A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable.
Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay
Chapter Twenty Four: Home Soil
The Wasatch escaped Ring-Bearer space with very few casualties. Bryce kept haunting my mind, though. I had never seen someone die before. He looked so happy, it was weird.
The Wasatch went back to starfleet command to report on what had happened with the negotiations. We were very close to earth. I sent a message to my mom, telling her that it was time I came home. Mom and dad were both there to meet me when I beamed down to Earth. Dad's face was scarred, he had his head and arms covered with strange, tight fabric and he sat in a wheelchair. I ran and hugged my mother instantly. Her hair wasn't as long as I had remembered. She must have cut it. I leaned down and put my arms around my dad's neck. He patted my arm.
"Hello, baby," he murmured.
It was good to see them. I had missed them so dearly. We stayed on earth that night. Usually staying in a borrowed bed would keep me up all night, but somehow I slept better than usual. Soon after a breakfast of kava rolls with alvas jam, we had to catch a transport back to Bajor. It was a very silent trip where I read, my dad slept- jerking wildly from time to time- and my mom watched out the window. I remembered that I used to love to talk their ears off about everything that was going on in my life. At the time, I had nothing to say.
We landed near Jiah. It had been a long time since I had seen so many Bajorans in one place. I almost missed the alien faces I would often pass in the Wasatch corridor. It wasn't long before we had reached the property my dad owned. What was once a lovely house and choice farmland was nothing but dry dirt and a crater. A small house made from rubble had been errected in the shade of some surviving trees. My mother wheeled dad over the harsh terrain and into the house. I followed, reluctantly. My older sister was there and seemed surprised to see us.
"No one said you were coming home?" She said, offended that it hadn't been mentioned to her.
"I tried to contact you," my mother insisted, wheeling dad to a bare corner.
My sister proceeded to tell me what things had been left behind when the Cardassians raided our home and what things she had aquired through trade. I tried to be in high spirits for her sake, but it was hard to be myself in surroundings that were so foreign.
"I will contact the rest of the family," my mom announced. "We're going to have a family dinner. It's been so long since we have all been together."
Around dinner time, we walked to the nearest city to buy some food at the market and have a picnick under the moons. I saw Penby first, looking all round from pregnancy. I wasn't sure if I should hug her or not. I would have before, but I hadn't seen my brother's wife in so long. It was awkward. Her husband, dressed like a terrorist with a three-year-old in his arms, I was not tempted to embrace. He set down his son, who ran instantly to my sister and to my mother, but didn't give me a second look. I didn't expect him to remember me. I had been gone so long.
"Athon, hug auntie Lina," Penby told her son as she pointed to me.
It was only then that he came over to me, without any shyness. It felt nice to hug him. I remembered when I used to dance with him and rock him to sleep.
My other brother, Alym, and his wife showed up with their newborn. It was the first time I had gotten to see him. Mom reached instantly for the baby as the men set up the picnick. My sister and Penby both cooed at the baby, but I stood back. I had to agree that he was a beautiful baby, but I wasn't good with babies.
With the baby and one arm, mom took dad's hand and said, "Now I have both my babies."
I glanced at her smile only breifly. A longer look would have maybe given away how much I ached at realizing that I was no longer my mother's baby.
We all sat down for our meal. I ate a slice of mapa bread slowly as the rest of the family conversed lightheartedly. Athon kept running off and either mom or Penby had to chase him down. Alym's baby was being passed from person to person so fast it was hard to keep track of who had him. Then mom came up behind me and set the baby in my arms. I tensed up immediately.
"The baby can sense if you're uncomfortable," mom insisted and patted my shoulder before returning to dad.
I felt totally inaduate to be holding the baby. He was so tiny, staring up at the sky with big eyes. Penby reached her hands out to me, so I handed the baby over. She held him to her pregnant belly and said, "I can't wait until I have my little girl."
The women in the family all began to talk about how baby-hungry they felt when they looked at him. I kept silent. I wasn't talkative in groups, even when it came to my own family. I did want a baby. Every time I saw little Jakom on Vega, I wanted a baby. I wanted to be pregnant like Penby. I wanted to be married and in love like Alym and Jenlee. But the idea of all of it scared me. I worried about what kind of mother I would turn out to be. What kind of wife I would be? What if I wasn't what everyone expected me to be?
I slept on a cot that night and tossed and turned in the cold. I heard my sister leave for work early. I was awake, but I didn't stir even though I knew that would have been the only chance I would have to say goodbye before I left. I heard mom walk over lightly about an hour later. She shook me, thinking I was asleep.
"It's time to get ready to go," she told me.
I nodded, though I really didn't want to leave. I helped my mother get everything together and then we went back to Jiah to catch the transport back to Earth. I read some more. Dad slept some more. Mom stared some more.
After we landed, Mom stopped off at the hospital to drop off dad's things. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him.
"I love you, too, baby," he said.
Mom walked me to the transporter. I decided that it wouldn't help anyone if I made a big deal out of leaving. So I pasted on a comfortable smile and hugged her. I told her I would see her later, though I wasn't so sure. I was back aboard the Wasatch in an instant, feeling as if nothing had changed. I still had no idea what I was doing with my life. I still felt useless.