A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable.
Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay
Chapter Five: Tragedy of Life
I saw Darren on my way to Astrometrics that morning. I recognized his walk. He has a very distinct walk that you can see even if he's several meters in front of you. I wondered whether or not I should go catch up to him and say hi. I hadn't seen him much lately. I thought it would be a good idea, but I didn't do it. I just watched him until I reached Astrometrics, and he continued on to his office.
I stared at my work station as if I was waiting for something to happen. What was I waiting for? I'm not exactly sure. I was just hesitating, dreading.
"Get to work, Lt. Shay!" Andrannon shouted over at me.
I followed directions and walked over to my work station. I looked at the screen and control pad with glazed-over eyes. I don't know how the thought came now and never had before, but I realized that moment that I hated my work. I had always hated it. In the academy, I hated my astrometrics classes. I only continued because it was all I was good at. But I hated it.
I went to the mess hall for lunch and saw that Vulcan sitting there, the one whose name I wanted to ask for. He was with a big Denobulan. I stood there staring for a moment as if I expected him to notice me and come over. He didn't look up from the Denobulan. I just shook my head and left the mess hall.
When I got back to my quarters, sobs began to cholk me. I sat on my bed, trying to hold it all in. I didn't want to let it go. What if my roommate was there? What if she heard? I could no longer hold it back. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I let out fast, loud sobs. My entire body was shaking. My head began throbbing and my stomach got queezy. It was making me ill, but I couldn't stop. I had to gasp for every breath, afraid of suffocation.
It stopped as randomly and quickly as it had begun. I tried to figure out the reason for it. Was it that I couldn't talk to that Vulcan? Was it that I didn't talk to Darren? Was it the fact that I had just realized that I hated the basis of my career? Maybe it was everything that had been going on inside me ever since I heard that my dad was in the Bajoran Militia Medical Facility three months ago.
Suddenly, a hail came over the entire ship, "Hey, everybody. This is Captain Paris. Due to the increasing Ring-Bearer threat, everyone is hereby ordered by Starfleet Command to engage in battle exercizes to brush up on combat skills and all that. This little get-together is schedule for 1800 hours. Don't forget. Captain, out. See ya."
I whined and burried my face in my pillow. I barely passed gym at the academy.
Not only were all holodecks and athletic halls used for these exercizes, but also two of the main cargo bays. A minimal crew was left to take care of ship's functions while the rest of us endured the punishment of war games. I was assigned to cargo bay two, along with B'Liz and Sisma, to my relief.
During the hand-to-hand combat section of training, B'Liz was put up against a human. Poor human. For a moment, he tried to do a martial arts move on her, but couldn't seem to throw her off balance. She just stood there with him tugging feverishly at her arm. B'Liz looked upon him as one would look upon a fly. She pulled her arm from his grip and back-handed him, sending him bleeding to the floor. Sisma instantly took out her tricorder and scanned him. He was fine, I'm sure.
I was paired with a rather stout Ktarian male. He seemed pleasant enough, but when it came to combat, he was vicious. He took me completely off-guard and threw me to the ground. When he offered me a hand up, I told him I prefered to just lay there.
We also had team phaser exercizes. Our phasers were put on a game setting which just knocks you off your feet with minimal pain. Sisma was so excited that she actually hit someone, she got distracted and was hit herself. I just ducked behind a cargo container and remained there until one side won the battle.
The last part of the program was an hour of calisthentics. I got tired after thirty minutes and left the cargo bay before I should have. I returned to my quarters. I was glad that I got a letter, one good thing to happen this entire day. I opened the data file and read out loud.
"Dear Lina,
I guess you're surprised to hear from me. We haven't seen each other since we graduated Starfleet Academy. I'll start with the good news. I have been promoted to Lieutenant Commander. Can you believe it? I always thought that of the three of us musketeers, it would be Shari to get ahead. I guess I went in a roundabout way to bring it up. I heard from Shari's mom. Her ship was on a trade mission to the Tarlac system when it was attacked by the Ring-Bearers. Shari didn't make it. I know we will all grieve in our own way. But if you need anything, let me know.
Love Kelsa."
I am forlorn. May the prophets guide Shari's soul.