A/N: I think people are either going to love this chapter or (more likely) hate it. This is my first attempt at humour, so I'd really appreciate reviews letting me know if I succeeded or failed.

Thanks for all the feedback so far- believe me, I appreciate every comment!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot.

Evil and the Charmed Ones
Chapter Nine – The dragon and the fairy

"What the hell are you thinking?" Andy exclaimed, taking in his surroundings, "are you mad?"

"No," Paige answered distractedly, clearly hunting for something in the room, "to buy alcohol, I need money, to get money I need my credit card, to get my credit card, I need to look in this room. It's pretty simple really."

Andy tried not to yell at the young Whitelighter witch, she wasn't acting like herself, clearly feeling Prue's pain had turned off the rational side of her brain.

"Paige," Andy began calmly, "The manor is not safe. Do you hear me?" He started to raise his voice, as he could see that Paige was clearly not listening. "It's not safe! If your sisters are here -"

"They're not here." Paige pulled open a drawer a pulled out a credit card, she smiled triumphantly.

"How can you be so sure?"

A look of angst briefly flashed across Paige's face, it disappeared before Andy could be sure it was there in the first place, "we're connected," she spoke sharply, "remember?"

"Yes," he said softly, "I remember."

Paige left her old room and walked down the stairs, she turned back and looked at Andy, "are you coming?"

"Well I'm not going to stay here, am I?"

Paige glared and rolled her eyes.

Andy stopped moving and his mouth fell open in disbelief. Paige had always looked like her oldest sister, but never really acted like her, the glare that Paige had just sent him was pure Prue Halliwell, but only when she was in a very bad mood, clearly this wasn't a good sign.

Making their way of the Halliwell manor, Paige pulled Andy into a nearby bush.

I really hope no one sees us because I can imagine this doesn't look very innocent.

The sickening feeling of orbing pulled Andy out of his thoughts, as he opened his eyes, he saw Paige fall forward, he tried to grab her but only managed to trip up himself and they ended up in a heap on the dank alley floor.

"God, Paige, you okay?"

"Glenn caught me," she whispered.

"What?"

Paige turned to Andy, as if suddenly realising he was there, "nothing, don't worry." She got up and walked out of the alley and into a liquor store.

Andy hurried after her.

-

Piper shimmered into a cavern in the Underworld; a gasp involuntary left her mouth at the sight of Phoebe cradling Prue's motionless body.

"Who did this?" Piper's voice was dripping with venom; her brown orbs were darkening in rage.

Phoebe didn't look up, "it was my fault."

Piper leapt towards Phoebe, grabbed her round the throat and pushed her into the wall. She expected her sister to fight back somehow, but instead Phoebe stood still, eyes full of sorrow and shame.

"Explain," Piper growled harshly.

"The Source punished me, Prue took my punishment. She won't wake up, Piper. I can't get her to wake up."

Piper looked at the second youngest in surprise, dropping her hand from Phoebe's throat, she stepped back in shock. Phoebe sounded…weak…helpless, like an innocent child.

"Wh-what did he do to her?" Piper finally stuttered out.

"He called it a 'pain ball'," Phoebe spat bitterly, relieving Piper, as she now sounded more like herself, the 23-year-old Evil witch that she was. "She fell…" Phoebe paused and took a breath, "to her knees, she was screaming and crying and then, and then she started having these convulsions, after a few minutes she went unconscious. The Source said she'd be fine but…I'm not so sure."

Piper bit her lip; somehow, she fought down the worry and panic that she could feel threatening to overwhelm her and sat down by her only older sister.

Closing her eyes, she shut down all her raging emotions and felt clearer…Evil.

"Prue, you wake your stubborn ass up right now! I have a Whitelighter to torture and we have a sister to turn."

Phoebe held her breath, the sound of Prue's soft breathing echoed around the cavern.

Rolling her eyes, Piper stepping up from Prue's side, she walked over to the far wall of the cave and pulled Phoebe with her.

"What are you -" Phoebe's eyebrows shot up after seeing that Piper had conjured a small energy ball, the size of a golf ball. "She's going to kill you."

Piper nodded and sighed, "yep." With that, she launched the crackling energy ball at the oldest Halliwell and a grin stretched on Piper's face as Prue jumped up and lunged towards her.

Something tells me she's not looking for a hug…

-

"I really don't think this is a good idea."

"That," Paige began, swaying slightly, "is 'coz you have not drunk vodka. Drink!" Paige pushed the bottle towards Andy and he grabbed it and then proceeded to pour the remaining alcohol on the ground, though there was very little left. "No!" Paige cried mournfully, dropping to her knees as if trying to salvage the liquid now soaked into the grass. "Why? Just tell me why?"

Paige then fell back with a loud 'thump'.

"Paige?" Andy questioned.

She sat up in response.

"Paige? I know a Paige! That name's really familirery…no…familary…wait, wait…fa-mil-i-ar!" She fell back down with a second, equally loud, 'thump'.

"Maybe we should go home…" Andy murmured to himself, "come on, Paige." Bending down, Andy tried to lift her up but Paige pushed him away and rolled to the left.

"I have no home, no one cares and, and…I like penguins!"

Andy raised his eyebrow at Paige, "penguins?"

Paige stood up, looking confused, "Where's a penguin?"

Andy chuckled and shook his head, "never mind. Come on, you need to sober up and we need to get home, Glenn's probably having an aneurysm right now."

Paige crossed her arms defiantly, "Nope, no Glenn. Can't see him, never again."

Andy frowned, "Why's that?"

"Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy. Er, what was the question?"

"Glenn."

"Can't see him." Paige said, she then attempted to hop on one leg and failed, miserably.

"Yes," Andy said slowly, hoping Paige would understand if he used short simple words. "Why?"

"Oh!" Paige exclaimed, "Why didn't you ask me that in the first place?" Andy rolled his eyes and motioned for Paige to continue. "Well," she began thoughtfully, "I'm big and mean and nasty, like…a dragon!"

"A dragon?"

"Yeah!" Paige yelled, enthusiastically, "I'm a big dragon and Glenn is a like…a small little fairy!"

"A fairy?" Andy asked, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice.

"Yeah! And even though I'm really a fairy that turned into a big mean dragon and then turned back into a fairy, I can't be with a nice fairy that didn't turn into a big mean dragon."

"Erm…okay?"

"Yeah! Wait…what?"

Andy shook his head in amusement, "you," he began, grinning, "are very, very drunk."

"Nope," Paige protested, "I am sober as a donkey."

And, with that final statement, Paige passed out.

-