Chapter 10 – Guilt
"But Ai and I, we're not a… a…" I exclaimed.
"You spoke." Reiji whispered in awe.
"Won't have long to wait then, I guess, seeing how Ai has taken a liking to you. You better respect that dude's feelings. Or else." Ranmaru started.
"What?"
"Say yes if you like him and no if you don't like him, it's as simple as that."
"Wait what? Yes, no, what?"
"Make up your mind woman, it shouldn't be that complicated, should it?!"
"Hunh?"
Pissed off by my complete lack of intelligent replies, Ranmaru stalked off, with Reiji running after him, giggling like a 5 year old schoolgirl.
"Aika" Ai was standing not 10 feet from me. He looked absolutely gorgeous underneath the falling flower petals. I cocked my head to one side in awe.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have followed you outside, but I got lonely all alone in there, and you looked so pretty underneath the cherry petals when I looked out of my window that I…just had to come see you…"
Ai looked lost in his thoughts for a second. "And I…I think I understood what love is now." He grinned, "Aika, I love you."
He closed the gap between you in 4 long strides and held me close, by my shoulders. "Do you like me back, Aika? Because I really think I love you."
I stayed dumbfounded a few moments, trying to process what was happening. Then I realized it too: I was in love with Mikaze Ai. Deep down, I'd always known it, but now was the first time the thought had actually dawned on me: I was in love with Mikaze Ai. And he loved me back.
I looked up into his deep, cyan-blue eyes. A couple of strands of hair were partly covering his right eye. He was beautiful. He was a beautiful, beautiful person. A marvelous, cynical boy. And I loved him.
I stood on my tiptoes and approached my lips to his. I could hardly believe what I was doing. Our lips touched. We were going to kiss. But then Ranmaru's words came back to me: I'm worried for Ai. It's not like him to act like he did yesterday. It's all her fault: she's the one making him change!
I pulled away quickly, right before the kiss. Was I really changing AI? Ai looked completely flustered and surprised.
"Don't you like me, Aika?" he asked, cynical once more.
"No, it's not that! Of course I love you. It's just that… that…"
You better not hurt Ai. Or else. What was I doing? I couldn't go out with Ai! I couldn't… Or else…
All love stories end badly. They've always had. There is never a happy ending. If I started liking Ai, I would end up hurting him. Like I did Daisuke…
I couldn't stay with Ai. Our love was impossible. He was… He was an idol, and I… I was a failure! I started backing away slowly, tears swelling up in my eyes. As much as this hurt me, this would probably hurt him more. So much more. Kill his pride, and destroy his ego.
I was sorry. I was so desperately sorry. But it was better that way. Or I would end up ruining his life like I had ruined Daisuke's. Daisuke's death had been my fault. Clearly. It had been my fault he'd died. I was a murderer.
"No, Aika! Come back! I love you!" Ai called for me.
But I had already turned and run. I sprinted on and on, as fast as I could, until the world became a blur around me. Then I tripped, fell hard onto the muddy pavement, cringing as my lungs failed to supply me with enough oxygen. And I cried, wept. I don't know how long I stay there, in the mud, but after a while, I picked myself up and started walking. Away. Anywhere but to Ai. But guilt remained in my stomach. Horrible, horrible guilt.
I do not own any of the characters, or the bands in Uta No Prince-Sama, but the protagonist (and her -dead- best friend) of this story is my own creation. Please do not steal them without authorization (just ask). Thanks dudes. :) Peace