the table.

"The days after a beating, a really bad one, were spent really hating the day I was born. Not that I didn't usually do that anyway, but especially those days." I muttered, "I don't think really anyone else really knows just how bad someone can hurt. I mean, as a human. There's pain, and then there's this pain. The kind that makes you really dizzy, and even thinking hurts too much. I spent those days just laying there, because moving at all would make me throw up. When just taking a breath almost made me throw up, there wasn't a lot I could do around the house.

"A normal beating, it hurt that bad, yeah, but there was a limit to that pain. After a normal beating, I still had to get up and walk my ass to school after it. Sit there all day, and then walk home, but by the time I had to walk home, it was sitting still I dreaded. I was sort of.. Stiff in standing up, so sitting back down or laying down just made it hurt a lot more.

"I'd get home, and do all the things I didn't do yet. Check on my mom, wash my clothes, pick things up.. Jack would throw things on the floor. Empty food wrappers, empty cigarette packs, and things like that because he knew I needed to stay busy. Plus all the empty bottles my mom didn't bother picking up. That was all my job, and unless I was too hurt to move, I had to do it." I sighed, "Sometimes I still had to do it if he was in the mood to watch me. He was always so proud of what he'd done."

I didn't look at her, unable to help the shame I knew I should feel.

"And what about the nights, Leandra?" She asked, and I froze for a second.

"Except for that." I murmured. I honestly wasn't expecting that one. Looking over at her briefly before turning my gaze back to the table. I could feel Jasper's struggle to keep my emotions where they were. It was the oddest thing. Fighting with him over what I knew I should feel and what he took.

"I won't talk about those. The nights." I muttered, "Not ever."

"Leandra," She spoke again, undeterred, "Why are you so afraid of the dark?" That was a little bit more specific of a question.

"Because that's when everything I can't forget happens." I said quietly. I chose to focus my eyes on my fingers, scratching at the wood of the table lightly. The pressure on my fingernails somehow eased me. It helped to feel something.

"Those are the things bothering you most." She understood, and I nodded, "Then tell me."

"I won't." I repeated.

"Okay." She paused to think again, "What, besides what bothers you the most, would happen?" That was easier to answer. She was getting good at this.

"He'd say things." I replied, "He'd tell me a lot of things. He'd talk to me, but he never yelled at me. He always talked soft in the dark, right into my ear. I hated that so much, but there was no way I could get away from it." I paused, my heart speeding up at the memory. My eyes closed, and I knew any second, that brief increase in fear would be gone. Sure enough, it was, and I could continue.

"Things I still hear when I sleep. Things I still hear when I'm awake. I can still hear them all the time, but so much worse when I sleep, because then, I can still feel and smell everything too."

"What would he tell you?" She asked, her tone quiet. I hesitated, knowing this was the part where I knew I should shut up, but the normal nervousness wasn't there to stop me.

I knew this was one of the things they needed to know. Given the silence, they all waited. What made the dark so intolerable? What made me so terrified of something seemingly so harmless? What did I hear when I woke up sobbing? This was it. Closing my eyes briefly, without the nervousness to stop me, I spoke.

"Mostly, he'd tell me about all the ways he wanted to kill me." I answered quietly, "He'd tell me about all the things he wanted to do to me before he killed me, or while he killed me. There were so many ways.. So many things." I paused for a quiet breath and a single, slow shake of my head.

"He'd tell me.. How much he hated me, and how much I should hate myself, and he'd laugh. He'd laugh when I cried. It made him so happy when I cried. He'd say that that was how it should be. When I was most afraid of him, he'd tell me I was doing good. That was the only time he ever told me I was doing something right."

There wasn't a sound in the room. A pin dropping would have sounded loud, but I forced myself to keep going.

"He'd tell me about how worthless I was. Good for nothing, completely unlovable piece of garbage that nobody wanted. Pathetic. Weak. Such a disgusting little fucking whore, and I only deserved the worst he had to give me." I knew those words by heart. I'd known those words by heart since I was little.

I was actually surprised that she, much less anyone else, could still hear me. My voice had lowered, hardly a whisper as I stared straight down. It made me sick to repeat those words out loud. The words burned me, turned my stomach to say. Worse than my confession the day before about what Christmas meant to me. This was worse than that.

"Every night, for as long as I can remember, he'd tell me that stuff." I forced myself to say, "He always told me that stuff. Even when he wasn't in there for another reason, when I was little. There's more he'd tell me, but I can't say those things."

"It's okay." She offered, which relieved me.

"I can't say them." I shuddered anyway, just thinking about what else he'd say, and I knew for a fact right then that there was no way I would ever get through this without Jasper's help. It really was amazing what he could do, but despite his help, I trembled lightly. A reaction to the emotion I knew I should feel, but highly numbed.

If this helped them really figure out what kind of person Jack was, maybe it would make them believe me when I couldn't let go of the dream I couldn't remember. I took a breath.

"Hearing those things made it hard to breathe," I went on, "And it still does when I remember it, because he'd always hold me too tight. So tight, it was hard to breathe. I had to hear them. I hated the dark, because no matter where I looked, he'd always be there. I couldn't get away from it. He'd make me look at him, and even when I couldn't see, he was always close enough for me to see him.

"I still hate the dark, because I still see him. In my mind, I still see him, and I know at any second, he'll.." I forced myself to stop, gasping a ragged breath in with a shake of my head, "I can't be in the dark. I can't.."

I wasn't surprised by the hug she suddenly pulled me into. I returned it, but allowed myself another tremble or two.

"He told me," I added quietly, "That if I ever told anyone what he did to me or if I ever left him, if I ever ran away, he'd make sure I regretted it. That he'd do as many of those things to me as he could before I died.

"That no matter where or how far away I ran, he'd find me. No matter what it took. I did both of those things, Alice. I did both of those things. He'll do it. I know he'll do it. He'll never stop until he has me again, and he can do what he said he would do."

She hugged me tighter, and looked over. Probably at Esme, and now Carlisle, watching both of us. I looked to them as well, but I couldn't read the expression in Carlisle's eyes at first, so I stopped trying. He wasn't mad, and he didn't pity me, but a close mix of the two.

"We need to find him." Alice's tone was an odd sort of quiet growl, "We need to look harder. Search every single building in this entire city until he's found."

Nobody said anything to that, but I knew it really wasn't that easy. If it'd been that easy, then he'd have been found a long time ago.

The slight fear I'd regained faded completely once again, and I looked over, passed Alice. Jasper and Emmett stood in the doorway, but neither one of them looked like they hated me, which only helped. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

With Alice hugging me like this, her tone didn't make me worry about me having scared her off, and I definitely noticed a similarity between her tone, and Emmett's that day. Making me realize that he'd been telling the truth. He hadn't been mad at me, but hated the situation instead.

Pulling back, she looked at me, "Thank you, Leandra. Thank you for finally telling us." I nodded a little. It really wasn't like I had much choice, but I couldn't help just knowing she meant that.

I took the rest of the day to recover, which wasn't as hard to do as it usually was. I was tired, sure. My head still ached, but it didn't stick around as long as it normally did. I didn't feel it as much, and surprisingly, I managed to get a fairly decent snooze in on the couch.

Unfortunately, I learned that Edward had already left. Early that morning. It sucked, but I understood. He wanted to be alone.

Nobody treated me any differently after the eventful night and morning, but somehow, I knew they saw me differently. I was fully aware of it, but it didn't bother me. That had been a huge, gigantic confession, and though Jasper had almost everything to do with that, I still saw it as some sort of accomplishment. I'd finally given them what they wanted, and I'd done a good thing.

Considering Rosalie let Emmett spend the whole day with me, she must have understood me a little better now. I wasn't trying to somehow steal Emmett as a brother from her. I never had been. He just made me feel better, both protected and less emotional, and I had a feeling that with my backing off, she felt better.

Jasper let me feel again, a little at a time, that evening. While I snoozed, so it was easier to manage. That only intensified the relief I got out of that sense of accomplishment, but I also knew he'd be waiting in case I needed help again.

I could still feel the panic, but it had lessened. Significantly. I was still afraid, but without those specific memories plaguing me as well, it wasn't nearly as bad.

By confessing what I'd confessed, it all eased. It was still there, but somehow with them knowing about it with me, I felt indescribably less alone, and that was a miracle in itself. I'd have to make sure to thank Edward repeatedly the next time I saw him. He didn't know what he'd done by explaining to me, and to everyone else, the way I was.

I finally felt like I'd taken a good step forward. Just by telling them about one of the worst parts of my past that I could.

So I snoozed. More exhausted than I had been in awhile. Also more comforted than I had been in awhile. Somewhere on the very edge of falling asleep and just resting my eyes.

I did, however, refuse to go to bed that night. I wanted to just stay there, and aside from worrying about my health, nobody really minded that. I knew full well that I couldn't keep doing that, but I couldn't help it. I didn't know what confessing those things, actually saying them out loud would do to my dreams, so I chose not to test it. Even with Esme offering to sit with me the whole night, I wouldn't allow it.

Needless to say, I was pretty worn out the following morning, but I refused to let that send me to bed. I was tired, no doubt about it, but short of knocking me out, there wasn't much they could do about that. I couldn't stay awake forever, and I'd eventually just crash, but not while I could help it.

There was one sure way that I would have no choice but to stay up, and that also followed Edward's advice. I wanted to spend time with people that made me happy. Aside from around the house, there was another place I could go, and nobody could say no. Not to this.

The plus side of having the clouds sticking around, was that I could take the short trip to Alyssa's house. I knew she'd be home, since it was still winter break. No school for them until after the first of January. Emmett offered to drive me there, but I liked walking. It gave me a chance to breathe. To get out of being cooped up, and it made me focus on where I was instead of just being taken somewhere.

Surprisingly, Jasper actually wanted to come along again. I would have thought he'd want to stay home, especially with the chance of Emmett making Sammy shed a lot of blood. Of course, that could also have been the reason he wanted to come along, too. To keep him from doing so. Either way, he kept my emotions from getting too rough. Just in case.

"Remember." I said as we left the park, "No killing anybody today, Emmett."

"No promises." He replied from my left, and I shrugged. That was as much of an agreement as I was going to get.

I felt like I knew this path like the back of my hand. Every slight dip and bump in the sidewalk. I'd taken it enough times. Even in the snow, it was easy to step over the places that would have tripped me before I'd learned it so well.

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked me as I slid to a stop on the snowy sidewalk outside the store. I smiled a little, and he gave me a look.

"Just one minute." I requested, "Please?" He sighed, waving me forward. I wasted no time in practically hopping through the door. My snowy shoes tried to slip on the tile, but Emmett caught me.

I laughed a little, righting myself to Mikah's laughter.

"Now we know to be careful when our shoes are wet." He spoke up, "It's so fun seeing you learn these things."

"Shut it." I laughed, straightening my coat.

"Nice reflexes, by the way." That was directed at Emmett, "That floor would have hurt to land on. Trust me."

"Thanks." Emmett chuckled, "You'd think she'd have learned that floors could be slippery after the other day."

"Oh?" Mikah seemed interested.

"New subject." I muttered, only gaining more laughter.

"How've you been, princess?" Mikah asked me, "It's been a little while."

"Not even a week yet." I replied, "But better."

"Glad to hear it." He stepped around the counter, probably to look at me better. He frowned a little when he got that better look, "Bad day?"

"Huh?"

"You look.." He hesitated, "Really tired."

"Oh." I looked down with a sigh, "Yeah, long story."

"You need to start sleeping a little, instead of running around all night." I smiled a little, unable to keep it back.

"I just can't help it sometimes." I sighed, "It's so much fun."

He sighed as well, kneeling down in front of me, "Aly told me what happened last time with Sammy."

"Nothing happened." I quickly said, glancing up at Emmett. He hadn't heard what Zack had told everyone else. Out with Rosalie that evening.

"What happened?" He immediately asked. I winced.

"I'm trying to keep your brother alive." I said to Mikah, "You're not making that very easy."

"I see." He nodded, "I appreciate that, but I'm not going to lie to your brothers."

"Okay." I muttered, "It's his funeral."

"What did he do?" Emmett demanded again.

"He didn't do anything." I replied.

"Essentially," Mikah sighed, looking up at him, "He was harassing her again. Aly won't tell me exactly what he told her, but apparently it almost got physical between one of her friends and Sammy."

"Zack stuck up for me." I allowed, nodding.

"Zack?" Emmett asked, "That kid doesn't have a temperamental bone in his body. It was bad enough to piss him off?"

"The point is," I mumbled, "Sammy didn't do anything. I just ignore him."

"He's on thin ice." Emmett muttered, "He'd better keep his mouth shut." Especially after Emmett found out what he found out the day before.

"Maybe we shouldn't go over there." I frowned.

"He's not there." Mikah told us, "He's out with dad and Jon, so you'll be alright. They'll be gone all day." That seemed to ease Emmett quite a bit, "And Aly's dying to see you, princess."

"Are you going to call me that every time you see me?" I asked, smiling.

"Does that bother you?" He asked in return.

"No."

"Then yes." He smiled. I returned his smile, looking down.

"Okay. Better go on now." He chuckled, "It's pretty boring around here."

"It's not boring here." I replied, "I like being around you." He smiled at that, and I realized how awkward what I just admitted was, "Um.. Is Alyssa gonna be home?" I hoped he accepted that blatant subject change. He chuckled, but gave me a nod.

"She should be." He said, "If not, I have no idea where that kid's run off to, but hey. I've got something for you there. Late Christmas present."

I smiled again, "Really?"

"I was going to go take it by your house tomorrow." He admitted with a smile of his own.

"I beat you to it." It was pretty entertaining how often that phrase came up. He chuckled, finding humor in it as well.

"I'm off at noon today, so if you're still there, I can give it to you." I still couldn't get over how much I liked to see him smile. It made me smile.

"Okay." I agreed quietly, "I'll try to stick around." That was about an hour from then, so I knew the guys wouldn't mind.

"Cool." He nodded, "See you there." I nodded a little, and turned.

Emmett and Jasper followed me out, and I took a breath, looking back at Mikah before the door could close. He was already on his way back around the counter. I smiled a little to myself, choosing to look up and around instead. Slow flakes fell from the sky now, the late morning still showing no signs of the sun peering through the thick clouds.

"He's still too old for you." Jasper murmured, and I looked up at him. I fought the smile from my face, but it wasn't easy.

"I still don't know what you mean by that."

"Remember how much you hated Alyssa's crush on me?" Emmett spoke up and I looked to him, waiting, "Well, now Alyssa gets to hate yours on Mikah." He grinned as if that were the most positive thing in the world.

"I don't have a stupid crush." I muttered, looking forward again.

"Right." Emmett snorted, and I rolled my eyes a little.

"I don't get crushes." I said, "Why would I?"

"Sometimes it's unavoidable, shorty." Emmett smirked, but I let it drop.

I was cold, so I was relieved that Alyssa was home. She opened the door, smiling at me and my set of bodyguards.

"You didn't have to tell Mikah about Sammy." I told her as I stepped inside.

"I know." She replied, letting Emmett and Jasper in, "But I tell him everything." She added an afterthought, "Eventually." She frowned, looking me over, "What happened to you?"

"No sleep?" That's probably what she meant.

"Well, you need to start." She muttered, "You look like crap. No offense."

"Thanks." I grumbled, giving her a look.

She looked to Jasper, since he was closest, "She needs a nap. Work on that, would you?" He smirked.

"No I don't." I told her, "Don't worry about when I sleep."

Giving a look around, I spotted Alex and Emily in the living room. Alex lazily tossed marshmallows at Emily seated on the floor, who tried catching them in her mouth while they watched some TV show about crocodiles. The crocodile on the screen had just started eating a pig when Alyssa spoke again.

"Come upstairs." She offered, "I wanna show you what Mikah gave me yesterday."

I glanced to Emmett, who chuckled.

"Go for it, shorty." He told me, "We'll be here." I nodded a little, and started up the stairs with Alyssa.

Following her into their room, she closed the door behind her. Heading immediately to the small bookcase beside the set of twin beds and lifted a small, blue fabric box from it. Sitting on the bed, she crawled back until her back was against the wall. Gesturing I sit next to her.

I hesitantly did, fully aware my shoes were still on.

"It's okay." She said, shrugging, "I don't care." Landing beside her with a light bounce, I looked over, "Look."

She held up the box, and lifted the lid. Inside the box was a very pretty bracelet. It was made from what looked like a bright silver, but I knew it was white gold. I knew the difference between the two by now, especially with Alice always showing off, and teaching me about her jewelry. All around the band of the bracelet, were dark green stones in flower patterns.

"Wow." I murmured, smiling, "That's very pretty."

"Isn't it?" She asked, grinning as well, "Emily got one just like it, but the stones on hers are purple instead of green."

Eventually, we moved on from the subject of the bracelet, sitting there talking about her home life instead. About how much it'd changed since Mikah did what he did. I still didn't understand, though.

"So.." I mumbled, "What happened? Why did your mom leave?"

"Well.." She sighed, "There's a way someone can report someone anonymously, and if it's serious enough, they'll look into it. If they find something they don't like, well someone goes to jail." I winced, "But it never got that far. Mikah barely had time to tell us before they were coming by to check out the house and to take us all somewhere. They talked to mom, and they talked to dad before they talked to all of us. Separately. I was so scared Emily was going to accidentally say something, but I guess she didn't, because they let us all go home."

"She cares about you guys." I pointed out, "I'm sure that helped tons."

"All we had to do was answer questions," She went on, "But if it sounded bad one way, we had to word it a different way. Act normal. Confused, but normal. Like we do at school, so that part was easy." I nodded a little, listening intently.

"What did they ask about?" I asked when she hesitated.

"Things like.." She paused, "If we were taken care of here, if all our needs were met. Food, warmth, clothing, things like that. They asked us how our parents treated us, and if we were happy. How often we were alone, how often we were supervised." I nodded again, "I don't like to lie, but it wasn't all a lie. I was, and still am, happy where I'm at. I don't want to go anywhere."

She paused for a breath, "Well, the same night we got back home, mom and dad got into a really big fight. Like.. Really big. Throwing things at each other, breaking stuff. Cussing, yelling, everything. I hate those kinds of fights, but we all just locked ourselves in here and waited it out. Even Jon and Sammy were in here, letting them get tired.

"It lasted almost all night, but everyone stayed in here until morning. Jon took Mikah's bed, Sammy slept on the floor. Mikah sat up all night, right down there." She pointed to the floor right beside the two twin beds, "And me, Alex, and Emily all slept here. Well, they slept. I didn't sleep. I stayed awake with Mikah. There wasn't much room, but if it meant we were all okay, I didn't care."

That sounded so scary. She sighed heavily.

"When we could finally leave the next morning, for bathroom breaks and everything, there was broken stuff everywhere. Mikah wouldn't even let us go downstairs at first, until he and Jon could clean things up. I guess there was glass everywhere from dishes and even a broken window. I never got to see the window, because Sammy covered it too quick." She paused once more, "But I guess that's the night mom first left. She came back a couple times to get her stuff, but Mikah said she's never coming back."

"Wow." I finally muttered. I didn't know what else to say. That happened often with her family.

"Mikah says that you talked him into doing this for us." She told me quietly, "He says you gave him the idea. A way to chase her away. Is that true?"

Sheepishly, I nodded, "I'm sorry. I didn't know-"

"No." She said, "Don't be. You don't know how much better it is around here, not having to worry about her coming back. I don't have to worry about her hitting any of us anymore. Especially Mikah. He fought with her all the time, just to keep her away from us. She hurt him most, but I don't have to worry about him anymore. Thank you, Leandra."

I sighed, relieved.

"She's gone." She smiled.

"You're welcome." I replied quietly, and she laughed a little, hugging me.

"You know, Jon and Sammy, they're not always like that." She told me, "Yeah, they're annoying sometimes, and Mikah doesn't always get along with them, but they're brothers."

"Well.." I sighed, "As long as you get along with them, it's okay. I don't like them, though."

"I can't blame you much." She sighed, releasing me and leaning forward to set the bracelet box back on the shelf, "I guess it does take work to get used to them."

"But things are better, though. Right?" I asked, and she nodded enthusiastically, "That's what matters most to me."

"Daddy doesn't yell near as much anymore." She told me, and I sighed. Relief in my smile as I believed her, "Thank you, Leandra."

I heard clearly how grateful she really was, and it made me feel a whole lot better than before. I just smiled, and hugged her lightly. For once, I'd actually made the right decision. Something I did actually helped someone else. Knowing that really made being chased from the store that day worth it.

I couldn't help being immensely happy about that.

"So." She smiled as she pulled back, "Did you see Mikah on your way here?"

"Yeah." I answered, "We stopped in to see him."

"Tell me the truth." She said, "Do you like him?" I sighed heavily, looking down. How was I supposed to answer that? I pursed my lips stubbornly as I looked back up at her, "You do." The grin that spread across her face was a knowing one. If that thought bothered her, she sure didn't show it. She seemed happy about it.

"Don't look at me like that." I muttered defensively.

"You do." She pressed, "You like him."

"I don't know, okay?" I asked, "I don't even know what 'liking' somebody means."

"It's actually not that big of a deal." She assured me, shaking her head.

"Then why does it matter?" I countered.

"Because I have to know." She replied, "He's single, you know."

"So?" I grumbled, and she laughed.

"So you don't have to worry about a girlfriend getting jealous."

"Oh my God." I hid my face in my palms. Why was everyone always so interested in who I did or didn't like? It was humiliating.

"Wait.." I frowned, "Why the heck is he single? Why doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

She shrugged, "I've wondered the same thing. Sammy has two girlfriends, and Jon has one somewhere, but Mikah doesn't have one? How weird is that?"

"You've never met Jon's?"

"Nope." She said, "He doesn't bring her over here, but I've heard him talking about her." I winced, looking away. I could only imagine what she'd overheard him saying about her, "I guess her dad's an asshole just for not liking Jon, but I can't blame him any. Dad yells at him all the time for dating someone that's sixteen, when he's eighteen."

"I don't blame the guy either." I muttered.

"I've met both of Sammy's girlfriends, though." She added, "They're pretty nice, but I tell them every chance I get that my brother isn't a very nice guy. They never listen."

"Stupid." I sighed, shaking my head, "If there's one person they should listen to, it's his sister."

"That's what I said." She laughed a little, "One is a girl that lives just up the street from us. Like four or five houses down that way. She just turned twelve last week. I went to her party. The other lives a couple of streets that way, I think. I don't know exactly where that one lives."

I nodded a little.

"Then why does he want to bother me so much?" I asked.

"Like I said," She replied, "He says it makes it more fun for him that you hate him so much. Jon just tells him that you're playing hard to get, and that you'll give in eventually."

"Not a chance." I muttered.

"I keep telling him to leave you alone, and so does Mikah, but he listens to what Jon tells him to do instead."

"Is it Jon telling him to say all those things to me?" I asked.

"No." She replied, "That's just how he is. I think he thinks if he keeps bugging you about it, you'll give him a chance."

"Well, he needs to stop it." I replied, "Because Emmett's ready to rip his stupid little head off."

She laughed, but she obviously didn't know how serious I was.

"How could anyone fall for that crap, though?" I asked, "Sammy's girlfriends must both really be stupid. It grosses me out more than anything."

"Maybe it's different when you're eleven or twelve." She suggested, "Maybe instead of getting smarter, girls just got more stupid."

"Maybe." I replied, "If that's how it goes, I'm not turning eleven."

"Me neither." She agreed, shaking her head along with me, "But you know, if something doesn't change, I'm going to have to be the one to find Mikah a girlfriend, and I'm not really ready for that kind of responsibility." I couldn't help laughing, "Seriously. What if I pick someone all wrong for him?"

"Why not just let him find one on his own?"

"Because he would have by now if he could." She reasoned.

"Maybe he just doesn't want one." I replied, shrugging.

"He's too nice not to have one." She countered, "He definitely needs one."

I laughed again, "This really bugs you, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." She replied, "I want him to be happy, but don't worry." She paused for a giggle, "I won't tell him that you like him, but I think he already knows."

"I've spent exactly thirty seconds around him." I reminded her, "How would he know?"

"So you do."

"Stop." I had to laugh this time. She was relentless.

Time really passed quickly while we argued, and we looked over at the door opening, Mikah stepping in. Immediately, Alyssa started on a giggle fit. I smacked her arm lightly, giving her a look that told her stop.

"Sorry I'm a little late." He chuckled, laying his vest across his bed with a sigh, "I see Emmett is having fun entertaining the kids."

"Is he?" I wondered, sitting forward. Oddly enough, that didn't bother me.

"Yup." Mikah replied, "He seems to be quite entertained as well." He chuckled. I wasn't jealous about that. I actually hoped he'd stay entertained himself.

"He's pretty good at keeping someone entertained." I admitted.

"He's got a big heart." He agreed.

I smiled a little, and he laughed, studying us, "What's with her?" He gestured to Alyssa, who snorted and restarted her giggling as she fell to the side.

"She's weird." I answered, unable to help laughing a little with her, "Damn, Alyssa. Take a breath."

Shaking his head, Mikah sat on the side of his bed, and with a sigh, he reached out to the tiny table beside it. Opened the small drawer on the front of it.

"Come here." He told me, and I instantly scrambled off Alyssa's bed, ignoring Alyssa's continued giggles behind me, "It's not wrapped, but I saw this, and I thought of you." I sat down next to him, and he lifted out a small snow-globe.

My eyes were glued to it instantly, the light coming in through the window catching the glass in a beautiful way. He handed it to me, and it was pretty heavy. The figure inside the globe was a sail boat on dark, choppy waves. Dark gray in the painted background. I tilted it a little, watching the 'snow' swirl slightly.

"It plays music." He smiled, gesturing to the bottom. I looked, and sure enough, there was a little knob. Carefully, I turned it a few times. Once I let it go, and it started to play, I had no choice but to listen.

The song it played, of course in music box fashion, was both haunting and sweet at the same time. The word 'beautiful' couldn't even begin to describe the tinkling tune. It wasn't only because he gave it to me that I liked it, I told myself. The tune, the way it sounded grabbed my full attention, and it calmed me. It eased me, and made it hard to breathe at the same time. I felt like I wanted to cry.

"I thought of you, because it plays one of my favorite songs." He murmured quietly, and I glanced up at him, "There are words to that song. Here, I wrote them down.." From the drawer, he also lifted out a small piece of paper, and handed it to me. It was folded once in half, so I lifted it open.

The tune started over right at that moment, and under his breath beside me, he sang along with it. Half way down the page, he pointed to the words. The sound of his singing voice made me smile, because it was so sweet. Soft, and quiet.

"Sometimes we're just like the weather. Changing by day after day." He sang quietly, "As long as we'll be together, storms will pass away. I said I would guard and protect you, and keep you free from all harm, and if life should ever reject you, that love would weather each storm."

It was just a song, but I looked up at him.

"Like a sister." He assured me, and I smiled a little, laughing along with him.

"I know." I replied, looking at the globe again.

"As amazing as you are, you're a little on the young side," He explained, "And I really don't want to die by your brothers any time soon, which I have a feeling would happen if I didn't specify that."

I couldn't help it. I couldn't ignore, or deny it. I was a little disappointed, but I understood it. I was just a kid. That didn't do a thing to discourage how I felt about him, though, and this present only intensified that. A crush was okay, right?

I still loved the present. A lot.

"Thank you." I made sure to place as much gratitude in my tone as I could, and he smiled, "I love it."

"It's the least I could do for you." He said, "After you helped us out so much."

Continuing to read the words to the song, I couldn't help thinking. How perfectly these words seemed to fit his personality. The parts of his personality I did know, and the parts I didn't know. I just knew that's who he was.

I was still stuck with the question, though. Who was Mikah?

I wanted so bad to remember him from the vision, but it was stuck. I was only allowed to feel the familiarity, but I couldn't be shown what warranted it.

Had he really always been there? It seemed so strange that he would be there, when I had been left behind when the family moved here in the vision. I shouldn't have known him.

It was frustrating.

We wound up staying probably a lot longer than we should have. With Emmett getting personal permission from me to entertain the kids, he was having a blast getting to know Emily and Alex. Apparently, I was learning how to share him.

We did join them downstairs, but that was only because I felt like I was abandoning them while staying upstairs.

Mikah got to work fixing dinner for them, but I wasn't exactly hungry. The emotion I felt filling my stomach, both new and leftover from the other day, making being hungry impossible. I was also pretty worn out by then.

Unfortunately, my okay mood was squashed flat by the arrival of Grant, Jon and Sammy. This was Grant's first time meeting Emmett and Jasper, and I watched their interaction closely. Grant seemed a lot less tense, but he couldn't lose that natural tension he carried with him.

Jon immediately went upstairs, obviously not in the mood to stay and socialize, but Sammy instantly located me where I sat next to Alex.

"Look who it is." He smiled at me, "Hi there, Leandra." He wasn't being rude yet, but his tone was one I hated. I glared at him before I changed seats, standing and scooting over on the couch. Sitting on Alex's other side, closest to the wall. Emmett chatted with Grant, keeping his focus, but Jasper watched me. No doubt sensing and seeing how uncomfortable I was as Sammy flopped down on the other side of the couch. The seat I'd just vacated.

He didn't say anything else at first, just glancing at me now and then. Probably not brave enough to yet. Not until Alex moved. Freeing the spot between Sammy and I, which Sammy immediately took. I cringed away, instantly feeling cornered and considering standing up.

I couldn't blame Alex for getting up. Not only was he oblivious to how much I disliked Sammy, but he also wanted to go check on how Mikah was coming along with dinner, but I hated him for it.

I adjusted how I sat, my legs folded to the side on the couch with me. Forcing him to keep his distance.

"Hi." Sammy smiled at me again, "Mind if I sit here?"

"It's your couch." I muttered, looking to the TV again.

"Sammy.." Alyssa warned him from the other couch, where she sat cuddling Emily, "Leave her alone."

"I'm not doing anything." He said innocently, "Hands are right here." He held them up, "I'm just sitting here. Is that a crime?"

"No." I grumbled, but if he tried anything funny, I knew Jasper would tear his head off. Probably not that extreme, but it made me feel better to think about. As forced calm as I was on the outside, I couldn't help feeling nervous at how close he'd gotten by scooting over. It reminded me a lot of sitting with Ken, oddly. How aware I was of everything, especially myself.

"So." Sammy spoke to me, and I ignored him the best I could, "Did you have a good Christmas?" Silence was his answer, "Oh, come on. I'm not a bad guy. I'm just trying to talk to you."

"Right." I muttered sarcastically.

"I'm not." He insisted, "We started off on the wrong foot. It's not fair for you to hate me so soon."

"It's plenty fair." I replied quietly, "I can hate someone if I want to."

"No you can't." He chuckled just as quietly, "I could be the best person in the world, and you'd never know it."

"But you're not." With a sigh, he scooted forward to sit on the edge of the couch and turned, facing me, but his back to Jasper. Sammy had gotten closer, his leg touching mine. I glanced passed him, right to Jasper, who'd obviously noticed what he was trying to do, despite Sammy's casual tone. Jasper's expression gave away his edgy mood, which didn't happen often. Subtly, I shook my head. I was okay for now.

"Why do you say that?" Sammy asked, a smile in his voice. I looked to him again.

"I just don't like you." I growled back, "Is that a crime?"

"No." He replied, "Nobody ever likes me at first, but you'll come around." He was so confident, "Don't you worry about that."

"I wouldn't be so sure." I muttered.

"I would." He chuckled, and half a second later, I felt the unmistakable feeling of his hand putting pressure over my ankle and squeezing. No part of him had moved but his hand, and the rest of him hid the movement from Jasper's anxious gaze.

"Well, this was fun." I grumbled, standing up. He actually felt brave enough to reach up and grab my wrist, keeping me from moving away. His hand around my wrist almost burned me. It felt too hot, and I didn't appreciate that in the slightest. Before Jasper could get more than one step in, I rounded and laid a solid, echoing slap to Sammy's face.

He actually fell over with the force of it, and before he even hit the couch, I darted away. Straight to Jasper's side as every single pair of eyes in the room followed me.

"What the fuck?" Sammy barked, obviously not expecting that.

"What'd you expect?" I snapped in reply, "Don't ever grab me."

"It was just your wrist, you bitch." He glared at me now, "And I wasn't hurting you."

"I don't care."

"Sammy," Grant spoke, "What the hell did you do now?"

"What the hell happened?" Mikah had come from the kitchen, probably having heard the slap. Alex trailed after him, obviously entertained by the expression on his face.

As relieved as I was to see Mikah, I wasn't moving from Jasper's side. I also wasn't daring to look away from Sammy as he stood up. It was the quietest of sounds, one even I barely heard over the sound of the TV when I was standing directly against his side, but Jasper's growl told me we needed to leave. I glanced up at him, but he wasn't looking at me.

"Sammy," Grant growled, "Go upstairs."

"But-"

"Fucking now." He wasn't happy, and as scary as he sounded, I was pleased that Sammy was in trouble for that instead of me. I glared at him as he passed me, and he returned that glare. His left cheek blazing red from my slap, I knew he wasn't happy with me either. He paused, as if to say something to me.

"Keep moving." Jasper told him before he could even speak, and to me, Jasper's tone was far scarier than Grant's. Wisely, Sammy listened to him.

"Sammy, you moron." Mikah hissed a whisper his direction, "How many times have I told you-"

"I didn't fucking do anything." Sammy whispered back, "That bitch is crazy."

"Say that word one more time." Emmett barked, and that sent Sammy right up the stairs.

"I think we better go." I muttered, finally pulling Jasper's attention away from Sammy's retreat upstairs. I finally let go of Jasper's arm, not even realizing I'd grabbed onto it, and looked back at Alyssa. She was just as unimpressed as Mikah was, shaking her head in Sammy's direction. She looked to me.

"Don't say it." I told her, sighing, "It wasn't your fault."

"I'm still sorry." She replied, standing up, "If he won't say he's sorry, then I will for him."

"That was a good one." Alex laughed from the side, "That sound." His enthusiasm was just enough to break the tension, "I told him. I told him he didn't want to get hit by her, but he just didn't listen. I bet that sucker's gonna bruise, and I bet anything he deserved it."

"Yeah." I muttered, "He deserved it."

I wandered over their direction, glancing up the empty stairs. Sammy was long gone, probably crying to Jonathan over what I did.

I sighed, looking up at Mikah. Vaguely overhearing Grant apologizing to Emmett. That seemed to diffuse him just enough. I still knew I had to make this quick.

"Sorry." I told Mikah, "I wasn't even thinking."

"Don't you dare be sorry." He sighed, hugging me. It was a shoulder hug, very light pressure but it still meant a lot to me. I wished I knew why I liked that so much. Very little to no contact with him before, now I officially knew what he smelled like. Which, for some reason, made my heart beat faster. I wasn't nervous. Not in the least.

He chuckled when I held on a little longer than I should have. Laughing a little also, I let him go, stepping back to look up at him.

"That kid needs to learn some manners or two." Mikah shook his head, "Specifically, that when someone doesn't like him, they don't like him, and he doesn't get to press the issue."

He was upset too, but I understood. Sammy was giving their family a bad image.

"For what it's worth," I admitted, "I'm glad I came over." That eased him enough to take a deep breath, and he smiled.

"Well," He sighed, "I'm glad you had a good time. I'm sorry my brother is the way he is."

"It's not your fault." I replied, "I blame Jon."

"Me too." He chuckled, and I laughed along with him, "Take care, kid. I'll see you around." I nodded a little.

"Bye." I told him. I was a little eager to get out of there before I could blush too much.

"Bye." He replied, watching as I turned.

"Bye, Alex." I smiled at him.

"Bye." He returned with a grin, "You just made my night."

We left there just before dark, actually spending a few hours there, and by then the snow had picked up. Dumping in huge flakes, making the sidewalk slick.

My face felt extra warm out in the cold, so I knew my blush was very, very obvious. I wasn't used to blushing this much.

"Oh, that kid is very lucky." Jasper was still fuming. Furious by the sound of it.

"Tell me about it." Emmett grumbled, and that was the end of that for right then.

To avoid slipping, I walked slower. Until that got old, and Emmett decided to carry me like a backpack. Perched on his back. One of my arms around his neck, holding myself on while he supported my legs.

I didn't mind it when he carried me. It was kind of fun being up that high. It was colder now, though, and I shivered. Even with my gloves and my hat, I was cold.

My new gift from Mikah clutched tight in my hand, I admired it as Emmett carried me along. The light still catching on the glass globe perhaps even more beautifully now than it had before.

"Leandra," Jasper spoke up, "Why didn't you tell us?" I looked over at him, "About Alyssa's mother?" Crap. They'd finally overheard.

"It wouldn't have meant the same if they didn't do it themselves." I answered, "Believe me, I know. When Alice let me make the decision myself, it meant a lot to me. It.. Gave me something I probably wouldn't have gotten if everything had just been done for me. I wanted that for them."

"Well that was a good, solid answer." Emmett pointed out in the silence that followed.

"And I know it means a lot to Mikah to protect them, and fix things for them himself." I added, "There's a lot to him that you don't know."

"He must be a pretty great guy to gain your crush on him." Emmett smirked, and I sighed. Hitting his shoulder a little, "I'm just saying."

"That's another thing.." Jasper sighed, "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it."

"I think it's cute." Emmett countered, "And there are worse guys she could like." Jasper was obviously not as accepting of it as Emmett was, "Hell, she could have been one of the ones that decide to crush on college-aged guys, or even someone older. Sixteen is a hell of a lot better than nineteen, in my opinion."

"That's only a difference of three years." I pointed out, peering over his shoulder at his expression.

"Three big years, shorty." He said, "Especially in terms of, oh I don't know.. Say.. The law?" I couldn't help laughing at his incredulous expression. I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, but I didn't feel like asking.

"It's still a big difference, Emmett." Jasper murmured, and I looked his way, "He's sixteen. She's ten."

"Ten and a half." I muttered.

"It's just a crush." Emmett dismissed, "Probably not a reciprocated one, and nothing's ever going to come out of it. You heard the dude. He's smart, and besides. Leandra probably reminds him way too much of Alyssa. Mikah's a good guy. He's been nothing but sweet to her since we've known him. I can definitely see why shorty would take a liking to him."

After a few more moments, Jasper sighed.

"You're right." He allowed, "You're right. I'm being overprotective."

"And look at it this way." Emmett added, "I'm happy to know that she has the ability to get crushes, instead of being scarred for life against that sort of emotion or hating herself for it."

"Good point." Jasper nodded.

"She'll be alright." Emmett assured him, patting my leg lightly and I smiled a little. I appreciated his input more than he knew. It made me feel less worried about it.

In how dark and snowy the evening had gotten, it was difficult to see much of any difference in color of cars driving by, but just like every time I was out, I searched for any car that could pass for dark blue, but under the orange of the street lights, they all looked black. Dark red, black, dark blue, all looked black.

There was a lot of traffic around this time of night, so it was hard to look too close at any one single vehicle, but that didn't stop me from trying. The chances of me seeing anyone I recognized were slim, and I knew that. So I eventually did stop trying. It was useless anyway. If they didn't want to be seen, they wouldn't be seen.

The entire rest of the way home, I thought about Mikah. The sound of his voice when he sang to me continuously running through my head, and I tried as hard as I could, but I couldn't stop smiling. Was that was it meant to like someone? That they made you happy?

That didn't seem so bad, and Emmett was right. Mikah was a good guy.

My teeth were chattering by the time we got home. Shivering continuously as Emmett let me down onto my feet inside the house.

"Go get warm, shorty." Emmett told me, and I dashed up the stairs.

A shower would have worked just as well, but I wanted to take a bath. For some reason, I wasn't too eager to just get clean and get out. I knew as long as I was in here, nobody would bug me, so I took as long as I wanted. I knew Emmett would let them know that everything was fine, and nothing went wrong. Aside from Sammy making Jasper edgy enough to head home.

Even with the big-enough-to-swim-in tub, I just found a corner. I didn't mind spending some much needed time alone. Time alone to think.

Alyssa had said it wasn't a big deal, but to me, it was. I couldn't like anyone. That was against my own personal rules, but then again, trusting had been too. I now trusted my family with my life, so maybe was I just really eager to break my own rules?

I also couldn't help thinking, though, that the reason I liked Mikah so much was because he was familiar to me. He'd been in that vision I had, I knew that for a fact, but how? He was a part of it, but was he a good part? Or a bad part? If I liked him, that meant he had to be good, right? Did I just like him because I remembered him? Or was it because in the now, he was a good guy?

As usual, I was over-thinking. I knew I was, but I couldn't help it. This was such a new thing to me.

The only draw back to my bath, was me not even realizing I was falling asleep.

Since I was braced by the back of the stone tub, I didn't slide, but I did sleep. However, no memories plagued me. No dreams, or nightmares. Despite the way I had to have been asleep for some time.

When I did wake up, it was because I tried to roll over, and the water had cooled significantly. I knew I couldn't keep sleeping in the tub, so I crawled out, regretting sitting in the warm water for so long, because the second I left it, I was freezing again.

I didn't even have the energy to get dressed right away. I laid down on my bed, wrapped completely in an over-sized towel, and promptly fell right back to sleep. I'd meant to wake up enough to at least see everyone else downstairs, but that didn't happen.

With as tired as I was, I should have been surprised I didn't somehow slip and fall between the tub and my bed on the smooth hardwood, but the only falling I did, was right onto my bed.

When I woke up in the morning, I was deeply confused. I remembered exactly how I fell asleep, but when I sat up, I had pajamas on, and was under the blanket.

It didn't concern me how I was suddenly dressed. I wasn't worried about that. It concerned me how I slept so deeply, I had no recollection what-so-ever of anyone moving me. I slept right through it. That never happened. Never.

Normally, every other time, all someone would have to do was come near the bed and I was awake. I somehow sensed someone was there, and I'd wake up. It confused me how I could be moved, dressed, and tucked into bed without even knowing it.

Sniffling quietly, I just sat there for a minute or two. Reaching beside me, I pulled Mikah's present to me from the bedside table. Watching the 'snow' inside the globe swirl as I shook it gently. I wondered briefly if he knew just how perfect that song was for him. He had to.

Sighing, I set the globe to the side, and climbed out of bed.

Emmett chuckled as he saw me, and I sat down next to him for a minute.

"You were out cold last night, shorty." He told me, "Esme says you never moved."

"I don't know why." I muttered, confused.

"Hey, I wouldn't be complaining."

"I'm not complaining." I replied, "Just confused. That's all."

"Maybe you should play that song more often." Emmett chuckled, and though he said it trying to tease me, I had to admit. That was the only thing that was different that I knew of. I smiled a little, shrugging as I sighed. I didn't know what to say.

"My hand hurts." I mumbled instead. Reaching over, he lifted it. Inspecting my palm for me. My palm was lightly bruised, but nothing too bad.

"It's fine." I told him, sighing.

"If your hand is bruised like this," He said, "I wonder what his face looks like." I smirked a little at that one, "You really let him have it."

"He deserved it." I mumbled.

"Damn right, he did." Emmett replied, "I don't blame you at all, shorty."

I nodded a little, leaning back and closing my eyes for a moment. Until he spoke again.

"So Alice told me something last night." He muttered conversationally, "She wants to be the one to tell you, but-"

"Emmett!" I heard her call, cutting him off. I laughed a little as she came running down the stairs, landing on the couch between where he sat, and where I sat with a grin, "Guess what?"

"No idea." I admitted, laughing a little at her excitement. This was something that was obviously good, but her definition of good and my definition of good were sometimes opposite. Often, actually.

"Jack left town." She told me with a grin, and I blinked in surprise, "From what I can see, they all did. They went back."

I didn't know what to say. I was stunned.

"What?" I asked. That was all I could manage.

"They left, Leandra. They're not here anymore." She clarified, and I still didn't know what to say. This news actually scared me. Not only because I knew the fact that they left didn't mean anything good, but it scared me because I couldn't help comparing the last few months.

I stood up, turning and heading into the kitchen. To the calendar hanging up.

"When did we get here?" I asked, knowing Alice followed me. Already turning back the pages, back to September.

"The fifteenth." She answered quietly behind me. We'd caught Esme's attention as well. I followed the days with my finger. I flipped to October, holding the page of September, and found the day in October, "This is when he got here."

Alice looked to me, surprised.

"How did you-"

"This is the day I ran into him at the store." I turned quickly to November, finding the exact day, "And all this time, between here," I touched the day in September, "And here," I flipped the page, my finger on December 26th, "Up until yesterday, is how long he's been here. He left yesterday. Can you not figure it out?"

She narrowed her eyes in confusion.

"I've known the entire time we were here that he was either coming for me, or here." I said, "I just didn't know that I knew. My dreams were warning me." Understanding started in her eyes, and she smiled a little, "I didn't wake up once last night. Well, I did, but that was just to go to bed. I'd never been that relaxed, unless you count the first night here. After that, it's been nothing but.. I don't know, nervousness. It wasn't just trying to adjust that had me freaking out so much. It didn't get really bad until here." I looked at October again, "I knew they were coming before they got here, and I knew they were leaving before they left.

She was understanding more.

"That's why I hated the idea of school." I said, letting go of the pages, "I knew they would try something there. I knew it before anybody told me anything. I just didn't know that I knew it. This doesn't relieve me, Alice. It's too weird. I'm scared."

"Don't be." She said, pulling me into a hug, "It's just your gift. You're developing it."

"Then why the hell can't I see everything of the first vision yet?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.

"Because it was so big." She replied, "Leandra, that vision spanned years. I've never even had one that spanned that long. That's going to take time for someone to recall. Especially if your gift isn't even developed yet, and especially if you're under the stress of a threat like Jack, and your gift is already busy trying to warn you."

That made sense.

"Your gift is confused." She explained, "That's all it is. Stuck between trying to refresh your memory of the first vision you had, and warn you about things now. You're okay." I hadn't even noticed I'd started to cry.

"One thing you need to learn." I sniffled deeply, stepping back and clearing the tears from my cheeks, "Don't ever be relieved by anything he does. Everything he does.." I trailed off for another few tears, "He doesn't take a step without a reason or plan behind it."

I shook my head, "This isn't good news. If anything, this just scares me more, because I know he wouldn't be going back unless he had a reason for it. He hasn't given up. I know him too well."

A/N: I applaud her. :D
It got a little interesting there at the beginning, but yay, it was sorted. (:
THANK YOU to those amazing reviewers! Reviews are always appreciated. Deeply. More than you could possibly know. :'D
Thirteen won't be far behind this one. Hopefully. I'm still seeing only fourteen chapters for this story, but that still has a chance to change. We shall see what happens.
Until Thirteen, my friends! :D:D:D