RuroKen Week 2105
Day 6: Life/Death
Author: Kenkaya
Genre: Angst/Drama/Romance
Type: Oneshot, scene insert
Rating: General, PG
Pairings: Himura Kenshin/Kamiya Kaoru
Summary: "I'm not an idiot," Kaoru interrupted. "There's something you're not telling me, and I know the others will just sugarcoat it the way they obviously did on the ship. Please, Megumi-san… I'm worried. Don't leave me in the dark about this."
Disclaimer: The characters and story of Rurouni Kenshin are copyright to Nobuhirou Watsuki, Sony, and other corporate someones who aren't me.
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Kaoru didn't notice everyone's strange behavior until the morning after their return. Or, more accurately, she noticed during the ship ride off the island, but didn't register their behavior as odd initially. Enishi had held her captive for several days, after all. Days where the others must have worried, unsure if she was hurt, and (perhaps) missed her just as much as she missed them. The attention they lavished on her was understandable.
However, she grew concerned when Sano kept looking at her as if to assure himself she was there, adding a, "what do ya think, Jou-chan?" if he happened to be in the middle of conversation when he did. Yahiko's excessive insults and jibs were irritating at first, but the relieved glint in his brown eyes each time she yelled back was enough to chill her ire. And then there was Kenshin. Outwardly, his actions appeared less conspicuous, though Kaoru knew him well enough to pick up signs. He hovered, insisting on helping her with every little thing (despite his extensive injuries). She caught him staring vacantly in her general direction more than once, a fresh haunted shadow behind his violet eyes and tight pinch-lines alongside the dimples in his guarded smile. Kaoru's apprehension grew throughout the evening. She tried to ease the anxiety by reminding herself that everyone was still recovering from Enishi's actions, still, she never imagined her disappearance would affect their makeshift family so strongly.
Then, the next day, Tae stopped by with Tsubame in tow. The woman engulfed her in an exuberant bearhug, squeezing both their breaths away as she choked out, "Oh, I'm so glad… so glad."
Kaoru stiffened in shock. The arms around her tightened further as their owner trembled. Was Tae-san about to… cry? Her gaze shifted to Tsubame, still standing in the dojo gateway. The girl wept openly even as a watery smile graced her features. Their visit had been a short one (filled with numerous iterations of "I'm fine" and "thank goodness"), but no less emotional for the brief duration. Kaoru was left feeling drained afterwards: heart racing as her growing apprehension from the night before reared back in full force.
Later that afternoon, feeling antsy as the habits around her persisted, she donned her hakama- dragging a protesting Yahiko and eager Misao to the dojo. Kenshin left her side for the first time, turning away just a tad too quickly with the hurried excuse of preparing dinner. Yahiko crossed the threshold with them, but, the longer he stayed, the more his unease became apparent. She supervised a very light workout for him, not wanting to aggravate the boy's injuries from battle, and dismissed him while she spared with Misao. Kaoru didn't miss the grateful sigh he released.
Dinner provided much of the same: Sano's attentiveness, Yahiko's antagonization, and Kenshin's smothering presence. Something was very wrong with her family and Kaoru had no idea why. She didn't know what to do.
And so, when Megumi paid a house call the next day for follow-up checks, she grabbed the doctor's purple smock and forcibly dragged her aside. The younger woman noted the way Megumi flinched as they passed the dojo entrance (just like Kenshin and Sano did) before rounding the corner, coming to a stop outside her bathhouse.
"What happened while I was on the island?" she demanded, not in the mood to beat around the bush.
"What do mean?" the older woman evaded, flicking back a long lock of her dark hair. "We told you on the ship…"
"I'm not an idiot," Kaoru interrupted. "Everyone has been… they're not acting normal. There's something you're not telling me, and I know the others will just sugarcoat it the way they obviously did on the ship. Please, Megumi-san… I'm worried. Don't leave me in the dark about this."
Her friend glanced sideways at the sincere entreaty, lower lip caught between teeth, and Kaoru feared another lie. She had chosen to ask Megumi because the doctor had trusted her with harsh truths in the past (especially regarding Kenshin's health); she had hoped that faith would carry over to whatever this was. What terrible thing could have happened to make even the practical no-nonsense fox hesitate?
"She has a right to know, Takani."
Both women turned abruptly. Shinomori Aoshi stood calmly several paces away, his stoic poise contrasting sharply with their frazzled nerves.
"Don't sneak up on people like that!"
"She already suspects, Takani," he continued on through her outburst. "Withholding the story is doing her peace of mind no favors at this point."
"I know!" Megumi exclaimed, her expression crumbling before Kaoru's eyes. "You're right… I know that. It's just that... I thought we could have a few days…"
"If you're not ready yet, I can tell her," Aoshi offered, black fringe swaying as he sympathetically inclined his head. "I didn't experience the initial deception, it might be easier."
"No, that's why it should be me," the doctor composed herself with a bracing inhale. "She deserves to hear the truth from me."
Kaoru didn't know what she expected, but the tale Megumi told (with the occasional added detail from Aoshi) was far from it. She gasped, horrified, upon hearing that Enishi planted a false corpse of her in the dojo for Kenshin to find, Megumi and Sano not far behind. At least Yahiko was unconscious then, he hadn't been awake to witness… that. The doctor stuttered slightly when she reached the part of pronouncing Kaoru's death herself.
"Your… its wrist… was still slightly warm... cooling and becoming stiff just as a freshly killed body would."
Reliving those moments was clearly difficult for her, still, she persevered through the rest of her story. She recapped the funeral, Kenshin's disappearance, and their desperate search for him. Kaoru's heart broke all over again when she heard about Rakuninmura.
"He was just sitting there in filth. He wouldn't eat or let me treat his wounds, and only spoke to say he was tired. We begged him to come back. The Rooster Head even tried to punch some sense into him, but Ken-san had just completely… given up."
Suddenly, the young woman recalled a night long ago: the one after Kenshin revealed his past with Enishi and Tomoe. In the memory, she listened from her place on an adjacent futon as Megumi asked a loaded question.
'If you were in Tomoe's situation would you die for him?'
'I wouldn't... Because Kenshin would blame himself and be in more pain. That is why I absolutely will not die!'
Kaoru stood by her declaration back then. Yet, without meaning to, she had still caused him that pain. Even on the island beach, when a gun had been trained on Kenshin's prone body, she jumped to shield him without a second thought to her own safety. In her desire to protect Kenshin, Kaoru had utterly demolished her original intent.
Her "death" had seared a hole in everyone else as well. Sano departed for a while. Yahiko was forced to make the hard call when Aoshi brought up the possibility of a "corpse doll." They'd set out in the dead of night to dig up her grave, banking on the slim hope of an obscure onimitsu art. Megumi gladly let Aoshi elaborate on their findings, since it was he who pulled the damning wires from the fake's chest.
Kaoru almost lost her temper when the onimitsu explained their reasoning for keeping the information from Kenshin immediately afterwards.
"How could you?!" she growled. "You could have spared him all that…"
"No," he cut her off. "We could have told him, yes, but then the demons that led him to Rakuninmura would still be there. Himura needed to pull himself out of that state… to find his own reasons and come to terms with his past. It may have been painful, but it was what he needed at the time. I know that from experience."
She balked a bit at his personal analogy, remaining silent as Megumi continued on. Perhaps Aoshi was right, she thought by the end- Kenshin did eventually find his own way. He protected Yahiko and journeyed with them to Enishi's hideaway, where they saw her alive and well for the first time since their last confrontation.
"Thank you, Megumi-san," Kaoru said when the other woman finally stopped speaking. "And, I'm sorry… for making you relive everything. I know it wasn't easy, so, thank you."
"Don't, Kaoru-san," she protested. "It wasn't real and you're here now. That's enough."
Even so, Kaoru could see fissures in the fox's carefully crafted facade. The space between them twanged with a palpable tension, like a bowstring pulled too taut. Enishi's despicable deed still hung ominously, but, now, the younger woman understood. This time, she could act.
"Megumi-san," she opened her arms and leaned forward to embrace the doctor. Megumi didn't move to meet her, though, once contact was made, the older woman collapsed against her. A dry sob escaped near Kaoru's ear; the collar of her buttercup yellow kimono fisted in a white-knuckle grip. There were no tears (even as Megumi vocalized her pain), for she had always been a reserved woman.
"Please do us all a favor and stay alive, Tanuki-chan," she pleaded. "I don't want to bury you again."
Kaoru happily sealed that promise.
The following days were spent utilizing her newfound knowledge. She moved further into Sano's line of sight when his gaze wandered, sometimes sharing her opinion before he asked. She played along with Yahiko's bratty games. Figuring out how to consol Kenshin was harder. In the end, she simply inserted some variant of "I'm fine" into conversation whenever she could, helplessly hopeful that someday reality would eclipse the trauma. Kaoru clung to her optimistic outlook, otherwise she might doubt her gestures did any good at all.
Then, Sanosuke was running from the police. Yahiko moved out and Megumi returned to Aizu in search of her family. Everything changed in the blink of an eye. Kaoru was still reeling when she accompanied Kenshin on his trip to Tomoe's grave, hands clasped and mind blank as she wondered what someone in her position could possibly say to such a sad woman. Tomoe had faced a great deal of violence and heartache in her short life, culminating in a sacrificial act for the man she loved. Kaoru had already resolved that her role in Kenshin's would be different. Increasingly empty words rolled around in her brain as the sweet, musky scent of incense curled around them.
'I promised Megumi-san that I would live… so, I guess I'll promise you the same. Thank you, Tomoe-san. I'll stay alive and look after for him.'
They left just before sunset. Kenshin stepped in front of her, extending his uninjured arm as she did for him once months ago: after Kyoto. The swordsman wore his usual smile, but, somehow, his demeanor seemed lighter. Kaoru smiled back. She had always intended to repeat her promise to him, anything to help diminish the shadow Enishi inflicted. Now, looking at the peaceful expression on his scarred face, Kaoru decided that telling him wasn't important after all. Not as long as she fulfilled it.
She took his hand.
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A/N: Another prompt that ran on a bit farther than I intended, but Kaoru's my second favorite character (after Kenshin, of course) so I'm not too surprised.
I'd just like to point out that the Kenshingumi weren't withholding the story maliciously, or out of some misguided "protect the fragile girl" scenario (they respect Kaoru far too much for that). Rather, that they themselves were still recovering from Enishi's plot and the intense emotions it put each of them through. They simply weren't emotionally ready to tell her yet, but I'd like to imagine that eventually they would have (I tried to illustrate that point in story with Megumi's, "I thought we could have a few days"). Of course, Kaoru grew concerned and pushed Megumi because out of everyone else (who, from her POV, had already censored their stories, so why wouldn't they do it again?) she expects her to tell it straight, no matter what.