Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade.

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I wasn't expecting any so it was a really nice surprise. I am happy that my story has stirred so many emotions! You guys are awesome. Seriously. I hope I don't ruin it with this. xD And I do know that Ray thinks too much… I tried to update quicker so I wasn't leaving you hanging at that particular point for TOO long but I had a pile of neglected school work too so I had to compromise. The next update might take a bit longer, as I have midterms coming up, so I apologize in advance for that. :) Thanks for everything!

Chapter 10: Untamed Fire

Have you ever had one of those moments when something so ridiculous happens that you just have to stop and think about whether or not it has actually happened? You know for sure that it did but there is something about it that a part of you is just so dumbfounded that you have to sit there and ask yourself "what?" until you understand it. There is no real answer, but the moment is just playing over and over in your head as if there was something you missed and might catch a second time around. Or maybe even the third or fourth. But it doesn't change no matter how many times you replay it.

That's me right now.

Why did I have to be in love with Kai of all people? Why couldn't it have been someone easier to figure out, like Max? All you had to do with Max was smile and he was the happiest person in the world. I bet if I told him that I liked him he would just laugh and give me a hug. Hell, I might even accept Tyson. Tyson would probably miss the point entirely and ask if I wanted to learn a new trick.

But this?

I want to run away. Scratch that. I NEED to run away. Kai is giving me a green light to…gah! I don't even know what! And all I can think about is how disappointing I must be.

Is this just about me wanting to touch his face? Even if it is something that simple, I couldn't possibly do it now. Not with his (and my) attention focused on it. When I had tried to do it before it had been on impulse. I hadn't even been consciously aware of it, so it felt like a completely natural action. Now it felt like it would be more forced and would just end up being completely awkward.

I know he senses my reservation because I can see he's about to say something else and my heart can't take much more of this. If it was pounding any harder, I would surely go deaf.

"I know you have a lot you are trying to figure out right now. If you feel that you need to use me to do it, I'm willing to let you." He's sounds so calm. It's relaxed and cool as if he has suggested that I could borrow his jacket or something. I don't know how he does that. Here I am, entering panic mode, and he's sitting there like we are talking about our favorite ice cream flavors.

I thought I had been doing pretty well.

I had told him what I wanted to tell him (somewhat), I had made sure there wasn't any confusion (I hope), I had given him ample time to respond (he had), and he retorted to everything with…this? AND he was making it sound like it wasn't serious. Like I wasn't serious. I am completely mortified but at the same time, I am somewhat irritated. I didn't like him because I had something I wanted to get out of my system, like an experiment that I could practice with for a while and move on. I liked him because…he was Kai.

Okay, so I don't exactly have reasons flowing out of my brain at the moment but my mind is a bit frazzled right now so you'll have to forgive me. Maybe this was his way of saying he was okay with my feelings and didn't want them to be a reason that things changed between us, so he was offering me a way to deal with it? But was that okay? He kept SAYING it was okay… If he really knew me the way he lets on that he does, he would know that I wouldn't think the same way about it. He was my friend first, before anything else. I wouldn't appreciate it if somebody was treating ME that way so why would he think I would want to do it to him?

Kai shifts a little to make himself more comfortable but he lets me go on with my musings without any more pressure. Was it even pressure that he was using? I am not so sure any more. Of anything!

At first it had seemed as if he had wanted me to react but now it seemed like he was offering to do me a favor. In a way, I guess it could still be seen that way. By letting me get my feelings out he was allowing me to open myself up instead of just bottling it all inside and going crazy. Him showing his support meant that I could tell him anything and he wouldn't care. Knowing that alone was a bit of a relief because I didn't have to hide everything anymore. At least not from him. Which would have been a good thing for me if it hadn't been coupled with several other things that were uncertain.

"I don't…" I try to decide whether he really expects me to agree with him or not. Either way, he had to know that I wouldn't. "I don't think it works that way," I finally manage to answer.

"You haven't even tried," he says bluntly. THAT was definitely a challenge. There was no mixed signals or guessing involved. He really wanted me to act on my feelings. But was it really just for my own sake?

"What do you get out of this?" I venture to ask. My voice drops to a low whisper but I know that he has heard me, even if he doesn't say anything right away.

He grabs my wrist and pulls me forward, leaning in close to my ear. His breath on the side of my face is warm and it sends little prickles down my body. His cheek is just shy of brushing up against mine and his actions aren't hesitant at all. Not like mine. There is something about that that makes my heart jump and get stuck in my throat. I don't even remembering taking in the breath I am holding but I am completely aware that I can't let it out. I swallow hard, frozen in place, anticipating…

"I'll let you decide," he whispers softly. I know there is a smirk in his voice. I can picture it as he is pulling away even if I don't see it. I can hear the amusement. I sense it. It is just dripping out of him. He doesn't have to tell me anything for me to know that he is enjoying this. And why wouldn't he? Torture is a hobby of his, isn't it? It used to be something that I enjoyed WITH him but being on the receiving end was not so fun. I might have to rethink how entertaining it is next time I find myself smiling when he's doing it to somebody else…

I don't look at him as he lets me go and moves away (just as quickly and casually as he had advanced), letting me know that he has finished this conversation. He lays back down with his back turned to me as if everything was absolutely normal and that was his way of saying the problem had been resolved and he was done with it. The whole thing had happened within seconds but every second had felt like an eternity and was now stuck in a jumbled mess inside my head. I don't even think I had blinked once the entire time.

I close my eyes now and throw my hands over my face. It's so hot I could convince a heated blanket that I had a fever. Can I run now? Please? Or better yet, can I just disappear?

I turn my back to him as well and drop my feet to the floor in a defeated manner. This was beyond humiliating. He had played me and I hadn't even known I was in the game. What is worse, is that I can't even decide if it IS just a game for him or if he IS really just trying to help me. Maybe it was both. Either way, I can't even look at him.

I slide to the floor, still in a daze, pulling my pillow down with me.

I had slept in worse places.

If he had noticed my sudden retreat, he didn't say anything, but chances are he did. I don't care. I just want it to be morning and for this to have all been a dream.

We all know that I am not so lucky.

"Did you guys have a fight?" Tyson yawns as he stands up, heading straight for the bathroom without waiting for a response. I cover my face with my pillow and roll over.

"T…Tys?"

Thud

I jump.

What was that?

I turn and look up to find Max now lying beside me on the floor, clutching his own pillow.

"Good morning to you too…" I greet him. He groans and pushes himself up, hugging the pillow close to him.

"Sorry Ray, I didn't mean to scare you." He looks from me to the bed behind me. "Are you and Kai fighting?" he inquires innocently. I tick a little.

"No, it's nothing like that…" I trail off. I sit up and shake the rest of the sleep out of me. Granted I hadn't slept all that well and now had a stiff back but I had slept as well as could be expected.

"So he kicked you out then, huh? You could have crawled in with us. We would have made room." He scratches his head and smiles, then stands up, abandoning the pillow on the floor, and crosses to the window. I go to start clearing up the accusation and explain that two people barely fit in these beds so three would have been a nightmare but he changes the subject just as quickly as it had been brought up. "I think it's raining…" He frowns.

"Awe man! You can't be serious! Do you think they won't have the game?!" Tyson emerges from the bathroom and rushes to where Max is. I look over as well, only seeing glimpses of dark grey sky through the cracks.

"I guess we will just have to wait and see…" I reply absently.

"What are we supposed to do now?!" Tyson sinks back down on the bed in a huff. Max follows but in a much more reluctant-like way.

I watch them as they start to prattle on about a plan they had to surprise attack the girls and get their flag and their awesome escape plan that was sure to confuse them so they wouldn't be able to follow. I watch them, but I'm not really paying attention.

"What do you think, Kai?" Tyson moves over to the other bed, almost kicking me in the face as he jumps up onto the side near me. I move away from him before he can take another shot and sit down next to Max, picking up his pillow and throwing it over my shoulder behind us. Don't want anyone tripping. Especially with these two around.

"Hn."

I guess he is back to his usual self.

It's at this moment that I realize just how angry I am. I hadn't thought that I was because it had been overwhelmed by my feelings of embarrassment, but I am. Instead of the usual butterflies that his presence had become known to incite inside me, I am seething. It's almost like the same annoyance that I have for Tyson every now and then. Like he has won something from me but hasn't earned it. It is hard to explain.

"Considering that we are still locked in here, I don't think it matters much," I offer. Tyson probably wasn't going to get much else out of Kai, so somebody had to.

"They better let us out soon or I am going to die of starvation!" Max exhales, collapsing back on the bed.

"You said it!" Tyson agrees.

I fade out.

I know things are still happening around me but it's like I am watching it from somebody else's body. Tyson has sprung to life once more and is animating a story, or perhaps the plan. I had found my desire to participate waning. I am sunk. Into what, I am still pulling the pieces together, but it has drained me and I feel disconnected. My original plan to avoid everything was beginning to look like it had been the better option from the beginning. I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to feel this way. I wanted my strength back, my power. And I didn't want to be angry just because I had gotten a glimpse of what I wanted but I hadn't been in control of it. There was more I wanted to say to him. More that I wanted to do. I wasn't just angry at him, I was angry at myself too.

Max has joined Tyson's animation and Kai is just watching in boredom, faking an interest as they explain whatever it is they are explaining.

It isn't until somebody actually does come for us that I am remembered again and my mind returns to the present.

"Everyone alive?" I had expected a higher level councilor like the one who had thrown us in here but it was Chris who opened the door.

"Awesome! Ray, come on!" Tyson and Max are out the door first.

"Hey wait!" Chris tries to stop them but they are too fast. Kai strolls past him next but stops and waits outside the door for me to collect all of our things and slump my way after them.

"Are you okay?" Chris openly voices his concern at the sight of me. "I would have been here sooner but the group leader was a bit harder to convince that you guys wouldn't act up again. I told him you were good kids and it was just an accident."

"Fancy that…" I mumble a little more on the bitter side than I had intended. It becomes apparent that I am not containing my emotions so well anymore. I think on some level I had given up trying to stay in control. It had become clear that I never had been anyway.

Kai watches me as I move past them both and start my way back towards the cabins.

Chris takes a quick glance at the condition inside of the cabin, then closes the door and locks it.

"Everyone is in the game room now but you are allowed to go get some breakfast first," he goes on explaining things as the three of us walk back together. "Because of the impending rain, the event has been postponed until tomorrow. It's not regulation to do everything on the last day but they made a few changes to make it all fit. The busses will come in the morning on Sunday instead of tomorrow night so we can enjoy the end-of-the-summer bon fire without worrying about packing up. We've called your parents so they know already. But we can go over that later." He says a few more apologetic phrases and then tells us that he has to return to the others but to hurry on to get fed. We are instructed to join them in the game room afterwards, and then he leaves.

Kai is still watching me carefully but as Chris breaks away he leaves as well, going on ahead. I toss all of our dirty clothes on Tyson's bunk and pick up my bag to shuffle through it. I find what I am looking for and slip it into my pocket, then go out to meet the others.

Halfway there, I decide that I'm not really hungry and walk straight to the game room instead. I haven't fully grasped what it is that I want, but I know it isn't this. I know that all of the thoughts that had been cycling through my head needed to be voiced. He had to know everything before anything else could happen. We had to get to the same position and not this cat and mouse game that he had started with me.

In the game room they had set up several tables. Each one had a different game being played in a round robin sort of manner. I find a table and sit down, hoping that nobody notices me.

"There you are! Weren't you hungry?" After some time has passed, Tyson finds me first. For once, Max isn't right behind him.

"I was too excited to join the fun in here that I couldn't think about food." I smile at him. No other response would be enough for him not to inquire further. "Where's Max?" I ask, hoping that it is enough of a distraction to keep his mind off my recently abnormal behavior.

"He tried to sweet talk the lady giving us our food for an extra dessert so she made him stay to help clean up," he laughs.

"Ahh." I nod, confirming that I understand.

"I dunno about Kai though…" As if I had asked. Maybe a part of me did actually want to know though. The part that wasn't angry at him. "He didn't show up either. I thought he would be with you."

"I haven't seen him." I hadn't wanted my words to come out short this time but they still displayed a lingering resentment and unfortunately, Tyson picked up on it.

"What did you guys fight about anyway?" he asks. Oh right. Tyson and Max had both thought that we were fighting. I suppose under the circumstances, that that would still seem to be the case.

"It isn't a fight," I say, unsure of how to proceed. I had to explain it in a way that he won't keep asking or approach Kai later to ask or confirm. So I had to make it seem uninteresting enough to be forgotten about. "He…I…just fell off the bed in my sleep." Yeah. That totally makes sense…

He laughs.

"You really CAN sleep through anything! Do you remember that time when…"

"Hey Tyson! Over here!" One of Tyson's new friends calls out to him, saving me. He waves back enthusiastically.

"Why are you sitting over here anyway? Let's go play something!" He gives me one big pat on the back to get me going. "Are they keeping score?" He looks around the room.

"Uh, yeah. I was waiting for the new round to start. They are giving everyone an hour or so at each game." I had only been paying attention briefly but had picked up on the system by watching a few of the groups. "I think there is three minutes left…?" I look at the clock on the wall near the entrance.

"Awesome! We didn't miss much then!" He sounds so happy.

"Heeeey! She let me take two anyway! Look!" Max tackles Tyson, causing him to crash into me. He is holding out a box of pastries like it is a prize and beaming brightly as if it really is one. "Oh Ray! We missed you! Are you hungry? I'll share!" He opens the box and pushes it towards me. "Here!" I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but for the first time all day, I can't help but smile for real. I temporarily forget my brooding and happily accept the 'prize'. I may have ignored it earlier, but I am absolutely starving.

"Thanks."

A buzzer sounds and orders are given to switch tables.

"Come on Ray, let's go find our group! You just made it Max! Maybe we will get to play each other!" Tyson pulls at my arm, nearly causing me to choke on the pastry I had been about to consume, then bolts over to where the rest of our bunkmates are gathered. Caught up in the rush of it all, I quickly shove the pastry in my mouth and hurry after him.

I would have to worry about Kai later.

He never makes an appearance for the games and he doesn't show up at lunch, and for some reason, this brings back my anger at full force. I mean, who does he think he is? People don't just challenge you and then disappear without letting you ask what the rules are. I was finally ready to discuss this with him and he was just…gone? He was unbelievable.

When he shows up at my cabin on the way to dinner, I don't even want to acknowledge him anymore. I had by then decided that a relationship with Kai was rash and selfish and there were more important people to think about here. When I had been mulling over all these emotions I had, I had not considered a future. Mainly because I hadn't believed that Kai would ever reciprocate my feelings. Now, faced with the option of his reciprocation, it just seemed unrealistic. My feelings for Kai and the games he was playing with me, were separating me from my other friends. I hadn't noticed it before but it had and they had done nothing to deserve that. They had done nothing but support me. What had Kai done? He dangled things in front of me and then took them away. How would it end up if I were in an authentic relationship with him? I didn't even know if a 'relationship' was on the table. So there was no reason for me to keep pursuing one. Am I being too harsh?

Tyson and Max had already gone on ahead to dinner. We had spent most of our free time in the cabin since it had been raining off and on all day. It had stopped now but I had lingered behind to clean up a bit since I had left things disorderly earlier and we had just made a bigger mess by playing inside.

I don't even hear his approach or the door opening, but when I turn away from the bag of laundry I had been organizing I am startled to find Kai leaning in the doorway waiting for me.

"Are we okay?" he asks when I notice him. Even his words surprise me. It wasn't like him to really care if we were or we weren't. Even if he did care, he certainly wouldn't ask. There was something human about it. Something that brought Kai a bit closer to whatever level I was on right now and not on the level I had placed him on above me.

"We're good," I answer with a forced smile. I refuse to be anybody's 'game' and I am determined to make that much clear to him at least. I don't know if he believes me. I don't believe me…but he seems to accept it as we walk out together. Or so I thought.

"I have upset you." It's a statement and not a question.

"I'm fine," I spit out. This time my anger slips through my indignation and resolve.

"Evidently you're not." He stops walking and crosses his arms. I decide not to hold back anymore. Trying to figure out what he was thinking was like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle upside down. With enough patience it could be done, but at the moment, patience wasn't staying in line.

"Isn't this what you want? To toy with me and make me crazy? Congratulations..." I cross my own arms and go to walk away from him.

"No." He stops me dead in my tracks. I turn back to look at him. He's sincere. There wasn't even a hint of play in his tone. It was nothing like the way he had been last night. He forces me to keep eye contact while he takes a few steps towards me as if his glare could make me fold. It could…it was, even… I instinctively want to take a step backwards but he is holding me there with that gaze. I feel helpless again. I feel his control sweep through me for a second time and I forget everything else momentarily. "I wanted you to be honest," he finishes his thought.

"I was."

"No," he repeats, just as forceful. "You're still hiding behind excuses." I look down.

Excuses? Was that all I was doing? He's so sure of himself that I have to consider it. He has been pushing me for a long time. I can see it now. And while I am still unsure of what he was getting out of all this, the lack of hesitation he had in everything was getting to me. How is it that he is so sure…about everything? I wanted it. I wanted to be THAT sure of myself.

A sudden urge overcomes me, and it's crazy, but his pushing has led me there.

I drive myself forward, grabbing his arm so he doesn't disappear or back away, and I kiss him. It's brief. As quickly as I had empowered myself, my nerve slips away and I withdrawal. I can't look at him but I keep my hand on his arm, gripping it tighter as the eminent blush washes over my face.

"I'm sorry…I have to go," I reply lowly, letting him go.

I can't help it. He's right. I like to make excuses. But this isn't so easy when you have never done it before. I don't pretend to know anything about love or what it is supposed to be like, but when I am faced with him, with all this, I can't breathe. And it IS however, easy to run.

He reminds me one more time that he has control and isn't afraid to use it as he catches my hand before I walk away. He brings me back, his other hand brushing up my neck to grab the back of my head as the space between us quickly closes. My heart jumps into my throat again and when our lips meet this time, it is with a passion I had never experienced before. One that I probably couldn't have even imagined in my best dream. My eyes slip closed and my back is pressed to a nearby tree. Both of my hands grip the front of his shirt to steady myself as he completely takes me over.

It's funny how one minute you can tell yourself that something is 'rash' and 'selfish' and the next that idea is being kissed right out of you. The 'more important people' I had wanted to focus on obviously hadn't met Kai's lips. Nor would I want them too. I don't want to share them. I am almost ashamed of myself for thinking that I wanted to give up the chance for this.

When he pulls back, I am breathless. The hand slides back down my neck and gently across my chin. I feel his body heat move away a little and I can barely open my eyes as I try to regain my surroundings, still gripping his shirt as if it were my lifeline. Every part of me that he has touched is burning with the memories and wishing there had been more.

He smirks.

"Just had to make sure it was done right," he teases.

I push him away, fighting between being angry again and wanting to pull him back to me. If I had ever thought that I couldn't be hypnotized, I didn't believe it now. If he asked me to do anything at this instant, I would probably do it.

"I really hate you…" I manage to say when I finally catch my breath again. His smirk widens.

I step away from him, trying to put a distance between us so that I can regain my head.

"I can't do this with you…" I let out as my thoughts become more lucid. I face him but make sure to keep the space between us untouched. "Kai, you're the most rational person I know. Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because you don't believe yourself when you say you don't want it."

"Yeah, no kidding," I exhale sarcastically. I sigh and turn away from him, wanting this whole thing to just be done with. Why was it so hard to decide which side I wanted to be on? If it was this frustrating for myself, I couldn't even imagine how it felt to be him. But I had to make him understand.

"What more do you need?" he asks, crossing his arms again. I turn back to him, biting my lip but making sure he knows I am serious.

"A guarantee."

"Of what? That you won't get hurt?"

"Yes. And a million other things." I take a deep breath. "Kai, this is unknown ground. So unknown that I don't even know if it's okay that it exists. I need to know what I am walking into. But I don't know. So I don't know how to prepare. And I don't know if I am mentally prepared to just 'take it as it comes' the way that you seem to think that I can." Woah. Talk about confessions. Did I just say all that?

Kai doesn't respond right away, as if he is thinking it over, and I conclude that I have indeed just spilled out my heart. It wasn't quite as satisfying as I had hoped it would be but at least it was done.

"Look, we have to go," I sigh again, frowning as I go to pass him so I can go to dinner. He stops me again by grabbing my arm.

"You've done nothing but run from this since the beginning. Just stop running, Ray. It's not in your nature." I meet his eyes, for once knowing exactly what it is that I want to say to him. The one thing that had been stopping me from the start and continued to make me insecure and confused every time we were together. I brush his hand away from my arm to break the contact before I can change my mind.

"But it is in yours."