So we just got buried in snow. My life sucks. Ahhh. I have to go clean my car off so I can go to work though. Review, okay? Love yoooou.

Chapter 11

SPOV

She hated going to the doctor. Her biyearly appointments with Dr. Smith were a medical necessity, but that didn't mean she enjoyed them. But somehow the soft pressure of Toby's thumb as it stroked out a soft pattern on the back of her hand made it so much easier to bear. "You don't have to wait if you don't want to."

She was sure that her words induced one of Toby's signature eye rolls. She was sure that he didn't realize that she knew about that, but after Emily pointed out their frequency she could only imagine when they happened. When she offered to take the trash out... when she told him that he could leave her alone when she was sick or sad... when she laughed at him for burning dinner... and now.

"I'm not going anywhere."

She sighed. Props to him for being all gung ho and ride or die, but he didn't need to be uncomfortable for her sake. "Toby-"

The car jerked to a stop as he parked. "I'm going to ignore you, because if you try to talk me out of this I'm either going to scream or mash my fingers into my ears and ignore you."

"Your boring funeral," she sighed. "They're just going to check my eye pressure and make sure that nothing is getting worse. It won't even hurt, really."

"It hurts?" He asked her softly, helping her out of the car.

Of course that was the only part that he got out of that. "Like a little prick when they give me my shot. It's not even a big deal."

"Well, I want to be here." She could hear the smile in his voice as he lead her through the parking lot, putting a soft hand on the small of her back. He directed her through the rows of cars. "You alright?"

It genuinely pissed her off when people babied her. She wasn't disabled. She just needed a little extra help on occasion. But when Toby worried about her it was like warmth was spreading out from her heart and all through her body. "I'm fine, you idiot."

"You know idiot isn't exactly a term of endearment, Spence?" He laughed.

It totally was to her. If someone was making her mad she called them sir, m'am, or she didn't speak to them at all. But someone she cared about? Idiot was the height of praise. "I love you," she said simply as a burst of air conditioner hit her face.

"I guess you're okay," he teased. "Second floor, right?"

"Geeze, thanks," she chuckled and ducked into the elevator. "Yep. Second door on the left."

He took a turn into the hallway. "Do you want to sit while I get your paperwork?"

She shook her head. "Nope. They'll call me in. They know that I'm here."

"Wow," he laughed. "You're a regular celebrity."

"Shut up," she giggled and nudged the side of his head. "They just have seen me more often than some relatives have."

"Spencer! Sweetheart, how are you?"

She snorted at the opportune timing. "Brenda! I'm okay, how are you?"

"I'm great! Did you know that Lisa just left for college? So a bit of that empty nest syndrome." Her breathy voice mumbled.

Not for the first time she wondered what Brenda, a near constant presence in her life since she was 7, looked like. She pictured someone petite and pretty. Maybe Mexican, based on her subtle accent. "No! Did she get in to Brown like she wanted?"

"Yes! Now, who is this handsome young man?"

She smiled and prepared to introduce Brenda to Toby, but she felt him shift next to her. "I'm Toby Cavanaugh, m'am. Spencer's boyfriend."

"The Toby Cavanaugh?" Brenda laughed. "Oh I heard many a story about you, young man. It's good to finally meet you."

She could hear the smile in his voice as he gently nudged her her shoulder. "Been talking shit again, Spence?"

"Loads," she said seriously, tightening her grip on his hand as they walked down the ill placed stairs.

Brenda laughed like she always did. "This is the same room you're always in, Spencer. The chairs are along the wall. Dr. Smith will be in to see you shortly."

As soon as she heard the door shut she led Toby this time, taking a seat in the plush chair. "What does she look like?" She asked him softly. Toby was the only one who she ever felt comfortable enough with to show vulnerability to.

She felt it as he kissed the side of her head, and was instantly transported back to the first time that they did that.

"Toby," she whispered, pulling him back where she thought that the jungle gym was.

"What?" He whispered dramatically. He was always teasing her, but she kind of liked it. When anyone else did it she felt embarrassed, but with Toby it made her feel really happy. Like, he didn't baby here like everyone else did. He treated her like he treated every other person.

"Melissa got caught kissing a boy last night!" It was scandalous news, but she couldn't help but share it with her best friend.

"Kissing? Really?" He pulled her somewhere else, and with anyone else it made her feel super uncomfortable. But she trusted Toby. "Have you ever done that before?"

"Kissed? No, isn't that icky?" She wasn't sure, but that's what Emily and Hanna said.

"I don't know," he whispered. "Should we try?"

She paused but nodded. "For an experiment?"

"Yeah," he said right before his lips mashed into hers. They stayed like that for a second before jumping apart. "Yeah, that was gross."

"Definitely gross." She wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand and slowly walked away, using her cane to guide her. Maybe she thought it was gross but her heart was pounding like a drum.

She leaned into him as he played with the ends of her hair. "She's tiny," he said softly. "Curly black hair... maybe Hispanic?"

She nodded. "I knew it. She has kind of an accent, I think."

"Are you nervous?" He changed the subject as gracefully as he always did. "I mean, I know it's routine, but it only takes one time for it not to be routine, you know?"

If it were him she would be reacting the same way, she was sure of it. It was always scarier when he was the one in trouble.

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. "Mom we have to hurry." It was a combination of frustration that she couldn't do this on her own and the purest kind of fear she had ever felt. She didn't have much, but she had Toby and she needed to keep having him. He had to be okay.

"We're going as fast as I can move, Spencer." Her mom said. She could feel her nerves too. It wasn't the same for her, but everyone love Toby. "Okay here's his room," she said softly, pushing Spencer in front of her.

"Spencer," Mrs. Cavanaugh whispered. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Is he okay?" She asked in a jumbled mess of words. "I just- is he okay?"

"His appendix burst," she mumbled. "We all thought it was just the stomach flu. You know how he gets, how her underplays any pain that he's going through. But the doctor says that he's going to be okay." Soft hands led her forward. "Here's his bed."

She sat down on the chair that her legs bumped against and fumbled for his hand. He would be alright. He just had to be. What would she do without him?

She smiled and brought their intertwined fingers to her lips. "I'll be fine. I always am."

Before he could respond the door opened up. "Spencer Hastings, you look more grown up every single time I see you."

She snorted. "That worked better when I was a kid, Dr. Smith."

"Honey, you'll always be a kid to me." She felt his cold hands on hers. "Onto the table you go, kiddo."

As she got situated she felt him holding something back. "What's up, Doc?"

"You're very perceptive, you know that? There's something I want to talk to you about, and I'm not sure that I'm going to get the reaction that I'm hoping for."

That probably wasn't a good sign, but now he had to spit it out. "Say it."

"Okay," he said like he was talking himself into it. "We've recently added a new surgeon to the hospital, and she's been working to develop a new surgery that could ideally counteract accidental blindness."

Her heart swelled for a moment before she pushed it back down. Hope was a dirty four letter word. She couldn't let herself hope for better when she was so incredibly used to the disappointment and the darkness. "What are you saying?"

"I spoke about your case with her, and she was wondering if you would like to meet with her? She believes you could be a good candidate, but she would like to examine your test results today."

Toby spoke from the side of the room. "What are the risks associated with this?"

Dr. Smith didn't speak for a minute. "They are significant. And there's probably only one chance of this. Say a better surgery is developed in the future, Spencer likely wouldn't be a candidate. Brain damage, nerve damage, and death are all possible. But this could work. Spencer, you know that I would never bring something to your attention if I didn't believe it could help you."

She knew that. She did. "The doctor can come," she said softly.