"Eat those crackers before you get out of bed." Booth pointed his finger at her as he headed out of the bedroom to start coffee and make pancakes. Booth's pancakes were one of the few foods she could reliably eat without getting sick. Still, she groaned defiantly. "I mean it, Bones."

"It gets crumbs in the sheets." Shouting after him she reached for the package of saltines he'd set on her bedside table. It was too late. She'd been awake for awhile and the nausea had already set in. She'd barely lifted the cracker to her mouth when the urge overtook her and sent her running to the bathroom.

Booth heard the retching from the kitchen and ran to join her. His bathroom was small, so he sat perched on the tub right behind her. Holding her hair with one hand he rubbed her back with the other. It had become routine.

"Morning sickness is caused by the rapid rise of HcG and estrogen in early pregnancy." She had to stop mid thought as her stomach turned quickly on her. "It often evens out or goes completely away by the end of the first trimester." There was a hopeful tone in her voice. Resting, she leaned back against him momentarily. Tenderly, he leaned down, brushed her damp bangs out of the way and kissed her forehead. "I am looking forward to tha-" Jolting forward the dryheaves started again.

"So, this is a good thing?" His voice sounded hesitant. He hated seeing her suffer. It had always been that way with her, he just couldn't bear it.

"Yes. It doesn't guarantee a successful pregnancy but it is a good indicator that the body is functioning as it should to complete a healthy pregnancy."

Reaching across to the counter Booth grabbed a wet washcloth. She slumped between his legs, her head resting on his inner thigh. Booth tenderly wiped her face with the cool cloth until she was feeling better. This was a particularly bad morning. One of the ones he tempted her to stay home and take a sick day.

"Tell them you have the flu or food poisoning." He encouraged her. She always refused. In addition to her reputation and need for the stability work gave her she was afraid to draw attention to her nausea and vomiting. "Then we could get out of our Sweets appointment too."

"Booth." Her scolding tone wasn't because she wanted to go to the appointment, it was quite the opposite. She just didn't think it was fair to tempt her that way.

They'd managed to avoid Sweets' office for a couple weeks. A demanding case kept them too busy to keep their appointments. Booth rather enjoyed not being poked and prodded to divulge their private thoughts and feelings. It was admittedly nice to not be chased around the halls of the Hoover for progress reports on their therapy homework. Sweets promised to count the baseball game as one of the missed appointments taking some of the heat off all of them from Noble at least for a bit. Booth would like nothing more than to add one more week to this therapy vacation.

"As tempting as that sounds I need to go to work so we'll just have to keep the appointment with Sweets." Her tone was direct and strong even though she felt weak and peaked, still resting between his legs in the bathroom.

It wasn't until their drive into work that he reminded her eating a few crackers when she first woke up before she got out of bed helped. They would banter back and forth about the benefits versus the risks of asphyxiation from eating laying down and crumbs in the sheets before dropping the subject until the next morning when they would start the whole process over again. It was routine and routine helped. It made their ever changing world seem more stable.

Routine meant that he would contact her around mid morning with some reason why they should meet for lunch. They would negotiate purpose, time, and location. Routine meant after a long string of back and forth text messages they'd decide he'd pick her up and they'd eat at the diner. They'd already settled the details when a little before lunch his phone buzzed, banging against his hardwood desk.

Booth

Her text startled him.

Yes, Bones

Meet me at home. I'm going there now.

you okay?

Fine, just hurry

Fine? She didn't sound fine. Not that a text could really sound a certain way, Bones always pointed that out to him. A text is just words with no inflection, she lectured him all the time, no intonation. But this didn't sound like her, not calm her. Grabbing his keys he raced out of the Hoover his mind reeling with possible reasons for her text. It was too brief, her text, not nearly wordy enough. It seemed demanding and frantic. She hadn't been well all morning maybe it got worse, she could have gotten dehydrated. No one knew that she was pregnant, not even Angela. Bones wouldn't tell anyone even if she really needed help, so stubborn. Visions of her alone and sick made his heart race. He clinched his fists around the wheel releasing his grip only to flip the lights and sirens on. His panic just grew. This had to end, they just had to face this. It would be obvious soon anyways. In his panic he made a judgement call followed by a hurried phone call. He was almost home.

Bounding up the stairs to his apartment, bursting through the door, yelling for her in a panic, he was more than surprised and confused when she greeted him calm, happy, and amorous. Her lips on his before he could even question her. Her fingers nimbly unbuttoning his shirt. Whispering about time and schedules and need, urgent need.

"You're okay?" He finally got out between kisses.

She stopped her assault on his neck and looked up at him with absolute confusion. "I told you I was fine, Booth."

True. Her text did read, fine, just hurry, now that he thought about it. She'd explain later. After the rough start to her day her stomach settled. She actually felt better than she had in a long time. One feeling good thought led to another which led to her texts. She needed to meet him, needed him before that changed, before the nausea came back.

No argument from him. Their moment turned into a trail of clothes discarded hastily, no time to waste as they made their way to the bedroom. A stream of sensual sounds, unfettered responses to their afternoon awakening. Each touch, each stroke, each long slide over sensitive skin set them farther and farther into a world all their own. His relief doubled as he watched her smile and laugh, saw the pleasure in her eyes, watched it overwhelm her body and soul.

He would never live without this again, he couldn't. If this ended, he was sure it would be the end of him.

"I love you," spoken softly against her skin released a heavenly giggle. It was sweet, innocent, unguarded, this was his Bones. The her she kept hidden from the world, carefully protected by her walls of knowledge, science, and reason. It was the Bones he'd always known was in there, that he'd fallen in love with so long ago.

He continued, addicted to the sounds of her pleasure, pulled farther and farther away by his own as she gave equally back all that she was given. Time, food, cases, appointments, all lost their hold as their attention was consumed at an ever quickening pace. Her breath, heavy pants, came faster and faster. Her body tightening around his as she held to him, her lifeline, then fell taking him with her until there was nothing but racing hearts and thin air as their two bodies collapsed on each other. They soaked up the ecstasy until their hearts slowed down, they could breathe again, think again, talk.

"I can feel her." His hand rested gently on her lower tummy and moved softly as if his very fingers were in awe of what lie beneath. "Or him, I can feel it either way."

"That's impossible, Booth, I can't feel the baby yet, you certainly can't."

"No, I don't mean feel it move. I mean I can feel the difference in you, in your body." His hand ran tenderly back and forth over what was the tiny beginning of a bump. He could feel her mood change though and knew exactly what this would be. "It's beautiful, Bones. I love this change."

"I know it is." He would continue to reassure her. She would continue to deny any insecurity over her changing body. "My pants are already tighter. Some are too tight to wear." A little frustrated sigh escaped with her confession. She felt his broad smile as he kissed her temple. His joy was comforting.

"Maybe you should tell Angela. Then you two can go do some shopping."

"I thought we were going to wait." Though she knew they couldn't last forever in this state she feared the changes telling the FBI could bring.

"I'm not sure how much longer we can." His hand still moving softly over her tummy begged to remind them both they were on a timetable now . "I'm not sure I want to wait much longer."

"What about the Bureau?" Worry mounted in her voice, she tried to suppress it.

"Well, I put a call into Cullen on the way here."

"Booth." Her voice was filled with trepidation and a touch of annoyance.

"I was worried about you, worried that no one knew there at the Jeffersonian, that if something happened and I wasn't there…" His thoughts ran wild with both concern and protectiveness as his voice trailed off.

There was a long break, unsettling silence, until she bravely asked her question. "What did he say?"

"He wasn't there. He's out of town for a couple weeks" There was an odd sense of relief to his answer. With Cullen out of town they could put this whole mess off for a couple more weeks.

"Oh, okay."

"I have an appointment, I made an appointment to talk to him when he gets back."

"Okay." It all seemed suddenly real. Their worlds, this private one she loved so much, their professional one she didn't want to give up, would collide.

"It'll be fine Bones" He always could read her mind or at least it seemed that way. "They aren't going to split us up, I won't let them. I don't think Cullen will let them."

"That's why you're going to him?" She'd curled into him as they talked, finding protection and security in his arms.

"Yeah, Noble doesn't really know us but Cullen does. And he likes you, Bones, likes us as a partnership." Another long stretch of silence ended with another question

"Should we wait to tell everyone until you talk to Cullen?" She pulled tighter into his embrace, hummed her approval as his hands made long smooth strokes along her side.

"Angela will be mad if she doesn't hear it first, from you."

"True." Mad would be an understatement, Angela would be furious if she heard from someone else or even in a group, which is how they planned on telling everyone else.

He waited a moment then added. "Tell her whenever you're ready I think it'll be fine. Just remind her not to tell anyone else."

"Okay."

Their conversation continued as they worked in reverse, dressing as they followed the trail of clothes backwards through the apartment until all was restored. They checked each other. She straightened his tie. He smoothed out her blouse, freeing a few bits of hair still stuck beneath her collar. Longingly she looked towards the bedroom. It all had to stop here at the threshold of his front door, the edge of their secret world, it's outer boundary.

They grabbed a quick lunch. He took her back to work with the promise to pick her up in time for their Sweets appointment. In an act of defiance she stole a kiss, as both looked over the other's shoulder to make sure they weren't caught. It was a silent reminder that things needed to change, a longing for things to change.

As promised he tapped on her office door with just enough time to rush them back to the Hoover. Her desk drawer was cracked open so she could sneak crackers as she graded papers, an attempt to stave off her afternoon nausea. It was working. Booth moved quickly, rousing her out of her seat, pulling her lab coat from her shoulders and hanging it up with the sleeves wrong side out. She barely had time to save her notes and log out of the program before his pestering her to leave became demanding.

"Stop rushing me, Booth, you're going to make me forget something."

"You don't need anything, Bones, and if you do we can come back. We're going to be late."

With his insistence and last push to leave she grabbed her messenger bag, huffed in frustration, and headed out. Her computer still on, papers strewn, drawer open, lights still on, chair turned just as she left it when she stood to leave. They would come back. They were going to be late and she hated being late just as much as leaving her office in disarray.

Booth could feel her tension mount the closer they got to Sweets' office.

"Wishing you'd taken that sick day now, aren't ya?" He whispered smugly as he bumped her shoulder in the elevator. "I know I am."

"No." Her sideways glance, her smirk and fidgety movements said otherwise. "I'm sure this appointment will be fine, Booth, annoying but fine." His hand slipped low on her back, his fingers twitched with desire and familiarity before forcibly coming back up to between her shoulder blades for appearance sake. He ushered her out of the elevator and into Sweets' office.

The mood was different today. Booth picked up on it immediately. Bones didn't. As routine dictated they settled in their regular positions and engaged in small talk, current cases, Parker's little league games, topical, safe, intended to relax them all before they began the real work. It was a tradition before Sweets insisted on engaging in one childish activity or another to flush out memories and feelings they wanted left alone. Not today. Today Sweets broke with routine and slipped his zinger right into the small talk.

"So, I heard they had Vincent's funeral in England." Dr. Temperance Brennan sat up a little straighter in her seat, set her shoulders, her jaw, her eyes, all in preparation to block whatever blow Sweets was about to send her way. "You didn't attend." And there it was.

Booth's jaw pulsed. He rubbed his forehead several times before letting his hand slide back through his hair. Sweets had to go there.

"No. I did not attend." She offered nothing more.

"Why?" Sweets pushed.

She measured her breathing carefully, feeling every bit of air she pulled into her lungs and pushed out. "I chose not to."

Unsatisfied by her answer, Sweets pushed a little harder. "Why? Wasn't he one of your favorites?"

"Sweets." Booth was outraged and feeling protective. The broken sound of her voice the night of Vincent's death rang in his ears. Promising he could stay, begging him to stay, then worrying that her intern thought she didn't want him there. She had questioned her own humanity that day. Booth hated that. Why did Sweets always have to stir the damn pot?

Sweets put his hand out effectively telling Booth to stay out of it.

"All of my interns are important to me. None of them would be there if they hadn't earned the right."

"Then, why not go to his funeral to show your respect?"

"Enough, Sweets." His tone was sharp this time, commanding and authoritative.

"No. No, Agent Booth, she needs to explore these thoughts and feelings, it's part of healing. Not attending the funeral shows that she isn't dealing with his death, just ignoring it. I've seen her do it before." He raised his eyebrows and shot Booth a knowing look. Yeah, he'd seen her do it before, several years before when the Bureau had faked Booth's death. A wound that had been dormant for so long but seemed to keep coming up recently.

"Well, you wouldn't have seen her do it before if you'd told her the truth, that I was alive, like you were supposed to, like I wanted you to." She watched the two men go back and forth, hearing but not necessarily listening to what they were saying. This was all going to come back around to her within seconds, minutes at the most. She prepared her answer and when she was ready she spoke over the men.

"I don't believe in the antiquated rituals of man that you call grieving. I don't see the purpose. I know he's dead. I was there." Swallowing hard, refusing to show emotion to Sweets, she continued. "What would a wake do for me? A lengthy church service centered on a god I don't believe in? Graveside enternments? Nothing. It certainly wouldn't change the outcome. I said my goodbyes with the people I care about in the way I wanted to. We shared remembrances, sang a song, and sent his remains home to his family."

"I know, Dr Brennan, I was there, remember? I guess what I'm adding is, was that enough?"

"It was for me." Her eyes were sharp, her tone biting. "I've talked to his mother several times, both before and after the services. I gave my condolences to his family. I even set up a memorial scholarship in his name." Sounding strong and confident she had to add one more sidenote. "If funerals are for the living then I would say I chose how I wanted to honor his life and that's what I did."

"I think that's great, Dr. Brennan, that shows growth right there." Sweets could see the distance growing in her eyes and knew he needed to back off a little if he had any hope of getting beyond her walls in this session. "But have you talked about how you feel about his death?"

She stared back blankly at first, glanced briefly at Booth with eyes that begged for help, then away from all of them.

"So, the answer is no then. You haven't been talking about your feelings." It wasn't true. She'd been talking to Booth but Sweets didn't know that and she wasn't going to tell him.

Booth stepped in again. "Sweets. Everyone deals with grief in their own way."

"True and some don't deal with it at all." Sweets looked pointedly at Dr. Brennan even though she was looking away. "That's not healthy. These activities you've been working on have a purpose and part of that purpose is to help you deal with this specific event."

"Sweets." It pained Booth. "People deal with things when they're ready. You of all people should know you can't force someone to deal with something like this." His tone was hushed and directed at Sweets though his eyes kept darting towards Bones. They hadn't been expecting this emotional ambush and longed for one of Sweets' ridiculous trust or communication games.

"What do you want me to do?" Startled, both men looked at her in surprise. "Some game or activity or date that's not a date, whatever it is, just tell me. I've had enough of this. I want it over."

"Great." It wasn't great, she clearly forced her willingness, she wasn't really cooperative and certainly not enthusiastic. "Okay, I think that you can agree that people wear many faces when they're grieving. A face we put on for the world to see. One that can hide the way we're really feeling. Would you agree?"

Booth's jaw pulsed and his head angled against his fists so he could watch her carefully. He felt sick, wanting nothing more than to stop this. Twitching with the need to reach out, comfort her with his touch, give her some of his strength.

"What kind of face do you feel you wear when you're grieving, Agent Booth?" It caught him off guard.

"Huh? Oh...I don't know, Sweets, I don't really do that. She definitely doesn't do that. What you see is what you get with Bones, always has been." It was one of the things he found most attractive to him from the earliest days of their partnership. With her there was no guessing, no games, no lies.

"You do, do that. You both do that." Sweets chuckled in disbelief at Booth's response. "Everyone does to one extent or another." They both looked at him barely disguising their frustrations. "You do. Dr. Brennan veils her emotions in science and facts. It allows her to distance herself from her real emotions. It can make them more manageable. I didn't understand that at first about her. I thought she was just cold and unfeeling."

Booth cleared his throat, refrained from saying anything knowing that if he opened his mouth at this moment he couldn't, wouldn't control what came out. He adjusted himself on the small couch allowing his leg to brush up against hers and not look suspicious. Dr. Brennan remained stone faced, staring straight past Sweets.

"But, I've learned something about you, Dr. Brennan, even recently, that you're not as cold as you let everyone think." It was a failed attempt to pull her back, to reconnect her with him, with the conversation. "You wear a face, a mask, to keep those feelings under control. Which is great. It's okay to do that as long as you take those emotions out and deal with them so they don't destroy you and your relationships."

"They're private." Her eyes pulled briefly to Sweets' as she spoke her simple rebuttal, barely a whisper. She looked away again, staring blankly at the wall behind Sweets.

"And you keep them hidden, keep them private, by wearing a mask of reason and logic." This was exactly his point and he tried to reinforce it emphatically.

"It's not fake, Sweets, she really is all about logic and things being rational, just the simple facts." Booth jumped in. It was true, Bones was all about truth. He felt the tiniest bit of relief thinking back to just several hours earlier. Her unguarded response to his worry. "But I told you I was fine, Booth."

"True, that's true. But, she also uses it to hide behind." It was painful to hear no matter how true it was. "And, Booth, you wear a mask of strength and experience. You know, you say you understand, you've seen it boring-"

"That's because I have seen it before, Sweets, too many times before." It came out through gritted teeth, anger for the countless injured and dying that haunted his memories, the many he couldn't save, the few he did.

"I know, I know you have. That's not the point. Look, both of your masks are an outgrowth of your own individual experiences, aspects of your personalities. You have found what works for you, for the people around you. But today I want to talk about what you feel behind the masks. Beyond the logical and experienced. I know I am asking a lot here, guys, but you can trust me. We have been through a lot together. I wouldn't ask you to go to this place if I didn't think it would help in the long run. Really, I wouldn't."

Times like these Sweets expected Booth to deflect with humor, a sarcastic jab, some quip to put him in his place. He didn't. He didn't and Dr. Brennan who normally would be pointing out the failure of psychology to be anything but a soft science sat silent herself. So, he continued. "I want to know how you felt. How you felt when it happened, after it happened, now, how you feel now. Walk me through your emotional timeline of the events."

Clearing her throat she spoke quietly but firm. "I can't." There were too many feelings tied so tightly in knots that she couldn't separate or name them if she tried. Not to mention it was just too revealing and she didn't feel prepared to be that revealing.

"Guys, I am just trying to help here. I know this is a hard thing to talk about but really that's why it's so important that you do." Sweets' voice was softer, affirming. "Agent Booth, maybe you could start so that Dr. Brennan has a chance to gather her thoughts."

Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and blew it out hard. "I knew he was dying. I knew he wouldn't make it. I've seen it too many times. But I kept the pressure on, kept yelling at him to hang in there. I hoped it wouldn't be the way I knew it would be. I hoped I'd be wrong."

She felt her stomach scream against the stilled room, against the memories, the hurt and pain and regret, the guilt. Against all of it. She fought the tears that threatened to fall, pushed out, no room to keep them as Booth talked.

"Emotion, Agent Booth, I felt…" Sweets spoke softly trying to keep the momentum building.

"I felt helpless, helpless to stop it." It was still so fresh in his mind. The vision of the slight intern below his hands. The excessive amount of blood, sticky, warm, everywhere. The boy begging to stay, not wanting to leave, as Booth watched the life drain out of him. His frantic looks darting between Bones and her intern, wanting nothing more than to stop this for her, knowing he couldn't, knowing she was about to lose him. No matter what he wanted, what he did, it wouldn't be enough to stop this from happening.

Heavy silence hung in the room as Sweets waited to see if Booth was going to add more. And he was about to when he felt her hand on his arm in an effort to stop him. Their eyes connected in understanding.

"I felt desperate." She couldn't explain it more than that and she really hoped Sweets wouldn't ask her too.

It was a toss up who to affirm first. "This is a great." Sweets' wheels were turned quickly, seeing a crack in the door he was ready to burst through. "Let's try something. I want you to face each other and hold hands." The pair looked exhausted. Too tired to protest they turned in their seats and awkwardly took one another by the hand. In a way it was a relief, the touch and feel of holding hands was comforting. "Okay, now close your eyes and I want you to picture yourselves back on that platform when Vincent died." Dr. Brennan pulled away opening her eyes wide and stared defiantly at Sweets. "Come on, just try it. You don't even know what I'm going to ask you to do yet, Dr. Brennan. Just trust me, I think I have proven myself enough over the years for you to trust me."

She turned back towards Booth. He tenderly took her hands in his as he smiled reassuringly at her. A few deep breaths and they were ready to start.

"Okay." Sweets continued. "I want you to picture yourself on that platform and walk each other through what was happening, physically and emotionally."

"I heard the glass shatter. I was trying to get that trace on the number but when the glass shattered I grabbed Vincent and knocked him down to the ground."

"You were trying to protect him, Booth."

"I didn't know he was hit. Bones saw it before me or maybe at the same time. God, I saw it, I saw the blood pouring out of him and I knew.

"You did your best, Booth, you did everything you could do. I was there. I saw, you did everything you could."

"Everything I could wasn't enough, Bones. I wanted it to be enough for him, and you know, for you."

Sweets hated to interrupt them but needed to interject one thing. "Emotions." A gentle reminder spoken softly. Everything they said was fraught with emotion but neither of them were labeling the emotions they felt that day.

"I didn't want you to lose another one."

"Another one? I don't know what you mean? I have never had an intern killed before."

"No, lost, like Zack. I didn't want you to lose another one." He heard her small gasp of realization, felt her struggling for control. Gripping her hands a little tighter he tried to offer silent support.

Sweets watched them closely daring one more interruption. "Let's talk about that loss, Dr. Brennan."

"Zack isn't lost." She squeezed Booth's hands tightening her grip on him as she felt her emotional control slipping. "I know exactly where he is." Even as she said it she knew the connection of loss that Booth had meant. She lost her daily association with him. Lost her brilliant young protege. Lost a piece of what she believed to be infallible. She had lost Zack, in a different way but a loss none the less. "I can go see him..." Her voice trailed off to nothing but whispered pain. She couldn't go visit Mr. Nigel-Murray, his quirky seemingly random facts were silenced forever. She was quiet as she thought. Struggling with a pattern that played out over and over in her life. One of loss and abandonment that she had yet to be able to reconcile.

"People leave. In one way or another they always leave." Her statement was filled with finality and riddled with fretful thoughts. There seemed to be no way to predict when it would happen or understand why. Her parents, Russ, Sully, Zack, even Booth to one extent or another though he had come back to her. This most recent incident, her young intern, represented such a permanent loss. There were more, lesser losses. All proof to her of the incredible risk one takes when opening up to love, engaging in the act of loving and allowing oneself to be loved.

"Not everybody leaves, Bones." Booth had offered a litany of unspoken meaning behind his simple phrase. He was saying he wouldn't leave her, that he'd be there for her. Sweets' heart twisted. This was it. This was the magic between them that they couldn't see. This was what he worried could be destroyed between them by the combination of Hannah's brief presence and the loss of her intern. He smiled warmly, though the partners couldn't see it, their eyes still closed. What followed took him by surprise in that stilled room. Clear as day a silent back and forth conversation between the two was taking place. Sweets felt it, though he couldn't pinpoint it and didn't understand it, he absolutely felt it. He'd always attributed this thing they did to a connection they shared visually but their eyes were shut, they couldn't see each other.

Booth opened his eyes, turned to Sweets, and announced they were done for the day. Sweets sat stunned into silence and watched. Booth made some completely unrelated small talk with Dr. Brennan as if the last hour hadn't happened at all as he ushered her to the door. He watched as Booth's hand sunk low, very low, on Dr. Brennan's back and swore she leaned back into her partner's hand. Sure that his mouth was gaping open Sweets checked himself just in time to see Booth raise his hand back up, deliberately placing it between her shoulder blades. Booth gave a quick glance back at Sweets and they were gone.

Sweets slumped back in his chair as he watched the door close behind the partners. Had that really just happened? He hadn't seen Booth's hand in the small of her back since before Hannah. Did Dr. Brennan know? Did she realise what it might mean for them? His mind bounced as it traveled through the details of all their interactions since Vincent's death trying to make sense of what he'd just seen. Flopping his head back he stared at the tiles of his office ceiling. This would take some time, some consideration. Somewhere along the line he'd missed something, he was sure of it, and he wanted to figure it out, needed to figure it out.

ooooo0ooooo

A/N: Oh life, always a juggle! and here I am not at all coordinated enough to keep from dropping balls! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know - I may not get back to you on reviews because I am so busy but I cherish each one of them and I love hearing your reactions to the story as it progresses.

Special thanks, as always, to craftyjhawk and snowybones who save me from myself all the time. Their feedback and help with editing give me the confidence to keep pressing the post button chapter after chapter :)