Rayna pulled onto the gravel road leading up to Deacon's cabin. Either she'd wasted two hours getting out here, or she knew him as well as she thought. She drove up slowly, taking the final turn that revealed the house he'd bought for her. And his truck parked next to it.
He was here. He'd run away from her, but he'd come here, to the place he'd bought to be their home. To the place he'd kept all the years they were apart.
He'd come to their home.
Ten Years Earlier
Deacon showed up at soundcheck for their second night in New Orleans. But he'd gone straight off the stage afterwards and disappeared again until just before the show. She'd finally caught him on the side of the stage during the final song of their opening act.
"Everything okay with Beverly?" she asked.
Deacon shrugged. "As good as it will ever be with her."
"Anything I can do?" Rayna asked as she reached out and touched Deacon's arm.
He let her hand rest there for a moment, then stepped back. "I think we got it under control. Thanks, Ray. Sorry for leaving you in a lurch there."
"Family comes first, Deacon. Just...tell me when you gotta go, okay?" she responded, as she pulled her hand back and crossed her arms in front of her.
Deacon nodded. "We good?"
"Yeah, we're good," Rayna answered.
She was sitting in her dressing room after the show when her phone rang. She looked down at the familiar number and sighed.
"Hey, Teddy-how are the girls?" she asked as she rested her head against her free hand.
She listened as Teddy filled her in on the girls' latest activities. "So, we're done until next month, but I really need to go finish the rest of the songs for the album, so I'm gonna take a couple of days, okay?"
She listened for a moment. "No, I'm gonna just hole up by myself. Yeah, just me."
She could tell him that she loved him a million times, but Teddy was never going to stop questioning it. He was always going to be looking over her shoulder for Deacon.
"I think it's best to just do it. Yes, I can understand why you feel that way. Teddy…"
She looked down at the phone where the call had ended.
"Everything okay?"
She looked back to see Deacon in the door to her dressing room.
"It's fine," she replied. She stood up. "So, I'll see you in a couple weeks?"
"You aren't heading back with us?" he asked.
She shook her head. "In a couple days. I'm gonna go work on some stuff, get my head together a little bit."
"This about what happened?" Deacon asked quietly.
She looked over at him, her voice low. "Nothing happened, Deacon."
"Night, then, Ray," he said as he stepped back from the door and left.
She ran away. Drove the rental car out of New Orleans and along the coast to Mississippi. It was a place she'd gone before, a little town filled with artists and hippies and nobody who was really into country music. It was a place where she could be along and think.
But thinking was hard, too. Cause Deacon kept popping up. She could feel his body curled around behind her at night and she'd roll over and turn on the light to see that no one was in bed with her.
The days passed and she called Teddy to say she'd be gone a bit longer. He didn't get angry this time. If anything, he sounded resigned. At night she'd walk to the little downtown and sit in the bar that had been opened up in what had been a small grocery store once upon a time and drink a local beer she'd become fond of, a sweet nut brown ale made from pecans.
And every time the door opened up, she'd look up, wondering if he'd walk in looking for her.
The next morning, Rayna looked across the bay at the still water of the Gulf, the sand soft under her feet. She'd been here in the little cottage for almost a week, not talking to anyone except Teddy and the girls each night before they went to bed.
Two songs mostly finished, but missing something. Still searching for something for the last two tracks. Her head was full, but it wasn't music.
She turned back toward the cottage when she saw him standing there on the boardwalk, his boots, plaid and jeans oddly out of place on this beach.
What was he doing here? She stood rooted in the same spot. He didn't come toward her, but he didn't leave either. He lifted his hand to shade his eyes as he searched across the sandy shore and then stopped as his eyes locked on hers.
He was here. He'd come. Why was he here? Why had he come?
She walked up toward him, then past without saying a word. He turned and followed her down the narrow street and up onto the porch of the little cottage.
"You just gonna follow me?" she asked.
He shrugged.
"What are you doing here, Deacon?" she asked as she paused at the door.
"I didn't like how we left it, Ray. I guess I was afraid if we didn't work it out, it would be like these past five years and...and I don't want it to be like that."
She pushed the door open and gestured for him to follow her in.
"So, how long you gonna stay here?" he asked as they walked out onto the back porch. The sun had started to set and you could begin to hear the night sounds of insects and birds.
"Another day or two," Rayna replied. "I'd hoped to get a little more work done before I headed back."
"Whatcha got so far?" he asked as he sat down in an adirondack chair.
She handed him a sweating glass of sweet tea and took the chair next to his. "Not much. A start to a couple of things, but nothing finished, not the five songs I need for the album."
"You want to work on it?" Deacon asked.
She looked over at him. "Teddy accuses me every day of being here with you."
"You want me to tell him that I came uninvited?" Deacon offered.
"I'd rather you hadn't come at all," she responded as she took a sip of her tea. "You shouldn't be here, Deacon."
"Was I wrong?" he shot back.
"Wrong to come?" she asked, looking over at him.
"Wrong that if I didn't, we wouldn't get past this."
She looked back out over the yard, the magnolia trees filled with their sweet scent. "Probably not." She looked back at him. "I'm not sure I can be friends with you, Deacon."
"We used to be friends, Ray. Can't we do that again?" Deacon pleaded.
Rayna let out a laugh. "We were a lot of things, Deacon, but we have NEVER been friends. We went from strangers to lovers. And then there was all that co-dependent crap and no, we have never been friends."
Deacon was quiet as the sounds of the night filled the space around them.
"Then what are we gonna do?" he finally asked. "Cause I know what my place in your life is now. I get that and I know why it has to be that way, but I don't think I want to live without you somewhere in my life, Rayna. It's...it's just too empty."
The sun set and they were in the dark. Neither one spoke for a long time.
"I want that, too," Rayna finally said. "I want us to be friends, I want you to be in my life, but it has to be this life, Deacon. It's a life where I have Teddy and I have my girls and if I'm gonna have you, it's as a friend. It can never be anything other than that. Can you do that?"
He reached his hand over and took hers. "I can do that."
He would always have her heart. As much as she wanted to make it not so, it was impossible. But for so many reasons, this-sitting in the dark, with his hand in hers, that was all it could be. All that it would be.
Present Day
As she pulled up the cabin, she could see the lights on and Deacon at the sink. She thought back to that night in Mississippi, so long ago, the night that they promised to be friends. And they had done it. For nearly ten years and when it was over, it was for so many other reasons than the quiet resolution they'd had with one another and during that time Deacon had kept a lot of promises to her. He'd stayed sober, for the most part. And he'd stayed a friend. For the most part.
And she had kept him at an arm's length. She had done it to keep herself safe, even when it hurt him again and again. If Rayna had to be honest, she hadn't been much of a friend. She had kept him from Maddie, she had run from his love, she had pushed him away when he had come to her with his arms open.
She walked up to the door and opened it. He turned around to see her there. She never wanted to come back to a dressing room or a house and find him gone again. It was time for that all to end. Deacon wasn't her friend. He was her heart. He was her home. She was never going to be without him again.
The End
Thanks to everyone for reading and to those who gave me such great feedback.
And to Starbucks for the free Brandi Carlile download-it inspired me! Go buy this great album.
"Wherever Is Your Heart"
Brandi Carlile
I think it's time we found a way back home
You lose so many things you love as you grow
I missed the days when I was just a kid
My fear became my shadow, I swear it did
Wherever is your heart I call home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know
Wherever is your heart I call home
You made me feel like I was always falling
Always falling down without a place to land
Somewhere in the distance I heard you calling
Oh it hurts so bad to let go of your hand
Wherever is your heart I call home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know
Wherever is your heart I call home
Even when you're high, you can get low
Even with your friends you love, you're still alone
We always find the darkest place to go
God forgive our minds, we were born to roam
Wherever is your heart I call home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know
Wherever is your heart I call home
Oh God forgive my mind, oh God forgive my mind
When I come home, when I come home
Oh God forgive my mind
There's a road that's long and winding, it hollers home
I'm calling home
Oh God forgive my mind, oh God forgive my mind
When I come home, when I come home
Oh God forgive my mind, oh God forgive my mind
When I come home, when I come home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know
Wherever is your heart I call home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Wherever is your heart I call home
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know
Wherever is your heart I call home