I'm back! Missed me? (You can lie and say yes)

So, in this chapter, things will go faster and there will be a lot of WTF moments. Don't forget that this is a crackfic. Sometimes, logic doesn't work. And I swear that I'm following the time line. It's just not very obvious because Harry's a lot like a tree, time passes and he doesn't really notice it.

I'll leave you discover what I mean by that~

Okay, he'd been headed to Suna. However, this didn't look like the Sand country. Not at all.
Harry blinked and turned to look at his stupid brother.

"Where the hell am I?" he hissed angrily.

"Somewhere in the land of Hot Water," the other plant-boy said with a little shrug.

Harry wanted to cry.
But as his tears were made of sap, he decided to not do it as he needed that sap in his body. In fact, you could say that the liquid was almost like his blood. Yes, Harry had green blood. (Well, he looked more like a plant than Zetsu so it was pretty unavoidable to end like that...)

But, still, he hadn't expected to have a sense of direction so bad. Seriously, even in his teenager's days, he hadn't been so bad.

"This isn't the Sand country," the wizard plainly stated.

Zetsu cackled happily like the annoying little brother he was and folded his arms on his chest.

"Indeed, it isn't," the man confirmed with a wide smile. "But if you want to, you can always destroy some villages and make them sand! Then, you'll have your own sand country!"

Harry scoffed and used the magic around (chakra. He had to stop thinking that it was magic if he didn't want the other beings in this world to suspect him) to strike the plant-boy.

Jousetsu blinked and began clawing at his throat as he couldn't breath anymore. Harry smirked at him and began walking once again. This time without a direction in his mind as it seemed that he really was direction challenged.
Meanwhile, the white Zetsu vanished as he had died once again by Harry's (metaphorical) hands.

The five years old kept walking in the dense forest and looked around him with curiosity when he finally noticed at road. As he hadn't really a goal in mind, he took the road and walked up until the sun set and the moon rose in the sky. And, as Harry didn't feel weariness or anything like that (he just slept when he hadn't anything else to do. And when Madara was being a pain in the ass. Pretty frequently so), the boy continued walking.

And then, he saw the village.
It was a hidden village. Another one.
Harry clearly felt the aura (chakra. He really had to call it like that) of another Bijuu but decided to not go after it. He was still trying to find his Harry Jr. and the beast was only a little meal. He wasn't that hungry.

"So..." White Zetsu suddenly appeared by his side and Harry frowned heavily. His rapidity of recuperation was slowly increasing and that was aggravating the wizard.

Because it meant that his alone time was slowly vanishing.
Harry's fingers twitched and he growled ominously at his brother.

"Why won't you just stay dead!" He screamed when Jousetsu made another stupid remark about his direction-problem.

His magi- chakra suddenly tensed and pounced on White Zetsu who couldn't move when Harry just tensed his whole hand and the chakra made a coffin around the plant-boy.

"Nice try," Zetsu commented happily as his clone vanished under the attack. "But I'm still alive~"

The wizard groaned gloomily and began muttering under his breath.
"I swear, you're some diabolical being sent by Satan.. Maybe a sacrifice to Him would finally shut you up..."

"Satan?" Zetsu cocked his head and blinked stupidly. "You mean Jashin?"

Harry frowned and folded his arms on his chest.
"Does that Jashin cult imply terrifying beasts, dark curses, bloody massacres and bloody sacrifices?"

"Yep, he does!"

"Then I'm a Jashin follower," Harry nodded to himself. "I swear upon my magic that I'll give him all the stupid souls that dare cross my way!"

"You mean a Jashinist?" Zetsu corrected with a wide smirk on par.

Harry pondered over it and finally decided to just deal with it like he had always done.
The chakra concentrated around him and he sent another flare at the plant-boy who winced as the chakra began to crush his whole body.

"I swear," Harry muttered lowly. "If it isn't another clone, I'll convert into Jashinism..."

It wasn't a clone.

"So, Jashinism it is," the wizard whispered to himself as he watched the dying man at his feet. "I wonder if Death is connected to that cult..."

She was.

⊂((・x・))⊃

The Hidden Village of Hot Water (or Yugakure like the locals called it) was a strange ninja village. As in, it had more onsens than ninjas. Seriously.

Harry blinked silently as he entered the hidden village and began smirking when he noticed a ninja get out of one of the onsen with a little kid trailing behind him. It seemed that the ninja had forced the kid to take all of his belongings and the child was mumbling under his breath, probably because he didn't like his task.

But the plant-boy didn't really care about the ninjas around him, he had a mission and he was going to do it well.

So he walked in the Hidden Village of Hot Water without a care for the world, Zetsu on his tail, and began whistling happily while people began pointing him with their fingers. They had probably never seen such a fine specimen he thought.

Or they were simply surprised by his plant-like appearance.

And thus, Harry calmly walked by and waved happily at the children who were looking with amazement at him before stopping right in front of the building where the Kage of Yugakure was supposed to work.

Harry put his hands on his hips and smirked slightly while Zetsu stopped by his side and looked at him by the corner of his eyes and with his Venus fly-trap on his shoulder (that had now finally emerged from his shoulders), he made sure to impress whoever was looking at them. The wizard blinked and his smirk widened when two ninjas suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Who are you and what do you want," the first of the two ninjas asked with a cold voice.

Harry merely waved his hand and shrugged.

"Not much, you know," he answered honestly. "I'm mostly looking for a map."

The second shinobi frowned and he slowly extended his hand towards his pouch. However he was quickly stopped by a vine that suddenly came out from the ground and wrapped tightly around his wrist.

"That's not very nice of you," Harry chirped with a reprobating frown while Zetsu snorted softly. "And here I was asking nicely..."

"Who are you," the first ninja insisted while the second glared at the vine.

"So I'm still not that famous, huh?" The dark haired kid muttered gloomily while he kicked a pebble.

"That means it's my win," Zetsu shrugged and he began to smirk evilly when he noticed how the two shinobi had tensed when they had saw his round teeth.

Harry scowled at his brother and harrumphed while he folded his arms on his chest. Meanwhile, the rest of the villagers, be it ninja or civilian, began to surround them while whispering at their strange appearance and behaviour.

"Who are you!" the shinobi asked once again with a stern voice.

Harry ignored him and observed their spectators. The ninja from earlier with the kid holding his things were there too and the former Survivor met the child's eyes. He winked playfully at him and smirked when he saw the kid scowl and ignore him.

"We are nothing but mere brothers," Harry finally answered with a shrug. "Just ask the Mizukage, we're pretty harmless people."

Zetsu snorted again, this time louder and Harry's smirk widened when he saw how the shinobi's eyes had widened in surprise and dare he say it, terror.

"You're the boy who invaded Kirigakure!"

Harry snorted and began to laugh loudly. "Invaded?" he repeated with disbelief. "I'm just a boy! How could a boy invade a village full of ninjas? Wouldn't it say how weak Kirigakure is?"

Suddenly, Harry was tackled on the ground and he frowned when a kunai was pressed against his throat. He glanced briefly at Zetsu and sighed when he noticed that his bastard of a little brother had vanished underground. So here he was, all alone in a ninja village and menaced by one of them.

Wasn't he the luckiest guy ever?

⊂((・x・))⊃

Once again enchained in a dungeon, Harry sighed heavily and glared at his captors. There were the pair of the adult ninja with the kid from the onsen. The plantlike boy sighed again and he met the gaze from the kid. The latter was frowning at him, probably miffed by his lack of reaction.

Well, it was true that Harry hadn't even tried to fight back when the ninjas had put their chakra seals (not that they mattered as Harry used the magic around him and hadn't the slightest bit of chakra in his body) and that he had settled quite peacefully in his cell. But he still had his mission in his head.

And he sure as hell was going to do it.

Harry tilted his head and met once again the kid's glaring eyes. They were a strange shade of pink, almost purple and he had silvery blond hair. Almost like Malfoy's now that Harry thought of it. And because the wizard had always liked to ruffle the aristocrat's feathers, he decided to see if the boy was easy to rile up.

"So," the plant boy began with a calm tone, "you go here frequently?"

The kid blinked and glanced briefly at the ninja, probably his master, who was reading some kind of scroll, before glaring once again at the wizard.

"I'm a rookie for the Torture and Investigate section," the kid said after a while.

Harry whistled and sat on his heels while he tilted his head and narrowed slightly his eyes.

"From what I see," the dark haired boy began slowly,"you'd be more on the torturer side than the investigator... Am I right?"

The kid, no more than six maybe, nodded reluctantly and folded his arms on his chest while his glare increased.

"So what of it?" he barked and his teacher glanced from his scroll before going to Harry's cell.

"What are you doing with the prisoner, Hidan?" the shinobi asked with his deep voice.

The kid blushed and glared viciously at the wizard who had put him in that situation before bowing curtly his head to excuse himself.

"I'm sorry, Yurushi-sensei," he muttered while his face shadowed in anger and the slightest bit of hate. "I got caught up in this stupid conversation..."

"Just stay on your guard, Hidan," the shinobi told him while he took out his weapon and pointed it to the cell door. He then narrowed his dark eyes and his hitai-ite glowed ominously in the light of the torches. "And you," he whispered darkly while he glared at Harry. "I heard about your little stunts in Kiri... You killed a whole squadron by yourself and without any weapon... It seems you're quite the taijutsu specialist."

Harry blinked and laughed softly. It seemed to perturb the two ninjas as the adult, Yurushi, frowned while the kid, Hidan, glared even more at the wizard.

"Taijutsu?" Harry repeated while he bit pensively his lips. "Isn't that some kind of martial art? I'm sorry but I'm really bad at it. Mummy was pretty pissed because I couldn't even do some kata..."

"Mummy?" Yurushi said while Hidan took a step back and walked to the shelves where all the torture tools were.

"You know," Harry shrugged and raised a hand to scratch his neck. However, the paper seals on his arms made it quite difficult and he resigned himself to his fate of not being able to scratch any itch. "My creator. Mummy. Don't you have one?"

"How old are you?" the adult inquired. Hidan was now back by his side and gave him a bag full of tools.

Harry eyed them with curiosity and began smiling happily. As he had now bark-like skin, he was way less sensible to torture as Madara had quickly found out during their little sessions where the old man tried to put some sense in his head. Without success of course.

"Old enough to be aware of perverts," Harry smiled brightly at the man and was happy to be rewarded by an angry twitch from the shinobi.

"It seems that we're going to have to use some... stricter means to find out more about you," Yurushi whispered darkly.

Harry beamed at him.

Hidan scowled. The boy in the cell seemed to toy with them and didn't even seem the least fazed about his impeding torture.

Yurushi-sensei, that old coot, ordered him by a simple glance to take their prisoner out and Hidan proceeded in silence. He was still in probation, having passed the test from the academy some days ago and he really didn't want to go back to his stupid comrades and get stuck in a genin team. Hidan preferred way more to stay in the T&I and torture some smart ass like the boy in front of him.

They didn't even have his name, just a description from the Mizukage and some rumors about the boy's abilities. Like how he had taken out a full squadron of ninjutsu experts.

So that's why they hadn't waited to put seals on the boy, impeding him from using his chakra or wide movements, and put him to rot in a cell.

However, the boy hadn't resisted and had just commented the state of his cell, saying that it was cleaner than in Kiri. Hidan had been the one to clean it on his first day in the T&I department so he had been glad for a second before glaring at the boy, sensing how the latter had been trying to manipulate him.

Hidan used ninja wire to chain the boy and forced him to get out of the cell before leading him to the torture chair. Once he was chained to it and couldn't escape, the rookie turned to look at his master and waited for the best to begin.

Meanwhile, Harry was sitting in the strange chair with both his arms and legs strapped to it and he tilted his head. If that wasn't kinky, he didn't know what wasn't.

The ninja called Yurushi took out a whip and Harry concealed a chuckle.

Yep, those ninjas were all a bunch of perverts.

"So, let me ask you again," the adult said with a clear voice. "How old are you?"

"How enough to recognise a pedophile when I see one," Harry answered as clearly.

Yurushi narrowed briefly his eyes before smiling brightly at the boy. He then turned to Hidan and lifted one finger.

"We'll begin slowly," he told to his apprentice. "Go fetch the salt."

"How kinky," the dark haired kid commented before shutting his mouth when the whip crackled against his though skin.

The bark creaked and began to crack while some sap ran on Harry's chin.

"Zetsu won't be happy," the boy said lightly while Yurushi wiped clean his whip. "He wanted to be the only one who makes me bleed..."

"Who is Zetsu?"

"My bastard of a little brother. Cannibal too. And he had some psychological problems as well. But nobody is perfect, right?"

The whip sprung once again.

⊂((・x・))⊃

When Hidan came back with the salt, the room was darker than before and he stopped right at the entry, his eyes narrowing while his pupils dilated. He took a sharp breath and winced when he noticed the heavy smell of blood that seemed to coat the whole room. The boy put the salt down and swiftly went for his weapon pouch. Even if he didn't really like wielding such little things as kunai and shuriken, Hidan was still deadly with them and he took two shuriken out while he carefully stepped in the torture room.

When he had left to go fetch the salt, the old man had been busy whipping the prisoner and the latter had bleed green blood. It hadn't really smelled like human blood so that heavy smell in the room could only mean something.

Yurushi-bastard was dead.

Hidan swiftly turned around and threw his shuriken at the thing he had felt moving before stilling himself when he noticed what he had aimed for.

"What the hell are you doing?" he exclaimed as he observed the prisoner with disbelief.

The boy had several injuries in his face but didn't really seem perturbed by them. Also, he was now bare chested and Hidan noticed absentmindedly that the boy had really brown bark-like skin everywhere. He was a freaky walking plant then. Also, the boy was covered in red blood and his green eyes were flashing with some unknown power while he traced some kind of things in the floor.

"Shouldn't you be running while screaming for your life?" the boy asked with a slight tilt of his head.

Hidan felt a shiver on his neck and ignored it. He wasn't like the other pussies in Yugakure, he could take that strange boy without any problem.

But still, that boy was doing some strange things to his dead sensei. Hidan noticed that Yurushi's corpse was at the boy's feet and that the shinobi's chest had been pierced by something really big as Hidan could see through his former teacher's chest.

"No," Hidan answered while he eyed the other boy and the corpse successively. "What are you doing?"

"A sacrifice to some evil god," the boy answered with a bright smile. "Because I swore that I was going to sacrifice all the stupid souls that I met. Your sensei was an asshole by the way. And a pedophile."

Hidan shrugged. The old coot had been the only one that had accepted to take him as an apprentice in the T&I so beggars can't be choosers.

"And why are you doing those sacrifices to that evil god?" he inquired, seriously interested by that strange boy's beliefs.

The dark haired kid beamed at him and happily pranced to his side to pull him towards the bloody corpse of his former teacher.

"You see," the boy said as he pointed the strange pattern that he had drawn on the floor with Yurushi's blood. "I kind of offended some high being so I'm using Jashin's name to appease her. That's why I use this pattern!"

The boy patted with his free hand the bloody drawing and Hidan cocked his head when he noticed the strange pattern. It wasn't like any seal he had seen. It seemed almost... foreign. And full of an unknown and exotic power. He eyed the circle with the triangle and a smile slowly appeared on his young face.

"Can you tell me more about this Jashin-sama?" Hidan asked and he was surprised when the boy squealed happily and jumped to smother him in a bloody hug.

"This cuteness shouldn't be legal!" the boy squealed while Hidan slowly fell himself grow accustomed to the strange boy's way.

Two hours and a sketchy explanation about Jashinism later, Harry left the T&I department with a map on par and the now dead Yurushi's coat. He quickly left the Hidden Village of Hot Water and once he was back in the forest, the sorcerer wasn't surprised to find Zetsu by his side.

"You smell of blood," the latter commented as he emerged from the ground.

"Sacrifices can do that," Harry shrugged and took out his map. "So let's see... The easier and faster way to go to Suna is... Going straight to Konoha?"

The wizard smirked and quickly tucked away the map in his new (and slightly bloodied) coat before smiling.

"Well," he exclaimed brightly. "It seems that we're going to visit Mummy's village!"

Zetsu narrowed briefly his eyes and closed them before disappearing once again in the ground while his older brother jumped to run in the tree branches.

"He's going to Konoha," he told to his black counterpart.

"That's okay..." the other answered immediately. "The Nine Tails will soon be released... We need Harry at that moment if we want Tobi to control it."

⊂((・x・))⊃

"So this is Konoha..." Harry muttered as he stood on a tree branch and observed the peaceful village under his eyes.

Josetsu's face slowly came out of the tree trunk and he stood by his older brother's side in silence.

"Do you plan to go across it?" he inquired.

"Mmm-mm," the wizard muttered pensively. "I was thinking of meeting Tobi and Dosetsu, they are here, right?"

Josetsu stilled and his yellow eyes glared intensively at the boy.

"You are a chakra sensor," he stated slowly.

"As you are," Harry simply retorted. "Let's go, I want to see if Tobi became as emo as Mummy!"

Josetsu rolled his eyes and vanished once again in the tree while Harry did the same. Sometimes, being half plant was pretty handy, mostly when one was near the Village Hidden of the Leaf. There were magical trees everywhere, Harry was almost drunk of magi- chakra. He really should stop calling it magic.

They flickered back by Tobi's side and Harry was quick to engulf the young man in a smothering hug while Dosetsu snarled and went back to his cohabitation with Josetsu.

"How fun, the whelp is back," Zetsu commented darkly before adding with a lighter voice. "Harry is ready to help us, he's a good boy..."

"What do you plan to do?" Harry asked and he let Tobi escape from his hug as the man seemed about to faint from lack of air.

"Taking control of the Kyuubi once its Jinchūriki gives birth."

"Oh," Harry raised his eyebrows and looked at the village of Konoha. The stern answer of Tobi hadn't really surprised him, Emo-Madara had been his teacher after all. But still... Using the weakness of a woman giving birth to take power didn't seat well with him. "I see..."

"Will you help us?" Tobi turned his masked face to look at Harry and the wizard gulped when he noticed that the Uchiha's eye was now in his sharigan form.

"I'll see what I can do," Harry relented finally.

"That will do," Zetsu nodded curtly. "Pay attention and don't annoy us..."

Harry rolled his eyes and vanished from the clearing where the others were. He appeared back on his tree branch and sighed softly as he observed Konoha. He then used the heavy mag- chakra around him and coated himself in it, moulding it until it formed a Glamor. Once he looked like the adorable ninja from Yugakure, Hidan, Harry stepped down from his tree branch and appeared right at the entry of the Hidden Village.

Well, he had the whole afternoon free before Tobi called him on his duties so... Why wouldn't he do some wandering and tourist shopping in Konoha?

⊂((・x・))⊃

Uzumaki Kushina concealed a whine and continued pushing. The contractions were now almost constant and she knew that her baby was about to come out. Namikaze Minato, her husband, was by her side, his two hands placed in the justsu necessary to make sure that the jinchūriki seal didn't came undone. Kushina glanced at her husband and her teary eyes met his shining blue orbs before closing her eyes to push harder.

And then, in that atrocious pain that also synonym of life, she felt him and heard him cry for her.

"N-Naruto," she said softly while tears began to run freely on her cheeks.

Minato smiled when he saw his son and wife unarmed and he continued holding the jutsu while Biwako cleaned and covered Naruto in a fluffy towel. Kushina gritted her teeth and tried to regain control on the Kyuubi while Minato persevered and observed how his wife, even tired and battered by giving birth, was trying her best.

"You are really..." Minato whispered as he caressed softly Kushina's sweaty and crisped face. "An awesome woman, Kushina."

The red habanero smiled softly at him and they both looked at Biwako, wanting to admire their child, their legacy.

But they hadn't expected to see Biwako and their guards fall dead while a stranger masked jumped back with Naruto in his arms.

"Yondaime Hokage Minato," the stranger whispered with a deadly voice while he placed a hand above Naruto's tiny head. "Step away from the host... If you don't, this child won't live a minute longer..."

Minato and Kushina froze in horror.

⊂((・x・))⊃

This hadn't been planned at all. Like seriously.

Harry scratched his neck and looked around him before sighing heavily. Of course, he had to get lost on this important day. Of course. Curse his rotten luck.

The plantlike boy glanced around him and noticed that he was now in some sort of residential neighbourhood with a lot of big house and trees. He placed a hand against a tree and closed his eyes while he channeled his ma-chakra and listened to the nature.

So Zetsu was way farther than he had thought. And Tobi seemed to be somewhere in that Mont Rushmore lookalike. Harry listened to the chakra beat that the trees emitted in the whole Village and he tilted slightly his head when he felt something tied to the tree chakra. He frowned and bit pensively his lips. That was probably some kind of strange magical/jutsu/thing that Mummy had told him about.

What was it again? The flying thunder god something?

Harry shrugged and opened his eyes to find out that his hand had fused with the tree and he sighed. He hated when that happened, taking back his hand always took some minutes and when he had someone like Zetsu wanting to eat him, some minutes could cost him his life. He then heard something so familiar that it made him flinch and he slowly turned his head to find out that a man had apparated from nowhere with a baby in his arms. Harry slowly blinked and glanced at his hand. Still imbedded in the tree. Then he glanced back at the man.

The latter was a blond man with sparkling blue eyes (but they were now dark and panicked) and he wore the habitual clothes of a shinobi. But what interested more Harry was the baby in his arms. The child, who was crying softly, was emitting something along what he had felt that day with the corpse of the female shinobi friend of Tobi.

"Well," Harry drawled calmly. "Hello there. Are you perhaps related to a jinchūriki?"

The blond man tensed before springing and attacking the wizard with a kunai, his baby carefully held against his chest. As Harry was still connected to the tree, he didn't try to avoid the blow and blinked in surprise when the kunai stopped at mere inches from his right eye.

"Who are you," the man hissed ominously.

Harry shivered discreetly. So this was what Mummy had been talking about with intent to kill. Hadn't he been the Survivor who had killed the Snake without Nose, Harry would have crapped his pants. (Yes, he could crap.)

"Just someone who has a little problem with his hand," he answered as he pointed to his still connected hand.

The blonde frowned and Harry could almost hear his thoughts. The man was already pondering if killing him would come and bite him in the ass. So the wizard decided to take the matter in his hands.

"Your kid seems pretty young," he commented. "Where's the mother?"

The man flinched and he glared at Harry. The dark haired boy shrugged and he suddenly froze.

"Oh Merlin," he muttered. "This can't be good..."

"What are you taking abo..." Blondie stopped talking when he felt too the evil chakra seep and slither in the Village before a loud explosion sounded and the colossal Nine Tailed Beast appeared and began to wreck havoc in Konoha.

"Told you," Harry sighed. "Leave me the kid and get there to help your wife, would you?"

The blonde literally snarled and jumped back to get some distance between him and the wizard.

"Stay back! Don't touch him!" he hissed darkly.

"Hey," Harry raised his only free hand and pointed at his situation. Still tied to the tree and weapon less. "I was just suggesting it... No need to get so antsy about that... It's not like I can move, you know."

The blonde narrowed his eyes and glanced back at the Bijuu before glaring at the boy.

"Can I trust you?" he asked him with a deep and serious voice.

"I don't eat children," Harry answered honestly. "As I don't kill them. You can trust me on that."

"I know that you're the kid who wrecked havoc in Kiri," the blonde said as the tension began to increase. "Are you powerful enough to protect him?"

"Even Uchiha Madara couldn't best me," the dark haired smirked.

"That would do it then," the blond swiftly flickered in front of Harry and cut down his hand before handing him his son with a stern face. "I'm Minato and this is my son Naruto. Go to that house and protect him with your life. Will you do it?"

"I swear upon my magic that I'll protect your son until you come back with your wife," Harry said with the utmost serious.

Minato nodded once, kissed briefly Naruto's forehead and vanished with a startling crack.

Left alone with the snivelling Naruto, Harry glanced at the baby and sighed.

"Well," the wizard muttered. "Let's forget about Tobi's plan. How could I kill a baby as cute as you?"

The baby blinked wearily and his unfocused eyes settled on Harry's pensive face before closing. Naruto yawned softly and Harry caressed the baby's round and warm cheek with his recently freed hand.

"For a jinchūriki's baby, you're already very strong, Naruto," Harry commented as he walked to the house.

⊂((・x・))⊃

When a village is under a chakra Beast's attack, what should you do?

Harry's answer was pretty evident.

Babysitting.

So here he was, the terrible and feared plantlike boy who ate Bijuu, looking after a recently born baby while the baby's parents were somewhere fighting for their lives against the chakra Beast itself.

Also, Harry was beginning to get hungy. And Naruto, the most adorable baby ever, was emitting this strange chakra. It was almost like a jinchūriki except it wasn't. Maybe it was because he was the child of one. Who knows.

Therefore, Harry leaned his chin against the bed where Naruto was sleeping and closed his eyes. He could feel the Bijuu's chakra outside and he was already feasting on it, protecting the baby from the evil effects of it without even knowing. And then, as Harry's eyelids were getting pretty heavy and Naruto was sleeping quietly (Best Baby Ever by the way), the roof blew out and Harry bolted outside of the house with Naruto in his arms.

The baby began to scream and cry while Harry gulped when he met the eyes of the Nine Tails.

"Merlin!" Harry gushed while he made sure that Naruto wasn't in danger in his arms. "That fox is so frigging cute!"

He also was appreciating how the evil chakra was now seeping on his body, making his bark creak while he began to grow old once again. The Kyuubi snarled at him and Harry, now in his adult body, held Naruto against his chest with an arm while he raised the other and stopped his hand right in front of the beast muffle.

The Kyuubi exhaled and the dark miasma destroyed all the vegetation around them. However Harry just relished on it and he felt his mag-chakra increase. It seemed that the eviler the chakra, the better for him.

"Aren't you a real cutie?" Harry commented as he patted softly the beast nose.

The Kyuubi snarled and closed his mouth on Harry's hand. However, the wizard was faster than him and continued patting his muzzle. Naruto gave a loud whine and Harry glanced at him before looking at the colossal fox.

"Oh sorry Naruto, I got absorbed by his cuteness! But don't worry, you're as cute as him!" he immediately told the baby while rocking him softly in his arms.

Naruto blinked and laughed happily as every baby does when he's surrounded by warmth and peace. Even if he wasn't really surrounded by the warmest or peaceful person ever.

⊂((・x・))⊃

Kushina crouched next to Minato and they both looked at their destroyed house before stopping their eyes on the lithe body of a young adult that was holding their son.

"Is he..." she muttered with disbelief. "Petting him?"

Minato nodded softly, his blue eyes opened wide as he took in stride how the young boy whose he had given Naruto was now an adult and that he wasn't doing a good job at protecting his son.

Because, really... Petting the Kyuubi wasn't considered like the safest thing ever. At all.

"Yes, you're the most cutest beast in the world, yes you are!" the young adult suddenly exclaimed with a cutesy voice.

Minato seriously feared for his son's life now.

⊂((・x・))⊃

Tobi ran a hand through his hair and sighed wearily. While taking control of the Kyuubi had been exhausting, he hadn't expected this at all. Seriously.

Why the hell was Harry, Madara's strangest creation, holding the Yondaime Hokage's baby in his arms while petting the Kyuubi. Kyuubi that wasn't anymore under his control by the way.

Tobi was seriously wondering if Harry was actually suicidal. And also, he had noticed that Harry was now in his adult form and he couldn't help but notice that... the boy had things that shouldn't even be there for a man...

"Is that...?" he asked to Zetsu.

The other plantlike man nodded and sighed heavily while he watched his older sibling dance around the Kyuubi's tails that were trying to kill him while singing praises about the Beast fluffiness (whatever that meant).

"Yes," he confirmed with a dark voice. "Those are female appendages. That whelp is our fated mate..."

Tobi thanked his mask as it covered his rather green face. So Harry had been... That during all this time? Did he... Errr... She even know?

Before you kill me after discovering that last revelation, yes, I planned Harry to be female since the beginning. But I still use 'he' because he's a boy in his mind. Like a transsexual, ya know?

And it's still slash for me because Harry thinks of himself as a boy. And he'll act like one whenever he wants to get on it.

So that's it, chapter ends here. How about a review?