hey everyone. im so sorry I haven't updated in a while its been to long. I would like to give a big thankyou to my beta-author FictionalSalvation, I hope you enjoy chapter 3 :)

you can find me on instagram at: A_CITY_OF_ALL_THINGS_BOOKISH

chapter song-maybe ~ yiruma

Magnus and Jace made their way back to the institute and whilst Jace explained what was going on with Clary. The symptoms did not sound like a sickness to Magnus, although he did have sneaking suspicions of what was really going on and he was sure she did as well...

Being in the institute for Clary and not for Alec was different for Magnus. He held a million memories of Alec, which now swirled together to form a storm inside his glittery head. He didn't want to come here ever again; he couldn't handle the agonizingly painful memories of his past lover, his unspeakably gorgeous blue-eyed lover… Well, not his anymore. Since they broke up, Alec had been free to another man. It was the truth, and it hurt like a stab. Now here he was: in Alec's home, the past meeting him in a twisted embrace.

He still loved him, of course. He didn't want to love him, but he did. He would always love him; even when his lifetime would come to an end and Magnus would live on, watching the world pass by. He wished he could just forget. Fall in love with another and move on. He was a warlock, for goodness' sake! Magnus knew he could do those things. However, something was holding him back and he couldn't quite tell what it was.

With a heavy sigh, Magnus rounded the corner to Jace and Clary's bland, dull, non-sparkly room that he had always hated. How could someone not have a touch of glitter here, there, or everywhere?

Jace was walking beside him. When they reached the white door, the golden-haired boy stopped.

"Clary is in there," Jace said, not bothering to look Magnus in the eye. "Can I come in or would you prefer it to be just you and her?"

Magnus cocked an eyebrow. Jace never acted like this. Usually he would fight whatever it took until he was granted the permission to stay. A pool of jealousy started pooling in the bottom of the sparkly warlock's stomach: why couldn't Alec and Magnus still love each other the way clary and Jace did? Never had he felt this jealous of another couple before. Even when that couple consisted of Clary, whom he loved dearly in a sister-like way; and Jace, who acted like a male, reckless goldilocks in distress all the time.

"You can leave," Magnus muttered before stepping into the room.

He had advanced two meters when he masculine figure walk straight into his chest, startling him. He stumbled back a bit at the sight of the last person he wanted to see: Alec Lightwood.

The young shadowhunter had kept a rather gaunt look, with dark shadows under his eyes and sharper facial features. Magnus's gaze drifted temporarily to the shadows his obscenely long lashes cast on his cheekbones.

To say he looked dead would be an absolute understatement-he looked like a zombie that had been rotting under the ground for a million years.

Recognition was suddenly making its way into Alec's midnight blue eyes. It was quickly replaced by shock, though, and it hurt Magnus's throat, lungs and heart to speak. "I have business to do, Alec… Please get out," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "B-b-b-but I..."

"Don't worry," Alec blurted out, the same eternal sadness returning to his eyes.

All Magnus wanted to do was hug him and tell him that it would be all right, tell him that he loved him and that he would never leave him. But he couldn't, and it hurt, and so he put on an impenetrable façade like William used to do, just to push everyone away.

Alec dropped his gaze and he shuffled towards the exit. Just before the wooden door shut, Magnus caught sight of the broken face that had once belonged to his lover. Tears fell down his cheeks, leaving a wet trail of despair and sadness on its wake.

After attempting to shake off what he just witnessed (and failing miserably), Magnus made his way towards the bed. Clary lay upon the silk sheets peacefully, still and pale and asleep with sweat trickling down the side of her forehead. The sight made Magnus's stomach knot up; seeing another person he loved like this was like a double blow to the stomach.

Ever so slowly, he shook her shoulder, already regretting having to wake her up. She groaned quietly before both of those emerald green eyes cracked open, to show incredible relief.

"You're here," she said, gleefully leaving behind any hint that she was asleep just a minute before. He sighed and looked at her. Just another person that I will eventually have to bury, he thought miserably.

She looked at him with worried and confused eyes, as though he was a lost puppy and she did not know quite what to say or do. Were his emotions so clear on his face?

"What's wrong?" Clary frowned.

"Nothing," he grumbled. "I'm perfectly fine." She gave him a distrusting look, but didn't say anything about it. Magnus appreciated that.

"I am fine, but you, darling, are not, and I am here to give my favourite little sis a check-up," Magnus replied with sarcasm whilst Clary scrunched her face up in disgust.

"Yeah, whatever you say. Nevertheless, I think we both know I am not sick. I feel different, Magnus... as if my life had changed dramatically. I haven't had my period for… what, two months?" Clary looked up at Magnus, and he could see the desperation hidden within the emerald. "In addition," she continued, "I have been eating like a lion that hasn't been fed in two million years-"

"Clary-"

"-and not to mention the weight gain and the morning sickness- I'm so scared. I don't know what to do."

"Clary, stop jumping to conclusions," Magnus interrupted in what he hoped was a soothing tone. "You could be sick with anything; you might not be pregnant. But," he added, as if in a second though, "don't get your hopes up, darling, because there is an 80% chance you are. I'm sorry."

Clary looked away, nodding, and Magnus finished saying what he had to say. "However, by the end of this evening you will know what is wrong. Whatever it is, your life will take a big turn. It could be for the worst or for the good. Time will soon tell, darling. Now go get cleaned up!"

Clary was showering, letting the lukewarm water wash over her; letting it wash away all her negative emotions and doubts, cleansing and scrubbing furiously. She cleaned away her anxiety, the blueberry soap mixing with her raw red skin to make a faint purple colour.

Magnus had told her that, the cleaner she was, the better, for he will be able to get a clearer sense of what could be wrong- or what would be wrong.

Clary bit her bottom lip, letting the pain and metallic taste of blood take her away from her the way she was feeling, even if only for a second. She was beyond nervous. Not because she was afraid of what she would be diagnosed with, but because she knew she wouldn't be diagnosed of anything. The symptoms to her mystery illness were so alike to pregnancy symptoms that she knew without any doubt that she was, in fact, carrying another life in her stomach.

An idiot would be blind to see it- it just explains so much. The growth and frequent expanding of her small stomach, the unbearable morning sickness, changes in her diet and extremely weird cravings: she was always making Jace go buy her some of her favourite combinations… like pickles, sardines and bread. The saltiness of the sardines with the pickles was just so magically delicious, and her favourite desert consisted of coconut pancakes with melted chocolate and barbeque sauce. They had Jace wincing at just watching her chewing her apparently 'repulsing and foul concoctions of food' very slowly to savour the taste.

Although she felt slightly guilty because her golden-haired prince adored Taki's' coconut pancakes with drizzled chocolate on top—well, he had liked them, until her very tragic food habits started up.

If she ever did as much as eating one of these meals, Jace wouldn't even consider letting her kiss him; her mouth was, according to him, 'poisonous and would give him severe food poisoning', faster than any meal Izzy cooked could.

It was so insulting from his part, that at the time she may have accidently given him a bleeding nose, alongside a dented ego. Looking back on it, that was just another reason why she thought she was pregnant. She had a temperament you just didn't want to cross, and her emotions would change in a blink's time.

Clary stepped out of the shower, wrapping a large fluffy brown towel around her shivering body, seeing Jace had used that spare pink one she had left close to the shower, in hopes he'd use it one day. He finally had and it sure was a sight to see. Clary grinned triumphantly - even though no one was around to see it; for all she knew, she probably looked like a half mad woman. Or maybe more like a creep.

Her feet were cold on the hardwood floor as she went over to pull out one of Jace's biggest and sexiest t-shirts he owned. She loved it just as much- almost as much as he did. He never quite got a chance to wear it. But it's not like he would ever protest, for it was a major turn on: seeing his girl all snug in his favourite shirt. Or so he said, anyway.

Looking down at the fabric that was now comfortably over Clary's body, she cursed it for just this reason: this shirt was the exact reason why Clary was in the predicament she was in now. Why, oh, why did this shirt have to be such a turn on for Golden Boy?

If only she could have never discovered it, then she would have never have worn it in the first place; which wouldn't lead to her fearing the worst. No; not fearing: knowing. Clary slumped back against the hard oak of the draws. Why the hell hadn't they ever thought to use protection that night? Every night before this one they had always used, in one form or another, protection.

Always.

Jumping slightly to a light knock at the door, with eyes bulging and a racing heartbeat, she heard a familiar voice waft through the door towards her. "It is me, Magnus; can I come in now?"

Clary's muscles slowly began to relax again; retaking her previous position and slowly leaning back into the chest of draws, she replied with a short and strained "Yes."

Clary saw a flash of sparkles out the corner of her eyes and stopped herself from rolling them. Such a cliché for Magnus to be wearing nothing else than his usual red glitter, blue glitter, brown glitter, pink glitter—hell, any colour of glitter as long as it sparkled. She hadn't noticed the extravagant amount of glitter he had on before.

But that was probably because she was still half asleep and a little delirious from the cuts on her feet, from the plates she and Jace had mercilessly shattered. She hadn't made a big deal out of them, though, for Jace would have overreacted and asked Magnus to fix those as well. That would be totally unnecessary: all he had to do was draw a few iratze and they would start healing on their own accord. They were already nearly gone, only faint scars left were the cuts had taken refuge.

Clary, making sure to straighten her back, made her way to sit down on the plush mattress before looking up at Magnus. His eyes held so many emotions- caring being one of the most dominant, but there were hints of love as well. Not romantic love but the kind of love a brother felt towards a younger sister.

That nervous feeling started building in clary again. As much as she tried to distract herself from it, she knew she was pregnant. Clary wished that Magnus would grin all of a sudden and tell her it was a simple case of flu, but she was going to find out sooner or later. And she knew that sooner was better than later.

Clary, biting back a wave of rogue tears, forced herself to look at anything but Magnus's face. The last thing she wanted was her hope crushed so quickly. It was the only thing keeping her going apart from Jace and Izzy, her parabatai and husband to be.

"Clary," he said; "relax. Otherwise I'm not going to be able to detect anything, okay baby doll?"

Hesitantly he let he bones and muscles become limp. Fear running through her veins, blood and mind, the ginger shadowhunter closed her eyes, feeling the relief that washed over her as she did so.

She felt Magnus beside her touch her forehead with one hand, and press the fragile skin above her heart with the other, where it beat erratically as time came closer to the truth.

Magnus stiffened. He knew; he knew what was wrong with her. He knew, and she didn't, and when she did all the hope had she ever had would melt away completely. He knew that things were going to go terribly in the next 48 hours.

Because Magnus couldn't help what he felt beneath his fingertips: he felt more than one heartbeat. It was inevitable – Clary would become a mother, wether she liked it or not. Unless—no. Magnus knew she'd never do that. For what he knew, she would never consider aborting them- but what about Jace?

"Well?" Clary looked up at him, with divine emerald eyes, wide and innocent, starkly contrasting with the red hair that could be seen from a mile away. And the moonlit room only made her delicate skin resemble porcelain ever more- she didn't want the truth. Magnus knew that much. But even he couldn't keep this from her, for sooner or later she would know. The warlock figured it was better to simply tell her now.

Magnus clenched his jaw and spoke in his best fake cheery voice, which probably sound strained. "Congratulations."

That was the only word Clary needed to know. All she needed to know. She felt as though her heart had stopped beating, her blood stopped flowing, her brain stopped working. Her feelings had gone away, as though everything had frozen in time to that one single word.

She was going to be a mother- a mother. She hated the thought. It made her feel even more ill. How could this be? How could this happen? What about Jace? Would he want it? If he didn't, what would she do? Clary knew she didn't want it either. But she was stuck with it, and all he has to do was walk away from her, leaving her with a burden too heavy for her to carry. But she wouldn't let him be the one to initiate leaving: if he did as much as hint not wanting their child, she would walk away from him. Simple and plain.

She loved him and she would not put this. She would run and leave no trace without a glance back. She would save him from it even though she couldn't save herself.

But what if he did want it? She would keep her feelings to herself about not wanting it- his child- her child- because she could not put the pain of knowing that on him. As long as the one she loved always remained happy, she would do anything for him; even if it meant her own sadness.

"Clary, Clary, for crying out loud- CLARY!" Clary heard a loud yell and was instantly pulled out of her thoughts.

"Are you okay, biscuit?"

"Yes, I'm fine Magnus."

"Why, you don't look fine to me. Are you sure you're okay?"

Clary turned her face away from him, but as she was saying okay she broke out into a fit of tears, loud sobs wracking through her body. Clary had always hated it; the fact that, whenever she would avoid crying in front of someone, she would instantly burst into tears at the mention of 'Are you okay?'

Arms circled around her waist, and, as she was lifted into Magnus's lap, he ran his hand in soothing patterns. His embrace was warm and tight, nearly comforting. "You're going to be alright."

"No I'm not, Magnus," Clary whispered hoarsely. "I'm never going to find happiness - it doesn't matter if Jace wants the child or not. I will remain miserable because I know that I will always have this child, one way or another. I have no choice nor decision: I cannot abort because I'd be killing another life, and I can't put it to adoption because that's not fair on them- thinking their mother and father abandoned them. How painful do you think that would be?

"I will always be miserable," she concluded as another vicious wave of sobs tore through her body. Is this what it feels to break permanently, to fall apart for once and all?, she wondered. Is this what it feels to be completely helpless? She let herself go limp in Magnus's arms, the tears never wanting to stop.

After shedding tears for what felt like hours, they finally seemed to slow down; now they just randomly came sliding down her puffy red cheeks.

"Magnus, can you promise me something?"

"Anything, biscuit."

"If Jace doesn't want it I-I I want to leave. I don't want him to carry this burden with him as well if he doesn't want it... I want him to be happy. Even if I can't be. I will leave this institute and come to you." She stopped and drew in a painful breath, knowing the decision was made.

"Not to stay," Clary continued, "but so you can remove my memories (and theirs) and help relocating me into a new institute. London, I was hoping," she finished. "Please do this for me- if it comes to it."

He looked into her eyes, searching for any clue to see if she was lying, but she wasn't. She was serious and pleading.

"Fine," he breathed out. "Fine. But if he wants it… Clary, you'll stay here won't you?"

"O-of course I will."

"I see. Well, then I promise. And, Clary, you never know. You might change your mind about wanting this child because, if I do say so myself, you're being over dramatic. You will come to love it and that I do know for sure."

"Thank you," she smiled, although it wasn't genuine. Magnus feared it would never be quite genuine again. He had to hope. This girl needed his hope. By now her tears had stopped causing loud hiccups, and Magnus, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't stop thinking about the saying "A fake smile can hide a million tears."

so there it is chapter 3. who enjoyed? thankyou for everyone who read until next time xx-emily