Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade in any way shape or form.

Chapter 9: What Starts in the Heart, Ends in the Head

"They better let us out tomorrow morning. We can't miss the challenge!" Tyson exclaims as we settle into the cabin.

"I'm sure they will. They have to feed us sometime," Max shrugs and jumps up on the bed next to him. They start playing a game of rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets to use the bathroom first to clean themselves up.

The isolation cabin consists of two beds, a boarded up window, a door locked from the outside, and a bathroom. We had been allowed to grab a change of clothes and our toiletries before being locked inside but the exceptionally tiny bathroom was only big enough for one person at a time (barely). It also seemed quite inconvenient since it didn't really have a door, just a curtain. And the curtain looked quite old…

Why do I suddenly feel self-conscious?

I choose to let them go first since I am also trying to decide whether or not that curtain will give me some kind of a bacterial infection. I sit down quietly on the other bed and send a short glance over my shoulder. Kai has already settled in on the bed behind me and seems to be sleeping? I suppose 'listening without comment' is more like it.

Although his eyes are closed so he very well might be sleeping. Kind of early, but whatever, there isn't really much else to do in here and he already seems pretty untouched by the mess the rest of us are covered in.

"I win!" Max jumps up and darts into the bathroom.

"You cheat, I know it! Who invented this game anyway?" Tyson pouts as he kicks his shoes off and falls back onto the bed.

"At least we didn't have spaghetti!" Max yells from the other room, trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't use all the hot water!" I call back to him as I hear the shower start.

"Don't worry, there doesn't seem to be any anyway!" Max calls back with a laugh a short while later.

I absently pick at the food particles clinging to my hair and sigh.

Well, it's not the worst time of year for a cold shower. It IS kind of stuffy in here so it might actually feel better with one. And it seems like I will be sleeping with Kai so I might in fact need one.

This always seemed to be the non-spoken sleeping arrangements that we had. Kai may have spent this trip bunked with Max because of assignment, but when given the option not to, I was always elected as his desired bunkmate. The benefits of being the least annoying of the three of us. In a normal situation I would be happy about this. After what happened yesterday, not so much. I know he said it was okay, but I still didn't see it that way.

Which left me with the options of calling attention to myself by objecting, or sucking it up and dealing with it. Out of all the bad things I could think of from this arrangement, there were two good things. One, Kai couldn't leave if I tried to talk to him. And two, these beds aren't exactly made to fit in two people, if you know what I mean.

Hey, look at me finding the bright sides of bad situations. I should do that more often. It is totally better than panicking. Since, panicking is totally what I WANT to do right now. I can't run from this one either. I might be in trouble here. I'm sharing a single bed with Kai! This could get very awkward, very fast. I may have to sleep with my back to him. That's safe, right?

I glance at Kai again.

On second thought, it might be better if I don't sleep AT ALL tonight…

Wait, who am I kidding? I'm not sleeping at all tonight anyway. I'm sharing a bed with Kai!

When did this get so weird? I have shared beds with Kai on a lot of occasions. Sometimes I have even woken up hugging him. He had never seemed to mind. Thankfully I had woken up before him a lot of the time. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. It seems strange to think anyone would wake up after Kai. I'm just rambling now though. I don't think that's what really matters here.

I hope I don't wake up hugging him…

I kick my own shoes off and pull my feet underneath me so I can turn to face Kai. After a few minutes of watching him and trying to decide if he is really asleep or not, he opens his eyes as if sensing my attention. I smile at him and push back every signal that would announce how uncomfortable I am at that moment.

"I just wanted to, uh…thank y…"

"Hey, Ray," Tyson sits back up to take my attention. "There's something I have been meaning to ask you but with everything that's been happening, I forgot." I silently curse him as I close my eyes and count to 3 before opening them and shifting myself (and my attention) back to the other bed.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" I ask as nonchalantly as I can. I am desperately trying to ignore the feeling that Kai is also still watching me. There is something about his attention on me that makes me feel really exposed. It isn't normal to be this aware of my own actions. Being careful not to say or do anything that might indicate that something is wrong only seems to make it more noticeable that there is. At least in my head anyway…

"Brrrr! It's all yours!" Max bursts out of the bathroom, wearing bright lime green pajama pants and a towel wrapped around his head. He tackles Tyson.

"Hey!" Tyson protests, trying desperately to break free of him. "You're so cold!"

"Isn't it nice?" Max beams and fixates his hands on Tyson's face. Tyson shrinks away and jumps up off the bed.

"It's not healthy to have goosebumps when it's warm out!"

"Awe, come on, Tys. I'm just preparing you. It's pretty cold in there!"

"Great…" Tyson grumbles and gathers up his towel and clothes. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back!" I share a laugh with Max as Tyson goes into the bathroom.

"Where exactly would I go? I don't think I would fit under the bed." I shake my head. Max pulls on an orange striped t-shirt and jumps back up.

"Hey, Ray! Let's play a game!" He comes over and sits down beside me, receiving a warning glance from Kai to not make any sudden moves. After concluding that he was safe from any attack, Kai returns to his 'nap'.

"What kind of game? We don't really have any supplies," I ask him curiously.

"There's all kinds of games we can play! How about Would You Rather or Two Truths One Lie? Or maybe 10 Fingers or I Spy!" He's a poet and he didn't even know it… "Hmm I wish we had paper. Then, we could totally play Act/React!" I stare at him a minute, suddenly wishing somebody else was there to inquire further. I knew Kai wouldn't help any and there was no way to brush it off like I didn't think he was talking to me. But he seems to get the idea from my look of confusion and explains anyway. "It's a game where everyone writes down a bunch of situations or events on pieces of paper and then everyone picks one at random and whatever you pick you have to act out how you would react if faced with that situation and then everyone tries to guess what you are reacting too. It's really fun! Like you could pick 'meeting someone famous' and then you have to play it out. Like this!" He stands up and does a little mock scene where he is greeting somebody excitedly and then a face of shock. It would probably make better sense if you saw it but just picture Max realizing that there isn't any condiments left in the world. It was like a face of mixed horror and unexpectedness all rolled into one. It IS quite entertaining, but I really don't think I could have guessed what he was really trying to display.

"Oh fun…I'm so sorry we don't have that paper…" I mock enthusiasm with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. I was trying not to sound relieved or skeptical but Kai releases a snorting sound and I know that at least he had noticed my reluctance. He doesn't move or react in any other way that indicates that he is paying attention and Max is oblivious to it all as usual.

"Yeah, we should play some time when we get back! You guys would love it!" I bite my lip to keep from laughing as he sits back down next to me. "But we can play something else! Kai should play too!" Max nudges his leg and he furrows his brows but doesn't open his eyes. I can't stop the smile that that creates and find myself relaxing a bit. I had forgotten what it was like to just hang out like this. My mind had been so consumed with what I was hiding that I wasn't enjoying the times that we could just be together having fun.

This is soon relinquished as Tyson bolts from the bathroom, wearing only a pair of underwear and still dripping wet, as he heads straight for Max. I wince and move away quickly as I can to avoid the wrestling match that I know is about to start and almost feel sorry for them. Especially knowing that Kai is not going to like THAT at all…

I grab my change of clothes and slip away as quietly as possible. I wasn't looking forward to the shower but it was better than the crossfire of rage that was sure to be released shortly. And I really need to get this sauce out of my hair before it became a permanent part of it.

In reality the water is not as shocking as the two of them had me believing. It's actually a dull lukewarm and not freezing cold. The curtain isn't as bad as I had expected either. It's discolored but not slimy or anything gross as I had thought it might be from looking at it from afar. It may have been meant to be a punishment to be here, but it was well taken care of and not too bad to be in. Especially since there weren't any distractions or more pressing things to worry about, like girls. Seriously, what's wrong with them? It's no wonder that I seem to prefer guys. Although I am not too sure if Kai counts as 'guys'.

When I shut the water off I can still hear fighting from the other room and I can only imagine what I am about to walk out on. There wasn't anything in the room that could be used as a weapon but Kai was pretty resourceful and could outsmart either of them with just a paperclip.

It wasn't really like that at all though. After dressing and shaking out the water in my hair as best I could, I step out and the room is…quiet? I look up and see Max and Tyson, back on their own bed, quietly sitting completely immobile. Kai is still on the other bed but is sitting up with his legs folded and his eyes fixed on the other two boys, watching them carefully.

"What happened?" I am almost afraid to ask. I stay in the doorway a minute, trying to figure out what is going on. Tyson goes to answer but Kai raises a hand and he remains frozen.

"We're playing statues," Kai replies coolly. I raise an eyebrow and try not to laugh. Leave it to Kai to think of something like that. "You're welcome to join." He goes on as I toss my dirty clothes into the pile outside the doorway that the others had made with theirs. Max squints his eyes partly closed as if he is about to sneeze and Tyson glances at him hopefully, but both manage to keep their composure.

"I'll pass…" I answer. "Just watching them is painful enough." Tyson exhales loudly then slumps forward in defeat.

"I win AGAIN!" Max laughs and pushes him playfully.

"Hey, no way! I want a redo! Ray shouldn't be allowed to talk! It's distracting…" Tyson grumbles, crossing his arms. Kai just shrugs and lets them shake themselves out.

"Let's make it harder this time! You should try to hold a pose," Max nods in encouragement. Tyson seems to think it over.

I return to my original place on the bed, next to Kai, and start tugging at my hair so I can pull it back. Bringing it over my shoulder so I can comb the knots out with my fingers, I make eye contact with Kai but quickly turn away, focusing on the task I have set myself.

"Okay ready!" Tyson relays, holding a pose that looks quite similar to cricket getting ready to jump. Max is in a less strenuous pose, simply holding his hands out like he had dropped something that was hot, but neither look like they will last long that way.

"Okay, statues." Kai starts the game. "Ray, can be the judge now. Just remember, no noise." He waves them off as they freeze all movement and he lays back down behind me. If I didn't know him any better I would say he was quite lazy, but I knew this was more out of being anti-social than laziness.

I finish up with the tangles while watching Tyson and Max from the corner of my eye until one of them breaks down and growls then demands another round. I finally manage to pull my hair back and rest as they start over again, picking just as challenging poses as before. This goes on for several rounds, Max winning once more and Tyson winning twice, before both boys are satisfied with their results and complaining about arm cramps.

They start another game shortly after, forgetting that Kai or I are even present, and go on happily by themselves. I decide to just watch them as if I were their parent and they were playing in the park. After a while they both get bored and try to find something else to occupy themselves but they end up fighting instead. I debated whether to break it up but they weren't hurting each other and it can be healthy to get some aggression out of the system every once in a while so I let it go, promising myself that I would stop it if fists started getting involved.

The lights go out at 9 and grumbles of who gets what side of the bed start shortly after.

"Can you guys give it a rest, please?" Kai's voice startles all three of us. They pause their actions and I glance over my shoulder to catch Kai's glare that's fixated on them. I'm sure they don't see it in the dark but his eyes are practically glowing with annoyance.

"He started it," Tyson grumbles.

"Did not!" Max retorts. They both growl at each other.

"Enough! Just go to sleep." They follow his orders wordlessly but are persistent on remaining angry at each other. They take the pillows and pile them in the middle of the bed like a barricade and refuse to share the sheets. A short pillow fight starts between them but concludes quickly as they both start giggling uncontrollably. "If I hear another sound you better make it a good one because it'll be your last," Kai sends one last threat across the room before turning his back to the rest of the room and cuddling the wall.

The room goes a deadly quiet as the two of them settle in, now co-operating with each other but still keeping a line of pillows between them as they lay down.

I lay down as well, as softly as possible, keeping my eyes looking at the ceiling. This isn't awkward at all…

Don't ask me why… Maybe it was everything building up. Maybe it was the fact that we were locked in a cabin with no doors or windows. Maybe it was how Kai's tone of voice so easily quieted the other two boys. Maybe it was how they followed without even the slightest protest. They reminded me of a bunch of kindergarteners being punished for talking during nap time.

Or maybe it was just me going crazy.

Somehow the silence took my last sense of control away from me and I suddenly just start shaking, covering my mouth and trying my best to hold back the snickering sounds that wish to escape. But I can't hold it for long before I burst into full laughter. Not a loud obnoxious type of laugh but a highly amused and slightly hysterical 'is this really happening right now?' type of laugh. And it felt good.

"Not you too…" Kai grumbles bitterly. I can just imagine him rolling his eyes which just makes me laugh more. This gets Tyson and Max to start up laughing as well and soon the whole room is filled with a tired amusement that we are sharing.

I take a deep breath and try my best to make amends.

"I'm really sorry…" I breathe out, forcing myself to push the rest of my laughter away. The rest of the room quiets as well but everyone seems more at ease than the awkward silence from before.

"Good night, guys." Max sighs happily. A mumble of good-nights follow and everyone finally settles in completely, ready for sleep.

I remain awake for some time, smiling to myself as I watch the shadows dance across the ceiling and listen to everyone's breathing slow down. Tyson's snoring soon follows, although I have grown used to that sound by now.

Surprisingly, I felt quite relaxed. I thought I would be completely freaking out but this arrangement was comforting. Not just Tyson's snoring but Max and Kai's presence as well. It felt nostalgic. Like how things used to be. I could handle this! I just had to shut my brain off until morning. That wouldn't be too hard, right?

I am proud of myself. I haven't said or done anything embarrassing this whole time. I could say it was because of Max and Tyson but I wanted to feel like it was because I was making progress. I had to give myself some credit once in awhile…

I drift to a light sleep, only to be awakened a few hours later by Kai shifting next to me. At first I am not sure what has woken me but I look beside me and see that Kai is now facing me. With his eyes closed and the soft light of the moon shining on his face making him look almost angelic, it's hard not to tell myself that I wish he was always there beside me like that. He didn't have to say he loved me back or even that he had any feelings for me at all. He just had to be there, next to me.

I turn my body (gently as not to disturb him) so that I can look at him better.

Even as a phantom silhouette he was perfect. It may have been hard for me to determine exactly when the feelings had started but it wasn't hard for me to figure out why they existed. I wanted to blame all the moments I shared with him for being too perfect but it really hadn't been the moments between us that had changed. It had been me. I changed the way that I saw him and the way that I saw myself with him. It was easier for to accept that it was a problem that needed to be fixed but sitting here now, it didn't feel like a problem at all. In this moment, having him so close to me, so peaceful, all I want to do is touch him. I want to know that he is real. I want to know what it feels like to run my fingers through his hair. Just once…

I jump as a hand grabs mine, stopping it a few inches from his face. I hadn't even realized that I had been reaching for him until the second his hand had connected with my wrist. Now his eyes open and my whole body tenses, becoming fully aware of what I was doing. I blink, letting reality slowly return and during that time, we just stare at each other. His hand grips my wrist tighter as he puts it down and releases it, then sits up.

"I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to…" I rush. I do my best to keep my voice low (not wanting to wake the others) as I sit up as well. I know I am blushing but I am also trembling and thinking of how many ways I could clear this up without making everything worse. "I know I have been doing some really weird things lately…" I try to explain. Then the fidgeting starts. I can't meet his eyes but I know he's watching me. Which only makes it worse. As I am fighting my desire to break into a non-coherent ramble, he breaks through my thoughts.

"I keep telling you that it's okay. And I mean it," he says quietly. I stop fidgeting and look up at him.

"How do you always seem to know what I am thinking?" I whisper. I am not even sure I have said it at all until he half smiles. At least it looks like a half smile in the dark.

"We've been friends for a long time." That's true. Even if I wasn't so obvious with the thoughts I kept inside, he would know me well enough to be able to guess at them. It wasn't like I was great at hiding them anyway. But that didn't mean that he knew everything, did it?

I let a silence sink in as I decide what I want to say next. It might not be the best of circumstances but we were both here, neither of us had anywhere to run away to, and the subject was already out in the open…sort of.

"Well…" I look down again and take in a breath. "Since I have your attention…can we talk?" I study his face for confirmation or agreement.

"You don't have to do this here." I catch his meaning as his eyes shift to the other side of the room and the two boys sleeping there. I send a glance at the other bed as well and as if knowing he was being acknowledged, Tyson rolls over and mumbles something about taking his shoes off to go get a pizza. He lets out a sigh and everything goes quiet again. Max seems to have been buried under the pillow pile they had made earlier but is no more awake or aware of Tyson, let alone us.

I turn back to Kai.

"No." I shake my head, pulling courage from somewhere in the dark. My heart beat speeds up, I start to sweat as my head races to catch up with my heart, and I press forward. "You can say it's okay all you want, but it's not okay. I can't keep it to myself anymore. I…l…like…you." And the courage is gone.

My face must be twelve different shades of red and I am actually happy that the window isn't open to the outside world. The moon coming through the small cracks is only enough to cast more shadows and I feel safe in them. My heart is beating so hard that it is pounding right through my ears and I am silently wishing that he can't hear it too.

"I know," comes his short reply.

He knows? What does THAT mean? Okay so he knows. How long has he known? If he has known, why hasn't he said anything? I could have let this out sooner and saved myself a whole lot of prolonged humiliation and self-torture. And what does knowing mean? Well he hadn't run away screaming or anything. If he has known for a while than he has made it clear that it doesn't change anything about our friendship. That was nice in a way. But what does that mean now?

I certainly couldn't go back to being the way we had been before. Knowing that he knew was like telling me I had a tattoo on my face that everyone else saw but I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye again. Not that I did that that easily anyway, but now it would be ten times worse. Not knowing that when he looked at me, he actually SAW me. It was enough to make me shiver and I was still sweating…

"I don't know if you fully understand what I am saying here," I try to get a little more out of him.

"I do," he confirms. I am left exasperated. Does he? Can he? How did we even get to this point?

"And…?" I stop, unsure of what I want him to say. "Well you aren't surprised… Why would you be? You're Kai. I should have expected that… But…" I realize that I am talking more to myself than to him but he doesn't stop me.

I hadn't pictured having THIS conversation in my head. Sure I had thought about telling him, but him saying things like 'it's okay' and 'I already knew' weren't in the list of anticipated responses. Does this change anything? Does it change what I want to happen? What DID I want to happen? Shooting out a reciprocating declaration of love and leaping into my arms wasn't exactly logical but I had expected something right? Something that said whether he did or didn't feel the same way?

"You don't annoy me," he replies with a smirk. As if THAT answers all the questions rolling around in my head.

It was strange how he seemed to know exactly what I was thinking at exactly the right moments but at the same time it was frustrating. I couldn't pull more than a few words out of him at any time. They always seemed to be the RIGHT words, but they always left me wanting a little more.

Maybe this was part of some bigger plan he had going. He must have had a 'let's see how long I can mess with Ray's head before he goes crazy' plan to counteract my 'what the heck am I feeling?' plan that I had been battling with all this time.

"Do you think I could just…?" I stop again. I could what? What was I trying to ask? What did I want him to do?

I let the question just linger in the air as I push myself to meet his eyes one more time, to study him. I stare at him as if I can find the answers somewhere on his face or in his movements. But he is like a giant wall.

I get nothing.

"What's stopping you?" he asks, his eyes not wavering from mine. It feels like a challenge but the nature and cause is a bit blurred by the situation.

"Stopping me from what?" The advantage I have in this question is my confusion. I hope it comes off as more naïve than missing signals or clues that he may have left me somewhere.

"From doing what you want to do right now." This time he is pushing me for a response instead of me pushing him. It is a very strange feeling to have my own tactics used against me. Especially since he is so much better at it than I am.

"What do I want to do right now?" the words drift out of my mouth as if cued. I can't shake the feeling that he has me right where he wants me, doing exactly what he wants me to do.

"What you were about to do ten minutes ago…" he lets his sentence drop as my mind moves backwards. In terms of time, ten minutes ago felt like ten hours ago. In the world that only existed between us time really had no meaning. And right now, I was way too wrapped up in the words he was saying and the way it was making me feel (powerless) to think about what I had been doing before. "I won't stop you this time."

Oh. That.