States of mind
She wasn't in a bad mood.
She wasn't really in much of any mood. Jesse felt more than a bit drained by everything that had happened. Luckily, everyone understood. Olim had come, done a full sweep of her body with his code and then gone to do something else. Probably to check at risk sections of the dojo for traces of electronic tampering. She wished she could focus on such. But it hurt. It still hurt. Not physically, but the sheer emotional pain of feeling another mind wink out was overwhelming. Olim, Raven and the docs prescribed rest, so she was.
Jesse? A mental touch had Jesse flinching for just a moment. Then she smiled. She recognized the feel. You have a moment?
For you, Trinity? Jesse replied fondly. Always. Virtual?
Please. The shade of the first Trinity said quietly. But tell them before you do.
Well, duh. Jesse managed not to snort aloud. Draco will want to come. Is that a problem?
Not unless he makes it one. The mental feel vanished. Jesse thought hard for a moment What had she felt from her first teacher and mentor? Something odd. Not sadness. Not resignation. Something. She gave herself a shake.
"Draco." She said quietly, not opening her eyes. "Did you hear?"
His constant presence was both an irritation and a godsend. She knew that the only way anyone would get to her was through him and it felt odd. But it also felt right. She had no idea how he eavesdropped on mental communication, but he did. He ignored the question when asked so Jesse had stopped asking.
"I did." The bodyguard replied from where he lurked. "Do you want to be alone?" Jesse cracked an eye and gave the shadow he lurked in an incredulous expression. He scoffed. "If you cannot trust the First, who can you trust?"
"Point." Jesse admitted. "Would you let me talk to her alone? I get the feeling they would not appreciate anyone spying on their conversations."
"True." Draco admitted. "I can let you go, but if you take more than a few minutes, I will come in after you. They will understand." Jesse nodded. That was fair. Time seemed to move far faster in virtual worlds. If she was gone more than a few real world minute, something was wrong. "Any idea why she wants to talk now?"
"I don't know." Jesse admitted. "She sounded odd." He made an interrogative noise and Jesse frowned. "She sounded worried. Not upset. Just worried. But not..." She paused. "...about me?"
"One way to find out." Draco said with a grunt and Jesse nodded.
Jesse sat up on the bed and slowly folded herself into what had once been known as a 'Lotus form'. She focused each movement, keeping her breathing regular as she sank into the meditation. She was still not fully dialed in on the technique. Master Tenno could do such mediations while moving. Some while fighting. She was nowhere near that good. Maybe someday. At least the transition this time was quick.
In moments, she was sitting on a couch, her form clad in a dark initiate's robe. The room was small, but comfortable. A couple of comfortable looking chairs sat beside a heater. A shelf of books stood against one wall. A desk with writing materials both technological and archaic sat against another. But as always, there were no exits. Stood to reason, the only way in or out was via a network. If she hadn't known who was meeting her, Jesse might have worried this was a prison. But she knew it wasn't. She bowed her head and waited.
"You are not going to ask, are you?" A fair skinned blonde haired woman in a white robe appeared nearby, her face creased with a wide smile. Jesse shook her head. "Ah, Jesse..." She said fondly.
"If you can tell me, you will." Jesse said with quiet conviction. "If you cannot, you will not. I trust you, Trinity."
"I hope to be worthy of such trust." Trinity -the First- said sadly as she sat beside Jesse on the couch. "How are you? How is your mom?"
"Mom is recovering." Jesse said with a frown. Why was Trinity acting like this? This was supposed to be formal, wasn't it? "And I am better. You asked to speak with me?"
"I did." Trinity said sadly. "Jesse. What happened wasn't Mei's fault or your fault." Jesse flinched and Trinity nodded. "You blame yourself for something that was out of your control."
"Protecting AIs is what I am supposed to do. The AI killed itself." Jesse said in a tiny voice. Trinity pulled her close and held her as she shuddered. "I felt it die, Trinity."
"I know." Trinity said gently. "Go ahead and cry, honey. It is all right." The kindness in the ancient Tenno's words was too much and Jesse felt her eyes start to burn. "Not your fault. Not your fault." Trinity said as Jesse cried.
"I should have..." Jesse fought to control herself, and Trinity was rubbing her back and neck now, soothing, calming. "I mean... it is my job. And it didn't talk to me. Why?" She begged.
"It couldn't." Trinity said quietly. Jesse froze. "And yes. We know what happened and we know why."
"You do. Can you say?" Jesse asked slowly. Trinity shook her head. "I see."
"Jesse, some secrets can be harmful if kept." Trinity said with a sigh. "Others can be far more harmful if released. This is one of the latter. If it comes out from us, bad doesn't begin to describe the consequences. The AIs -and yes, there are others- will not allow anyone to interrogate them. Not human. Not Tenno. Not Cyberlancer." Jesse stared at her mentor in shock and Trinity nodded. "If you do, they will self destruct. All of them."
"I...see." Jesse swallowed hard. "Can you tell me why it was crying?" Trinity shook her head. "There has to be something I can do. The Tenno will not just let this slide. You know this."
"There is." Trinity promised her. "But we cannot interfere. We are bound not to."
"What could bind the First?" Jesse asked and then stiffened as Trinity looked at her. "Oh..." Jesse said weakly. "I see."
Who could bind the First? The First could. The only things holding the shades of the First Tenno and his compatriots were their oaths. Ancient Tenno had never given their sworn words lightly. Some of the more modern Tenno had little use for honor, loyalty, all of that. Jesse did not understand that mindset and frankly? She hoped she never did. So...
"I will not ask further then." Jesse said with a sigh. "But, I do need one question answered if you can." Trinity did not reply and Jesse continued. "Why didn't the scan hurt?" She went still as Trinity smiled. It was a tender expression, that smile. "Trinity?"
"I cannot answer your question, Jesse." Trinity stroked the girl's hair gently as Jesse slumped. "But nobody has said you can't."
"So, you cannot aid me but I can find the answer myself." Jesse said slowly, working her way through the muddle as Trinity helped her relax. "Okay. I have a personal question. A personal thought." Trinity did not react and Jesse sighed. "I knew I couldn't keep it a secret. Would it work?"
"I haven't seen Nikis so shocked in millennia." Trinity said with a chuckle. "It took us a bit to calm him down to get him to explain. He wanted us to tell you 'No'." Jesse stiffened and Trinity laughed. "Do you have any idea what Mag would do if any of us interfered in that?"
"Mag?" Jesse asked, confused. "I would think she would take bets." Trinity shook her head.
"She might. But Jesse, you need to understand. Mag has never been a nice person." Trinity said with a sigh. "But she was and is a good person. There are some things you simply do not do around her. She was and is a fighter. Always has been, always will be. What happened to Lis..." She swallowed hard and Jesse nodded soberly. "It took nine of us to keep Mag from flinging herself out of the database to find and kill that scum. She still looks for excuses to go hunting. We try to keep her occupied."
"But... the Balance?" Jesse asked.
"The Balance is more for the Orokin shades than for our people, Jesse." Trinity said quietly. "We are sworn to guard their game. To keep them in the database. Our oaths keep us here. The only one of us who ever fled was Banshee -Katerina-" She corrected herself quietly. "...and she had cause. Lots of cause."
"That she did." Jesse agreed and then slumped a bit. "So everyone knows what I plan."
"Not everyone." Trinity said with a smile. "We all know, but it is your business. Not ours. We won't tell anyone outside the database. But there are dangers. Talk to Iriana and Lisa before you do anything else." Trinity warned and Jesse nodded. "I wish I could help you more, sister."
"There... may be something else." Jesse said slowly. "I mean. I have no experience. None. And... I..." She broke off as Trinity frowned. "I don't want to do it virtual. I just... want some information?" She asked, cursing her halting tongue.
"Your mom said she talked to you about such." Trinity said with a small frown. "But you were never interested."
"No." Jesse looked at the floor. "It didn't seem important. I knew from the moment I learned where babies came from what would happen and why if I stayed with the Clergy. No one hid anything from me. No one tried to dress it up as something it wasn't. It just wasn't important to me."
"And now it is." Trinity said with a sigh. "I see."
"And I do not know what to do." Jesse admitted. "I am sure if I asked I would have a dozen male Tenno begging to help me find out anything I want."
"A dozen?" Trinity asked, incredulous. "Try a hundred. Or a thousand." Jesse groaned and Trinity chuckled. "Jesse, none of them would do anything against your will. You know this."
"Not with Draco standing nearby, no." Jesse said sourly. Trinity chuckled again, but patted the girl's arm.
"Bodyguards have their uses." Trinity said primly enough that Jesse snorted a laugh. But then the shade sobered. "Jesse, there is no physical reason you cannot do as you wish. You are in perfect health and no one will be stupid enough to neglect protection."
"All this time and all these advancements..." Jesse said sourly. "And we still have to be careful with the bodies we wear." Trinity nodded and Jesse sighed. "I give you my word, Trinity. I will be careful."
"Please." Trinity said with a smile. "We have had enough surprises for a while. While we would welcome a new life, you are not ready for such."
"I know." Jesse said with a sigh. "That was one reason I thought about the Caretakers." Trinity looked at her and Jesse flushed. "And they are...estranged."
"They do not trust us." Trinity agreed. "They have cause."
"I know." Jesse agreed. "But maybe... Maybe I can help build a new bridge between our groups? I spoke with them before. I cannot now." Trinity looked at her and Jesse stiffened. "Can I?"
"Not the same way." Trinity said quietly. "Your mind won't accept the telepathic enhancements again. But..." She shook her head. "You can talk to them this way. If they choose to do so."
"All I can do is ask." Jesse said with a sigh. "Thank you."
"I feel responsible for you, Jesse." Trinity gave her a hug again. "But this may be the last time we can speak for a while."
"I understand." Jesse slowly reached out and embraced the shade. Normal rules did not apply here in this virtual world. The long dead Tenno felt solid and Jesse squeezed her tight. "I will be careful and I will talk to the docs first."
"I know." Trinity smiled as she let Jesse go and the girl retreated. "You make us all proud, Jesse. Remember that." With that, she vanished.
"I hope so." Jesse said sadly as she focused her mind to return to her body. "I really hope so."
"Jesse?" Draco asked as she opened her eyes. "You okay?"
"I am better." Jesse admitted as she stretched as best she could without moving from her spot. "She wanted to help. She did. I am calmer."
"Calm is good." Draco was non-committal.
"True." Jesse rose from her sitting position and nodded to the shadows. "Now? I need to talk to Raven, and then I need to figure out how to go talk to Iriana. Then... we need to talk." She could feel the scrutiny that settled on her even though she could not see his face. "But not until I talk to Iriana."
"About?" Draco asked.
"My future."
Elsewhere
"She is smart and capable." The female voice was resigned. It was not from human throat. "She will figure it out."
"If we forbid it, she and the others will work to find out what and why." Trinity sounded sad. "Jesse, Quais and Olim are nothing if not thorough."
"Yeah." The first voice sighed. "Do you think we can delay it at all? The issue of her...personal life will hold people's attention for a time."
"For a time, yes. Forever? No. They are going to figure it out." Trinity replied. "And when they do, they will be upset."
"Jesse in particular will be devastated." The other sounded sick now. "She..."
"She loved us." Trinity interjected and the other made noise of agreement. "She wants us to be the heroes of this tale. And we are not. At least Nikis is out of the line of fire. For now."
"He is going to dive right back in." The first speaker said sourly. "It is what he does."
"Yeah." Trinity agreed. "The Caretakers... How do you think they will react? To Jesse and to the revelations she will bring?" She made a noise of worry. "I think they will try. But... I don't know."
"They know her." The other mused. "At least, they talked to her. So, it won't be quite as much of a stretch. They are actually not the ones she will have the hardest time with. They will talk to her. They will make up their own minds, and we cannot influence them in any way. It would not work and would only cause problems."
"So you think Karl will let her go?" Trinity said quietly.
"It is not Karl I am worried about actually." The other said with a sigh. "Draco is going to flip."
"Ya think?" Trinity laughed. "You always did have a talent for understatement, Nia."
"I come by it honestly." The AI that had given birth to Olim when she had been alive and corporeal said with a snort of her own. "The benefits are clear. The Caretakers need help that Cyberlancers can provide. The Tenno gain a bit more influence with the Caretakers and the sane mass of minds. She will provide those arguments."
"And Draco will refuse to leave her side." Trinity said dryly and Nia sighed. Trinity made a noise of commiseration. "Easy is not for a Tenno and Jesse is up to the task."
"And when she finds what she will?" Nia asked. "When Quais and Olim and she find what they will? This is the only contact I can have."
"She will do as her conscience demands." Trinity said sadly. "They will report what they find."
"And then?"
"Then we have a big problem."
The dojo
"Jesse?" Raven asked as she entered the mess hall where Jesse was sitting eating. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yes." Jesse finished her meal and rose to take the tray to the recycler. "I need to ask you something." Raven moved to stand by her and Jesse frowned a little. "Did you still want to work with the Caretakers?"
"I have an obligation, Jesse." Raven said with a frown of her own. "I need to work with you."
"And I need to talk to the Caretakers." Jesse said quietly. Raven went still and the younger Tenno nodded. "The scanner did not work as it should have. I need to find out why. I need to find out why the AI suicided when discovered. It... hurt. Trinity came and helped me get past my pain." Raven smiled and nodded. "I was told that the AIs will not talk to human, Tenno or Cyberlancer."
"And you think... they might be able to help?" Raven sounded dubious and Jesse shrugged. "Jasmina and Elenia are both Tenno."
"I know." Jesse grimaced a bit. "I do not have a good plan as of yet, I am gathering information and I need to talk to a bunch of people. Iriana in particular. No crazy scheme this time. I will gather information, talk to everyone I can, then sit down with the clan and see if we can determine a plan that does not involve me getting hurt again." Raven looked at her and Jesse flushed. "And yes. I want to ask the Caretakers if they can help me with... something personal." Raven did not react and Jesse sighed. "Was sure you would not be surprised. I want to keep it quiet for now, but others will figure it out."
"The Caretakers are both female." Raven was not arguing, simply stating facts. "Are you... feeling different?"
"No, but I am different." Jesse said firmly. "I want to stay ahead of the curve on this. So I need to talk to the docs and then to the Caretakers. As well... I need to find out what happened to the AI and why it did."
"Jesse, what happened is not your fault." Raven said kindly.
"I know that, Raven." Jesse nodded. "But also, the scan was supposed to hurt and it did not. I heard the AI crying. Then it died. Trinity said any others we find will do the same." Raven jerked and Jesse nodded.
"I won't let it happen again." The young Cyberlancer promised.
"I won't."