Disclaimer: I am not the holder of ownership over Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse, or any of their lovely characters. They belong to the even lovelier Stephenie Meyer.
AN: Ok, just to give you all (or ya'll, whichever takes your fancy) a heads up, my school is starting this Thursday, so if you don't see me around for a while, that's why. I've got a lot I'm going to be trying to juggle, between home work, volley ball, other extra things, and trying to wrap up and start posting my other story, well, I may be little bit stressed, so I may take a break from this. Oh, I've also got a volunteer job I have to get a certain amount of hours for. Anyways, enough of my complaining.
This one is probably based on a time in one of the months after Edward left that Bella doesn't remember a lot from (you know, the whole January, February thing). And I apologize for the little bit of OOCness, if there is any that is detectable. I wrote this on a whim. Let us continue now.
Out of Mind
The sky was slowly darkening, clouds rolling in, tumbling over one another like wrestling toddlers, and spilling moisture like one of the pesky children had scraped their knee. The rain poured down, pounding against her exposed flesh with an almost painful force. It tangled in her hair, plastering it to her face, with it clinging desperately to her warm cheek and forehead. Icy, harsh, and mocking, it bounced off of pavement as each drop met its end, having a final act of slicking roads, a last attempt to create hurt and destruction.
She did not move. She did not make a sound. Staring ahead blankly, the only visible signs of life to a human would be the occasional blinking of her dark brown eyes, which were emotionless except for the deep underlying emotion of pain and torture.
The fabric of her modest clothing attached itself to her, clinging to the skin of her stomach, waste and breasts. The dark blue fabric of her blouse was black from the rain, her jeans the same. On the side of the deserted highway, the only light that reached out to her was the halo of yellow from the light posts meant to guide travelers safely through the evening. No cars were present, except the red beast that lurked a hundred feet back. Her silhouette was the only thing discernable through the gloom and mist of the drops glancing off the ground and side rails, having positioned herself just out of reach of the revealing light.
There was no reason behind her stop. There was no purpose for her standing there, other than the fact she need to feel the rain, she needed to feel the penetrating cold, needed to be reminded of her humanity, which she felt she had all but lost. Hope for feeling the soul that had once resided inside her washed from her, was pounded out by the rain as soon as she opened the truck's door. Her soul was gone, ripped unceremoniously from her with her heart, both willingly given away, and were now wandering somewhere with the demon she knew as an angel.
Rain trickled down her face, dripping from her hair and creating tears she refused to cry, having shed enough. Her new defiance created a strong hold within her, and at this moment radiated from her in such a way it made her seem to have a glow, though it could easily be a trick of the moisture and light. It burned in her eyes, an inferno constantly fed by memories, which though kept the flames dancing well, like alcohol does a tipsy girl, but refused to curl and char, then blow away as ash does in wind. This burning kept her standing here, forcing her flesh to endure the torment of the abusive rain. Illness never crossed her mind, time and people did not flicker her common sense nor worry. Besides, she caused much too much trouble being around people to want to risk going back. Perhaps if she just stayed her, and let herself wash away with the rain, or blow away like the ashes, things would be easier. To get to fly with the wind, cross land with out ever touching it, sounded much better than the defined solidity the confined her in her own misery. Yes, she would just blow away, drift across the sea, and sink into its depths, out of sight, out of mind.
But, this cursed human form left her weighted on the ground, prevented her flight and bliss. Damn this flesh bag, this sack of meat! Let it burn in its own fire! Let it die, let it rot in itself, just let her out first, instead of forcing her to rot with it, forcing her to be picked at by scavengers, who mocked the corpse and its pain. Damn it all.
Pain, what did they know of pain?! Who were they to mock it, to pity it which was much worse than the taunts, when they knew nothing of it?! Pain which broke people, which fed others. Pain, which brought so much destruction and chaos, yet twisted pleasure to a select few.
Pain, it was all she could do to not grit her teeth at the thought of the word, had been ruling her life for so long. She wanted to break free of it, to live again, but she couldn't get it out. No matter what, the pain was always there, though numbed every so often. Now, the physical pain caused by the rain was a nice distraction from the emotional turmoil that she was in. If only she could completely rid herself of it, for it would surely kill her one of these days. But yet she knew it wouldn't, couldn't, for she was already dead.
I'm already dead.