hello fellow readers, its been awhile but im back! :) with chapter seven. yay! thankyou to FictionalSalvation for being my beta-author. also thankyou to everyone who has reviewed, favourite and followed my story you have not gone unnoticed!disclaimer: all rights go to Cassandra clare apart from plot.

chapter songsno good in goodbye~ the script all the kings horses~ karminbroken~ life house

To remove her parabatai rune hurt incredibly bad, both emotionally and physically. Clary hoped with all her heart that Isabelle didn't have to experience the intense level of pain that she herself was feeling now. Although the physical pain hurt, the emotional hurt more. She felt with each stroke of her stele an invisible wall jamming its way through their golden cord, and the feeling was sickening. She had to bite on her own tongue to stop from screaming out in pain, for the loss of everything was too hard to bear. A giant rock was weighing her heart down, a flood of tears threatening to break the surface of her eyes. The deep sense of separation - not only from her parabatai, from her mother and step father Luke, from Simon, her childhood best friend, from Magnus, her un-biological brother, the love of her life, Jace Herondale, and his parabatai Alec Lightwood, and most of all, herself. She was separating herself from the person she was now.

Magnus stood behind her with his arms wrapped around her small waist, to help keep clary from falling to the ground. Her body was so tense she felt like a rock in his arms. He felt the sweat dripping of Clary and the negative energy she was putting off into the air. He could feel all her pain as though it was a thick cloud of fog in the air, dense and suffocating. How? How could he agree to let her go through with this?

"Stop! Stop now, Clary. Please stop- don't do this!"

But it was too late. By the time Magnus had let the words out, she had finished removing her most important rune of them all: her parabatai rune.

Clary looked up at him with dead eyes, "I'm sorry, Magnus, but it's what has to be done."

"You're acting so irrationally, Clary," Magnus started. "You love Jace and he loves you, so what if he doesn't want the child? You don't either! Imagine the pain you're putting him and Isabelle and everyone else through now. Heck, you're even making your own mother forget about you! For what? A child that neither you nor Jace wants but you can't bring yourself to get rid of? You're leaving and erasing yourself from their minds for Jace's happiness! Who gives a shit about his happiness? What about the rest of us?!

"Your mother, step father, me, your parabatai, Simon, Alec, Jace and most of all, yourself! What's the point in leaving and erasing your memories but hope to bump back into Jace in the future? What is the point of any of this, huh?"

Magnus's catlike eyes started to sparkle even more and not because of glitter. Tears of frustration and sadness welled in his eyes and spilled down his tan, sparkly cheeks, smearing his glitter and makeup everywhere.

Ashamed of herself and feeling bad for the pain and sadness she had inflicted upon the people she held most dearly, Clary began to answer Magnus's questions.

"I'm sorry, Magnus. I'm so sorry. But I've finally come to learn what true love means. Love means that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be. True love is selfless- it is prepared to sacrifice because sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love is by far the truest type of love. I care so much about Jace's happiness and I know that I'm hurting everyone. That is why I'm erasing their memories!

"The point is, I'm doing what I think is right. With a chance everything can reverse itself and maybe then I'll regret this, or things will be different. Out of everyone… Magnus, you must understand that love means sacrifice and selflessness. It doesn't mean hearts and flowers and a happy ending, but the knowledge that another's wellbeing is more important than one's own!

"The right way may not always be the popular and easy way. Standing for-r right when it is unpopular is the truest test of moral character, so forgive me if I'm wrong for doing what I think is right. I'm sorry," Clary finished, believing everything she just said.

Magnus nodded in understanding. Of course he understood her: that was the exact way he felt about Alec. He felt jealous towards Clary for being as selfless as she was towards Jace, even if he didn't know it. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that this was all so unnecessary. He was shocked when she had arrived at his door sobbing. He was so sure Jace would be the happiest father in the world, but he was wrong and he was never wrong. Well, at least that's what he used to think.

"Yes, Clary. I understand;" Magnus held out a diary and a pen and said "write down something you might want to tell yourself when you get to London as who you are now to the person you will be."

"Okay. I will;" gratefully, Clary took the diary from Magnus's outstretched hand and slowly made her way over to his circular coffee table, that appeared to be some kind of marble doused in glitter. Really, she thought, is there one place in this apartment that's escaped Magnus glitter?

"Oh, clary, your name will be Clarissa Whitewell. I've spoken to the clave about it and they're making the changes to your name as we speak. They also know what's happening and have informed the residents of the London institute of your arrival."

Clary simply hummed to him in reply and started writing in her diary,

Dear Clarissa Whitewell

This is the part of yourself speaking you don't know exists. You fell in love with a very handsome and charming man, but unfortunately that's all I can give you. You did have a parabatai, but unfortunately the connection has been severed by yourself with a rune. You have an un-biological brother that means the world to you. Glitter is his thing. A mother who doesn't even know you're doing this. A step father who also doesn't know you're doing this. A childhood best friend who is nerdy and loves dungeons and dragons. A best friend who calls you baby doll and is also your lover's parabatai. The ring you wear around your neck is the most important thing in the world to you: hold it close and never ever let it go. Please. It once marked the most significant thing that's ever happened to you!

You left because you fell pregnant with your lover's child, and unfortunately he didn't want it, and at the time you didn't either. You wanted only happiness for him, so, instead of staying with him and putting a burden he never wanted on him, you left so he could remain happy. To ensure his happiness you erased the memories of everyone that ever knew so they could be happy to. Please know that one day, whether it be tomorrow or in 20 years, you may bump into him again and you will remember. Therefore, you should always know that whatever happens next is completely and entirely up to us. Just don't run- I beg of you. Unfortunately I cannot give you my full name but my first name is Clarissa.

Yours most truly,

Clarissa, the part of yourself you erased.

"Hey-uh-Magnus, I'm done," Clary said whilst making her way over to him. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the 6 suitcases he had around him. A black one, a grey one, a purple one, a blue one, a sparkly one and a paint splattered one. Oh heavens: she was going to kill him.

"What is this?" said Clary.

"In the black suitcase is lingerie- and lots of it. In the grey one is jeans and skirts, in the purple one is dresses and tops. In the blue one is jackets and sweatpants. In the sparkly one is makeup, hair products, a tub of glitter, jewellery, perfumes and creams. In the paint splattered one is lots and lots of paint, pencils, sketchbooks, paintbrushes all that artsy stuff.

"I expect you to adopt a sense of fashion while you're gone, and the contents in those suit cases should do it," Magnus replied. Oh shit I forgot shoes. Who are you, Magnus? He thought with a click of his fingers. Two more suitcases appeared: a pink one and a leather one.

"Really, Magnus? More?" Clary whined.

"Yes," he stated matter-of-factly. "More. The pink one is full of high heels and boots and the leather is full of joggers, chucks, docs, and all that." He then proceeded to hand her a blue shoulder handbag with a matching wallet filled to the brim with $100 notes. "There's $1000 in cash and $9000 on your credit card."

"This is too much- you keep the money," Clary said, feeling guilty.

"Uh no way girlfriend, we all know I'm a millionaire- that's like one dollar to me, Clary," Magnus said with sass in his voice.

"Thank you so much-I love you lots Magnus," she smiled at him but it barely made it to her eyes.

"Here, take this and drink. We have to get you through that portal in 10 minutes, biscuit" Magnus's eyes shone with unshed tears. Ten minutes, he thought. I've only got 10 more minutes with her.

"What is it?" Clary asked, pointing towards the blue potion in Magnus's hands; "it's not poison, is it?"

"No, biscuit: it's the memory potion- you need to take it now."

"Okay, thank you Magnus- I just- I love you," Clary said, taking the small blue potion into her small hands and popping the lid from the top. As if it went in slow motion she put the vial to her lips, tipped her head back and gulped down the potion. She felt it immediately going into action- it was painful but a very odd sensation in her head, dizzying at most.

"How long before it finishes?" Clary asked Magnus.

"Around 10 minutes," Magnus answered honestly. He started moving towards a brick wall and motioned Clary to follow. In no time at all he had zapped up a portal and was beckoning Clary to walk through it.

"Goodbye biscuit, I love you so goddamn much" Magnus said a tear slipped down his cheek, and then another; his voice was low and hoarse.

Clary walked up and hugged him tightly, taking a picture of Magnus in her head. "Hey Magnus, don't be dismayed at this goodbye. You know a farewell is necessary before you can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends." She let go of her grip on him and stepped back she looked at him once more before entering the portal and now everything will change. Clary kept the image of Magnus in her mind, willing herself not to forget, but when she reached the other side and stumbled, she forgot what she was trying so hard to remember. She looked up and was met with the gaze of 5 teenagers, all looking around her age.

Magnus stared at the portal and mumbled to himself, "she went her unremebering way, she went and left in me the pang of all the partings gone and partings yet to be." But when he closed his eyes and re-opened them that feeling was gone- he couldn't remember what he was upset about. I'm probably still dwelling over Alec and I's relationship-well, breakup.

He felt as though something was missing, but he didn't know what it was.

…

Jace awoke that morning to a pounding head and bruised knuckles. "Argh," he groaned, covering his eyes from the bright sun. What the hell happened last night? Stretching out his tense and sore muscles, Jace looked around taking in the sight of the training room. "By the angel, I must have gotten drunk or something."

When Jace was wide awake he faintly registered a sense of something missing, but he couldn't quite place what it was. As soon as he went to stand a blinding flash of red spread out behind his eyes, and then green. "Definitely got a hangover," he muttered, "but I've never been so smashed before that I couldn't remember why I drank in the first place."

He padded lightly to the kitchen to see Isabelle, Simon and Alec eating Takis. His parabatai slid a container across the counter towards him. Mmmm, he hummed. "Thanks man."

They all sat and ate together in a comfortable silence. Until the unknown events of last night drifted into Jace's head. "Hey, by any chance, do any of you know what happened last night? I feel hammered and like I'm missing something."

"Yeah, I think we all went to the club," Alec chimed. "I had to draw sleeping runes on all your drunken arses- you had a punch up with a punching bag because your lover died or whatever. Please don't try to hurt yourself like you did last night, you moron. Izzy, I certainly hope next time you drink you don't go on about your imaginary friend who's short has no fashion sense and is a redhead, who is apparently your parabatai then proceeding to invite Simon to have a cup of tea with you because she died and you were sad because it was not amusing in the least."

"Ah, so that explains why I woke up on your floor this morning" Simon said to Izzy.

"If you so much as tell anyone what I did last night I will personally kill you, Alec," Jace warned with red tinting his cheeks. Since when has he ever had a fist fight with a punching bag when he was drunk?

"Same," Isabelle said sending death glares towards her brother. "And we can't have been the only ones acting like idiots. What about you, big brother?"

Alec's face turned a vibrant shade of crimson, and sensing this he turned around hoping the others didn't notice.

"Ah huh" Isabelle said smugly "I knew it, spill the beans ".

"Fine, but you cannot laugh under any circumstances," Alec gave pointed looks to each of them as if to warn them.

"Okay so before all your little episodes, we were all drunk and somehow I managed to convince you that we were meant to save a girl who had red hair and vibrant emerald eyes. I suppose you believed me because we were all drunk. So like total idiots we split up for I don't know how long. By the time we got back to the institute were all miserable because we couldn't find the made up girl and then I, being drunk and all, think she's at Magnus's and you all told me to just give up looking for her already.

"Then drunken, sad me kicks in and goes to my room, which apparently all of you did as well. I wake up at 11.00 to you screaming your head off Izzy. I was sobered up but apparently you, Simon and Jace weren't. You were crying about how your imaginary friend had no fashion sense and was beautiful in her own way, and you were complaining on and on and on about how you were her parabatai, and the rune somehow disappeared. You then asked Simon if he wanted a cup of tea because your imaginary friend and the person I thought we had to save had died, and it was apparently his childhood best friend so he was crying.

"Jace then proceeded to punch the wall in and tell me that they should have listened to me and went to Magnus's to save her because apparently it was his so called lover. Jace ran off, so I placed a sleeping rune on you and Simon and made my way to the training room where Jace was punching the shit out of a punching bag because his lover was dead. So I traced a healing and sleeping rune on his back and made my way back to my own room.

"I felt extremely guilty for letting drunken me put this imaginary figure into your heads, because if I didn't none of that would have happened. I couldn't sleep so I drew a sleeping rune onto myself too." Alec finished his big, long explanation on what happened that night. "So that's the whole story of last night"

"I'm never getting drunk with you again," Isabelle stated.

"Me two," Simon added.

"Me three," Jace said.

"Me four," Alec joined in.

Everyone but Jace broke into a fit of laughter at their stupidity last night but Jace broke it with his bone-chilling words: "I don't think last night was a drunken act."

Everyone just stared at him, their previous laughter dying off. He looked lost. "I mean, I feel like I'm missing something- it's probably nothing, though I was apparently super drunk last night."

"Exactly, Jace. You're probably missing the events from last night. I'm pretty sure everyone but Alec feels like they're missing something, because he remembers all the events that happened last night." Isabelle said.

"Yeah," Alec agreed, not wanting to scare anyone but, truth be told, he felt like something was missing, Jace's words hit him full force. "Nothing about what happened last night seems right- what if this girl really wasn't imaginary?"

His heart started to feel heavy and weighed down, a deep aching pain running through it but he didn't know why. Yeah, he had broken up with Magnus only recently, but this pain was different. Like something he didn't know existed was causing the pain. He saw a flash of words before his eyes 'baby doll'. Eventually he just shook it off as last night's drunken state.

"Well, who's up for some training?" Alec said. He just wanted to fight away these crazy thoughts and relieve the pang in his heart. He wondered if the others felt it too or if it was just him.

thoughts on chapter seven? thankyou for reading, favourite, follow and review if you want and feel free to pm me if you have any questions, until next time ~em