She was doing great.
If you excluded the part where she didn't sleep.
And the part where she scrolled through old text messages.
And the solemn ache in her chest that didn't seem to want to go away or loosen its grip.
Yeah, she was fantastic with her ice cream tubs all over the counter and sheets of music scattered all over her couch. She even had the radio on to fill the ever growing silence in her apartment building. She thought about dancing as she stared down at her feet, but it seemed Austin had taken the dance right out of them.
She paced back and forth in the small, crowded living room and forced herself to think about the excitement of her record deal, but she found out that it's really hard to be excited with a broken heart.
Trish concluded to her that Austin didn't mean for any of this. That he was scared about being hurt so he did the first thing he could think of: he ran.
And suddenly, Ally's fists were curled. "He's a quitter, that's what he is." Ally growled to the emptiness of her apartment.
She would have never given up on him if their roles were reversed. If she had been the one to lie to him about something so entirely important, she would have fought for forgiveness until his heart stopped beating. Until hers did.
But it seemed, he was not willing for the fight.
Her mind wandered to how tired the smirk looked on his lips and she let out a shriek of anger, bunching her fingers into her hair. She needed to stop feeling concerned for him when he did the collateral damage here.
He was a coward. A selfish coward who she had stupidly and solely fallen in love with without warning. And just like Kira Starr had once put it in one of those old gossip magazines: He was the car chase and when he slams on those breaks, you go flying through the windshield and you feel the crash in every part of you.
He hadn't even given her the opportunity to comfort him, to tell him that they could work it all out. She understood. But she didn't understand. She didn't know why he didn't trust her enough to know she loved him more than she loved that dream. She didn't know why he had to lie. Or why he had to fire her. Or break her heart, for that matter.
Her bones were filling with questions and she wondered if they'd ever get answered. She didn't want to be left in the dark, but she, herself, was too afraid to see him again.
If only he could see the way he looks to her, maybe he wouldn't of run away. She should have stopped him. She shouldn't have let him walk out that door. She should've grabbed him and begged an apology out of him so the bad moments could sweep past them and they could have a fresh start.
But she let him go.
Then she realized, she didn't let him go.
He walked away.
x
"Goddammit!"
Crash.
Trish stared wide-eyed at Dez who gave her a nonchalant look before turning back to his laptop.
"The boy's in the kitchen. I think that was another dish he broke." Dez told her. "Don't worry," he waved a submissive hand, "I order take-out anyways."
Trish rushed to the kitchen where Austin was holding a glass cup in the air.
"Austin!" she snapped.
He halted and looked over. He looked older - tired - and his face was pale. He exhaled angrily and looked away from her. He put down the glass, exerting strength as he did so, causing Trish to flinch at the loudness of the glass making contact with the counter top.
"Why are you here?" Austin growled.
"Don't get mad at me. Get mad at Dez. He called me." Trish said, raising her hands in surrender. "Now, why did I get a phone call that you were having a psychotic break?"
Then she looked to the ground. Glass shards everywhere. And when Austin looked down, he had to look away. Because suddenly broken glass reminded him of Ally. On the last night that she was still his.
"Please, don't say anything." Austin pleaded, tiredly. "Just don't."
"Here I go, about to say something," Trish voiced, ignoring him. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Gee, I don't know!" Austin cried wildly, an untamed look in his eyes, "Let's take a look at the past, shall we? Oh, wait, I messed all that up."
"You're not seriously still feeling sorry for yourself?" Trish crossed her arms, raising an eye brow. When Austin huffed, she rolled her eyes. "I told you to talk to her! Call her. Go to her house. Do something!"
"I can't just do something!" Austin retorted, "I broke up with her. I can't go crawling back."
"You made a mistake, Austin. Even if she hates you, at least apologize and let her know that you're aware of the mistake you made." Trish advised.
"I'd rather break this cup." Austin muttered, reaching for the cup.
"Leave it." Trish snapped. Austin groaned. "Maybe you need a voodoo doll of yourself or something."
"Oh, shut up." Austin rolled his eyes as Trish laughed.
x
"What's wrong with him?" whispered a stage crew member.
"He's sulking." Cassidy responded.
"Ah. Broke up with his girl, didn't he-"
"I can hear you." Austin deadpanned without turning around from his chair.
The man cleared his throat. "You're on in five."
"I'm well-aware." Austin retorted, lips curved wryly.
"Sorry." he muttered, nodding over to Cassidy and walking away.
"That was uncalled for." Cassidy said.
"So was discussing my personal life with anyone who has a heartbeat." Austin said, finally turning around.
Cassidy's eyes enlarged. "Whoa, dude," she snorted, "You look terrible."
Suddenly, a familiar arm wrapped around Austin's torso. "He spent his afternoon having a psychotic break." Trish replied, squeezing his side and looking back at Cassidy.
Austin sighed aggravated.
"That explains a lot." Cassidy remarked.
"Believe it or not, I didn't come here to ridicule you. It's show time. Now, put on a happy face and get up there." Trish patted his shoulder.
Trish and Cassidy guided him towards the stage as a few crew members got him set for his performance. Austin clutched the microphone in his hand. He glanced over his shoulder, scanning the room for...
Oh.
He slowly turned his head back to the stage where he could hear the echoes of his willing fans.
She's not here.
Trish nudged his shoulder and he looked over at her. She gave him an encouraging smile, because despite her rough attitude towards his situation, she was his best friend and she cared for him. One corner of his mouth quirked. At least if Ally wasn't here, Trish was. His best friend.
"You're on."
He inhaled and with a small push from Trish, his feet carried him onto the stage where his mind wasn't. It didn't matter how the cheers (or murderous-like screaming) multiplied in volume, it didn't quite fill the emptiness.
But he'd known that for a while.
It seems that when you're empty, the only thing your heart can do is echo into it. The heart is capable of many things, but filling the empty spaces is not one of them.
The stage lights never used to be so blinding and the music never used to sound so muffled, but tonight it did. He squinted and flinched. Then forced the charming smile.
"Everyday-day-day,
I fall for you a little more-ore-ore
and every night-night-night,
I dream of you so beautiful-ul-ul..."
Cassidy gave Trish an incredulous look, "This is the song he's singing?"
"Don't look at me! It was the set manager!" Trish exclaimed.
As they both focused onto the small TV screen mounted on the concrete wall, they cringed.
"He doesn't look so good." Cassidy murmured.
Trish kept her stare on the TV screen where she studied her best friend. She shook her head, a sad quirk of her mouth being her only capable response.
"This love is never gonna fade.
We are..."
He trailed off, his mind escaping him. The screams seemed to distance themselves from him as suddenly all he heard was the breaking of the dish Ally had thrown to the floor and her angry words: You don't talk to me, Austin! And then his foolish ones: God, Ally, you're impossible!
He realized his fans were waiting on him expectantly.
He swallowed, "...Timeless.
We are timeless.
My heart will never ever change..."
A flashback. I'm so bad for you, Ally.
"We are timeless.
We are timeless.
And we're going to last..."
An echo. You know, if you keep pushing me away, I'm only going to get farther out of your reach.
The song continued to drift like he wasn't even there. His mouth moved and the words came out, but he didn't hear a thing. He saw the coffee beans all over the floor, the fire in her eyes when he'd given her some lame reply ; he saw her at the piano ; he saw her in the red dress ; he saw her face above his with her hair pooling around his cheeks ; he saw her standing behind him, his drunk father only a few feet away ; he saw her lips before he kissed her the first time ; he saw her face again when he kissed her the second time, and then the third ; he saw her smiling at him ; he saw her crying because of him.
"Like the stars are in the sky
My love for you will always shine..."
A flashback. I have to let you go.
"It's you and me eternally
and there's no way to stop us..."
An echo. Don't leave me like this.
"Our love will always feel this way..."
A flashback. If I could ruin her, I could ruin you.
"We are timeless.
We are timeless."
An echo. Goodnight, Ally.
And the beat of the music came to a sudden stop, but Austin couldn't hear the cheers. Or the screams. Or the shouts of joy.
He turned around and exited the stage. The cheers came to an abrupt halt.
Trish and Cassidy attempted to stop him, but he powered through them. His shoulder colliding with Trish's and causing her to stumble until she regained her balance. She exchanged looks with Cassidy before looking back to Austin. She called for him to stop, but just as she expected, he didn't reply.
"What happened up there?" Cassidy wondered.
Trish stared off at the place where Austin once was. She bit the inside of her cheek. "I don't know."
x
Her phone buzzed loudly on the table.
Ally broke herself out of her thoughts and placed her pencil down. She frowned at the unknown numbers that lit up her screen. "Hello?"
Sitting on the other end was a sad, blonde haired boy who moved the mouthpiece away from his lips to let out an exhale of relief. The simple sound of her voice bringing him the peace that he needed. He couldn't bring himself to work up a reply.
"Hello...?" Ally said into the silence, confusion sweeping over her features.
Austin leaned his head back against the wall. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and opened them again. He swallowed. "Hey, Ally...It's, uh, it's me. It's Austin."
Things didn't quite freeze over, nor did they stand still. Suddenly, everything was spinning too quickly for her to catch up. She parted her mouth and then closed it again.
Then what he feared most happened: He heard the dial tone.
She hung up.
Austin angrily threw the phone at the wall, watching the device break apart. He sighed and slumped himself up to the counter on the barstool, pressing his palms against his forehead.
Dez carefully picked up the pieces of the phone. "Dude?"
"I'll get you a new one." Austin muttered.
"You wanna stay the night? Take the spare room." Dez offered.
The corner of Austin's mouth twitched, but a curve never quite made it there. Dez reached into his fridge and set a beer in front of Austin who greedily grabbed it after the lid had been popped off. He took a swig and exhaled through his nose.
"You'll get her back." Dez assured him.
"And if I don't?" Austin countered.
Dez slowly looked away, cowering away from the topic. He sat next to his friend and they drank in silence.
x
this was lame and angsty
so sorry.