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Lockdown
4.

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After transferring most inmates to the cafeteria, small plates of food were passed around but very few ate. The noise had dropped, and Piper hated the discomforting atmosphere tingling in the air. Every inmate was panicking, even if they were trying to hide it. More were suggesting a breakthrough, and despite her advice from before, Piper was tempted to do such a thing as well. What chance did they have in here?

She was also worried about her family –– what was happening outside of this prison? Was everyone else safe? Or, were they trapped too? Was the snow even that bad? She sat still for a long time, going over several ways to handle the situation. She could just wait it out. That seemed the most logical decision. She had nothing to lose. Except possibly her life. It was getting too stuffy in the cafeteria. The lack of light was horrible as well, and everywhere was so sweaty and cold. Disgusting.

Preferring to be alone, Piper didn't talk to anyone. She wrapped the blanket tighter around herself, and tried to listen out for the weather. Unfortunately due to the amount of chatter, she couldn't hear a thing. Maybe the snow had stopped? She hoped COs were checking every now and again, and she hoped the van which was supposed to pick them up earlier might miraculously arrive. Damn it, this was all so unfair. It pissed her off that they had been left behind.

Over in the corner, a few inmates were crowding around the same radio, trying to get a signal. Piper couldn't hear what was being said, but her curiosity perked when the inmates all started shouting. They had heard something which angered them. Piper stayed put, and watched as a CO went over, yelled at them to be quiet and took the radio away. That was when an inmate stood up and raised her voice, 'They've started evacuatin'! Anyone they can find, they're takin' elsewhere! Sayin' weather is gonna get bad, especially when it freezes over––'

'Quiet, inmate!'

'What're we gonna do? Just die in here?'

'I said "quiet"!'

Piper stared in horror. The inmates refused to be silent. In fact, they started shouting, and the entire cafeteria burst in uproar. Shuddering, Piper hugged her knees. She had a headache, felt sick. She wanted everyone to shut up. What was the point in causing so much drama? It solved nothing. What was the point in panicking? They were stuck here. There was no getting out. The COs had them trapped, allegedly for their protection.

Screams echoed the cafeteria when they heard a gunshot.

A CO stood at the front, a pistol in hand, pointed towards the ceiling. Instantly all the inmates were quiet, and sat back down. Piper didn't listen to the CO's commands. She looked away, tried to focus her attention on something else. All she could see was petrified, angry faces. The COs wouldn't be able to maintain control for long. The threat of being shot would lose its impact. There were more than fifty women in this cafeteria, and only ten staff members. The COs were easily outnumbered.

Isolation started to hit. Piper didn't want to be alone anymore. Every inmate here had someone to lean on, a friend to rant to, someone to keep them company. Piper swallowed, ran a hand through her hair. If she was reasonable, she would believe that, yes, they probably would eventually die. They were running short on food, they wouldn't be able to stay warm for very long. And if they couldn't leave, if no one from the outside was going to get them out, they had little opportunity. Piper hadn't felt this sort of dread since she was dragged into SHU.

Except this was worse. Much worse.

She started to search for Nicky, but couldn't spot her anywhere. Nor Lorna. Piper clung to her blanket, scanning each face carefully. Her heart skipped a beat when she found Alex, seated a few metres away, reading, or supposedly reading. Piper glanced away. She wanted to talk to her, tell her what had happened, why Alex was back here. She wanted them to see eye-to-eye again, because, fuck, maybe this was their last chance.

If Piper was to die with anyone, she knew who she would choose.

Alex was reluctant to speak, but Piper had to try. She had to force this. One of them had to; one of them had to be mature. No more fucking around, no more silent treatment, no more nursing each other's pride. What was happening was serious, it was real. Alex would have to be a complete idiot to not acknowledge that. She had to talk to Piper, had to listen to her. She had to realise they might not have long left.

So, Piper braced herself, scrambled to her feet and slowly walked over. Her heart was in her mouth, and her palms were sweaty, pulse accelerating. She shouldn't feel this nervous, but she was. Because Alex listening to her meant more than she would admit. She needed Alex back, even as just a friend. She needed Alex back, and she refused to take "no" for an answer.

When she was close enough, Alex didn't look up. Possibly didn't notice her. Possibly didn't want to. Piper knelt down before Alex, holding her blanket to her shoulders. She watched her silently for a few seconds, hoping Alex might avert her gaze from her novel. Hoping Alex would acknowledge her presence. Hoping Alex would come to her senses and realise the real issue here. But this was Alex Vause. What did she expect? Alex didn't move.

'Are you ever going to say something to me?' Piper asked. No response. 'You do realise what's happening, don't you? Is it honestly your intention to ignore me while we're all packed in here? Is that really your plan?'

Then she stiffened a little, but only out of anger. Alex tightened her grip on the novel. Piper couldn't believe her. After what Alex did to her in Chicago, surely Alex had the decency to understand Piper's reasoning?

For some bizarre reason, she remembered Miss Claudette speaking to Miller –– Piper had accidentally overheard their conversation, pretended not to notice. But, right now, she distinctly remembered Miss Claudette's words: "You can't play with someone's life like that. 'Love' is not an excuse." Accusing Alex, was it worth it? Did Piper have good reason to do that? Was it out of vengeance, a twisted hatred for the other woman? Or, was it done out of love? Had Piper fucked Alex over because she loved her? Just what was Piper turning into?

Her lower lip quivered. She couldn't stand this anymore. She couldn't stand Alex ignoring her, desperate to erase her from her life, as if she was nothing but waste. How dare she? How could she? Why was Alex being so stubborn, refusing to listen to reason? Piper considered walking away. Giving up. Let Alex come to her. Give her time. But, fuck, they had no time! Time was running out. Time was disappearing. They had no time.

'I brought you back here to protect you,' Piper confessed.

Alex turned the page of her novel.

'––because I was scared for you.' A second passed. 'I couldn't handle it. Knowing you were in danger like that –– Alex, I had to help you. Don't you understand? You told me you...' She exhaled, '... fuck, you were sleeping with a gun under your pillow. Then––' She stopped. Scoffed. '––you were gonna leave. What did you expect me to do? Let you go? You could have been killed. You––' You would have left me, abandoned me. I would have been all alone. Like I am now. 'Will you fucking look at me?' Tears stung her eyes. 'Alex, look at me.'

Desperate, Piper snatched the novel from her. Alex was forced to look at her now, and she glared, jarring her teeth, eyes swimming with loathing and a toxic bitterness. It hurt. It fucking hurt seeing her this way. Piper glared back. Challenging her. Daring her to attack, to make a move, to yell at her, scold her, do what she wanted to her. Because Piper didn't care. All she cared about was Alex knowing the truth. If Alex wanted to act like a brat, then she was free to, but Piper did not deserve to be riddled with guilt.

Neither said a word, but neither backed down either.

Voices of the other inmates went unnoticed. All sensation had been numbed. Piper felt her body tremble under the weight of Alex's look; she hated it when Alex was angry. Alex was usually annoyed, moody, but rarely angry. Alex's anger was hot, fire, and it burst, it was uncontrollable, and made her vicious, snappy, cruel. Her rage scared Piper sometimes, due to the very reason it was so rare. Piper didn't know how to handle Alex when she was mad –– she never was able to. She knew there were many horrible, horrible insults waiting to be thrown at her, she knew Alex had many ways to crush Piper's spirit with simple words.

Piper missed her –– them. What they had. Deep down, she knew she had chosen wrong. Larry Bloom wasn't right. Piper should not have picked Larry. But maybe it was just as well she didn't pick Alex either. She should have picked neither. But the way Alex made her feel, how wonderful, beautiful it was to have Alex hold her again, to feel Alex's warmth and love embrace her –– they might have been stuck behind bars, but Piper had never been happier. Piper couldn't move on. Alex was a constant. Always. It terrified her that they had been apart for so many years before she was sent to prison. How did she manage? How did Alex manage?

Loving Alex Vause was agony.

Piper had shed too many tears for this woman. Far too many.

Roughly, Piper wiped her eyes. She wasn't going to cry, as much as she wanted to. Everything was so fucked. The weather, Larry, Polly, them. Nothing was how it should be. Damn it. Damn it, why wasn't Alex saying anything yet? Piper lost patience. 'Fuck you, Alex.' It was all she had left. Alex had taken everything from her.

This place, this prison, was killing Piper. Slowly.

Driving her to the brink of insanity.

'I would have been fine.'

Alex. Hearing her voice sent a chill up Piper's spine. Piper looked at her. Shook her head. 'No, you wouldn't have. You weren't even safe when you had a PO watching your every move.'

Rolling her eyes, Alex removed her glasses. 'Having that fucking moron keeping an eye on me made no difference anyway. I would have been fine, Piper. Don't come to me with your pathetic excuses. I'm not interested.' She yanked the novel out of Piper's hand. 'Why don't you go back to playing with Nichols? You two seem to be getting along well.'

A ball formed in Piper's throat, and her voice shook. 'You would not have been fine. I know that for a fact. You were scared––'

'I would have managed––'

'No!' Piper snapped. 'I know you, Alex. You were terrified. You wanted to run away. But it wouldn't have worked. You know it wouldn't have worked. You would have been caught eventually. I wanted you safe. That's all. You don't need to fucking bite my head off about it.'

Alex sighed, impatient. 'Are you done?'

'I dunno. Are you?'

'Listen, I didn't ask for your help––'

'You never do! That's your problem. You never ask for your help when you need it. You have so much fucking pride, Alex, I'm amazed I can fit in the same fucking room as you.'

'Is that what we're going to be doing, then? Fucking each other over until one of us gives in? Is that what you'd call a good thing, Piper? I'm fucking sick of all this.' There was that betrayal in her eyes again; how she looked when Piper chose Larry. That disappointment, humiliation, the pain of knowing she was a choice. That was all she was to Piper: a choice. Someone to pick out of the lot. Just another one. Piper shuddered again.

Walk away. Walk away. Let her go.

Leave.

'I'm sick of it all, too.'

Alex's expression softened slightly. She turned away. They sat in silence. Voices of the inmates returned. Oblivious. Ignorant. The freeze nipped at their flesh, and death hovered between them. Alex dropped her gaze to her glasses, fiddled with the frame. Piper wanted to know what she was thinking; if she was thinking of anything at all. She wanted to read her. Know her again. How did she really feel? Piper wanted Alex to shrug off this mask she constantly wore, and tell her the absolute truth about everything. She wanted to know.

It was so cold. Several inmates were huddled together, trying their best to keep warm. Piper didn't move, watching Alex, waiting. She didn't know what she was waiting for. Forgiveness? An apology? A slap to the face? Alex met her gaze. There were so many things to say. So many things to confess, to voice. To understand. Piper felt a desire to hold her, maybe even kiss her, but she restrained herself. She stopped.

Everything was falling apart.

'Thank you for saving me.' Alex was still. 'I'll remember that, at least.'

Piper stood. Maybe she should stay, wait for Alex to respond, but Alex was quiet. Her eyes followed her as Piper returned to her previous, isolated corner at the back of the cafeteria. Tucking her chin into her blanket, Piper held her knees, exhaled shakily. Pointless. Pointless, pointless. Alex wanted nothing to do with her. It was finished. Done. There was not a thing Piper could do to bring them back onto good terms again.

Love is not an excuse.

Hours passed. Inmates had fallen asleep. Piper had no idea what the time was. She had no idea what was happening, what was going to happen. She wondered if there was any point in caring. Leaning against the wall, she snuggled into her blanket and closed her eyes. She wouldn't be able to sleep. Not after everything that had happened. After a moment, she opened her eyes again, stared ahead, then raised herself a little.

The temperature was dropping fast. Piper was shivering; she wanted to move around. Go for a jog but there was no room. She turned her head when she spotted a familiar figure shuffling closer to her. Piper offered a smile Nicky's way, but the other woman looked half dead. 'I've had the worst time of my life. Vomiting everywhere. It was the sort of vomit which burns your throat on the way up, and it tasted really––'

'I get the picture,' Piper said, widening her eyes. 'Caught the flu?'

'Huh. I wish. I don't think my body likes the cold too much. Plus, I think there was somethin' in those sandwiches...'

'I'm fine, though.'

'Good for fucking you. Anything happen while I was out?'

Piper looked down at her hands. Yes –– she had tried to talk to Alex, but Alex was being a reluctant, snobby asshole. 'They've started evacuating people.' She shrugged. 'Apparently. I think this is all a big deal over nothing.'

'You think so?'

No. She didn't think so. Piper smiled shortly. Inhaled. Then, foolishly, looked in Alex's direction. In the candlelight, Alex could barely be seen. The novel was still in her hands, and it didn't look as if she would be getting to sleep anytime soon either. Piper clenched a fist. She could try and ignore Alex, but she couldn't ignore how she felt. It had come to the point where this whole distance shit was starting to upset her.

They had no one else. Alex didn't have anyone; Piper didn't have anyone.

If Alex realised –– if it occurred to Alex what mattered, she would cooperate. Talk about what happened, understand where Piper was coming from. Forgive her. Piper needed to be forgiven; she needed a second chance. She deserved one.

'Fuck's sake, Chapman,' Nicky said. 'Will you just get over yourself and talk to her?'

Piper realised she had been staring at Alex for longer than was appropriate. Blushing a little, Piper returned to examining her hands. 'I did. She wants nothing to do with me. End of.' Saying it was the worst part. Admitting Alex hated her was horrible. Piper wanted to be sick. She leaned forwards, hugging her knees again.

'I know it's none of my business, but I think she wants everything to do with you.' Nicky shrugged. 'You must be real special if you had her searching for rebound sex after you broke her heart. Just saying.' Piper looked at her. 'She was upset.' It wasn't a joke; this was sincere. Genuine. 'She would kill me for telling you this, but I'm willing to bet you're the only person who matters to her. I dunno about you, but that says something. Don't it?'

Piper didn't reply, but she knew Nicky was good at reading people. She wouldn't have admitted that about Alex if it wasn't true. Piper flicked her gaze away. Yeah. It said something. It said a lot. The corner of her lips twitched upwards.

'Thanks.'

'Mm,' Nicky murmured, lying down and covering her face with the blanket. Piper left her be, looked at Alex one more time, before falling back herself in an attempt to sleep.

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The chorus of shouts and yells of the inmates woke Piper up. Most were on their feet, hammering the floor and walls, threatening, screaming at the COs. It was chaotic. Piper stood up, and wisely stayed back from the madness. She had no idea what was wrong. More confused than scared, she turned to look at the COs. The ones patrolling the front were now talking quietly amongst themselves; one of them was angry, another terrified.

Piper turned to Nicky who actually looked bored. 'What's going on?'

'No idea.'

Finally one of the COs moved, barging past the crowds. Piper was shocked to discover he was approaching she and Nicky. The CO stopped before them, and bobbed his head towards Nicky, 'Oi, you. Come with us. We've got a job for you.' Before Nicky could respond, the CO turned away and returned to the front of the cafeteria.

Nicky and Piper exchanged looks, before Nicky followed. Standing on her tiptoes, Piper watched as Nicky was escorted out of the cafeteria by the same CO. What the Hell was happening? She cursed. Fuck this shit. Piper winced when she heard Caputo slam his baseball bat against the wall again, shout orders, regain control. Everyone was quiet. This time, he stayed in the cafeteria in case the inmates started acting up again.

'Where did they take her?'

Piper whipped around to see Alex standing behind her. Her expression was illegible. 'I–– I don't know. I don't know what's going on.' Alex didn't reply, but she didn't move away either. Piper exhaled, and faced the front again. She felt a sense of comfort now that Alex was here, even if it wasn't for her sake. She liked Alex here, liked the fact Alex had spoken to her, even if it was just a simple question. 'Why did everyone start panicking?'

It wasn't Alex who responded. Actually, Alex ignored her. It was another inmate nearby who replied, 'The snow's stopped falling. They're picking inmates to go outside and send help. Fucking lunatics. They're sending inmates out to their deaths, that's what they're doing! Think they can find somebody to get us all out, or who has a truck to dig us out.'

'Better done now than later, though,' an inmate added. 'Someone needs to go out there. Dunno if they'll survive. Seems unlikely. Fucking freezing.'

Piper stared in horror. 'They're releasing inmates so they can fetch help?'

'Yea. Sorry about your buddy –– looks like she weren't so lucky.'

Oh, Gods. Fuck. Piper stared at the inmate. This couldn't be happening. Were the COs that stupid? Nicky wouldn't last. She'd freeze to death. 'Who else has gone?'

'Dunno. Three others, I think. Haha, they might just make a run for it,' the inmate chuckled. 'As if they're going to come back here and get us all out. What a fucking joke.'

They were going to die. The COs had given those unfortunate inmates a death sentence. Piper's heart was in her mouth; she couldn't breathe. Oh, Gods. Oh, fuck. She looked around her. More inmates had started to riot again. Piper felt cold, so fucking cold, then she realised it wasn't due to the temperature. She was scared. She was finally scared. Suddenly, everything hit. The weather wasn't normal. It was not normal. Everyone would freeze to death if nobody did anything. They were relying on those few inmates to help them.

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Piper widened her eyes when she saw a CO coming their way again. She hoped he would approach another inmate, change direction, but he didn't. Piper gripped her blanket, kept her feet stuck to the ground. The CO stopped walking when he reached her. His eyes met hers, then he turned to Alex, 'Vause, you're coming too.'

It took a second to hit. Piper was frozen for a moment.

'What?'

'Healy says considering you made such a big deal over Nichols and Chapman being suck –– you might as well lend a hand yourself this time around.' He smiled crookedly; it was twisted, cruel. Piper felt a rush, an explosive rush of fire. Anger.

Heat.

The blanket slipped from her shoulders.

Without thinking, she grabbed Alex's wrist, tugged a little on her khaki top. 'She's not going anywhere.' The words left her lips before she could stop them. But she didn't care how she looked, how pathetic she was, if she would be sent to SHU, if she would be thrown out to freeze to death. They weren't going to take Alex.

They were not taking Alex away.

'Don't make this more complicated than it is,' the CO said.

Piper didn't let Alex go. She held her tighter. 'You're not taking her anywhere.'

'Let go of your girlfriend now––'

'Make me!'

'... All right.' The CO waved his hand over another CO, who soon came to join them. 'We'll make you, then.'

Viciously, the CO pulled Piper off Alex. It was such a hard, aggressive jolt. Piper instantly struggled, elbowing the CO in the face. The other CO pushed her back so she landed heavily onto the floor. She wasn't sure if it was the shock, the impact, or the violence which hurt the most. Almost on instinct, Alex reacted, grabbing the CO by the collar and yanking him away, but it was a mistake. She shouldn't have done anything.

Alex had no choice but to let him threaten her. Pointing a finger in her face, he yelled, 'Do that again I'll fucking make sure your bitch won't be seeing the light of day!' Piper instantly shot to her feet, but the CO held her away at arm's length.

Alex was speechless. Furious. She looked at Piper, and she wanted nothing more than to punch both COs in the jaw. Piper pushed forwards, inevitably barging into the CO, and she called out when Alex was escorted away. No, no, no! Not Alex. Piper yelled, and the CO pushed her up against the wall. It was enough to shut her up. Piper could do nothing.

Several inmates looked on in awe. Piper ignored them. She turned in the direction Alex had gone. She had already disappeared. To be sent off out there. Fuck. Piper caught her breath, waited, waited to calm down, to collect her thoughts. Waited to recover. But she couldn't. She couldn't heal. She couldn't wait. She couldn't handle this. No. Not Alex. They didn't need to take her away too! She didn't want Alex out there, defenceless, alone.

Fuck. The very reason why Piper brought Alex back here was to avoid this!

Piper couldn't feel her legs move. She caught sight of a CO and walked over, and there was only one motive she had in mind. There was only one thing she wanted. She was not going to stay in here. She was not going to wait for Alex to return. She wasn't that sort of person. She couldn't handle waiting for Alex to come back to her.

'I want to go out, too,' she said. The CO gave her a look. 'I want to find help, too.'

'Yeah, right. Sorry, but you weren't picked, so––'

'I'm fitter than the other women you chose. I can handle the snow.'

'Nice one. I'm not falling for that. Fuck off––'

'Let me go out there! Please let me––'

'No. Stay here.' The CO wasn't smiling anymore. He found none of this funny, and neither did Piper. She finally saw the fear; what he had been trying to hide with sick humour. Eventually, he turned around and walked away.

Tears in her eyes, Piper furiously returned back to her spot. She hated everyone in this fucking room. Fuck, fuck, fuck. She hated the COs. And, God, she loathed Healy so much. Fuck that asshole. That prick. That fucking fucker. Piper was fuming. Wisely, inmates avoided her. They knew Piper was not someone to be trifled with when she was in a mood.

Alex was gone. Nicky was gone.

Alex is gone.

Footsteps. Piper rolled her eyes, and was prepared to scold the person whoever dared disturb her. But she instantly backed down when she saw it was Lorna. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and she was wearing a nervous smile. One that shed with insecurity, worry –– but a strange certainty too. Piper frowned at her.

'Come with me. Quick,' she was whispering. Hushed. Frantic. 'Some inmates have found a way to get out of here without being spotted.'

She didn't hesitate. Didn't think. Piper hurried after Lorna, through the crowds of yelling inmates, all the while her mind racing, breath caught in her throat as she remembered the same words over and over again in her mind. A chant, a chilling song she was unable to shake: Love is no excuse. Love is no excuse. Love is no excuse.

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author's note: Thank you Maritexxam, FaeCym, [ IrishCourtney ], garganta, [ silverm ], ToTheBarricades, ellieellie1, GalenReese, ejm137, PhoenixTears87, Hope6968, cmc49abc, DarkestGayMoon, bluepaintbox, [ wooot ], bookiewookieworm, Once Upon A CBI NYPD Time, pgsca, [ Satya ], Bratette, nickyjg and the three [ Guest ] reviewers for leaving feedback on the prior chapter. I'm really amazed with the positive response!