Unthinkable 6

i

Carl

I ran alongside Daryl in the direction I knew my crazy Dad had gone in.

'Don't worry, we'll find her.' He spoke to me sideways while we jogged.

I didn't reply. The thumping in my chest seemed loud – so loud that everyone must be able to hear it. But nobody said anything.

'Can ya think of anywhere he might have gone?'

My head snapped up then and the others behind us looked at me. 'Ya know the place by the lake where people went swimming He used to take me there in the summer sometime.'

'Right. Let's go there then!' Daryl bellowed and picked up the pace.

We jogged there, most of the people keeping up. Even Dirk. It seemed like everyone really wanted to find her – she was only a baby after all.

We made our way as fast as we could, not encountering any Walkers along the way. Keeping an eye out left and right for my Dad.

Just before we got to our summer cabin, Daryl turned around with a finger to his lips and motioned us back except for a couple of the heavy-set guys who used to work in security in their old life. They drew out their weapons and he got his crossbow ready.

'You too, kid.'

'No – I want to come! I don't want ya to hurt him!'

'How can ya say that?' He hissed at me glancing around at everyone else. His tone said After everything he's done to you, why would you care?

'I ain't a kid no-more! I can help! He'll listen to me!'

'OK, OK! But stay behind me, right?'

'Fine.'

...

But it turned out all this was for nothing because when he kicked open the door and we flooded in, there was no -one there. The cabin was empty.

'There's one other place we can try.' I volunteered.

'Where?''

'The caves. Ya ever been in them?'

He looked surprised. 'No.' Other people shook his heads so it turned out that it was probably a place only me and Dad went. We'd never seen anybody there.

It didn't mean that no-one else knew about them though from the other seach-parties.

We made our way almost silently there. Most people were too subdued and worried to feel like chatting.

After about an hour's walk (I wondered where the other groups had ended up and if they'd had any better luck but the walkie-talkie in Daryl's hand never crackled so I guessed not) we got there and Daryl motioned me to get behind him. With a couple of the ex-bouncers either side of him with guns fully drawn.

I nodded because I felt my Dad's presence in there. Maybe Judith's too. Maybe us having got so intimate had something to do with the way I could sense him.

'He's in there. For sure.' I whispered to the Dixon.

He nodded and gesturing again for silence behind us we slipped in the narrow entrance.

I saw him before anyone...shivering and muttering. Holding a bundle which I hoped was my baby sister. He'd built a small fire and was huddled near it, muttering to himself.

But she wasn't crying or moving.

'D...Dad?'

I whispered and Daryl hissed and yanked me behind him.

'Rick.' He addressed him.

'That ya, Carl?' My Dad's head snapped up as he ignored the others trooping behind us and the armed men either side to us.

Just then, to our relief, my sister gave a sharp yell and and he held her tighter to him. 'Hush...'

'Dad...'

Daryl cut in. 'Jus' give me the baby, Rick. She's hungry.' He spoke to him gently and Dad seemed to notice him for the first time.

Everyone else just watched, waiting and the suspense was palpable.

Just then Daryl's walkie-talkie crackled and he picked it up. 'Yep. We found them – both alive. 'Thanks for ya help.'

'Rick...Jus' hand her over and come back with us. We'll take ya to Herschel and get ya some help, how does that sound?'

He looked up at up and narrowed his eyes while he cradled my sister protectively to him.

Before he lunged at him but stopped short and the heavies on either side of us trained their guns on him, making people gasp. 'No! I ain't givin' her to you!'

Daryl sighed.

'Let me try.' I whispered to the Archer.

'Dad.' I went to him and knelt down next to him. 'It's OK.'

'I know it is.' He reached out to ruffle my hair and I had to resist the urge to cringe away when before I used to love being touched by him. But the old familiar safety was gone – probably gone forever.

'My sweet boy.' He crooned and shook his head mournfully. 'I'm so sorry for losin' it last night...For not bein' there and expectin' too much of ya...' He stroked my cheek fondly. It made my skin crawl.

I gritted my teeth.

'Dad...I want to hold Judith. Can I?'

'Why, sure ya can. Ya her big brother.'

I reached over and everyone held their breaths until I had her safely in my arms. I was worried about her physical condition.

'Go.' Daryl ordered me. 'You...you...and you...go with him. Get her to Herschel.'

'Daryl...Don't hurt him, OK? He's sick.'

He smirked at me. 'Don't worry about him. Think ya should be more worried about Judith, don't you?' His meaning wasn't lost on me.

'Anyone got any water?'

Someone handed me a canteen and I gave my sister some water. She glugged it down gratefully

I glanced back just long enough to see Daryl handcuff my Dad's hands behind him as I strode back to camp as quickly as I could with most of my team.

They clapped me on my back and cheered. Happy that the baby - who'd become the mascot of the group was safe and sound. As far as I could tell, my sick-fuck father hadn't hurt her when I checked her over briefly.

Not that I could tell them that he'd threatened to. I wondered if they would still feel sorry for him if they knew that or the things he'd forced on me.

Good old Rick – so gentle, so decent. He wouldn't do things like that! Fuck his own son? No way!

I allowed myself to feel angry when I'd pushed those feelings aside.

…

We got back safely, Dad being hustled along behind us. I could hear him shout occasionally and swear and I knew how he must hate having his hands restrained when it had been his job to cuff crimminals when he was a cop. I rushed as quickly as I could to Herschel's tent. He checked her over with his new assistant – a trained nurse who joined the group a few weeks ago. She was young, blonde and pretty, her name was Lucy.

'She OK?' I gabbled.

'Nothin' wrong with her. Jus' a little dehydrated and hungry, is all. She'll be right as rain after a good feed.' He answered. 'We best keep her here jus' for tonight, though.'

'How's ya Dad?' Lucy asked.

I knew she was really asking How are you getting along? Why did he beat you up? 'They put him in jail.' Jail was a wooden hut that was used for a storeroom. Apart from the odd drunken bust-up, we'd never had to use it.

'Ya gonna go and see him?'

I shrugged. I didn't really want to see my Dad, not tonight anyway. I was looking forward to having our tent to myself – I'd sleep really well for once.

'Hey, Herschel, what do ya think's wrong with him?'

He looked at me properly in the face for the first time tonight, so it seemed. 'I ain't qualified to say...but this psychotic break from reality, the irratic behaviour...'

I shivered.

'What's gonna happen to him?'

'We can try some drugs we got here...But it could be dangerous.'

Not as dangerous as he can be. I thought and sighed when I heard this. 'Thanks. Night.'

….

I couldn't believe it when they said he'd come out of it and reinstated him as the leader a few days later. Herschel just said it had been a blip – that as long as we kept an eye on him, he should be OK. No need for medication. After all, he hadn't hurt the baby.

Yeah – but he hurt me. I felt like screaming at them but instead, I said nothing.

….

The next morning before dawn, I didn't go visit the 'jail' even though I knew it would look funny to some people and went straight to the Dixons' tent.

I didn't announce my presence. I wanted to see how the brothers were when they thought they were alone.

I peeked in and giggled. Merle was snoring like a hog – I could hear him a long way from the tent first and Daryl was doing the same but his noises were a little more refined.

I crawled in between their sleeping-bags and drew the spare blanket over me. Daryl grunted and slung an arm around me in his sleep and I snuggled into his side. Feeling safe, it reminded me of getting into Mom and Dad's bed before the world went to hell and I fell asleep again and woke up refreshed, when they did.

They nearly jumped out of their skins when they saw me.

'Jesus fucked!' Merle hissed but I knew him well enough to know that he was secretly pleased. 'Ya our shadow now, boy?'

I laughed and Daryl tickled my stomach. That always drove me crazy – Dad used to do that too and that memory made me feel sad.

Merle chucked me under the chin. 'Cheer up, boy. Now everyone knows he's crazy and ya won't have to live with him anymore.'

'Merle!' Daryl warned.

I shrugged. 'What am I gonna do? Everyone know he beat me up and he's locked up in jail. But when he gets out...'

'If he gets out..., ya mean...'

'What if they let him become the leader again?'

'I'll say that he ain't ready... '

'Carl – ya need to tell'em what he's been doin' to ya.'