AN: Bucky is pretty Winter Soldier like at the beginning of this chapter, but he's slowly going to be getting himself back! Thanks for reading.
The Soldier sneered at the man before him, hoisting his rifle a little higher. "I said get me into the database. Now. You saw what I did to your friends." The last word was said sarcastically as he looked around the room encompassing the dead Hydra agents. "And those were soldiers, you are a scientist. What do you think you can do now? No more hiding behind Peirce, behind weapons or men stronger then you."
The man was shaking, his eyes widened. "You're just going to kill me when I do."
"No. That would be too easy for you. Put the code in. Now." He growled out, sticking the barrel of the gun into the pathetic man's chest.
"Okay, okay!" He whimpered, moving to the computer and quickly inserting the proper data. When the screen opened he turned pleading eyes back to the Soldier.
"There, there. Now let me go."
His eyes narrowed at the commanding tone. "Never said I'd let you go." He reached over and grabbed the back of the man's collar, ignoring his resumed whimpering he dragged him over to the chair that had tormented and controlled his life for years. "Let's see how you enjoy billions of bolts of electricity wiping away who you are, destroying your identity."
He pushed him into it, locking him in place instantly. "Trust me; it's not a pleasant experience. Then again, the amount of people you have done this, and much worse, to I am sure you will deserve it."
He turned it on, getting a small amount of satisfaction at watching one of the many men who caused him so much pain getting a little bit of his in return.
'Calm down. Revenge is normal, and he for sure deserves it, but don't go overboard. You aren't them remember?' Barnes stated.
'I'm not you either.' He remarked back gruffly.
'More me then Hydra. Besides you want to be me, since you know, it's who you were born as. Who you really are.'
He ignored the inner voice and glanced around the room in disdain. It had been far too easy to break into the DC Hydra compound, laughably so. Most of the goon guards didn't even attempt to stop him, and the ones that did were not a competition.
"Hydras fault for being so ridiculously over confident." He muttered, unsure if it was he or Barnes that was speaking. He shook of the strange dissociated state of his mind and stuck one of the many USB sticks he had nabbed into their system and instantly began an automatic system transfer.
As all the data was shifting he opened all files Hydra had pertaining to his Captain and new team, the Avengers.
He had a strong urge to know everything about the people who had the man's back, needing to know that they were capable of protecting him.
Thor's file made him raise an incredulous eyebrow. An alien god? Was this for real? As he read about the seemingly arrogant prince's apparent banishment to earth and then subsequent admittance into the Avenger's Initiative, a foreign swell of smug pride at the Captain's leadership abilities grew inside of him.
'You always knew he was special.' Barnes supplied. 'You didn't need him to grow a foot or double in size to know how amazing his is.'
Bruce Banner was interesting, but nothing about him gave him any intel on his Captain. The only thought it procured was that he hoped Banner didn't attempt to use the Captain to make himself better, to get rid of the creature he can turn into.
He halted when he clicked over to Tony Stark's face. Strong images of causing the fatal crash of Howard and Maria Stark mixed with memories of drinking and laughing with a much younger carefree Stark.
He gasped and brought his hands to his face, Barnes's thoughts predominating hold over his mind.
'Oh god! I killed my friend! In cold blood, I just snapped shut his life as well as his even more innocent wife's!'
'No I did that.' It felt weird to be consoling his conscious, but he knew his mind needed to be reassured.
'You are me!'
He attempted to fight back the bile Barnes felt from the memory but was unsuccessful and bent at the waist to retch, incapable of controlling the reaction. He stood there panting, staring straight ahead almost in shock.
'Breathe Barnes!' He ordered. 'Just breathe.'
'How? How could I have done that? How?'
'Hydra made you. Made me, us! It was Hydra.'
He whimpered and shook his head. The soldier tried to shake the thoughts away, but when the guilt proved too much he just sighed and went back to reassuring his conscious.
'You did nothing Barnes. Hydra created me, The Soldier, to do their work. You were controlled, the victim as much as Stark was.'
'I'm still alive though.'
The Soldier shrugged. 'In a way, but in a way you aren't because I am.'
The mixed emotions running through his body made his head hurt, but as he stared at Stark's son's face the guilt ate over anything else The Soldier had felt.
'He looks so much like Howard.' Barnes remarked. 'How old was he when he lost his parents, eighteen? Nineteen? Still too fucking young.'
"I did it because I was forced to." The Soldier stated out loud. "As a weapon I was forced to kill a friend. I had no choice and was a victim."
His thoughts were silent as he continued to stare at the screen and then Barnes said quietly, 'Thank you.'
He shuddered from the exchange, his entire mind aching. 'I'm insane aren't I?'
'Not really.' Barnes said reassuringly. 'You've been through a lot, don't know who you are, have two sets of memories and so split them in half. Winter Soldier and James Barnes. You just have to split it until you can handle being one person. Being Bucky.'
The Soldier glared at nothing for a moment and then thought. 'Sounds crazy to me.'
He barked out a brisk laugh and shook his head, turning his gaze back to the screen clicking over to the next file, unable to look at the familiar brown eyes even a second longer, uncaring about the famous Ironman suit.
He recognized the gorgeous redheaded woman instantly. Not from a few weeks ago, but before. Natalia Alianova Romanava. He had trained her when she was just a child, barely fourteen. Another wave of guilt filtered through him as he read the file on Black Widow. He had done so much to this woman, turning her into an assassin, shooting her and just recently almost killing her.
Not wanting to read all the tragic and graphic pieces of her life he slid to the next file and almost smiled at the Captains face.
Everything Hydra had on him the Soldier knew enough of. The serum procedures, an outline of his missions with the Howling Commandoes and then even his death.
He shuddered, a faint memory of a pudgy man-
'Zola' Barnes supplied.
Of Zola showing him a newspaper, and explaining that Steve was gone, no one was there to save him. To give up.
He shuddered again and shook his head angrily. That stupid punk had just crashed a plane straight into the ocean. No sense of self preservation at all!
'Just like always.' Barnes interjected again. 'Never backed down from anything.'
The Soldier envied the fond affliction to the other part of his thoughts and skipped over the Captain's file. Nothing inside of it would give him information about him before he became the symbol of freedom for America, and memories of Steve before the war were really what he longed for.
Clint Barton's file made him pause. The archer was Natalia's partner and an excellent marksman. But most importantly to the Soldier, he had been brainwashed. Controlled for days by an alien god.
Brainwashed, controlled. Just like him. He even caused the death of a friend and almost injured Natalia as well.
'Talk to him!' The thought was urgent, almost desperate. 'He can help.'
He nodded minutely and pursued the former agents S.H.I.E.L.D file and was simultaneously pleased and concerned by finding an address.
'Hydra really did take over.' He thought. 'To be able to have their complete files.' Barnes agreed with his statement bitterly.
He jotted down the address and stuffed it and the memory stick into a pocket before swinging the gun through the computers, smashing them to bits. Satisfied that they were unsalvageable he shouldered his weapons and quickly hurried through the base and out to the car, another stolen piece of equipment.
'You really should stop doing that.'
'When I can.' He snarked back as he threw his weapons into the trunk and then slid into the car. Leaving the base as fast as he could; he headed towards the Avenger's archer.
During the drive to New York, which he accomplished at insane speeds, he tried his best to not think, to just stare straight ahead and focus on his self-given mission. It was a success, at least until he reached the downtown apartment.
He sat in the car and stared up at the building, apprehension filling his gut tightly.
'You gotta do this.' Barnes encouraged. 'He could probably help.'
The Soldier took a deep breath and glanced at the apartment number one more time before exiting the vehicle and making his way into the building. He hurried up the stairs and then hesitated once again at the door.
'Just knock.'
He shifted in place and made sure the metal hand was secure in his pocket before lifting the right hand and gently knocking on the wooden surface.
He heard muffled noises of movement and then the door swung open to reveal a shorter well fit man with spiked up dirty blonde hair.
"Uh hello? Who're you?" he asked with slightly narrowed eyes.
"You're Clint Barton." The Soldier said in verification, his own eyes surveying the man in search of any sort of weapon.
He crossed his arms and frowned. "Didn't ask who I am. So you are?"
He frowned, unsure how to respond.
'You can't exactly say you are the Winter Soldier.' Barnes pointed out.
'Then what am I supposed to say?'
'Your name maybe.'
"My name is James Barnes." He said after another moment. "At least I think it is? And I would really like your help."
"James Barnes? Like Sergeant James Barnes? Cap's friend?"
He nodded, unsure as to why the man had to clarify.
"Well I'll be damned! Should I get Steve?"
"No!" The idea of seeing his Captain before he was ready caused no small amount of panic in him. Barton could tell too, instantly raising his hands up, almost like in surrender.
"Alright man, no Steve. Come in though?" He ushered him into the small apartment and gestured for him to sit onto the couch.
The Soldier followed his suggestion, but kept his eyes on the man as he moved.
"So Steve calls you Bucky?"
"It's for Buchanan, my middle name." He said uncertainly.
"Like the president? Cool." Barton tossed himself onto the chair across from him. "So should I call you that?"
"No!" He hesitated with a frown, unsure of what to say again.
'Barnes?'
'That's what I refer to you as.' He glowered at his hands, annoyed by the voice.
'Well call me James! Like I said before, you can't go around being called The Soldier. Its counterproductive, and honestly, an awful name anyway. So tell him Barnes, and maybe start referring to yourself as such?'
'I will try.'
He sighed in resignation and said, "Barnes. Call me Barnes, I'm not ready to go by Bucky, or even James."
The archer nodded a perplexed look on his face. "I have to admit, I'm confused. Didn't you fall off of a train? How are you alive?"
"Have you talked to Steve recently? Or Natalia?"
"You know Natasha? And call her Natalia?" he questioned and then shook his head. "Okay not the point. No, I haven't. I was out of the country for their little, let's bring down S.H.I.E.L.D./Hydra party. Haven't told them I'm back yet."
"This would have been much easier if you had." The Soldier, no Barnes, he said he'd try, was dreading informing him of everything. He was fearful he would be shot, or worse turned over, but knew he had to.
So he took a deep breath and launched into what he knew of the story. Beginning with the fall from the train, that he saw and felt in flashes, and subsequent capture and brainwashing. He had no middle to fill in so instantly went to the Hellicarriers and seeing Steve. He explained how the Captain's words had woken something inside of him and now he was desperately searching for memories and a way to be who he once was.
"Shit man! You're the Winter Soldier?"
He nodded and after a moment of watching the other man for any signs of hostility shrugged out of his jacket and showed him his damaged metal arm.
"Yikes, what happened to it?"
"Vibranium is a very strong metal." He stated simply.
"Does it hurt?"
"There are no nerves down there."
The look he received was appalled and he asked worriedly, "But there are in the shoulder?"
He nodded and Barton let out a low whistle. "How the hell did you survive all that?"
"I'm not really sure I did."
The weight of his words hung over them heavily until the blonde nodded in understanding. "Alright. So you want my help? With what? And why me?"
"I need myself back." He said in a whisper. "I can't be the Winter Soldier at all when I see," a brief hesitation, "see Steve. He was my last mission."
"And in what's left of the Soldier's head it's his first incomplete one. I get it. You came to me because of Loki didn't you?"
"Does that offend you?" Barnes asked, unsure about whether or not he cared.
"No it's just kinda out of my league man. Loki used some sort of weird magic to control me for two days. You've had your entire life repressed over like, seventy years!"
"Can you help me?" He knew his voice sounded desperate, pleading. He didn't care. As far was he was concerned, Barton was his only real hope of ever going back to his Captain.
"Yeah Barnes. I don't know what I can do but I'll sure as hell try."
Relief flooded his veins and he sighed, unknown tension leaving his body as he practically went limp.
"Thank you." He managed to murmur. The relief of having support, of finally for the first time he could remember feeling safe coupled with the exertion of the past almost forty-eight hours or so caused his heavy lids to fall shut, his head drooping as he passed out into sleep.