Not a lot of action in this chapter. Sorry about the end, but I'm not actually. HAaaaaaaaaaahaa. more at the bottom.

Also, fingers crossed for me, guys! I hear back from my latest interview on Monday or Tuesday and I REALLY LIKED THIS SCHOOL. Ahh.

Second also, send me your theories, okay? I really, really, really want to figure out what's going on on PLL. I won't be able to watch the finale until 10 on Tuesday, so most of you will see it before me, but that's okay!

Hahaha, also thanks Little BittyAbby for letting me know I posted the wrong chapter. Haha I have too many stories going. I better wrap one up soon.

Chapter 15

TPOV

He was too nervous to sit still. His feet took him across the waiting room and then back again. Back and forth, back and forth until his feet ached as badly as his heart did. This was wrong. This was so wrong.

He was so used to standing beside Spencer, fighting with her most of the time and fighting for her when she couldn't. But this? She had to do this on her own, and it was terrifying. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't think of a single reason to keep living if it involved a life without Spencer. It was so unhealthy to have his happiness, his very existence, so dangerously intertwined with another person, because if he lost her what was the reason to keep going? Why shouldn't he just join her?

Thinking like that was premature, and if Spencer heard him thinking that she'd kick his ass. So he tried to push it down, but still he paced. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. The room was full to the brim of people who were there to support her. Hanna and Caleb, Emily, his mom, her mom, Emily's mom... even Melissa had shown up. But it was also so silent that he could hear the clock ticking on the wall across the room. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

It had been eight hours. She had been in surgery for eight hours, and he understood that they had to focus on Spencer. He actually unequivocally appreciated their steadfast focus on her. But couldn't a nurse or something duck out occasionally and be like yep, she's still alive? Because that's all he needed to hear. He need to know that she was still breathing, and that was enough to get him through her surgery.

"Toby?"

He stopped his pacing for a moment and looked at his mom. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to do anything up pace until she woke up. He just needed to see her eyes open, whether she could see or not. He didn't care if she had green skin and one eye. He couldn't imagine a time where he didn't love her. But this was his mom, and it was ingrained in him to do what she wanted. So he paused and looked at her.

She gave him a shaky smile that told him she was nearly as emotional as he was. And it made sense. Spencer had been a part of her life for almost as long as she had been a part of his. "You should go eat something. You look like you're going to pass out."

He didn't even react to that. He just returned to his pacing. He closed his eyes, and he wasn't even worried about running into the wall. He had taken this path too many times over the last few hours. He knew that it took 23 steps to get from one end of the room to the other. 18... 19... 20...

"Toby!"

This time his mom grabbed his arm, physically stopping him from continuing. She grabbed his face and forced him to look at her. "You forget that I have known you your entire life, Toby Cavanaugh. You need to eat something, to calm down. Because no matter what happens next, Spencer is going to need you. And you aren't going to be able to help her if you haven't even helped yourself first. Besides," she smiled wryly. "What if the surgery works. Do you want the first time she sees you to be you looking like this?"

His heart jumped like it always did at the thought of Spencer being able to see. He wanted that for her more than anything, but it also terrified him more than a little bit. He wasn't anything special, he knew that. What about him would be enough to hold her when she didn't need him anymore? Because she was blind, and she barely needed him now. He was there to guide her on the rare occasion that she needed it and to make sure that she was using toothpaste and not some kind of medicated cream to brush her teeth. In every other circumstance she was remarkably self-sufficient.

But still he shook his head. "If it was reversed and I was in her place she would be just as bad. So she'll understand, even if she doesn't like it."

"Truth," Emily chimed in from across the room. "Remember when Toby's appendix burst?"

Hanna started laughing immediately. "I couldn't get over here right away, but when I got here I think she about clawed her mom's eyes out for dragging her into a chair. And that was when you idiots were still playing at not liking each other, even though the sexual tension was thick enough to literally be cut with a knife."

"The fact that you're stronger than me is the only thing stopping me from trying that method," his mom added. "You need to chill out."

He sighed and plopped down on a stiff, uncomfortable chair. "Good?"

His mom smiled. "Only if you keep your butt there." She sat back down and leaned over to dramatically whisper in Mrs. Hastings' ear. "Kids."

"Right?" She laughed. "Spencer is literally about the most stubborn person I have ever met. If anyone is going to come out of this okay it's her."

He sighed. That was the truth at least.

"Spencer?"

She didn't acknowledge him as he walked into the room. Her fingers just brushed along the lines of her Braille text book, her fingers comprehending material more quickly than his mind ever could. But she also had a pained, frantic look on her face that he didn't like at all. "Spencer," he tried again, approaching her slowly.

When she still didn't respond he gently put his hands over hers. She jumped like she hadn't heard him at all, and maybe she hadn't. She was so good at putting all of her focus into a single task that it was unbelievable. "Sorry, I'm sorry." He carefully pulled her up. "But it's time for dinner."

She protested, trying to sit back down, but his hold was unyielding. "Your books will be there after you eat something, Spence."

"I have three finals tomorrow," she whined.

"Three finals on material that you probably know better than the professor at this point. Just breath. Eat your grilled cheese and then I will quiz you, okay? You already made sure that I'm going to nail my Calculus final tomorrow, so I have nothing but time."

"Are you sure?" She asked him hesitantly. "If you need to study for yourself you should probably do that."

He just rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand. "We're not going to talk about school for at least a half an hour, okay?"

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Did you feed Tyrion though, because-"

"I fed him before I even started on dinner," he soothed. "Just relax." He pushed her into a chair at the table and purposefully kneaded her shoulders. "You're too tense. Just relax."

"You keep doing that and I'm going to forget that school even exists," she sighed. "I love you."

He smiled and pressed his lips into her soft hair. "I love you too. Maniacal Studying Spencer and all."

It was hard for him to be sitting here silently while she could very well be in trouble. So much of his life had been defined by Spencer. He loved her long before he even realized it, and now that he admitted that she was the most important thing to him, he couldn't lose her. Not now. Not when they were so young, when they needed so much more time. He had had 12 years with her, with their lives so intertwined. But it wasn't long enough. A lifetime wouldn't be long enough.

"Do you remember when Noel Kahn was teasing Spencer about not being able to see?"

His eyes whipped up. "Excuse me?"

"Calm down," Hanna laughed. "We were like 12, and I'm sure that this is exactly why she didn't tell you."

Emily smirked. "She smacked him in the back of the knees with her cane. And when he fell down she laughed and told him that she didn't need to see to lay his ass out." She glanced at her mom awkwardly. "Sorry, mom."

Mrs. Fields gave her a firm nod. She was much too strict with Emily, but Emily always bowed down to it, so he supposed that it wasn't too bad. But that definitely sounded exactly like Spencer, and it made him miss her all the more. He knew that it was ridiculous, but he hadn't been away from her for longer than a day in so long. He missed her.

The chair next to him shifted as Emily plopped down in the empty seat. "You need to breath."

He just rolled his eyes and pinched his leg through his pocket. She was right, but he didn't know how. Not when Spencer wasn't there. He didn't know how to breath properly without her there. "I just-"

But before he could fully articulate his thoughts a doctor ducked into the room. "Can I speak to Spencer Hastings's parents?"

He stood up, but was stopped by Emily's hand around his wrist. She was right. He had to wait. Spencer was 18, but her mom was still her medical point of contact. It had to go through her first. But Mrs. Hastings turned to him and gestured for him to come with her. His knees practically buckled with relief, but that could wait for later. He stood slightly behind Mrs. Hastings as they listened to the doctor talk.

"We believe that we repaired the damage that was done by the car accident."

The immense relief that he felt was short lived as the doctor continued.

"However, she has been out of surgery for approximately 40 minutes, and she shows no signs of waking up, so we are a bit concerned. We're taking her down for further testing, but we know that you probably want to see her first."

He was going to puke. It was good that his stomach was empty or he literally would have puked everywhere. He knew this was a bad idea. He knew it. And now Spencer- she- He put a heavy hand on the wall to keep himself upright. She had to be okay.

Mrs. Hastings looked back at him, and he couldn't imagine what it cost her to speak to him. "Go ahead, Toby. Just let me know how she is, okay?"

"A-are you sure?" He hesitated. She was her mom, and she probably wanted to see her as badly as he did.

"Sure that she'd want you to be the one?" She smiled sadly. "Absolutely. Just make sure she's alright."

He nodded, his heart in his throat. If it were up to him he'd never leave her side again. He followed the doctor down the halls. He was pretty sure that she was trying to talk to him, but he heard nothing but a dull ringing in his ears. His hands were shaking, but as they approached the end of the hallway he fought to keep them under control. Spencer might be unconscious, but he didn't want her to see him scared.

The doctor stopped outside of the door. "I'll let you be alone with her. We'll be back in fifteen minutes to take her down to CT."

He nodded and ducked inside. The sight of her on the bed brought both immense relief and a near crippling fear. He could see the rise and fall of Spencer's chest. She was alive, and that meant almost everything in the world. But what scared him was how still she was. Would she stay that way? His chest ached as he took her hand with one of his and traced the bandages around her eyes with the other. "You'll be okay, Spencer," he whispered. "You have to be." He bit down on his lip to stop the tears. "Please don't leave me."

Just wanted to remind you about that time I killed Spencer in Falling to Pieces. Remember that? I'm sure you do HAAaaaHAAaa am I evil enough to do it again!? Idk... you'll have to read and find out.