Vala woke with a start. She felt suddenly lost; everything was so surreal. Daniel was nowhere to be found, and she felt her heart sink as she realized why. She was waking up in her bed on the base, wearing the clothes she'd put on last night. She sat up and looked around. Daniel's pillow was smeared with tears.
She got up from the bed not knowing exactly what to think. Her head felt fuzzy, but she remembered with clarity… her dream? She didn't know now. She shook her head and felt her heart sink low; of course it had been a dream, what other explanation was there?
She looked at the clock. She'd slept in until noon, she couldn't remember ever doing that, but that thought only made her feel worse. Of course she'd never slept in that late, Daniel would have kicked her ass out of bed long ago. She wondered why no one else had; they all probably wanted to give her "space".
She got up from bed and debated changing her clothes. She didn't want to change. She wanted to stay in Daniel's clothes all day. If she got in trouble… well she knew she wouldn't get in trouble, not this week at least.
She didn't even bother to brush her hair; there wasn't much point in looking good today. She knew everyone would be talking about how miserable she looked no matter what she did. She exited their… no, she exited HER room, closing the door softly behind her. She b-lined her way to Sam's office, knowing her friend would be in by now.
She found Sam at a computer, looking sullen and confused. Vala cleared her throat to get some attention.
"Hey," Sam said giving her a half-hearted smile. Sam looked at Vala, who was wearing what was undeniably Daniel's clothing. Vala's hair was a mess and her eyes looked red. Sam wearily began to ask, "How you feeling?"
Vala was so tired of answering that question. She had been lying for days now. "I'm alright." "I'll survive." What did people expect? This time she didn't feel like lying and she wasn't going to. This was not a good morning, lying would just make things worse. "Miserable." She sat down across from Sam, fighting back tears. She didn't cry in front of anyone… Well she'd let that go this week too. "I had the worst dream."
She told Sam about the entire thing; about how real it was, about how all the memories were there, and about the clarity she still felt about it. Sam, who had in truth expected the dream to be some sort of horrid nightmare, was surprised to hear how hopeful it had been. Still the hopefulness of the dream scared Sam just as much. She didn't want Vala to start thinking about heading off to another reality to save Daniel. She didn't want her friend to become obsessed with this idea that Daniel could still be saved.
"It sounds like your trying to comfort yourself," Sam told her. "You're using your dream as a way to get to Daniel."
Vala nodded vaguely. As much as Sam's argument was logical Vala couldn't or didn't want to believe it was true. She started to get up to leave. "I just didn't expect this to…" Vala suddenly felt unsteady. She grabbed the desk and her stool trying to brace herself.
"Vala are you okay?" Sam asked getting up and walking around the desk.
Vala started to wave a hand. "Just a little dizz…" Vala lost her grip on the desk and fell to the floor. Everything felt hazy, she felt like she was falling backwards in slow motion. She didn't recall hitting the ground, or Sam's terrified cry.
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Vala felt a finger slowly smoothing the hair on her cheek. She loved that motion, and she adored the sensation of the soft touch, but most of all she loved that this was the way she got to wake up. She smiled and sighed deeply. Her eyes blinked open. She blinked again.
"Good morning," said the smiling face before her. He raised his head a little and looked over at the clock. "I guess I should say good afternoon."
Vala didn't know what was going on. This was different then the last time. She was in Daniel's apartment, in his warm bed, curled up close to him, but she wasn't pregnant and they hadn't been living here for months. She knew… somehow she just knew this reality was happening before the trip to P3X-292. This reality was taking place months ago, and this was the morning after she'd spent the night at his apartment for the first time.
"Daniel?" she tried to keep her voice steady.
Daniel leaned in and gave her lips a soft kiss. She loved that he was sweet, and she loved that he was still here. She loved this world; it was like living in a memory.
She remembered this morning so well. She remembered the events leading up to it and she remembered how wonderful those weeks had been.
Daniel had been taking her out every week for the past few months, every Friday when they didn't have a mission or just any day that worked into the schedule. Mitchell had nicknamed Fridays "date night", a name Vala had enjoyed and Daniel had continued to deny. Daniel said it was just 'a friend thing' and that he wasn't going to 'lead Vala on' about any other kind of relationship.
Two weeks before this morning, he'd done something that surprised her. She was arguing with him, well no she was teasing him, and Daniel had done something almost ingenious to get her to stop. He'd pulled her aside and backed her against a wall, and he'd kissed her more passionately then Vala had been kissed in her life.
Months later Daniel told her he'd jinxed himself. Somewhere along the way he'd started to trust her, and he didn't know when exactly it had happened but she'd become his best friend. The night when he kissed her, he finally understood what he'd been feeling for weeks, maybe even months. That night had been the night when Daniel had finally realized he loved her, and that he trusted her enough to give in.
He pulled away from her after that kiss with a smile Vala remembered all too clearly. For the next two weeks they'd spent time stealing lusty kisses, teasing each other until date night. When it finally came two weeks later they had barely kept their hands off each other threw dinner. She'd been amazed when Daniel didn't return her to the base, but had taken her to his apartment a place she'd only visited once or twice.
But waking up like this wasn't exactly like the memory she had. In her "other-world" memories they'd gotten called in to the base way too early and sleeping was something they hadn't had time to do.
As Daniel pulled away and smiled, Vala felt memory wash over her. This morning wasn't two weeks after that kiss. This morning was the morning after Daniel kissed half crazy. He'd taken her off the base after that kiss and cooked her dinner. He smiled all night and when dinner was done, kissing her passionately he'd carried her to his bed. Vala felt the memories clearly in her mind, mixed in with her other memories she was beginning to sink into the feeling of confusion. Daniel took a hand and smoothed the hair from her brow. Even if this reality was something close to what she recalled, it was still different. That's what made it feel so perfect.
Vala stared at him now and failed to even think of words. Instead she decided to plant a rather sizable kiss on Daniel's mouth. He tasted just like she remembered, strong yet sweet. She could feel Daniel move into the kiss, and as he moved, the hand smoothing the hair on her cheek began to pull her in close.
She pulled away from him with a quiet smile. "Daniel," she heard herself whisper a little stronger now.
Daniel moved in and started placing kisses along her neck. Vala felt her hands wander slowly to his chest and slowly down below. But when Daniel's mouth enveloped hers once more, everything started to fade and this reality began to feel less and less… real.
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Vala sat up in the infirmary bed and tried to swat away the very determined Carolyn Lam. "I'm fine," she said, trying to stop the stethoscope from touching her skin.
"No you're not," Carolyn insisted. "You passed out. Now sit still."
Vala didn't know why but she did what Carolyn asked. She pouted unhappily and let the doctor finish her exam.
Carolyn made a face; she was hearing something she shouldn't. She put her stethoscope around her shoulders and stared at her patient. She pulled on the stethoscope almost nervously and then began to ask Vala, "Vala are you…"
Vala didn't let her finish the sentence. She just nodded her head and put up a hand to stop her. "Don't tell anyone." She lowered her eyes feeling suddenly defeated. She thought she had hidden it so well. If all it would take for Carolyn Lam to figure it out, was a brief physical exam… well she was a Doctor, Vala had to giver her some credit. At least now someone else knew, she wouldn't have to make a decision alone.
"How long have you known?" Carolyn asked dipping her head so that she could try and meet Vala's eyes.
Vala looked up at her and smiled, soft tears were starting to fill her eyes. "Known for a few weeks now," Vala told her quietly, almost like a whisper
"So Daniel knew?" Carolyn asked.
Vala couldn't manage words. She just nodded her head. She tried to think back to that day when they'd first found out. It was all so distant now; it was all so surreal. The whole situation had gotten out of hand. She didn't want to think about Daniel; least of all she wanted to think about this. She wished she could fade back into that other world, and forget any of this was happening.
"Does that have anything to do with my passing out?" Vala asked waving her hand towards Sam's office. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and gave a soft sniffle.
Carolyn smiled sympathetically, but shook her head. "It looks like low blood sugar and stress," Carolyn told her. "Just drink your orange juice and eat your breakfast."
Vala nodded and grabbed the cup before her. Smiling she tilted the cup in recognition of Carolyn and quickly swallowed her juice.
"When was the last time you ate?" Carolyn asked.
Vala just smiled. She gave Carolyn her most innocent look. She picked up a muffin and stuffed it in her mouth. She shrugged her reply and pretended to mumble an answer.
Carolyn shook her head. "Do you want me to tell Sam she can come over now?"
Vala just shrugged trying to get her mouth around the mouthful of muffin she'd taken too hastily. She chewed vigorously and watched the doctor fade into the background. She sighed and lent back against her bed.
"Why did you have to go and get yourself killed?" she whispered softly. It was the first time she'd actually tried to ask the question. It was the first time she'd even thought to speak to Daniel as if he were somewhere listening. As much as she wanted to believe Daniel was still somewhere close by, she realized at that moment how angry she was at Daniel. She was angry that he'd taken so much risk. She was angry that he had been thinking of her and not himself. She was angry with him for the fact that he'd actually died. She shook her head. She tried to clear it of those thoughts, and she tried to stop thinking of Daniel. There was no point being angry with Daniel, not anymore.
Sam approached her before Vala really had anytime to think.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked her in that all too sympathetic voice.
Vala mumbled, "Ow Bood Tugar," as she chomped down on her food. She swallowed what she could and looked at Sam. She didn't want to tell her friend about… her newest 'adventure'. As she stared at Sam, Vala began to realize no one would understand what she was feeling; everyone would chalk it up to stress and grief.
Maybe that's all it was. No other realities. No Daniel.
Vala smiled at Sam and thought to herself, she could save Daniel if she tried. These weren't dreams; she was seeing other realities, experiencing them. If she knew what to change or what to do she might be able to save him here and now. That's what it was all about, if she tried to understand they could be together again.