Sacrifice
I became depressed after that incident. Barred from seeing my own daughter and with my best friend no longer in love with me, I felt alone and worthless. I had lost my appetite and didn't leave bed for days. Whenever Carlisle persuaded me to take a walk, my surroundings seemed grayer than ever. I felt like I didn't belong in this world anymore.
After the fourth day of drinking only milk, Carlisle asked me what was wrong.
"I have nothing," I said. "I am nothing."
"Are you jealous of Jacob?" he asked.
I felt my chest cracking like a dam. I cried in pain. "I am her mother, but she's closer to him than me!" I wailed. The pain grew stronger. I wanted to die. This was not the kind of life I had imagined with my daughter.
"Bella," said Carlisle softly, "I understand how you are feeling, but there is really nothing we can do right now about that. Jacob has imprinted on Renesmée—"
"And so he owns her?"
"You know that wasn't his choice," said Carlisle kindly.
Yes, I knew. The mutual affection that Jacob and I had held for one another was no longer there. It was suddenly easier to be angry with him. It was just difficult to accept right now, that my daughter already belonged to another at barely weeks old. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I was just unable to shake off the sick feeling that Jacob was destined from Day One to someday copulate with my daughter. And just as Emily had become an arm ornament for Sam, Jacob and Renesmée were to become inseparable.
I felt hollow inside. Jacob was going to take my own daughter away from me. I would be left with nothing. Charlie was not here. Edward was not here. And I was in no condition to continue my sculpture.
"What is on your mind?" asked Carlisle, startling me. He had said it in the same guarded tone that Edward had frequently used with me.
"I feel like I'm in limbo," I said, "like I don't belong anywhere."
Carlisle gently stroked my cheek with his icy fingers. I closed my eyes and imagined they were blocks of ice melting against my skin. He left the room to let me sleep and heal.
Resting and healing was all I was allowed to do in the next several weeks. The air grew colder. The trees became bald. Soon, snow began to fall. Months had passed since I had last seen my daughter. My body had recovered by December. I stood naked in front of the mirror and found myself attractive despite the distracting caesarian scar on my lower belly. I could walk and even run small distances with little pain. But the physical pain was replaced by the psychological agony of longing. Once more, I dared visit Renesmée without supervision.
Renesmée would only be three months old by December, but what I saw was the most beautiful three-year-old child in the room. "It's me," I said, "I'm your Momma!"
Her soft brown eyes became fierce. I recognized her face as Edward's whenever he hungered for my blood. My heard raced. I realized I had been foolish to come here. Renesmée was part-vampire. I turned around, but she was faster. Her small hands grasped my shoulders like talons. Her perfect teeth bit into my shoulder.
"Stop!" cried Jacob's voice.
Renesmée abruptly let go and let Jacob cradle her in his arms.
My heart was crumbling inside of me. "I should be able to hold her!" I wailed. "She is mine!"
"I'm sorry, Bella," was all Jacob could say.
Once again recuperating in a balcony in the back of the Cullen House, I watched Renesmée build a snowman by herself in the open field. Then, the figure of a sleek gray wolf slowly emerged from the nearby forest canopy. "Leah!" I gasped.
Leah the Wolf was halfway on her dive toward Renesmée when an invisible force brought her down. Renesmée watched in horror as Leah rolled helplessly on the snow, choking. Then, a whole throng of black-hooded figures surrounded them both. Carlisle appeared at my side. "Come on, Bella," he told me, and he took me in his arms.
Running alongside Rosalie, he carried me to the snowy clearing. The other wolves had joined us by the time we'd gotten there. My heart dropped when I recognized Aro, Caius, and Marcus wearing the darkest shade of black cloaks. "STOP!" cried Carlisle as he put me down. "Stop all this! Aro … Marcus … Caius … Don't harm them!"
Aro turned to Leah. "Afton," he said. Suddenly, another black-hooded figure appeared and let go of Leah. Sam and Seth led her to their pack. Aro smile mischievously at Carlisle. "Oh, my unconventional friend, we hardly seek to do harm in your realm."
Carlisle, Rosalie, the wolves, and I all looked at one another in confusion. Aro continued: "Our tracker Demetri has found a marvelous gem in your coven."
"If you're talking of Renesmée …"
"The child appears to be most valuable. And as Demetri sees that you are having trouble raising her, I think it is fitting that she is given to our care."
"No!" I screamed. "You can't take her away!"
"You have caused quite enough trouble, you worthless thing!" Caius snapped at me. "Best learn your place and be silent!"
"She is my daughter! I haven't even touched her or seen her!" I felt like I might die of grief. Jacob tried to comfort me.
"You will do nothing like that," said Carlisle. "Bella and Edward's child can be trained, my way."
"I don't see much progress in that, do we?" said Aro. "And might I remind you that you haven't kept your promise to turn your little pet?" He eyed me dangerously. The wolves all growled at them.
"And you are conniving with such abominable beasts!" said Caius shrilly.
Marcus touched Caius' shoulder. "They are not Children of the Moon, brother," he explained. "It is daylight, and true werewolves do not assemble into packs."
The beautiful but severe-looking, auburn-haired vampire Heidi lunged and snatched me and lifted me by my hair. "Dr. Cullen, you are the 500-year-old vampire," she said. "You ought to know that any human who learns of our existence must be killed or turned. What will it be?"
Carlisle looked torn. Sam growled and whined. The other wolves looked just as conflicted as Carlisle and Sam. Renesmée was patiently waiting how this would turn out.
"Carlisle, my friend, I am a reasonable person," said Aro. "I am willing to make a bargain. We will spare your Isabella if you give us her child."
Renesmée's eyes grew large and her cheeks glowed pink. Her eyes met mine. "Save … Momma," she squeaked. "I … go."
"NO!" I screamed. Heidi let me go. I threw my arms around my baby girl. "You don't have to do this," I told her. "We can make things better."
"Nothing better," she explained. When she touched my face, I suddenly experienced her memories through her eyes. I felt her pain and guilt upon trying to feed on me. "Bye-bye, Momma."
"Come on, my sweet," said Aro, taking Nessie's hand. "We are going home."
Carlisle held me close while I screamed and struggled with grief, so Aro could separate my daughter from me. Jane looked at Renesmée the way a jealous older sister would look at a newborn sister. The wolves came between the Volturi and Carlisle and me to protect us even as the Volturi retreated with Renesmée.
Later back in the Cullen House, I lay inside Renesmée's crib. It smelled of her. It could have been big enough for two of us to play and learn together. If only I could die here now.
"Bella?" said Carlisle, opening the door slowly.
"Go away! I hate you!"
"Bella, I did what I had to do to save you!" said Carlisle in a broken voice.
"So Renesmée becomes a monster like Aro?"
"She is already a monster without Aro grooming her into one," said Jacob, who entered the room behind Carlisle.
"She is my baby! She is mine!"
Carlisle and Jacob looked at each other sadly. Nothing they could say could convince me that they did the right thing. I had nothing. This might have been better if I had died giving birth to my daughter; then, I wouldn't have a scar on my lower belly as a constant reminded that my womb had once sheltered a very special little girl whom I had never told of my affections.
Shortly afterwards, Sam and Leah visited me in the room. "What do you want?" I snapped.
"We want to apologize to you," said Sam. "I was the one who sent Leah to slay Nessie."
"I thought it was against tribal law to harm someone imprinted by one of your own."
"Jacob gave us permission," said Leah. "I'm sorry."