Here, have a chapter! I have a series of things to tell you, and I will do so in list form.

1. Interview went good! I'd give myself a B-, but I'm hard on myself, so whatever. Fingers crossed, happy thoughts, prayers... whatever you do please! I am really excited about this opportunity.

2. I have jumped off the A is Bethany train and jumped on the Lucas is A train.

3. I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE FINALE. IT SEEMS TWISTED AF.

4. um that's it! Review, please!

5. Oh, one more. Stop talking shit about Spencer. Stop talking shit about Toby. This is directed at everyone, no one in particular. Both fucked up. Both owe each other an apology. I just had to teach a girl a thing on tumblr, for saying Spencer didn't owe Toby an apology. Please don't make me teach you the same lesson, lol.

Chapter 12

TPOV

He closed his eyes as they got back in to the car. It genuinely felt like a line had been drawn in the figurative sand of their lives.

"Miss Hastings, I believe that you would be an ideal candidate for my surgery, and I would love if you would agree to give it a try."

"Can we go to our spot?" She whispered, fumbling for his hand.

He took it without another thought. "Yeah." He wasn't feeling incredibly loquacious so he just drove off toward their hill.

An ideal candidate.

"Spence?" He asked her quietly.

"Yeah?" She didn't sound like she wanted to talk much more than he did.

He shook his head, but because she couldn't see it he spoke. "Never mind." Everything just felt so wrong. He pulled into his usual parking space, putting the car into park with a thunk. He got out and walked around, taking her hand and helping her from the car. "They sky is really blue today," he murmured, so used to describing things to her that they just came second nature at that point. "There are a few clouds. The fluffy kind."

"It feels like that kind of day," she whispered. She tightened her grip on his hand as he helped her over a log.

They walked in silent for awhile until they came across their favorite rock. "We need to stop this, Spencer." He saw her wrinkle her face in confusion. "We need to stop this dancing around each other," he clarified softly. "Tell me what you're thinking."

He knew what she was thinking, but he needed to hear her say it. He took her hand, but he didn't look at her. She squeezed his fingers in response. "I want to do the surgery," she said simply, always giving him exactly what he needed.

He hung his head and took his hand back so he could jam the heals of his hands into his eyes. "I can't lose you, Spencer."

She shook her head, reaching out and grabbing his arm. "And I can't live like this for the rest of my life when i have another option." She slid her hand up his arm until she found his cheek. "I want to see you," she whispered. "I know that there's a chance that it won't work, that there's a chance that it could make everything worse. But it's worth it to know that I might see you one day."

He put his hand over hers. "You can't do this for me."

"I'm not," she whispered. "I'm doing it for so many reasons. I'm not like most blind people, Toby. I have to live every single day with the memory of what it was like to see, what it was like to be normal. I want to know what the weather is like without you having to tell me. I want to know that I would recognize the people I care about. I don't want to depend on Tyrion to not get hit by a car when crossing the street. I want to see."

"But what if-"

She turned away, taking her hand back. "Then I know that I did everything that I could to make myself the person that I want to be."

He wanted to fight and scream and hold her until she realized that she was more than enough as she was. She didn't have to see to be whole. But this was her decision and he wasn't going to tell her otherwise. "I love you," he mumbled, the only thing that he could think to say.

"I want to do this," she continue as though he hadn't spoken. "But God knows I can't do it without your support. Please Toby."

Vulnerability wasn't something that Spencer showed often, and when she did he couldn't make himself stay angry at her. He too both of her hands. "You never have to be without it."

"Wait so they're going to do surgery on your eyeballs?" Hanna grabbed a handful of chips from the bowl in Emily's lap.

Spencer shook her head, adjusting her glasses. "No, the flap over the pupil and the optic nerve. The fire from the accident damaged them. My actual eyes are theoretically fine."

Hanna wrinkled her nose and dropped the chips. "Let's not talk about pupil flaps when I'm trying to eat."

Tyrion jumped onto the couch and perched in Spencer's lap like he was 5 pounds instead of 60. "Tyrion," she grunted and shifted under him so she could breath. "Yeah, you're an idiot," she laughed affectionately, smoothing down his fur.

He tilted his head back and licked her cheek in response. Spencer laughed and scratched behind his ear like she knew he wanted. She leaned back. "Toby?"

He dropped the knife that he was using to work on dinner and went over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder to let her know that he was there. "You alright?"

She nodded, smiling softly. It wasn't as real a smile as he would have liked, but it would do for now. This was a good thing, no matter how you looked at it. It was just also very scary. "Did you talk to my mom?"

He brushed her hair away from her forehead and leaned down to kiss it gently. "I did. She should be here any time. I think she's bringing my mom too."

She nodded and fumbled for a second, finding his hand and bringing it to her lips, brushing a kiss over his palm. "Love you."

"Love you too," he murmured back, his words only for her. He smiled as she turned back to her conversation with the girls and walked into the kitchen with Caleb.

"For two dudes I think we're making a really awesome dinner," he shrugged, tossing the last of the veggies on their homemade pizza crust.

He snorted. Making a homemade pizza was time consuming, but it wasn't difficult. "Do you want to get started on the garlic bread? I can put together a quick salad."

"Salad?" Caleb laughed, raising his eyebrows.

He rolled his eyes. "My mom's on some low carb thing. I don't know, I didn't ask."

"Women," he snorted. "So are you alright with Spencer's whole surgery thing?"

He shrugged. How was he supposed to answer that? It was her life, her body, and her choice. But the thought of potentially losing her literally terrified him. "I'm more scared than I really care to admit," he muttered as quietly as he could. He didn't want Spencer to overhear. Because as protective as he was of her, she returned those sentiments in equal measure. If she was really going to do what she wanted to do she couldn't know how much this scared him.

Caleb nodded. "I get that. Did they schedule the surgery?"

That was the worst part of all of it. He genuinely had no time to worry about this before it became a reality. "Spencer didn't want to give herself time to talk herself out of it. So they're doing the surgery on Friday."

To his credit, Caleb looked shocked. "That seems kind of fast."

"You're telling me," he sighed, putting the pizza in the oven. "I wish she just thought about it a little bit more."

"Well, we'll be there for you man. I'll call in sick, and we'll be there the whole time."

He had the best friends in the world. "I know," he said softly. And he did know. Because that's what they had always done.

He sat on the edge of his seat, tears burning the corners of his eyes. This was the worst.

"There you are!"

He quickly wiped away his tears as Hanna literally bounced onto the seat next to him. "I just want to be alone, Hanna."

She got a face on that looked like she swallowed about 6 lemons. "Well you look like the last thing in the universe that you need is to be alone."

Caleb joined her a second later, with Emily and Spencer following just behind him. "What the heck, dude? We've been looking for you for all of lunch. And we'd still be looking if we hadn't heard Hanna's victory yell from the other hall."

Spencer let go of Emily and carefully felt her way next to him. "What's wrong, Toby?"

He could never lie to her. There was just something about Spencer that made him be honest even when he didn't want to be. "I failed my history test."

Her lips pressed together in a line. Spencer was the only one her understood why that was such a big deal. She was the only one who knew what his dad's reaction would be. "Why didn't you ask me for help?"

He shook his head. "You have better things to do than to be my constant tutor, Hastings. Just deal with the fact that I'm dumb."

Even though they looked confused, the other three stayed. Emily rifled through her bag and passed him a notebook. "Here are my notes. Go talk to Mrs. Delach. She'll let you take the test again if you feed her some sob story about how you felt sick."

Hanna nodded. "She gives off the hard ass vibe, but she's really a big old softie."

Caleb shrugged. "I'd offer to help, but I didn't do much better. Moral support?"

He laughed. His friends were the best.

They were always there for him, again and again in every single capacity. And he knew they would be there for him through this. But it wasn't really him who needed them. "Spencer needs you more."

Caleb took his turn with the eye roll. "We were actually only going to the hospital for you. As soon as we saw that she was okay we were going to peace out."

"Shut up," he chuckled. He looked up as the door bell rang. "That's probably the moms. Put away your contraband, guys."

"You better not be drinking in there," he heard the laughter of his mom and Spencer's. He was kind of glad they were friends. It made things way less awkward.

Emily lifted her soda. "We never stop," she shouted toward the door as he pulled it open. They were as well-behaved as it got, really. They acted like normal college students on occasion. But for the most part, they simply enjoyed each other's company.

He glanced at Spencer, his heart dropping. They better get as much fun as they could in now, because who knew what the future was to bring?