A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable.
Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay
Chapter Eight: What I Don't Need Now
I got excited when the Wasatch was called to settle a dispute in a Bajoran colony on Valo III. I was excited because this gave me the oportunity to attend a real service put on by a vedek instead of just praying to my shrine or reliving old sermons on the holodeck. I had to change a shift with Ensign Carvey so I could go. A number of Bajorans aboard Wasatch also wished to go, so we took a shuttle together.
A normally destitute colony was bustling with Bajorans from several nearby ships. As I sat in the temple, partaking of the calm atmosphere, I caught glimpse of a girl. She was a little younger than I was and was very pretty. More than that, she was familiar. I had the sense that I had met her before. Just barely after the service began, she looked back and smiled. For a moment, I thought she was looking at me. Then, to my horror, a tall man with dark hair walked by and sat with her. I didn't need to see his face in it's entirety to recognize him. It was Malk.
Instantly, my breath got caught in my throat and my heart started pounding. I couldn't believe he was here. I had never expected to see him again. I had said good-bye, moved on. I thought I would never have to deal with these feelings again. I wanted to start crying in the middle of the service. I don't even recall what devine message the vedek had presented, because I couldn't stop thinking, worrying.
As soon as the service was over, I fully intended to leave the temple and beam up to the Wasatch. The people on either side of me lingered, though. I couldn't seem to get by them because of how close the rows were. By the time things were clear enough to get out, I found myself standing face-to-face with Malk. I didn't let my eyes linger on him long. I could hardly stand to look at that face I had love so dearly.
"Hi," he said as if it was nothing at all, as if we talked everyday, as if he hadn't broken my heart.
I forced a vague smile across my face to ecknowledge that I saw him. Quickly, I pushed passed more people and ran out of the temple. I kept running until I was in a secluded place. I sat on the ground and panted, and cried, and gasped, and sobbed. After I was calm again, I beamed aboard the Wasatch.
B'Liz offered to cook us dinner. All three of us were pretty quiet, even when B'Liz heaped the torghud gagh on our plates. I poked the squirming food with my fork absently. Sisma sipped her kava juice. B'Liz ate the gagh with her hands and slurped it up.
I headed back to my quarters where I was caught by Darren.
"Hello," he greeted with his boyish smile.
"Hi," I groaned.
"How are you doing?" He asked, looking a little concerned.
"Fine, considering I saw Malk today," I muttered.
Darren nodded knowingly.
"I would have been absolutely fine never seeing him again," I told him with downcast eyes.
Now, I don't mean any disrespect to Darren because he is one of my best friends, but the next half hour found him rambling about his personal feelings. I don't want to mislead you, but I don't want to reveal confidences. Let's just say that he related to me circumstances of a previous relationship and the feelings related thereto. This not being the first time I heard this monologue, I found my mind wandering a bit. When it reached a certain late hour, I had to interupt him.
"Go to bed, Darren," I commanded.
"Did I say something that offended you?" He asked worriedly.
"No, it's just late," I told him, "and you've been talking for a half an hour."
"You could have told me earlier," Darren insisted. "You need to learn to be more asertive."
"This is me being asertive. Go to bed." With that, I went into my quarters and let the door close between us.
I tossed and turned much of the night. I kept thinking about Malk and how I had ignored him. I played the moment over and over in my head. Finally, I flung my blanket off and went over to my computer console. I began to compose a letter.
"Dear Malk,
I have been beating myself up since I saw you on Valo III. I am so sorry for the aloof way I acted. It was rather a surprise to see you there. I hadn't expected to have your presence thrust upon me when I was under the impression that our paths would never again cross. Feelings I had burried and ignored surfaced with avengence. I didn't quite know how to handle it. This is no excuse for the childish way I ran away. I handled the situation poorly. I have never been able to master my feelings when you were around or when you were even mentioned. I tend to act like a fool around you. With all my heart, I wish to get over you and perhaps be friends as you wanted us to be. I just don't quite have it in me to think of you casually yet. I am again sorry for the way I acted.
Sincerely yours,
Lina Shay."
I looked over the letter several times. When I decided I was happy with the wording, I saved the file as Malk. I nodded to myself and walked over to my bed.
When I was under my clank and staring in the darkness, I called out to the computer desperately, "Computer, delete file entitled Malk."
"File has been deleted," was the responce.
I was able to sleep again.
A/N: I would like to appologize for my previous misspellngs of gagh.