hello everyone its been awhile but im here with chapter 8. although this isn't the best chapter because I haven't really had much inspiration or any ideas lately so I forced myself to write this chapter basically as im suffering writers block. still I hope you enjoy. thankyou to my beta-author superlunary and all of those who have read, followed, favourited and reviewed my story.

chapter quote:I don't know what I want, But I do know something's missing. I don't know what it is. but I can feel it, I can really feel it.

chapter songs: (may not be 100% accurate)here

without you~ 3 doors down

torn~ natalie imbruglia

disclaimer all rights go to Cassandra clare except the plot.

1 month later

Clary was kissing a beautiful blonde man so passionately – as if she couldn't get enough of him. When she pulled away from the golden angel, she took time analysing his nearly flawless face, whilst taking note of the small chip on his front tooth, but that only made him more perfect in her artistic eye. As she leaned in for another kiss, he dissipated into nothing, leaving her in a panic. She tried grasping for him in the place he'd just occupied, but each time coming up empty-handed. Her heart was beating erratically and a deep ache tore through her body at a blinding speed. Clary collapsed down, feeling an overwhelming and deep sense of loss as everything around her started to fade away into a never-ending blackness. Faces from the dark started appearing and disappearing rapidly all around her. The golden angel she was kissing not long ago, a tall and beautiful girl with straight black hair and dark brown eyes, a scrawny boy with glasses and curly brown hair, a guy who looked similar to the girl with black hair the only difference being their eyes whereas the guy's were a startling blue colour. The last face to pop up lasted the longest it was another man but his whole face was doused in glitter and he wore lots of eyeliner. The pang she felt earlier intensified, she squeezed her eyes closed and cried.

Clary awoke gasping for breath, her hand clutched tightly to her chest. Her face was damp with sweat and tears. The morning sun was shining brightly through a small crack in her blinds, causing a soft groan from her.

She felt Will's presence behind her and smiled to herself. They had felt an immediate connection when they first made eye contact; ever since they've been almost inseparable. She could still remember when she first arrived crystal clear.

….

Flashback

Clary straightened herself up after catching a glimpse of 5 teens in front of her. She brushed out the non-existent crinkles in her clothes and finally looked directly in the eyes of a tall female with mousy brown hair and grey eyes. She offered clary a large smile, which crinkled her eyes in a perfect way. "Hello," the girl said. "I'm Theresa Gray but please, just call me Tessa. It's nice to finally meet you."

Clary smiled and said, rather shyly, "Nice to meet you too. My name is Clarissa Whitewell."

Clary's eyes travelled towards the next two teens: a handsome young man with dark brown hair and the most beautiful eyes that took on a blue-green colour and a girl who looked around 2 years younger than him stood beside him, only slightly shorter then him. She had head on his shoulder and his arm was hung loosely around her waist. The girl had long blonde hair and beautiful brown eyes. "Hello, Clarissa. Nice to meet you. My name is Emma Carstairs and this is my partner Julian," she said, gesturing to them man she had her head resting on.

Clary gave a small smile and made direct eye contact with Julian, who said: "Nice to meet you as well, and please just call me Jules."

Another voce came from Jules's other side: it was soft and melodic. "I see you forgot to introduce me, little sister." A man with beautiful silver hair and eyes said. Clary's eyes absorbed him in. "It's a pleasure to meet you Clarissa my name's Jem and Tessa would be my fiancée." He gave a bright smile towards Tessa.

At this moment another man with blue-violet eyes caught her sight, he looked sad? But the expression passed his face as quickly as it came. She didn't know if it was her mind playing trick or not. He was stunningly handsome, his hair a pitch black that contrasted perfectly with his eyes. "And you are?" Clary said, pulling him out of his reverie. His eyes locked with hers and instantly she felt this strong pull towards him, he must have felt it too because of the shocked look on his face.

"William- William Herondale, but call me Will please." He sent a bright smile towards her and said, "Do you want me to show you around? Your bags arrived around 5 minutes ago and they're already in your room."

"That would be perfect," Clary said, "if it's okay with the others."

They all looked slightly shocked, as if what they were seeing wasn't actually happening. Tessa was the first one to shake out of it. "No, it's fine. We were all heading out for the day. We'll all get to know each other better tonight at dinner anyway."

The others simply nodded then descended the stairs, until Clary was left alone with Will.

"So do you have a nickname that you'd like to go by instead of Clarissa?" Will asked.

"Uh, I don't know actually," Clary said quietly. Now that she thought about it, she didn't remember much of why she was here either, as if her mind was a blank slate.

"Well, Comet it is then," Will said, his eyes sparkling. They seemed more alive than they had when she first saw him.

"Comet." I like the sound of it. Clary hummed in appreciation.

"Come on – let's get you to your room. I'm sure you're buggered," Will said, and gestured towards the large institute doors.

….

"And this is your bedroom," Will stated opening the door and taking a step back gesturing for her to walk in.

Clary gasped and a huge grin spread across her face. She took in the beautiful room: there was a large king-sized bed in the middle, made of an elaborate oak. There was a large window looking down on London and the view was spectacular. Her fingers tingled to paint it.

Before she could even think she had leapt up into Will's arms and hugged him, tears pooling in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. "Thank you so much – this means everything to me."

"Whoa, it's okay Comet. You needed a place to stay especially when you're not only catering for your own needs but the little person in your stomach as well."

"How did you know I was pregnant?"

"You have a baby bump and the Clave informed us," Will said, "and you will always have a home here."

Clary hugged Will even tighter, if it were even possible. "Uh Co-Comet," Will wheezed out

Clary looked down at him and jumped off immediately, her face reddened and she tried to hide it with her bright red hair. "I'm sorry," she laughed out nervously.

"It's okay," he chuckled. "I'm going to leave now my room is the one next to yours so if you need me just call out."

Will gave her one last wave and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Clary looked around more. When she walked to the other side of the room she caught sight of a stack of suitcases. She groaned at the amount of unpacking she would have to do. "Ugh, what was I thinking when I packed?" she mumbled to herself. Beside the suitcases sat a handbag and when Clary picked it up a small diary fell from it. This might be able to tell me why I feel like my mind has been wiped clean. She bent over and grasped the book in her hands, lifting it then walking towards the bed.

She lay down and shifted until comfortable before opening the diary and peering inside.

Dear Clarissa Whitewell

This is the part of yourself speaking you don't know exists. You fell in love with a very handsome and charming man, but unfortunately that's all I can give you. You did have a parabatai, but unfortunately the connection has been severed by yourself with a rune. You have an un-biological brother that means the world to you. Glitter is his thing. A mother who doesn't even know you're doing this. A step father who also doesn't know you're doing this. A childhood best friend who is nerdy and loves dungeons and dragons. A best friend who calls you baby doll and is also your lover's parabatai. The ring you wear around your neck is the most important thing in the world to you: hold it close and never ever let it go. Please. It once marked the most significant thing that's ever happened to you!

You left because you fell pregnant with your lover's child, and unfortunately he didn't want it, and at the time you didn't either. You wanted only happiness for him, so, instead of staying with him and putting a burden he never wanted on him, you left so he could remain happy. To ensure his happiness you erased the memories of everyone that ever knew so they could be happy to. Please know that one day, whether it be tomorrow or in 20 years, you may bump into him again and you will remember. Therefore, you should always know that whatever happens next is completely and entirely up to us. Just don't run- I beg of you. Unfortunately I cannot give you my full name but my first name is Clarissa.

Yours most truly,

Clarissa, the part of yourself you erased.

She turned to see if there was more on the next page, but unfortunately the rest of the book was empty. Clary had a dull pain radiating in her chest and a headache formed in her skull. This news made her feel empty and dull.

Unconsciously she stood up and travelled to her bathroom to view herself in the mirror; she had a small baby bump on her stomach and, as if the gesture were comforting, she rubbed over it.

She looked long and hard into the mirror but the reflection that stared back at her wasn't her, she didn't even know who she was anymore – how could she? Behind her emerald green eyes was a past with memories both good and bad but she didn't remember that side of her, and she feared she would never recover it.

When she became too tired to stand she lay back down and fell asleep letting dreams take hold of her.

….

"Comet! Wake up," Will said, scared. He was hovering only a few inches above the petite red head that was screaming and crying in her sleep. He saw her eyes bolt open before she pulled him down into a bear hug. Tears were spilling down her porcelain face and into his shirt but he didn't mind.

"Are you okay Comet?" Will whispered with his chin resting atop of her head.

"I'm fine now, just a nightmare, that's all," Clary said.

Clary was half asleep again when she felt Will shift out from underneath her and stand up.

"No!" Clary said suddenly awake "Stay with me the night. Please, Will."

He turned to face her and nodded before placing himself down next to her. "Okay Comet."

Clary snuggled into his solid chest and whispered, "I know we don't know each other very well, but I trust you. Please just hold me through the night."

"Anything for you," Will mumbled.

They lapsed into a perfect silence before their soft snores rang out through the room.

…..

End of flashback

Will squirmed behind her before snaking his strong and masculine arm around her waist. Clary turned in his grip to face him. "Another nightmare?" he said sleepily. Clary nodded in reply.

"Darling, I really wish I could help. I feel so useless and I hate it."

"Stop feeling like that," Clary scolded. "It's not your fault I'm having nightmares."

"How about we go out to a café with the others today?" I'm sure that little baby in your tummy could use a good feed."

At the time Clary's belly decided to grumble loudly. Her stomach had swollen so much more since Clary arrived at the Institute. She was only around 5 months pregnant but she looked as though she were ready to pop.

"Mmm, sounds good," Clary replied.

Will gave Clary a quick peck on the lips and gave her a sleepy smile before slowly stretching out and standing up. "Meet me down stairs in an hour, Comet," Will said before leaving her room too fast for her to reply.

….

Cary had been standing under the steaming hot water of the shower for around half an hour now. She knew she couldn't stay in it for much longer but the water was very relaxing and took her mind off her repetitive nightmares. Who were the people in them? Why am I always kissing the blonde one? She had so many unanswered questions, which was frustrating to say the least.

She had told her friends about the dreams and the note she had written herself the day after she arrived, looking for answers on why she would do this. But none of them would answer. They all just said that it was what she wanted, and maybe one day things would change; but for now this was her life and she should live it.

Clary groaned loudly, feeling the familiar headache grow in her skull from the effort of trying to figure things out. She fingered the necklace around her neck before reluctantly turning the shower off and stepping out into the frigid air. She wrapped a black fluffy towel around her waist and walked into her room.

She quickly pulled an outfit out of her drawers. High-waisted leather jeans, skin-tight grey t-shirt that wWill bought her, which read "Never trust a duck", a black scarf, leather jacket and boots.

When Clary made it to the bottom of the stairs Will was already there looking sexier than ever. Although they were a couple now, she still couldn't fully give herself to him, but the reason why was still unknown too her. She assumed it was the same for him.

"Where are the others?"

"Tessa and Jem have got baby stuff to do and Jules and Emma are on duty," Will said.

Clary gave will a warm smile. "Just us then Shnookims."

"Uh, Clary, you know I hate that. It hurts, you know?" Will faked a hurt expression on his face while grasping his heart.

Clary stopped laughing abruptly and felt that all-too-familiar pain streak through her body. What is it with this heart burn? she thought. I'm pregnant isn't that punishment enough?

"Heartburn?" Will said.

"Yeah. Shall we go? I'm starving."

….

They stopped walking in front of a small café, where their first date had been. Clary couldn't get in fast enough, and as soon as she got a menu she started rattling off the food she was going to eat. "Okay Will, I'm going to have the omelette with triple ham, mushrooms, and a block of cheese. And, pickles on the side and two large glasses of orange juice."

"Jesus, Comet, is a block of cheese really necessary?"

"Yes, now please shut up. You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No."

"Then do not talk!"

After a couple minutes in silence Will said: "My hotheaded cousin Jace is coming down in exactly 3 months. You will be able to meet." Will smiled.

"Sorry Will, I'm going to New York in exactly 3 months to visit a warlock about the baby, and why I'm growing so fast. I leave with Tessa," Clary replied back, feeling guilty.

Will's face fell, but he soon said: "Another time, Comet."

At this moment the waiter came back with their food, and they lapsed into a peaceful silence.

okay so yes will and clary are together O.O this was just a quick chapter the next will be better I promise. jace and clary will meet again just not the way your expecting... there will only be around another 6-10 chapters. if you have any question just pm me and i'll answer . but thankyou to those who read this chapter if you can please review lots of love -em xx