Sorry it took so long, guys! I had a HUGE interview to prepare for, and I also got distracted by an idea for my next story and had to write some of it down before I forgot :). But my interview was today (NAILED IT) and now I have more time until the next one :)

REVIEW OKAY? Also, I have to close at work tonight SO I WONT BE ABLE TO WATCH PLL TIL MIDNIGHT. so please, please send me your reactions. PLEASE. Tell me if you think I'll be happy about the spoby or if you were! But don't spoil it! I need to know what expectations to have going into it :)

REVIIIEW. Collateral Damage is almost done, and it WILL be up tomorrow at some point. I'm off and I plan on doing nothing but vegging on the couch with TV and fanfiction. OKAY BYE.

Chapter 14

SPOV

She was scared. There was really no denying it. So much could go wrong, but even more could go right. Maybe she would be able to see again. Maybe she wouldn't, but what she knew what that she had to give it a chance. Because this wasn't life; it wasn't living. She wanted more.

"I can see that constipated look on your face," Toby laughed at her. "Talk to me."

His laughter sounded strained, but she appreciated the effort. "I'm so glad you have such complementary names for all my various faces."

He chuckled again, taking her hand and brushing his lips across her knuckles. "Well, soon you'll be able to name mine."

She knew that he still wasn't for the surgery. She knew he was scared, and she appreciated his willingness to let her decide for herself. That was why they worked. They both had strong opinions, and they would both go to the ends of the Earth to protect each other. But in the end they respected each other above everything else. He respected her as a person, and he respected that this was her decision. He might not agree with her, but he still threw his whole hearted support behind her, and it meant everything in the world.

But that didn't mean she didn't need reassurance sometimes.

She sat up with a start, sweat dotting along her forehead. Her heavy breathing caused her chest to heave as she tried to calm down. The days leading up to this surgery were causing a roller coaster of emotion to ride through her body. Was she doing the right thing?

But even more than that, it was bringing up demons that she thought that she had left behind.

"Spence?" She felt Toby shift next to her.

She sniffed and wiped her face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"What's wrong?" He ignored her apology and sat next to her, pulling her into his side.

"I just... had a bad dream." She turned her face into his side, letting herself be completely enveloped in him. "Go back to bed."

His fingers ran through her hair from the roots to the ends. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She didn't want him to worry, but she also didn't want to keep him up. "Aren't you tired?"

She felt his sigh against her skin, his chin resting on top of her head. His fingers continued their soothing path through her hair. "I'm wide awake now. What's going on?"

"The..." she swallowed harshly. She couldn't see anything, but she squeezed her eyes shut. "the last thing that I saw was when my dad died. That was the last thing that I ever saw. And I keep having nightmares about it."

His arms tightened around her. "When you can see we'll go to his grave, okay? We'll plant flowers and talk to him and do whatever you want to do. We'll give you a better memory with him."

It wasn't perfect, but what was perfect was the fact that he was trying. He didn't need to fix things for her, but the fact that he was willing to try was everything. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he murmured, sliding them back down against the pillows.

They always slept with their limbs intertwined, but tonight he held her like he would never hold her again. Every part of them was touching. She felt so loved, so safe. What would she do without him?

"What if it doesn't work?" Toby was the only person she was comfortable enough with to share her deepest fears. "What if-"

He cut her off with a soft kiss. "Then we keep going on the same way that we have. And I'll always love you, Spencer. Whether you can see or not, that's never going to change."

He always knew exactly what she needed to hear. She nodded and hide her face in his side. She was scared. She was so scared, but that fear didn't change anything. It only made her more certain of what she wanted, if she were really being honest with herself. The fact that she was so scared showed her how important this was to her. Maybe she would be able to see at the end and maybe she wouldn't. But what she did know what that she had to try.

"We're here. Are you ready, sweetheart?" When her mom's voice wavered she realized just how much this was effecting the other people in her life. It wasn't just about her, and that scared her, maybe more than anything. Because if something happen to her, if she didn't wake up for some reason, she would be leaving a lot of destruction behind her. They would recover, but it would be hard and she didn't relish in the thought of that.

"Yeah," she whispered, letting Toby help her out of the car.

He would usually help guide her with just his hand. But today he wrapped both arms around her. It made walking awkward, but it was so indescribably comforting that she just didn't care. He held her so gently, but she could feel the muscles in his arms. At a time when she was feeling so vulnerable, his holding her did nothing but make her feel safe.

He pulled them to a stop, and his lips hovered somewhere just above her ear. "There's someone here with a wheel chair for you. I'm going to help you down into it." He gently lowered her down onto the chair, not letting go until he saw that she was settled. He took her hand as they presumably went in to the hospital. Usually this unknown scenario would make her uncomfortable, but she trusted Toby implicitly. And she figured that the moms were fairly trustworthy as well.

"Wait where are we going?"

"It's a surprise!" Hanna chirped, tugging on her hand. "Come on, Spencer! You'll like it!"

She followed Hanna obediently, but she was nervous. She liked Hanna, but what if Hanna didn't like her anymore and was like going to walk her off of a mountain or pelt her with dodge balls or something. "Hanna!"

"We're here!"

"Where is here?" Sometimes she thought that Hanna forgot that she was blind, which was both nice and terrifying.

"Wait, you didn't tell her?" Emily asked from somewhere behind her. "Hanna..."

She relaxed slightly at Emily's voice. At least Emily would remember that she couldn't see.

"It's a surprise!"

"Hanna," Toby groaned, suddenly right next to her. He slipped his hand in hers and carefully, much more carefully than Hanna had, led her forward. "She can't see. How would you like to be tugged around by a crazy person and not know where you're going?"

"Seriously," she persisted. "Where are we?"

Toby stopped and held their hands out, letting her hand touch the rough bricks that made up their school building. "We found a secret hide out behind the school. Want to sit down?"

She nodded, grinning. It sucked that Hanna sometimes scared her, but having friends was the best in the world.

She didn't remember much as they prepped her for surgery. The constant stream of explanatory chatter was background noise. She could feel them poke at her and strapping her to things and laying her back. It was scary, and it was all that she could do to allow them to keep going. But as scary as it was, she believed in her reasons. She wanted to see, and she was willing to risk a lot to make that happen.

She hated what it was doing to the people that cared about her, but in the end it had to be about what she wanted and what she needed. It had to be about her.

But she appreciated Toby's hand in hers more than she could ever express. Because it was all that kept her focused. She wanted to see so badly for a million reasons. She couldn't name everything she wanted to see in a years worth of time. But she did know what was on the top of her list. She wanted to see Toby. She wanted to see his crayon colored eyes. She wanted to see the hands that held her up when she couldn't stand anymore. She wanted to see the lips that she knew by touch but not by sight. She wanted to see him.

His lips brushed over hers. "I have to go now, but I love you Spencer. I love you so much, okay? Don't leave me."

She smiled against his lips. Comforting Toby was okay. It was what she knew. Comforting him was so much easier than comforting herself. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered. "I'll be around to be a pain in your ass for a long time."

He laughed. "I love you, Spence."

"I love you too." She put as much sincerity as she could into those words, because she didn't know what condition she'd be in the next time she said them.