Title: Reptilian Romance
Summary: "FROSTING IS NOT A LUBRICANT! USE THE BUTTER INSTEAD!" A collection of OneShots featuring various slash pairings and a healthy dose of humor.
Disclaimer: I have no ownership ties to TMNT or anything I might reference.
Author's Note: Raphael and Shredder cuddling? Can it be done?! Let's find out!
...
Raph/Shredder [CUDDLES]
It was improbable, damn near impossible. It was forbidden. Yet here they were. Enemies by nature. Hatred had separated them, demanded violence over all else.
But... there's a fine line between hatred and... something else. Passion in general was easily assumed or misunderstood. And when given new light, a whole new fire burns.
Raphael hadn't thought much at first, when this traitorous affair began. Back on that rooftop when he'd taken on too many Foot on his own, and failed. At the enemy's hands, he fell. Shame tore through him, but he hid it well, staring up defiantly into the eyes of the victor that would end his life.
He stared, waiting, daring the poised blade to sever his head from his neck. But when no such thing happened, he found himself torn between relief and disappointment.
Because, damn, that was anticlimactic. So much buildup, and then... nothing. But at least he was alive.
He couldn't help the confusion, nor did he bother to hide it when the young masked figure stepped away and a new one approached- this one encased in metal and covered in blades.
"Shredda!" he called out, renewed vigor surging through him, urging him to rejoin the fight.
But the armored human simply cocked his head to the side in a curious fashion, not responding to the anger-filled shout that had been directed at him. Instead, he stared, eyes roaming over the mutant whose numerous injuries kept him grounded.
Suddenly, Shredder raised a bladed gauntlet.
Raphael kept his focus, eyes trained on his enemy with the last vestiges of pride as he awaited his beheading. Or disembowelment. Or... whatever mortal end this man had in store for him. Because, he was a ninja and a warrior, and he would accept death as it came.
But... it never did come.
Instead, Shredder's raised arm swept out to the side in a grand gesture towards his soldiers as he spoke, voice loud and clear, thunderous. "You... have fought... without honor." He pointed towards Raphael's prone form.
"But, Master Shredder," one brave soldier dared to speak, "we were eradicating the turtles. This is what you wanted, isn't it?"
Shredder's voice raised even louder as he answered: "My feud is with the rat and anyone who stands in my way. Tonight, this turtle was not an obstacle for you to triumph over. You have breached your honor-bound contract. All of you. Dishonor is punishable by death- however... I will show mercy."
"Sir, thank you. Thank you. Thank-" The bold soldier chanted his appreciation.
"I will show mercy-" Shredder began again, tone harsh and eyes narrow, "only if this turtle wishes it."
"Wha?" Raphael barked in surprise. "I don't wish mercy on their asses! They tried ta kill me!"
Hearing those words, the armored human gave a nod and approached the nearest Foot soldier, his intentions obvious as his blades glinted in glow of the city's light.
As the seconds ticked away, the situation became hauntingly clear.
Raphael had sentenced several ninja to their deaths.
-"Wait!" the mutant shouted, just as a blade was about to make contact with a young Foot. "I, uh... changed my mind," Raph said awkwardly, gaze averted. "Killin' is wrong. Just call 'em off and leave. I'll-"
"You're injured," Shredder cut in. "Shall I escort you home?"
Raphael's expression then was priceless. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "N-No... Nice try, but I ain't showin' ya to the Lair. Fat chance, dumbass," he spat.
But Shredder only shrugged, undeterred. "Then, should I assist you to Miss O'Neil's home? Her acquaintanceship with you is not a secret, nor is the location of her residence."
Raphael narrowed his eyes at the offer. "What are ya tryin' ta pull? Actin' all... helpy."
"Helpy?" Shredder queried, an amused lilt in his tone.
"Don't question my words," Raph grunted, forcing himself up as much as he could before falling back, shell hitting and scraping a nearby wall. At this point, he was more frustrated than pained.
"Raphael- that is your name, isn't it?- I am a man of my word. My ninja have done injustice; I only wish to make amends."
"Then, go amend yerself with a lead pipe. Right up the anal canal. Twice."
Ignoring the turtle's attitude, Shredder approached, closing the gap between himself and Raph in only a few strides before offering a hand. When his offer was refused, he reached down and claimed the turtle's hand anyways.
"For now, Raphael, we have a truce. Whether you like it or not, I will not strike you when you are down. Your master is my enemy. You are not."
Raphael yanked his hand back, gritting his teeth in an attempt to hide the burst of pain that came from the simple action. "Enemies or not, we ain't exactly close enough fer you ta be holdin' my hand."
"No, but we could be."
...
That had been the first encounter. By now, they've had countless rendezvous and secret meetings, only a few of which were unintended.
By now, they've started talking.
By now, they knew everything from each other's favorite color to what they had for dinner last Tuesday.
By now, an unarmored Oroku Saki dared stretch an arm around the mutant turtle's carapace and pull him close in a manner that could only be seen as cuddling.
Successful in his endeavor, the human let out a contented sigh.
This position, however, lasted a grand total of three seconds before the turtle roughly shoved the human away and said: "Gettin' a little handsy, ain't ya? Besides, it's late. I gotta get back ta the Lair. If I don't get back soon, then-"
"Then, your Fearless Leader will be waiting with a lecture?" the human finished, an amused smile gracing his unmasked face.
Raph nodded and looked away, afraid of just how inviting that smile seemed. With a deep breath, he turned away, needing to leave the Foot headquarters he'd come to see as a second home...
He had no doubt that he'd be back soon. Right after his next fight with Leo, or the next time he lost a sparring match against Mikey.
And... maybe, by then, he'll be comfortable enough to return the cuddle.
But of course, he'd deny the activity, regardless.
Because, tough turtles like him didn't cuddle.
He man-cuddled.
Muddled?
Yeah. That sounds about right.
...
[Well, I just wrote that. And that's certainly... different.]