The duration of the drive is filled with idle small talk, but I don't mind, it's not awkward or uncomfortable. Finally we make it to our destination, a secret place Nick refused to tell me. To get to it we had to drive through the Willamette National Forest, which meant Nick had to do some off-road driving in a car that was definitely not made for the tough landscape. As we weave through the trees a long branch thumps against the driver side window, making Nick jump slightly.
"Are you sure you're allowed to drive through here?" I chuckle whilst noting the rocky terrain ahead of us.
"Yeah, of course." He pauses for a moment in thought. "Well, at least I think."
Not long after that he makes a turn onto more even ground, we continue this way for a few minutes before the trees start to thin out, opening out into small clearing. As we get closer I realise were in a cliff edge, and when Nick stops the car I grasp that you can see the whole town from up here.
Nick gets swiftly out of the car before jogging around to open my door before I even have the chance. He offers me his hand, which I gratefully accept, and I pull myself out of the car. Nick looks at me for a moment and smiles a charming smile, before disappearing behind me. A minute later he's spreading a blanket over the hood of his car, with a pack of sodas at his feet. He sits on the car and pats the spot next to him, I climb up as careful as possible and I'm soon safely seated beside him.
"So," he starts, handing me a soda, "What do you want to know?"
"Why?" I ask simply.
"Why what?" he chuckles in reply.
"Why everything," I pause for a moment to gather the right words, "why are you always alone? Why does everyone seem to avoid you at all costs? Why do you act like someone completely different with other people? Why did Danny look terrified of you?" I hold my breath, silently praying that I didn't push too far. Nick takes a deep breath and pushes himself forward, resting his elbows on his knees, sitting in the exact same position he was when I first saw him.
"Remember when I said that I might not be able to answer in great detail?" he pauses for a moment. "That's going to apply here." He hesitates, I assume to gather his words. "Everybody avoids me because most people don't want to be around people like me. And you shouldn't either."
"What are you talking about?"
"You deserve better than this. The secrecy. It's selfish of me, but you're the first person in this town that actually seems different. You're an amazing person Evie and I'm taking advantage of that. Us being friends, it's not fair to you, especially since you don't know who I am." At the start of his speech I was confused but then after hearing him say such ridiculous things, I got frustrated.
"Well then who are you Nick?" I turn to look at him, trying desperately to get a reasonable answer out of him.
"A murderer." He blurts out. "That's what everybody thinks I am. A murderer. They think I killed someone Evie." My mind stalls for a moment, seemingly unable to register this new information. However when it does I can only think of one response.
"Did you?" his head whips around at a neck-breaking speed. It may even be comical under different circumstances. But it wasn't it wasn't under different circumstances.
"What?" he asked his voice laced with incredulousness.
"Did you kill someone?" I even surprise myself with how composed I am. Now, I'm not naïve. I know that when a person you've known a matter of weeks tells you they're a suspected murderer, you don't stick around. But I just couldn't find it in myself to do that. I couldn't just walk away now when I was so close to the answers I wanted. I was curious, it was my fatal flaw. On top of this, I just couldn't believe he would do something like that. I know I've only know him less than two weeks but I had a feeling. A strong one. And it was telling me that there was more to this story than most others think, and I was going to get to the bottom of it. After all, what's the worst that can happen? You know, other than the whole 'curiosity killed the cat' thing to a whole new level.
The problem is he seems to have to think about it for a few moments. How you could ever forget killing someone I don't know. But then again, I'm not exactly the poster child for memory.
"No." he breathes out, slowly letting out a breath I didn't even realised he had held. "I didn't." he slides off the car and aimlessly wanders in front. He strolls closer and closer to the cliff, calculatingly walking the edge before the fatal drop. For one lone, horrifying second I get the fleeting thought that he might jump. Suddenly, he laughs humourlessly, a sound completely void of any emotion.
"You know nobody's ever actually asked me that. Well, people have, like the police, but everybody thinks they already know the answer. The just assume. They act like they know you and they pick apart everything you say, analysing every word that leaves your mouth. Then they twist it into whatever contorted version they want to believe. It really sets people apart, things like that, it shows you who really cares about you, the ones who really know you. I could count one hand the number of people who were supposed to know me best yet they couldn't fathom the idea of going against the norm." He takes a few deep breaths to try and tame his anger, the silence seems to stretch over the entire town. Not a car horn, or a rustle of the wind winding through the trees. Nothing but Nick's breaths. "It's strange, you have all these people so convinced about something, so stubborn that its true, sometimes you start to question if they're right. I start to question if they're right about me. If I am what they say I am. Sometimes I think that it might just be easier to give in, give them what they want and be done with the whole thing." His obvious self-doubt and his stance, still teetering on the cliff edge, don't seem like a good mix to me.
"Nick." I call, sliding off the car, "Come here." I hope he doesn't hear the plea in my voice. He looks slightly confused for a moment, before looking around and seeing his position, and chuckles once again, this time with a small trace of humour.
"What? You afraid I'm going to jump?" I am. But there's no way I'm going to admit it.
"No. I'm afraid of heights. Just looking at you standing there's making me nauseous." It's not a complete lie, but it's not what was worrying me at that moment. Thankfully, he obliges, strolling back to lean on the car.
"Do you understand what I meant know Evie? You shouldn't be around me. I'm dangerous."
"Nick-" he tries to cut me off but I won't take it. "Nick, look at me." I grab his chin and force him to look at me, I stare straight into his eyes, an enticing blend of hazel and gold. "You said that you didn't do it. And I believe you. I am not going anywhere."
#
The subject passes surprisingly quickly. However, every now and again, I catch Nick with strange expressions. Some are incredulous, others are just self-hatred. But mainly, they're guilty. Fortunately, he never acts on them so I let it slide, he's told me enough for one day. We manage to pick up a semi-decent conversation of idle small talk, birthdays, favourite colours, menial little things. Although, all too soon, the sun begins to disappear behind the horizon, effectively plunging us into a sudden darkness, and Nick and I make our reluctant return to the surrounding world.
The short journey is filled with a comfortable silence and within minutes, Nick is coming to a stop in front of the house. I stay in my seat for a moment too long, dangerously caught up in my thoughts. Nick has told me one of his darkest secrets, he could have easily avoided the question but he didn't. He was honest with me but I haven't given him the same courtesy. Nick opens his mouth to speak, but I quickly cut him off.
"I haven't been honest." He looks at me with a heart-breaking look of betrayal. "Not completely anyway." I take a few deep breaths, steadying myself for what I'm about to say. "About a week before I moved here, I got a note. It was one of my last days there so I went to this park near my house, I was just sat there thinking about everything. Then I heard a sound from behind me, I can't even remember what it was but I turned around, it was literally for a few seconds but when I turned back there was this envelope next to me. I swear it wasn't there before, it even had my name on it. I looked around but there was nobody around except little kids."
I look down at my shaking hands for a moment and all I can hear is my harsh breathing. "It was from the people who attacked me. I couldn't identify them so they were never caught but, I guess they were afraid I would remember. The note said that they were watching me, and if I talked to the police then they would come back. I'll admit it scared me, so I didn't tell anyone about it, not even my parents. I figured I would be gone in a few days, then they wouldn't be able to find me." I hear Nick sigh, the first sound he's made throughout my entire explanation.
"It's okay, Evie. I haven't told you everything either, but thank you for telling me." He reaches over to place his hand on my knee, leaning forward ever so slightly to look me in the eyes. "You're going to be okay. Like you said they can't find you-"
"But they did Nick." Tears swim in my eyes and I have to bite my lip to contain the sobs.
"What?" his eyes flash with what looks like fierce protection. Taking in a shaking breath I pull out the crumpled note from earlier.
"I got this earlier. It was in my locker." I say handing him the note. For a second, it seems as if he doesn't want to know, but eventually he carefully unravels it. He stares at the scrawled words for what feels like minutes, his hands gripping the frail paper so tight his knuckles turn white.
"Who put it there?"
"I don't know-"
"Well you must have seen someone around. Someone suspicious, anyone who doesn't go to our school?" his hands are shaking and I can tell he's getting either angry or panicked. But I don't think eithers good.
"There was no one." I have more to add but I don't get the chance. Instead I hear the sound of a door shutting and look up to see Logan standing on the porch, staring straight at me. We lock eyes and I understand the silent message he's trying to convey; 'we need to talk'. This is not going to be good. I divert my eyes back to Nick who is still staring at the note, "I have to go." He looks up at me in surprise before turning and seeing Logan, he simply nods in reply and hands me back the note.
I take a deep breath and climb out of the car. I'm halfway out when I feel a hand wrap gently around my wrist, causing electric shocks to flow up my arm from the point of contact. I turn to see Nick leaning forward, "Just, be careful okay? Promise me?" he pleads, locking his golden brown eyes with mine.
"I promise."
#
I walk up the steps to the porch listening to Nicks retreating car, as I mentally prepare myself for what's about to come. As nonchalantly as I can, I try to walk straight past Logan to the kitchen doors, however, unfortunately my plan fails. Miserably.
"I thought you were going to stay away from that guy."
"And I thought you could mind your own business." It was harsh but I didn't want to have this conversation.
"I'm only trying to look out for you Evie. That guys nothing but trouble." He walks towards me until there only about a meter between us.
"Says who?" I exclaim, turning to face him.
"Everybody!" he throws his arms up in frustration. "What he's doing to you isn't fair Evie. He's using you to try and get on everyone's good side, he's taking advantage of the fact that you don't know about him!"
"Actually I do." Logan steps back in shock, "Yeah, he told me. Today. That's where I've been."
"And you're still defending him? After you know what he's done."
"He hasn't done anything. That just what people think!" For what it's worth, I can't remember ever being this angry, especially with Logan.
"For God's sake, Evie! He's got you brainwashed. Do you really believe that the entire town's got it wrong? I mean, come on, his own dad thinks he did! Are you really that stupid?" I can hear the venom in his voice and I don't think I can handle this arguing any more.
"I am not stupid." My voice is dangerously quite, and it seems like Logan only just realises what he said. However before he can have the chance to apologise, Brennan comes bouncing out of the house, walking over to throw his arms around both mine and Logan's shoulders.
"Just us for tonight, amigos. What we feeling? Pizza? Chinese?"
"Thanks but I'm not hungry." And with that I slip out from under his arm and go up to my room.
#
I don't know how long I've been sitting here for. It could've been minutes. It could've been hours. I don't know and frankly, I don't care. I just sit here, as I have since I got to my room, in front of the fireplace, watching the amber flames dance in the breeze. Today's been too much. The note. The almost fight in the coffee shop. Learning about Nicks past. Showing him the note. Arguing with Logan. The pressures beginning to weigh down on me, its pushing on my chest, I feel like I'm suffocating.
I have to do something to relieve it. But I can't do much when I don't have control over anything. Things were going well here, and then in a day things have just began to spiral downwards. So I do what I can.
I take the paper out of my pocket and throw it into the fire. I watch as the flames lick the paper, slowly destroying it. Then I wait and watch as the paper burns taking with it the two haunting words; 'We're coming.'