Unthinkable 11

Carl looked from Rick to Herschel and back again. Opened and closed his mouth like a fish.

'Did he tell ya who it was?' The old man sighed and Carl felt a stab of dull anger that they were discussing him like he wasn't there.

Rick nodded and Carl had the crazy idea that he had read his mind. 'But he wants to tell ya himself.'

'This stays between us, right?' Carl tried to desperately buy himself some more time.

Herschel glanced sharply at Rick who shook his head.

'Can't promise that, son. Whoever it was who hurt you needs to be punished.'

'I..I...don't want anyone to be punished.'

Rick shook his head at him gently. 'I know ya don't but they need to pay.'

Ya fuckin' hypocrite! I hate you! Carl's angry thoughts jangled in his head but he knew that he would do what the bastard told him to. They wouldn't kill Merle or Daryl, would they? He worried to himself wondering why he didn't just blurt out the truth.

He could feel his blood trickling out back there and the pervert who had made him bleed was staring right at him! With that fake sympathy that was so convincing that it had everyone else fooled. He was right, nobody would believe that he had done those things to him, abused him like that and Carl knew then that he had no choice. The Dixons were tough, they were survivors and life would carry on for them.

He had no choice. That's what he kept telling himself. All his choices had been taken away from him by the only man who should have loved him, protected him. He couldn't even blame his mother's death and the way she died on his depravity any more. People talked about one moment in their lives where they reached a fork in their lives – one path led one way, the other path led to the completely opposite direction. Carl had heard them – back then he'd been a child and it had been white noise and he hadn't believed...But years later, he would remember that moment. His weakness.

But he knew he would protect his father – whatever he did to him.

He knew this because he was broken.

…

They looked at him -both of them- expectantly.

'Tell him, son.' His Dad nudged him and he felt like screaming. What he loathed most about the bastard was the smug glint in his eye, challenging him to tell the vet that it was him who had made him bleed.

When Carl finally gave up, he hated himself more. He always would for his lack of courage.

'It was Merle. Merle fucked me.' He finally spat out harshly before he bowed his head and Rick put his arm around him while he surpressed a shudder at his touch.

'Good boy.' He praised his son before he kissed his temple. 'It's OK...I ain't gonna let anything happen to my brave boy.'

Herschel had gone white although he had suspected as much.

'And Daryl?'

Carl turned away. He couldn't do it to him, not to Daryl. 'He didn't know and Merle threatened to kill him – kill you all if I told anybody.'

'Is that why ya spent so much time sleepin' with them?'

'Merle threatened him!' Rick added. 'Thought it was weird ...everybody did but now at least we know why...Why he didn't want to be with his Dad and help look after his baby sister.'

I hate you. Carl thought and then realised how immature that sounded. Like he was thinking like a little kid. Hope you get bitten or die of cancer. He wished at him silently.

'What we gonna do?' Herschel asked.

'I'm gonna lynch that perverted son-of-a-bitch by his balls from the nearest tree.' Rick blurted out, fury blazing in his eyes as he hugged his son protectively to him.

Carl went pale and started shaking. 'No, don't...Can't we jus' send them away?'

'I'll call the meeting.' Herschel got up and bustled away leaving them alone.

….

Rick turned and smirked at Carl, brushed the damp strands of hair off his face and watched his son cringe back with grim satisfaction.

'You did good, Carl. You did the right thing, believe it or not, to keep our little family together.'

'I only did it for Judith's sake. Didn't do it for you!'

'Do you know what I'm going to do to Merle?' Rick leaned forward. 'I'm going to do what I told Herschel and make Daryl watch.'

'No! You can't!'

'Should have told the truth, son. That's what a real man would do, a good man would have done. Never betray his friends.'

Having shot his parting shot, Rick got up and left his son. Carl immediately rolled onto his side on the bed, clutching himself as the hot tears of shame and self-loathing ran down his face.

Stop actin' like a pussy! He heard Daryl's voice in his head. Ya gonna lie down and let him walk all over you like this! Fight! Fight back!'

So he shook off the tears of self-pity and got up in his pyjamas that his father had dressed him in and got out the tent.

People stared at him with a mixture of pity and interest as he joined the meeting, wrapped up in the blanket around his shoulders. It wasn't cold but he didn't feel warm enough. In fact, he was shivering.

'Go and get them.' He heard his father say as he got nearer to the gathering. 'Go back to bed, son.' Was the next thing he said when he saw him.

'Did ya tell everybody?' Carl heard himself say next but it didn't sound like him. 'I didn't want them to know!' He screamed.

'Son...' His father looked at him.

'It's OK.' Carol looked at him with mild and understanding eyes. There was no sympathy in them, he was glad to see.

'Did ya tell everyone I got fucked? I'm jus' a dumb kid, huh?' He sounded bitter.

'Get the fuck off me!' Just then everybody turned to the sound of loud shouting coming from Daryl. 'Get off him!' That was Merle. It was the Dixons being rustled out of their tent. Both of them were half naked and Merle's flies were undone.

Nobody commented but everybody stared. Probably reading too much into it, weren't they?

Merle glared around at everyone. 'What? What the fuck ya lookin' at?' He challenged the onlookers, some who had their hands covering their mouths in shock.

'Bring him here.' Shane and another brawny man dragged them forward and shoved Daryl in the middle.

The leader rolled his eyes. 'Not him, idiots! Merle!'

'Get off my brother!' Daryl fought and screamed and now they were close enough for Carl to see their hands were cuffed behind their backs. How had they managed to do that? How could someone take them off guard like that?

Then he looked at their undressed state but dismissed it. They couldn't have – could they? They were brothers, that was sick! But why else would they be half-naked at noon. Was that love-bites all over Daryl's throat and neck? The red hickies stood out a mile.

'Did you touch my thirteen-year-old son, you prick?' Rick immediately launched into his attack and punched him hard in the guts. Carl could see that it hurt like a bitch but Merle merely grunted.

'Did ya screw him?' He screamed in rage, spittle flying everywhere before he kicked him hard in the face with his steel-plated workboots so that Merle's nose immediately streamed blood. It was probably broken.

'Stop it!' Daryl screamed. 'He didn't do nothin'!'

'No! I never touched him.' Merle said loudly and clearly, ignoring the pain like his Daddy had taught him.

'Ya the only one who did that!' Daryl bit in loudly. 'Tell them, Carl! Tell 'em what ya precious Daddy's been doin' to ya?'

Carol wasn't the only one to gasp and turn around to look at him. 'That true?' Carl wished the ground would swallow him up whole and he could die.

'Of course it ain't!' But Rick looked flustered and flushed. 'The pervert is jus' tryin' to save his own pathetic skin.'

'Tell'em, Carl. Tell'em what ya told us.' Daryl pleaded him with his eyes. 'Don't let him do this ...he won't stop hurtin' you even when we're gone!'

'Shut up!' Shane cuffed him sideways, then kicked him to the ground.

'Easy!' Rick snapped. 'I didn't say Daryl had anythin' to do with it!'

'Ya sure?' A skinny, middle-aged man spoke up. He used to be a a civil-servant back in the old days. 'How could he not know...' He looked them up and down, but didn't say out loud what everyone was thinking.

…..

'Tell them!' Daryl yelled. 'Please, Carl. Don't let them hurt my brother! He never hurt you, remember that!'

'Shut up.' Rick hissed back at him. 'If you don't hush up, I'll execute your brother right here, right now in front of you.'

'No, please...' The desperate pleading in the younger Dixon's voice was impossible not to hear.

'Don't bother.' Merle told him bluntly.

'Quiet!' There was a babble of excitement and raised voices talking but Dale's soft but insistent voice cut through all of them.

'I'll ask the boy. Alone without any of ya.'

Rick nodded eagerly when what he really wanted to do, was put a stop to it. But he couldn't be seen doing that – it would make the Dixons' accusations seem credible and make him seem like he had something to hide.