hello my fellow readers, I'm back with chapter 4 :D! I would like to give a big thankyou to everyone that has reviewed, favourited, and followed my story. I really appreciate it and it encourages me to keep going with this story and to get chapters up faster! i would also like to give a big thankyou to my Beta-author FictionalSalvation for the help, because without her this story wouldn't be possible.

lets keep this A/N short an sweet.

chapter songs:

six degrees of separation ~The script

just to see you smile ~Tim mcgaw

disclaimer: everything belong to Cassandra clare except plot.

"Thank you," she smiled, although it wasn't genuine. Magnus feared it would never be quite genuine again. He had to hope. This girl needed his hope. By now her tears had stopped causing loud hiccups, and Magnus, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't stop thinking about the saying "A fake smile can hide a million tears."

It had been an hour now since Clary had stopped crying. She didn't even know what she felt anymore.

"Magnus," she croaked out, her throat aching in protest- it was sore from her earlier display of water works. She cried for so long and now she was so confused on how she felt.

Magnus looked down at her, his catlike eyes burning into hers with their intensity. "I feel weird. I don't know exactly how to pinpoint it… It scares me a lot," Clary whispered in hopes that she wouldn't feel the burning pain that came with every word spoken out of her mouth. However, she still felt it. But this time the pain was more of a relief, reminding her that she was still very much alive.

"Explain it to me," he murmured against her ear, masked behind those very words no matter how small and simple. She could hear the very many years of wisdom behind them, and even the hint of sadness for living so long. He'd once said to her best friend Simon 'everyone thinks it's great to live forever, but it's not until you bury everyone you love it doesn't impress you anymore'. It broke Clary's heart just thinking about it. The amount of pain and grief that comes with living forever; the consequences- she supposed you couldn't live forever for nothing; there is always a price to pay. Even if you didn't want to be immortal, you have to pay. Still.

Coming out of her thoughts, Clary looked up at him and spoke just loud enough for him to hear, "I- I- I feel empty yet so full of emotion. Like even the smallest thing could push me over the edge. What do you do when there is nothing but pain left inside of you? In addition, what if everything we were looking for only existed in our dreams? How do you explain something you don't even understand yourself?"

"You have to understand, Clary, that life is unpredictable. After being here for several centuries, life is still the one thing that confuses me; it is the only thing I fail to understand, and I know I never will. Just when you finally seem to think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, and you get excited about it, and you feel like you know what direction you're going in, more often than not you will find that the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other direction, north is suddenly south and east is west. Then you find yourself utterly confused and lost.

"Nevertheless, one thing I have learnt in my many years about life is that the people who have the strongest heart eventually manage to find a way back to the path again, can begin and start fresh. Life will break everyone so harshly and only the strongest will remain. I have lived many lifetimes and I've seen the most broken of souls build themselves up again. When all hopes were lost, they still managed to find a way. It taught me that sometimes you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise as a stronger and wiser version of you.

"I know for a fact that you will come to love your child unconditionally whether it is in ten years or tomorrow. You will regret anything you ever said about not wanting this child, and you will be angry at yourself for feeling only pain and sadness towards this child. You will regret it all and it will be painful. It may be the worst of pain but I assure you will feel a weight you never even knew you had lifted off your shoulders; everything will only go up from there.

"Jace and yourself are in love, you may stray from him but it is in your destiny to end up together- don't ask how I know this, biscuit. The love you have for each other acts as a golden cord that has chained your hearts together forever. His heart will always be bound to yours. I have seen love act in so many different ways in my life to know how it works, and though it may have many twists and turns, if you are truly in love with someone you will always find a way. I just hope you'll find yours."

"What if I just think I'm in love with him and everything you said is false?"

"Well, I suppose that's something you'll find out later on.

He looked at Clary, his eyes so bright with knowledge. And, although her mind didn't want to believe a single word he'd said, her heart did. As soon as she realised this she pushed it down into the deepest and darkest depths of her heart and locked it in a small non-existent box, chucking the key away. She couldn't risk having those words run wild through her heart: it would only destroy her.

"I love you, darling," he whispered; "but you still have to talk to Jace."

"That can wait until tomorr-"

Magnus cut clary off abruptly slightly raising his voice at her; he said with finality: "You will not wait any longer, Clary. As the father he has every right to know and you're not doing him any favours; he's petrified for you. I've never seen him act in such a way before. He looks like a frightened animal caught in headlights."

Clary looked down at their clasped hands. "Are you leaving now?" Her voice was filled with worry.

"Yes biscuit. I must, for I have business to attend. I'm sorry- if you need me, swing by the apartment." He gave her a slight hug then picked her up as if she weighed nothing, placing her on the ground.

"Before I leave, I'm going to send Jace up, so expect him, my beautiful girl." Of course, Magnus felt bad for leaving his little girl to deal with her own problems, but he had to. It was the natural thing to do. The girl that had been like a sister to him all these years was finally going to start living by herself. Even if it was pure torture for her, he knew that leaving this to her was the best option. Magnus only hoped Jace would want the child; if he didn't then everyone would be forgetting- including himself.

With a final peck on Clary's cheek and a playful ruffle of her hair, he was off, never once looking back at her.

To say clary was terrified would be an understatement; her heart was racing a marathon whilst sweat ran down the back of her neck. She started up her old habit biting her nails to the skin, some even started bleeding, but she needed the pain. She needed to feel the pain. The burning that came with the pain split her focus away from what would go down in only minutes or even seconds. Because anytime now Jace would make an appearance, and then she'll have to tell him every saddening detail she'd just learnt.

Breathe, Clary, just breathe, she mentally chided herself. But she couldn't stop the loud noise that came with her gasping for air. She tugged her hair in frustration and muttered to herself, wondering when she would finally get a grip on herself.

Jace had been training for god knows how long until Magnus had eventually came down to the training room. Taking a slouched position against the doorframe, Jace yelled out to him from across the other side of the room. "Watch out, glitter boy," the golden-haired boy called out. "I don't want any filthy sparkles in the training room. It's the only really manly thing this institute's got going," he finished, hoping to lighten the mood even if only a little bit, but he knew by the tense posture that Magnus took on that it didn't work. If anything, it only seemed to make the tension worse.

Nonetheless, Magnus still yelled back with a forced smirk sketched across his face. "I thought your nickname was glitter boy."

"Ha-ha, I'm dying of laughter," Jace faked. However, Magnus had already returned to his posture he held beforehand.

"Look, Jace, I'm not interested in messing around and joking with you today. I'm just about ready to leave, but Clary has a lot to tell you, and it's a deadly serious lot. So please do not try to make any jokes to her, for it will only make her more distressed then she already is."

Jace stared silently at Magnus's stressful face. "You understand?" the warlock asked.

Slowly, he nodded, not sure if he had seen Magnus this worked up ever before, which only intensified Jace's fear. "Now get upstairs - this instant - and don't take too long, Jace."

Magnus didn't have to say it twice- Jace was bolting up the stairs, taking thre at a time: all he could think about was clary. He had to get to her. He had to help her. He would do anything for her happiness and health.

Clary was a lot calmer now she had had time to sit down and breathe. Just when she thought she was finally pulling it together she heard the door knob twist. Her head shot towards the door; it flew open, revealing a frantic Jace who looked sick with worry. His hair was dishevelled as if he'd run his hand through it a million times. He probably has, Clary thought miserably. His knuckles were cracked and bleeding, his face lit up like a wild fire with sheer preoccupation. Sweat trickled down his head and neck.

How could she have postponed not telling him for so long? Why hadn't she told him as soon as she found out? It would have saved him all that worrying he'd clearly just been going through.

The first thing he did when his eyes set on her was take three big long strides towards her, and pick her up into his arms after a long embrace. Clary looked up at him. She was trying to hide any emotion that hinted towards her being sad about what she would tell him next.

"Jace," she drawled out for about a minute trying to delay the inevitable. "I'm just going to come straight out with this." Then the words that would change her life forever had come out of her mouth. "I'm pregnant."

She searched Jace's eyes for anything that might say he wanted the baby. At first she thought he looked joyous and excited, but she must have been mistaken because his eyes hooded over and darkened. That was when she fell over the edge, her heart shattering into one million and one tiny porcelain pieces.

As soon as the words "I'm pregnant" came out of Clary's mouth, he was beyond happy: they would be having a child together. But something about the stiff posture Clary held and her attempts to hide any negative emotions gave it all away. She didn't want it. It was as noticeable to him as though the words regret, sadness, this is a mistake; please let it be a mistake were written across her face in a bold black marker. He hid his excitement with one of his many facades.

His expression clouded and darkened. If she didn't want this baby he wouldn't risk losing her for them; he loved her dearly, and if this child would ruin his beautiful fiancé's happiness and amazing personality he would make her believe he didn't want it.

He looked at her sternly and said the words that he would regret forever. "You can get an abortion, or we can see if Magnus can do something, or we can even put it up for adoption if you'd like." He couldn't breathe - something inside him was breaking beyond the point of being fixable.

Clary looked at him; he saw understanding and agreement in her eyes and his heart sank even further. She really did not want this child. The thought sent a pang through Jace's heart.

He felt her tiny hands pull him towards her and all of a sudden he was wrapped in a warm embrace, wherein each touch sent small jolts of pain through him. It was so late at night by now and he could tell that both she and he were beyond tired. "We can talk about this tomorrow if you want, Clary," he muttered quietly. "Lest rest on it." He felt her head nod against his chest and then she pulled away, making her way to their plain white bed and laying down. As her eyes closed, Jace soon found himself beside her though neither of them attempted to touch each other.

They fell asleep like that, with a few inches between them. Clary awoke slightly afterwards. She knew what she had to do now, leave them all. She would miss them but it would be for the best. She knew that for Jace's happiness she must leave - he didn't want the child and wouldn't have to put up with them. She would spare him from it.

She packed what she needed in a tiny bag, one set of clothes, a pair of undergarments, pencils and her sketchbook. She didn't want to take too much, for she didn't want to leave too much of a hint that she'd left.

She walked over towards the bed and kissed Jace's forehead. God, she was going to miss him. She loved him with a burning passion but soon she wouldn't remember and he wouldn't either and they would go on living their lives. He might meet someone. The thought sent a painful pang of hurt through her. She lingered there for a moment longer, hoping, and then pulled away, missing the contact immediately. She lowered her mouth to his ear and breathed out: "I love you." Then she turned the doorknob and made her way towards the exit of the institute, trying to take as much as possible in. She felt a tear slip down her cheek but she pushed the rest back- she refused to let the tears fall.

The thought itself saddened her. Never had she ever imagined that something like this would happen. She knew that she was probably overreacting, and being over dramatic. Magnus was right when he said she was in love with Jace; when you're in love, you never want anything to come between the one you love and their happiness. Even if leaving and erasing all memories each other was the only thing you could do. You would do it purely to know that they would still be able to smile and still feel the happiness you wanted for them. That was all that really mattered to you when you were in love.

thankyou for all those who took the time to read this chapter, feel free to pm me, and if you have the time review your thoughts on my story so far, good and bad reviews are both welcome! thankyou again for reading until next time. ~em